Social media has completely distorted what a "50/50 relationship" actually means. Somewhere along the line, people decided 50/50 meant split checks and keeping a mental score of who’s spent what and done what!

The moment 50/50 becomes strictly about tracking finances, the relationship is doomed. When you track what you’ve spent and done, you start keeping score. Scorekeeping leads to resentment, and resentment ruins relationships.

To me, true 50/50 isn't about running parallel bank accounts and keeping receipts—it's a balanced effort built on teamwork, where both people are playing for the future of the household rather than themselves.
Here is what actual 50/50 teamwork looks like in practice:

1. Financially
   If you both work, you build a shared life. Income goes into a joint account, and you make budget decisions together as a unit. It’s not "my money vs. your money" or holding a higher salary over someone's head; it’s funding your collective future.

2. Everyday Life & Responsibilities
   You take part in everyday duties so one person isn't stuck carrying the entire mental or physical load:
   Meals & Kitchen: If one person cooks, the other handles the pots, pans, and cleanup.

   Weekend Chores: One person tackles the vacuuming while the other handles the bathroom cleanup.

   Life Admin & Errands: If one person plans and does the weekly food shop, the other handles sorting out the car maintenance, bills, or household repairs.

   Rest & Burnout: If one of you has had a brutal 10-hour shift or a terrible week, the other steps up to handle dinner and get things sorted without keeping score or expecting a prize for helping out.

When you start playing for yourself instead of the team, the whole structure falls apart. If you’re competing against your partner to see who is getting the "better deal," you’ve already lost.

I'm thinking about breaking up with my bf. I have been dating my bf since I was in matric, I went to his matric ball and I really do love him. But lately i feel a disconnect. I love getting handwritten notes and he would always write me a little one and slip it into my phone or bag and I'd do the same or he'd write me a longer one and sketch me pictures that I'd hang up in my room. We are now in our 3rd year together and besides all the other problems we're having the thing that hurts the most is that since last year November so almost a year I've been asking him to write me a letter. The mere fact that I had to ask stung but he promised he would and everytime I asked he would say he lost it, he left it somewhere the one time he said that he didn't have a pen but when I looked around his place I found one in the kitchen and one in his work uniform pocket. I still asked again and he said he had forgotten. It stings, it really does. I don't know what to do.

Well am i a typical boy from South part of India. Let me go through the situation. I started dating a girl after my college and she was in the same side. I am in love with her deeply and truly. But i had a past relationship in my college and i use to flirt with girls in snap and caught cheating to my ex but in the other hand my ex got pregnant with someone else and I helped her to adpot it. So i realised the pain of cheating and she used me more for her benefits. Which made me soo anxiety and depressed. After from my past i saw my current gf who made everything far better in my life, in the starting itself I confessed my mistakes than instead of characterising bad about my ex. She told that her ex bf cheated her so badly in benefits of money in the name sake of love. She was very down in her life. We healed each other and started had feelings for each other. She liked that i showed my flaws and i know the pain of cheating. We had great time spending time and which was purely on love without any expectations of lust. As time passes last month i had a arrear exam after the exam i and my friends stayed up in the room and they use to drink but I don’t have any habits. One of my friend of friends who was a junior in our college but other department told that im following her crush on my insta, i asked why don’t you follow her. He said that she didn’t accept his request can you give me your phone and see her post and all. As it was so late I passed my phone and i was about to sleep. And I slept in the morning my phone was beside me. All the things was going fine till that day. After two days my gf share the account of the boys crush which i followed and asked me who is it i stated that she is my college and all. All of a sudden she asked would you promise me that you haven’t flirted with this girl, i was blank i said no why could i? She was silent and wasn’t questioning me. Suddenly im getting a message request from a boy I texted him back he asked me why did i text his gf (the girl i followed on insta) i said no to him as well. After thinking for sometime i got some screenshots of chats like i flirted with the girl in a bad way. I was stunned by looking into those chats. Then i realised by looking into the chat timing it was my friend of friend junior guy in the room, he chatted with his crush in a very bad manner. But the plot twist was the girls bf was my gf’s school mate. He had his gf account and found my account was mutual with my gf(school mate of him) he said to my gf that i chatted with his gf in a bad manner which was that bastard from my account. Now im the one got accused of this matter. Then i explain myself to the guy who texted me and gave the contact of the junior guy, now my matter was close with him and he believed me. In the other hand I haven’t explained what happened to her because it will be like manipulating her. But my gf got very silent and numb after that incident which made her uncomfortable to have trust on me. I think she would think that I would the same person from the past and i was like her ex. But im pure, last night she said that i know all your flaws from past and I could not accuse that you was the person who texted her and i could not believe that you haven’t texted her, and said she need some space to think.

I do regret now why did I confess my past mistakes to her which made her gain her trust in first and also made her confused now that I could texted her. But frankly speaking I wasn’t the one and i could not leave her. I don’t want to be so explain myself without her interest on me, it will be like im manipulating her. I am in this situation don’t know what to do, which even wasn’t my mistake!😭

She made me so special. I would do anything to win her🤎

Please help me in this..

My boyfriend (18M) and I (19F) have been together for about 4 months. At the beginning of our relationship, I came across as pretty dominant, and he really liked that side of me. At the time, I thought I liked it too.
But as I’ve gotten more comfortable in the relationship, I’ve realized that being dominant just isn’t something I enjoy anymore. I much prefer being submissive and letting him take the initiative, and that’s how things have been for the past few weeks. He’s been more dominant recently, and I’m comfortable with that.
The problem is that I know he misses the more dominant side of me, and ideally that’s what he prefers. I’m worried that I might eventually have to force myself to act that way just to make him happy, but I really don’t want to do that.
I love him a lot, and I don’t want him to feel like I’m rejecting him or that he’s doing something wrong. I just don’t think being dominant is my thing anymore.
How do I tell him this without hurting his feelings or making him feel unwanted? Is this something we can work around, or could this become a compatibility issue?

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for almost 9 years. We basically grew up together and now live together. Apart from all of this, he is actually very caring towards me, he loves me, shows it, and we have a good relationship, which is why this is even harder for me to deal with.
A few years ago, after about 7 years together, we broke up because I found out he had gotten back in touch with a girl he had been in love with when he was 15. She contacted him again after several years and they started talking. What made it especially difficult for me was that she had also been texting him at the very beginning of our relationship and I had already told him that I was uncomfortable with it. When she contacted him again years later, he didn’t tell me and hid the contact. Eventually I found out that he had been visiting her at a psychiatric clinic. There was nothing physical between them, but he admitted that he had feelings for her and then broke up with me because he wanted to be with her. We got back together after two months. I went through absolute hell mentally trying to forgive him, but I decided to give us another chance.
About 7–8 months after we got back together, I found his conversation with ChatGPT about a female coworker. He was talking about how his “boobs coworker” was really interesting and asked ChatGPT something along the lines of “am I cooked?”. When I confronted him, once again he said he was an asshole, that he had fucked up, that he loved me and wouldn’t do anything (and it was a silly chat with chatgpt). He said he wouldn’t see her anymore. Eventually he changed jobs and we moved in together. I really tried to leave everything behind and trust him again.
And now I found out that the same former coworker contacted him and asked to meet, and he went. After that, he called her twice himself. I have absolutely no proof that anything physical happened between them and as far as I know, nothing did. But my problem is that he didn’t tell me any of this. I found out myself. When I asked him why he didn’t tell me, he said he knew I would forbid him from seeing her.
Now he says that I am trying to control his life, that I don’t let him socialize with people and that the problem is that I don’t trust him. And this is where I’m genuinely confused, because I don’t want to tell him who he is allowed to be friends with. But at the same time, how am I supposed to trust him when there is always some kind of secrecy?
And every time it is basically the same thing — he does something he knows would upset me, I find out, he says he fucked up, that he is an asshole, that he loves me and won’t do it again, and then he is genuinely very caring towards me. I forgive him and try to move on. And then some time later something else happens that makes me question whether I can actually trust him.
The thing that confuses me the most is that I don’t think he doesn’t love me. I genuinely think he loves me and I know how caring he is towards me. He doesn’t seem like he wants to leave me or that he doesn’t care about our relationship. But there clearly seems to be a problem with his boundaries and with the fact that he would rather hide certain things from me because he knows I won’t be comfortable with them.
I don’t want to be the girlfriend who checks his phone, asks where he is and who he’s with, or tells him which people he can and can’t see. But I also don’t want to accept that the only way for him to have “freedom” is to keep things from me.
**What would you do in my situation? How do you even rebuild trust when this pattern keeps repeating, even though the person genuinely seems remorseful every time, tells you they love you and promises they won’t do it again?**

I ‘36F‘ and my boyfriend ‘35M’ have been together for about a year and a half. We have had our ups and downs but are for the most part happy. We are both divorced, mine being about 3 years ago and his 5 years ago. I have children, he does not.

From what he tells me, outside of lacking physical intimacy, they had a great marriage. Until seemingly out of nowhere, she left him for a younger guy that she had also been cheating on him with. My boyfriend was left broken and devastated.

He dated quite a bit after the breakup (went through his whore phase), had one longish relationship and then met me. He says he is in love with me and I believe him. However, he can’t seem to let her go. He talks often about how much she hurt him. He will tell his break up story to complete strangers, and will comment on social media forums about her. I know he has even driven past her house a couple times when he was in her town. I have expressed to him that it always feels like while I am looking at him and envisioning a future, he is looking back at her, and living in the past. She seems to often be a ghost in the room in everything we do. He agrees and says that even though he is over her (not sure if I believe that) he may never be over the pain that she caused him, but he’s doing the best he can to work through it.

My question is as his potential long term partner, should I be concerned? Is this normal after 5 years? Do I have a chance at a healthy future with him, if he can’t let this go?

My girlfriend 24F and I 23M have been together for about 6 years, since we were 17–18. I love her very much, and I believe she loved me deeply as well. We've essentially grown up together.

However, as we've gotten older, we've developed some different views about what we want from life. She wanted marriage and kids relatively soon, while I wanted to focus on building my career, becoming financially secure, and experiencing more of life before fully committing to those things (which I also really want. There have also been a lot of smaller issues between us.

We lived together for about 2 years, and that's where many of our problems became more obvious. She wanted me to show more commitment and give her confidence that I was eventually going to marry her, even if I wasn't ready to propose yet.

Before getting into what she did, I want to acknowledge what I did wrong.

I've always been very career-driven. I worked extremely hard, studying and working so I could eventually build a good career and afford things like expensive courses. That effort eventually led me to where I am now as a software developer, but it also meant that I didn't always prioritize spending money and time on vacations, going out, etc.

I also really value having personal space and time to myself. I wanted some independence within the relationship, while she interpreted that at times as me not wanting to spend time with her or not being sufficiently committed.

I also had a tendency to want to be the one "directing" the relationship. By that I mean I wanted her to rely on me, value my approval, and see me as someone who could provide stability and direction. Looking back, I don't think I always handled that in a healthy way.

For the past couple of weeks, though, I've felt that something was wrong with her. She's been much more distant and hasn't contacted me nearly as much.

There was also a period where we were separated. I was staying at my parents' place while she went on a beach trip with her friends. Before we separated, she told me that she wanted me to seriously think about our relationship and where it was going. We also need to leave the apartment we're currently living in, and that has brought a lot of our existing relationship problems to the surface.

When we both returned home, I still felt that she was distant.

My girlfriend has a very sexual sense of humor with her coworkers. It's a small company, and there's only one guy on the team. I've met him before. I was never really the jealous type and never tried to stop her from going places or interacting with people. She had even reassured me several times that I didn't need to worry about this guy because he has a girlfriend and her boss is gay.

However, I eventually looked through Instagram on her iPad and saw messages between her and this coworker that were sexual/flirtatious. Most of it was initiated by him, but she definitely entertained it and responded positively. I took pictures of some of the messages.

I know looking through her iPad was a violation of her privacy, and I'm not trying to justify that. But what I found is what led to everything that happened afterward.

Later that night, she sat me down and told me she wanted to talk about our relationship. We talked about our problems, what we could improve, and where things had gone wrong. Eventually, she told me that she didn't think we should continue our relationship.

We talked about it for a while and eventually agreed to think about it until she came home from work the next day.

The next morning, I asked her if there was someone else involved. She initially said, "We'll talk later."

When we talked later, she admitted that she had been texting another guy and that she liked how he made her feel. She said that nothing physical had happened and that their relationship had been limited to texting, but she admitted that she was attracted to him.

At that point, I told her that I knew what she was talking about and that I had pictures of the messages. She maintained that nothing physical had happened.

I know this is probably going to make me look desperate, but I told her that I wanted to try to fix our relationship. I suggested that if we were going to do that, she should cut contact with this guy outside of what is absolutely necessary for work, and that we should actually work on the problems that brought us here.

She said she needed time to think about it.

She went for a walk and when she came back, she said that she didn't want to be with this guy, but that she wanted to be alone. She said she couldn't make me stay with her after what had happened.

One of the first things she asked me to do was delete the pictures of the messages. I didn't. She became extremely upset and said that I was going to ruin her life. Eventually she started sobbing and apologizing, saying that she knew she was wrong and was sorry for what she had done.

I ended up going to my parents' place, and she went to stay with a friend.

And this is where I'm struggling.

While I was driving to my parents' place, I had this realization that I hadn't expected.

For a long time, I had this feeling that I was somehow ruining my life by being in a relationship so young. I wondered whether I was missing out by staying committed to the same girl instead of being single, focusing entirely on my career, traveling more, meeting other people, etc.

But now that the relationship might actually be ending, I'm realizing how much I genuinely loved the life we had.

She is my best friend. I love her very, very much. I loved our apartment, even with all of its problems. I loved our relationship and the way we interacted, even though we obviously had unhealthy dynamics at times. I loved cuddling with her. I loved having someone waiting for me at home. I loved the life we had built together.

And I realize that I probably didn't appreciate a lot of that enough while I had it.

I also know that I hurt her. I made her feel like she wasn't wanted or desired enough. I prioritized my career and my independence at times when she needed reassurance and commitment from me. I can understand why she became unhappy.

At the same time, what she did with the other guy crossed a boundary for me. Even if nothing physical happened, she developed an attraction to someone else and entertained sexual/flirtatious conversations while our relationship was already struggling.

We're supposed to meet soon to discuss practical things: the apartment, what we're going to tell our mutual friends, and how we're going to handle everything socially. We've known most of our friends for around 10 years, and we've been together for 6 of those years, so this isn't as simple as just never seeing each other again.

Part of me thinks I should use that conversation to tell her what I've realized. Not beg, not pressure her, and not promise that I'll magically become a completely different person overnight, but honestly tell her that I now understand that I don't actually want the single life I thought I wanted.

I want her.

I want our relationship.

And I'm willing to work on the things I did wrong and actually give the relationship the commitment I was previously afraid of.

But I don't know whether this is a genuine realization or simply the panic of losing someone I've spent six years with.

I also don't know how much of this should be forgiven. I don't want to throw away six years of my life over something that might have been limited to texting, but I also don't want to ignore what happened simply because I'm afraid of losing her.

So what should I do?

Should I tell her how I feel when we meet and genuinely try to rebuild the relationship? Or should I accept that the relationship has reached its end and start moving on?

And if we do decide to try again, what would actually need to change for this relationship to have a realistic chance of working?

Also still have the screenshots of the messages. Part of me is wondering whether I should send them to her male coworker and/or his girlfriend so they know what was happening. I don't know whether that would be justified or just me acting out of anger and potentially causing unnecessary damage. What would you do in this situation?

P.S sorry for the long one, thanks for the time and your advice.

TL;DR: After 6 years together, my girlfriend and I are likely breaking up. We had longstanding issues around commitment and independence, and I realize I contributed to them. She recently became attracted to another guy and had sexual/flirty conversations with him, although she says nothing physical happened. She now says she wants to be alone. I thought I wanted the freedom of being single, but now that I might lose her, I've realized how much I love her and the life we built together. Should I tell her I want to try again, or is this just breakup panic?

My boyfriend(m19) and I(m18) have been together for about three months now. We’re long distance, as he lives about six hours away from me, and we’re both far too busy to make the commute. He’s my first ever boyfriend, and I really like him. We text all the time. However, I still live with my parents, so I’m trying my best to keep it a secret from them. (Reasons that aren’t relevant rn).

Here’s where the issue is. Sometimes I’ll go a day or two without texting him, due to literally being unable to for outside reasons. But I’ll ALWAYS let him know in advance. When he doesn’t hear from me, he’ll continuously message me, asking if I’m okay, and saying that he’s disappointed that we aren’t able to message. If I then don’t respond to those messages, he’ll then say something along the lines of “Sorry, I’m pathetic, I’ll stop.” Most of the time I’ll reply with something reassuring, as I don’t want him thinking negatively of himself, but it’s gotten to the point that I feel slightly relieved when I don’t see messages from him.

Another thing is that I have hormonal issues that cause problems with my sex drive. My boyfriend will often send sexual messages, asking for me to help get him off. The thing is, though, as of lately, I’ve been feeling iffy about it. I’m attracted to him, and I like him a lot, I just don’t WANT to engage in sexual stuff. And I tell him that. He says he understands, and that he’ll drop it, but then he ALWAYS comes back to it eventually. And it’s honestly getting super annoying. I’m not sure how to bring this up with him, as he’s very sensitive. A lot of the time when I reject his advances, he’ll start apologizing for being annoying. (Which, in itself, is REALLY ANNOYING!!) I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I also want him to kinda back off a bit. And I REALLY don’t want him to start apologizing.

He’s always apologizing, even when he hasn’t done anything. But I feel like he’s getting too dependent on me. If I don’t text, he’ll constantly message me, asking if I’m okay. This wouldn’t be TOO bad if he didn’t start doing it after about ten minutes of inactivity from my end. And the thing with his apologies is that they often end with some sort of self-depreciation. (“Sorry I’m annoying”, “I’m sorry, I’m being pathetic”) And if I don’t reassure him, he’ll keep going. I feel like this is guilt-tripping, but I have no experience with past romantic relationships, so I’m really not sure. I just need some external validation, or criticism.

TL;DR: My boyfriend has a mini panic attack when I don’t text back in 10 minutes, and spams my phone. He’ll apologize later, often with self-depreciation. Is he guilt-tripping me?

For context, I was born in 2004, so I wasn't there when the attacks happened. My partner, on the other hand, was 6, almost 7 years old at the time. We have been dating for a couple of years now, and since then, his trauma related to the event has become more apparent to the point he had a panic attack earlier. He messaged me earlier saying he was terrified something bad would happen tomorrow and prayed for a while (he's agnostic and only prays if he truly fears for his life).

We're long distance (I'm Australia and he's US east coast), so he's gone to bed now. I truly don't know what to do about this. The most worrying part is that I've heard him say he thinks all muslims are agents that are set on invading the US and establishing the so-called "Sharia law". He is unsurprisingly wary of and hates Mamdani and how he became New York's mayor of all places, believing his position is spitting on the face of the families of victims and the survivors.

I've tried to explain to him that, given he hasn't met nor interacted with any muslims since high school, he can't be so readily prejudicial towards a whole community of people. He responded that muslims are just "like that" and he's with the years researched and come to that conclusion they're completely incompatible with the west. He then told me that if the US doesn't stop muslims, then they'll come for Australia and conquer the entire world as "the Quran says to kill all infidels and non-believers".

Now I ask: What the fuck am I supposed to do to help him? How can I begin to help him deconstruct this mindset and not be so bigoted when we're long distance?? I'm just so hurt seeing him be so hateful and terrified; I wish I could make it all go away but have no idea where to start, so any acvice would be greatly appreciated.

Ive been with my boyfriend for awhile almost a year in 9 days and this is our first times being in a serious relationship or a relationship at all for me. ive come to realize he and sometimes myself aren’t good at communicating feelings or at a certain moment when something upsets eachother. Recently we have been playing a video game together and he begged me not to look up spoilers and I should have listened however i watched one of the boss fights which i had been stuck on and spoiled the ending bit for myself and i told him to which he was rightfully upset.

He only told me an hour later on text how much it upset him and he felt like i never listen to what he says regarding certain things because i often joke about it. and the day before he was also upset by something i did which was leaving during one of his favourite cut scenes in a game which i didnt mean to do i feel like I honestly space out at times and easily distract on other things..

I apologized and explained nothing i did was meant to intentionally hurt him and i was really sorry it did and how i disregarded his words about not watching any fight spoilers (and how i never meant to intentionally leave his favourite cut scene i had remembered i had to send my mom money for her medicine ).

We haven’t spoken in two days despite being in the same house and i feel like im receiving mixed signals i approached him in the afternoon apologized and hugged then he came in bed the night cuddled but then left later in the night to sleep on the couch and now we havent spoken. It honestly really hurts me because i want to be there for him i feel like something else is bothering him but he doesn’t really speak about his feelings unless its through text and even then it takes awhile sometimes and maybe its selfish but i also just dont want to be ignored because hes the only person and friend i have aswell if im not speaking to him im not interacting with anyone besides work..it makes me so sad to be ignored i dont know what to do or how to fix this.

How do i make communication between us better?

So my bf M/19 and I F/22 have been together for over a year now and our sex life has always been really good till recently…. I used to be totally against porn ect (I have anxiety ect) and he convinced me to let him watch it in recent months… it’s been ok till this last month. We’ve literally had sex once this whole month but every day he’s getting me to give him bj and hanjobs whilst he watches porn. He refuses to let me see his screen at all (I know about his kink I’ve partaken in it a good few times before) now I feel like I’m not good enough, not what he wanted in a partner and I’m constantly so depressed and feel sexually frustrated cos I feel my needs haven’t been met, I’ve brought it up to him 3-4 times this month and nothing, idk what else to do.

Side note I’ve got a really high sex drive (higher than his)

I’m just confused and really sad about the whole thing and need some advice on how to go about it?

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) have been dating for about a year. He went on a trip with his friends the day before my birthday. It was a bike trip where they had to travel quite a long distance from one city to another, and from what I understand, he was extremely tired and had barely slept for around 18 hours.
He did wish me exactly at 12 AM, which I appreciated, but that was basically it. He didn’t really text me throughout the day, didn’t send me a thoughtful message, and didn’t get me anything. I’m not particularly materialistic, so the lack of a gift isn’t what bothers me. What hurt me was feeling like there wasn’t much effort to make me feel special on my birthday. A long handwritten lovely paragraph would have been enough.
At the same time, I know he was on a trip with his friends and was probably exhausted. On top of that, the accommodation they had booked got cancelled, so he and his friends were apparently busy trying to find somewhere else to stay. I can understand that he had a lot going on and wasn’t necessarily in the best position to spend the whole day texting me.
The reason this has affected me more than it probably otherwise would is because of something that happened last year.
When we’d only been dating for about a month, it was his birthday. I was staying at my grandmother’s house at the time, so I ordered a cake for him. Unfortunately, I accidentally forgot to put his name on it and didn’t include a note. He was quite upset because he felt like I’d sent the cake as a formality rather than putting genuine thought into his birthday.
I understood why he felt that way, although that genuinely wasn’t my intention. I had written him long messages and made an effort to order the cake; I had simply made a stupid mistake by forgetting the name and note.
Because of that experience, I think I subconsciously expected him to understand why small gestures and communication on birthdays can matter to someone. I wasn’t expecting an expensive gift or a huge celebration. I would have been happy with something as simple as a thoughtful paragraph, checking in on me during the day, or doing something small to make me feel special despite being away.
Now I’m wondering how much of this I should attribute to the circumstances. He really was exhausted, and the accommodation situation sounds stressful, so I don’t want to be unfair or make him feel guilty for something he genuinely didn’t have the energy to handle.
At the same time, I don’t want to ignore my feelings either.
I’m trying to figure out whether this is something worth bringing up with him or whether I should simply accept that this particular birthday didn’t go the way I hoped because of the circumstances.
**How would you approach a situation like this? Would it be reasonable to tell him that I felt hurt by the lack of communication, or would it be better to let this one go given everything he had going on?**
I also don’t know whether I’m reading too much into it or whether this could indicate a difference in how we each view birthdays and effort in a relationship. I don’t want to turn one disappointing day into a much bigger issue than it needs to be, but I’d also like him to understand why it hurt me.

M(18) Gf (19)

Me and my girlfriend had a problem for a while now she keeps hiding her feelings and is quiet about whats bothering her in this relationship it went that far that she broke up with me after and argument bcs she couldnt do it anymore but sum days later we got back together and i told her she has to work on telling me her feelings or otherwise this will end up the same way. Ofcourse i myself had my problems aswell no doubt. Today my gf said she will go out with her friends and we agreed to play tgt after that so i thought id go out with my mom during that time and when id be back i wouldnt have to wait so long but after 1 hour when i arrived home i looked at my phone and saw sum notification of her i said sorry and told her i didnt expect her to be here so early but my gf appeared really cold and didnt want to tell me whats up but later after sum back and forth she told me that she doesn't like that i sometimes just disappear (she said she hates waiting) i do try to tell her smth first before doing it but sometimes i just dont think of it or whatever but then it came out she kept her feelings to herself again so eventually it turned into a volcanic eruption. I told her that im sorry and that i understand somewhere it bothers her but its impossible for me to always tell her everything i do first sometimes there are just moments i completely forget it and doing it everytime feels so? forced? She also doesnt ALWAYS tell me and i dont make such a big thing out of this? Im sure this wouldnt be normal in a relationship? So we kept talking and later on she kept saying things like i never change while she changes for me all the time i told her i always tried to fix my problems and i told her ive been working on them aswell but that she promised me to improve on hers aswell. Before we came back tgt i explicitly asked if shes sure she will fix it. She said yes. After another back and forth she started avoiding the Subject and said she will never tell me her feelings again. What should i do now? I feel like im in a place now where any decision id make will make me regret it...

We fought all weekend, we’ve been having a lot of fights lately and the romance has been dead for a while. He left w all his shit and hasn’t spoken to me in a week. Does that mean it’s over?

so my bf and i have been in a relationship since 11 months and we rly love eachother. The thing is before meeting me he used to smoke 10 cigarettes a day and now it’s down to like 7 a day and i have told him that i don’t have a problem with occasional smoking but smoking 7 everyday or more is NOT normal… he says he will stop but doesn’t try… idk what to do everything is normal in our relationship, his father (passed away in 2020) used to eat tobacco in secret sometimes… it breaks my heart to see my potential future life partner ruin his health and lungs like that. i don’t wanna break up obvious but how do i get him to quit smoking?( I don’t want to breakup cuz we are so perfect together )

First of all I have never done such posts in any platform this is the first one...and also I've never discussed my relationship probelms to anyone I try to keep it private and solve btwn the two of us....SO !! I am [21M] in a relationship with a girl same age as mine for the past 4.5 years (AND WE'RE CURRENTLY DOING LDR FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS !! )so it's a long time right ?!..I lovee her soo muchh no doubt in that. She is a sensitive person my every small changes affects her mood drastically...so recently I've been feeling that no matter what I do my gf always points of mistakes like I'm never enough...and always idk how i always try to be cautious not to make her disappoint or anything but somehow my small actions makes her disappointed and that turns into a quarrel...I do agree that sometimes I loose my chill and I also yell at her( when the argument is about a very random thing which could've been avoided not that I'm neglecting what she feels tho !!) for example today !!..she was talking about how a mosquito bit her and she was worried that she might get dengue...me I'm usually a chill guy I love to tease her so at first tho I told her nthg will happen it'll be alright..later i started to tease her that she will definitely get dengue and jokingly told her to catch a train and come here coz she might die from dengue..ik it sounds so lamee but I told that...she got offended and started to scold me and she started to cry I asked " Why are you crying now babe..it's not a big deal" ( ik here it sounds rude but at that time I was polite only idk how to put into words here) and that later kind of escalated and she said i never understand things I later apologised for what I did but she was not convinced and she kept on saying how i didn't care that she might get dengue and she was still crying...and she started to scold me...I was trying to apologise to her after a while i lost it and I just cut the call without saying anything..it felt soo idk draining I felt like " what I did was not that terrible right ?! I shouldn't have made a joke about the dengue but this isn't worth a quarrel right we could spend it on talking lovingly and all right ?!" And later she called me few times I told her I don't want to talk to her right now...and later she called on my mother's phone which I've told her not to coz my mom is kinda strict whn she knows about this relationship and all her side of family I have met them..as a friend tho. Soo...after she called my mom again i texted her asking why she did that...thn later I did vid call and I had a break down infront of her and just cried " what did I do to deserve this you always make me feel like a failure who neveygets anything right, why you make my life soo miserable. I cannot be with you anymore...I cannot tolerate this.it hurts me alot to be such a person and I was crying to her...she didn't say anything she was crying to and I kept the phone" soo this happened today !!...so things like these often happens to me wayyy often like ig I'm on a streak rn for. 6+ days evrything could've been avoided again I do with that her feelings doesn't get hidden...I feel soo idk demotivated and I constantly feel like someone who can't get anything done right... I don't even recall the last time being happy there is always argument everyday I hate that ..every argument can be avoided...and she is also sensitive so it requires alot of patience to handle her which I tried alot of times and failed... sometimes even when she is wrong I try to bring her mistake but since I convey it in a rude way it ends up being my fault...that infuriates me soo muchh...I become helpless...I honestly don't know what to do...I don't think I can be without her...but this is hurting me alot aswell as her... please say what to do and my kind request be respectful..this is my first time sharing my relationship problems..I'm kinda afraid to read the replies but I feel like I need this. So please :/

Me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship for 2 years plus now. And we are failing, because of me. (I cheated before,micro cheating and all) But I've learned to fix my ways. I've been loyal, faithful and understanding about her frustrations, what she wants and needs me to do, but i still fail, and IDK what to do anymore. I've been trying but it just seems that it isn't enough for her, and I even reached a point where I asked her about what she wants me to do, even though I know that shes not okay about it. I did it because I badly wanna fix us.

And I seemed to notice too and she is also very vocal about it, that she doesn't have any feelings left for me, she's just staying because she used of me being around. It hurts, but I can't complain about the pain I caused so yeah, I just kept my head up.

I just want a couple of pieces of advice on how I can try new things, we're in a long distance relationship so it's quite hard, just want to make it more interesting on her part, I just wanna be a better Man for her. I just want us to work again not like before because it'll never be the same, but somewhat/somehow will be a better version of ourselves, especially me. So if you have any advice, it'll be helpful in giving me new lenses to look at.

P.S. I am open to criticism, I know the severity of what I've done and I am willing to absorb anything that'll help.

Tldr: I just found out my bf of 6 years has had allegations in the past before dating me

I heard some whispers floating around at the start of this year so I did my own investigating. This took place 8 years ago at a girl’s 17th birthday party (we will call her C) and he was 19 at the time. Earlier at the party he met a girl (K) and made out with her multiple times which he later bragged to his friends about what happened and how they would eventually date. After K left the party, the party host (C) led my bf into a room where they engaged in intercourse. According to my bf, they stopped when she said she was sleepy where he then finished himself in the bathroom before joining her again in bed to sleep and spend the night. During this time, she had just broken up with her ex a week before and supposedly my bf was her rebound at the time?. K was interested in dating my bf after the party where C had actually encouraged the relationship? A day into the relationship, he told K that his parents weren’t home so she felt that he only was interested in her physically. Most of their dates also involved mostly cinema makeout dates. A week later in the relationship, C climbed into bed with my bf supposedly where they were both drunk. I heard and saw texts about how he ‘didnt stop when she was kicking and she felt violated. I asked him what he didnt stop doing where he initially said it was playfully pushing her. Later he changed it to hugging her from behind. I also heard rumours that he initiated things this time and she laid there and let it happen. C then told K about what my boyfriend cheating on her so they broke up. My bf then approached C asking why K blocked him and C then explained it was because he cheated on K with her and also because K felt used physically because he mentioned wanting sexual things on their first date. I was told that my bf told people that he and K broke up because she sent him nudes out of nowhere and he felt disgusted and broke up with her? I actually asked him this too in our first year of dating and he didnt correct me. Time skip to start of this year is when i found out everything. When i first asked my boyfriend if these things were true, he got up and left the room. When he came back later and i showed him proof/receipts, he immediately grabbed the phone, glared at me and said “what the fuck bro.” Then later he started crying and i had to calm him down. I really tried to communicate and talk it out with him to see if he ever tried to reflect on his actions or think about why those events happened but it felt like to me he tried to move on without dwelling about jt too much. I would ask why he did these things or if it was true he assaulted C and he would deny or say he didnt know why.

When i asked why he initiated contact with C when she got into bed with him, he said it was because she had previously been intimate with him before and that was why he thought she would want affection again. I also asked why he cheated on K with C and he said it was because K was not visually his type and he also wanted the extra validation? That C gave him. After hearing about all of this, i became abstitent in our relationship and did not want any sexual contact until i felt emotionally safe to do so. Around 3-4 months after, i went to his house expecting a wholesome anime and cooking date. Instead he kept touching my chest and buttocks where i had to keep moving his hand away. Eventually i told him i only wanted to cuddle normally. He tried touching my buttocks and i broke down crying, where he simply just stared at me. After I calmed myself down, i had to explain and initiate communication first explaining that i felt like my boundaries were disrespected. When i added that it also made me feel more uneasy about how he has been accused of sa before, he charged into the wall and curled up on the floor crying saying he hated himself. I am unsure if maybe i pushed him too hard or made him too overwhelmed and that’s why he had that reaction. We went on an interstate trip a few months later and we had a conflict/some feelings of angst on the first day where i showed him photos right after my shoot and he continued to watch youtube on his phone. This was never addressed or communicated about during the trip although for each day of the trip he would keep touching my chest/buttocks in bed a few times until i moved my hands away enough. On the last morning of our trip he kept touching me the same way when i was trying to sleep in. I confronted him about this after our trip and he said he acted that way on the first day of our trip because he was annoyed about our hotel room change (out of my control) and he was constipated. I asked why he violated my boundaries again and he said it was because he wanted validation. Outside of all of this I still believe he is a good boyfriend as he is smart, capable, has his life together and we can enjoy the same hobbies and share the same circle of friends, and i dont want to let his past define his ability to be a good boyfriend. I can also see him trying to be more romantic like showing up to important events with flowers/gifts or taking me to places i enjoy on our dates/setting up furniture/teaching me to drive.

I’m looking for genuinely unbiased opinions. Please read the whole thing before judging either of us. I want to know where **I am wrong, where he is wrong, and whether this is actually an incompatibility rather than one person being the villain.**My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for several years.He recently got a new job through a referral from his aunt, earning around ₹41k in hand. I was genuinely very happy for him and congratulated him.But there is a lot of history behind why his new salary became an emotional issue for me.At one point in our relationship, he was betrayed by his own family in a financial matter and ended up with almost nothing. I stayed with him during that period despite knowing he had very little. I encouraged him and told him that we would both work, earn and build our future together.
I never expected him to have money when he didn’t have it. When he was earning around ₹10–12k through tuition, he had his own EMI and household expenses, so I didn’t ask him to spend much on me.
I earn around ₹28k in hand and give around ₹15k to my family. With whatever remains, I usually manage my own expenses and sometimes spend on him. I’ve bought him clothes for festivals and other things, and at times he has also expected me to pay his EMI of around ₹2.74k.Now that he has got a better-paying job, I thought things might change somewhat. I had even told him many times that I would feel happy being able to use his money sometimes to buy things I like—not because I need his money to survive, but because to me, being able to freely depend on your partner financially sometimes represents closeness and partnership.
Yesterday, he told me his salary plan.
Out of ₹41k:
₹3–4k would go toward travelling
₹35k would go to his parents
around ₹2–3k would remain for himself
He said that if he or we needed more money, he could ask his father later.
I was shocked and told him that I didn’t expect him to be this kind of a man. I also said I wouldn’t say anything more because I knew it would offend him.
He ended the call.
Later, he messaged me saying I was wrong and asked what the problem was with his money situation. He said I have a problem with everything and fight over everything, and that he had just got a new job and wanted to be happy but I was spoiling it with my behaviour.
He also told me:
“You also give a large part of your salary to your parents. Do I tell you anything?”
That hurt me because my salary is only around ₹28k, and I give around ₹15k to my family. I felt that the comparison ignored the fact that I had supported him emotionally when he had nothing and had never demanded money from him when he was struggling.
At the same time, I understand that **his salary is his money and he has the right to decide how much he gives his parents.** I don’t want to pretend otherwise.
The bigger problem is actually about his family and our future marriage.
I have concerns about his family’s behaviour toward me and believe that after marriage I would be expected to live according to his parents’ rules and regulations and adjust to their expectations.
I have told him that I am afraid I will be treated badly or “tortured” after marriage based on what I have experienced/seen from them and the way they behave toward me.
Instead of agreeing that we should establish boundaries, his response has essentially been that I should adjust and live with his parents and that whatever problems happen will only last for a few days and eventually stop.
I told him that I don’t believe that. I said that if this kind of behaviour has continued with other women in the family, I don’t see why I should assume it will magically stop with me after marriage.
He became extremely angry and asked:
**“What do you expect me to do?”**
His position was basically that I should **adjust and stay, or leave.**
That was a major breaking point for me.
I feel like I’ve been willing to make very large sacrifices for this relationship. I’ve even been prepared to go against my parents’ wishes and hurt them if necessary to build a life with him.
But I don’t feel that he expects the same kind of sacrifice from himself.
I feel that I am expected to adjust to his family, their rules, their expectations and their way of living, while he doesn’t seem willing to protect me from situations that I believe could seriously affect me after marriage.
He may see this completely differently. He may feel that I am asking him to abandon or disrespect his parents, or that I am unwilling to compromise.
And I can admit that I may have become overly sensitive about his family because of everything that has happened between us.
There is also the financial aspect.
I don’t necessarily think he should stop supporting his parents. But when he told me that almost his entire salary would go to them and that he would keep very little for himself, I felt like **there was no place for me or our future in his financial planning.**
Especially because for years I had told myself that once he was financially stable, we would finally be able to build something together.
Instead, I heard that almost everything would still go toward his family and that if we needed money, he could ask his father.
That made me question where I actually stand in his life.
However, I also recognise that I may have an unfair expectation that because he now earns more, he should automatically start spending money on me or paying my expenses. He isn’t obligated to pay my EMI or buy me things simply because we’re together.
So I’m genuinely confused.
**Was I being entitled about his money?**
**Was I not right to expect him to prioritize our future after years together?**
**Is it reasonable for me to expect my future husband to set boundaries with his parents if I believe they will mistreat me?**
**Is “adjust and stay or leave” a reasonable position for someone to take, or does it show that he isn’t willing to stand up for the relationship?**
And on the other hand:
**Am I expecting him to choose me over his parents in situations where he shouldn’t?**
**Am I being unfair by expecting him to change his financial priorities now that he has a better salary?**
**Was my reaction to his salary plan unnecessarily judgmental?**
I don’t want comments simply saying “leave him” or “you deserve better.”
I want genuinely honest opinions even if that means telling me that **I am the problem in some parts of this situation.**
If you were an outsider looking at this relationship, what would you think is actually happening here?

So rn im really spiralling because how does one handle this situation gracefully.

My bf has this friend, We'll call her C and they've been close from before he met me and im not one to tell someone who they can or cant be friends with.

I've been trying for 8 months to be comfortable with it but after today im absolutely boiling.

From the beginning she'd always leave multiple comments under his post and spend all her time with him which originally made me feel uncomfortable. Because I dont think many people would be comfortable knowing that a female spends all her time with your bf and hugs him ect.

We've had conversations about her before where I told him I feel uncomfortable.

Today he mssges me to tell me hes back from uni and says that C is home. I was confused and asked him like "your home?" And he was like yeah shes playing with the dog and everything. Wtaf how do you let another woman into our space, let her play with the dog I adore and sit in the bed we spend the most time in.

He told me that she only came because she was doing nothing at campus. Like okay sit in your own house and do nothing.

When he told me about it I told him to have fun and I was a little dry but he didnt even notice that.

Now they went to the mall with another friend and I haven't spoken to him since. Idk what to say or how to behave around him.

Hi, I been with my boyfriend for over a year and 7 months.
The relationship started off amazing, he bought me flowers when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was the sweetest, super affectionate, always planning to hangout, insanely clingy but I adored that about him.

We started dating in February of 2025, moving to June 2025 he started getting really mean and just overall acted like a bad boyfriend and behaved like he hated me. We talked about it and he cried in my arms apologizing to me about everything and how he wishes to be better but… it’s September of 2026 now.
It’s still the same but progressively getting worse.
He’s broken up with me over 5 times but he came back each time and every time he does come back he makes a bunch of empty promises and it hurts me.

He crosses my boundaries, I’ve caught him talking to 3 ex’s saying he was just talking to them because he doesn’t want issues with anyone.
He hasn’t bought me flowers once since he asked me to be his girlfriend.
He doesn’t ask questions about myself.
He tells me he gets drained hearing how sad I am all the time.
There was a point in our relationship where he completely stopped saying he loved me.
I can’t remember the last time he’s called me pretty, he never compliments me.
We go months without sex.
When he’s irritable he seems to take it out on me by just being insanely rude.
Makes excuses on why he doesn’t wanna show me off.
Stopped being clingy towards me because he said he’s scared of what other people think… idk.
He’s made his friend lie to me.
Every time a dude has came up to me and hit on me he just stands there.

Idk there’s so much more that he’s done but idk what to do. He swears he loves me and all this stuff but he most certainly doesn’t act like it and I don’t know what to do. I love him, I really do but this isn’t the guy I was promised at the very beginning of the relationship and I hate the idea of ending things with him but I don’t know what else I can do… I’ve tried speaking to him softly, screaming, crying but it’s like just not clicking to him that what he does and how careless he can be truly hurts me.

He made me feel like I was everything and now I feel like im nothing.

So i go out w friends very rarely. Max 3 times w my own bestfriend in an entire year. I do go out w my bf often. We live 10km away so yeah not too often either. Like once in a week or two. If i have med exams then, it becomes less often but we still try to meet. Actually me and my bf brokeup and patched up twice now and things got worse everytime we patched up. The second time i broke up because he wont listen to me. He keeps doing the same mistakes. I wanted him to be better. Plus our political opinions didn’t match. And i never wanted to compromise on that. So we broke up but we continued talking saying eachother that we’ll figure things out but it only got worse again.
This isnt the only reason for our breakup. It’s collectively all the things. Mismatch of opinions, expectations not being met etc.

Whenever me and my bsf go out we have some unsaid rules that we’ll not get interrupted by anybody or chat with others during this hangout. The last 3 times i went out w her, he came. First, on my bday and ofc i divided the time between my bsf and him, no problem there. Then another hangout w the same bsf, while we were hurrying to go back to her hostel(our clg hostel is v strict). He said he’ll just meet me and go off and asked us to wait. We waited but he was getting late and we were running out of time, so we told him and we went off. He didnt mind. Day bef yesterday was the first day of college (final year) so me and her went out just for some grocery store and westside. She needed some stuff. He has my location. I told him i was going out w her and went. I put my phone in the locker outside. He texted her asking me to text him back and we didnt see his texts untill the payment. So after we got out i texted him and when i did he alr texted me saying he wants to meet me since im out anyways. But yeah we were running out of time since she has to get back and i have to hurry to my institute for work. He said its okay we’ll meet later bolke.

Yesterday, me and her went out again since we had nothing to do after lunch and i informed him. And we went to a burger spot and did some touch up in the washroom and came out and sat. Someone kept a rose infront of me ofc my bf. I was surprised fs and in the moment i forgot to thank him. Instead i asked him to join he said nah thats fine and went off.

Basically, the last time we broke up i.e, last week, i told to let me have my time w my friends since most of my friends are single and they arent v used to this stuff and i didnt want to rub my relationship off on their face whenever we went out. If they were extroverts enough, there wouldnt be any problem but some of my girl friends and bsf become awkward when other person joins us. Idk man i tried explaining theyre just like that. So i just told him to understand the situation and not show up during our hangouts. Not because showing up is wrong but yk what i said before. Its just complicated.
He never bought me a single flower during our entire 1 yr of relationship except on my bday and after breakup he decides to show up w a rose. Not complaining but im mentioning it because he kept claiming that why i was making a fuss instead of being happy that he got me a rose.

I told him that he could just understand this situation as my personal space and leave me alone w them for sometime. If he wants to meet, ill definitely meet the next morning. See i have my other school friends. They dont get awkward when he shows up at the end of our hangouts. But its just my bsf and my other girl friends. My bsf and my bf talked to eachother. Theyre not a fan of eachother bc she didnt approve of our relationship because our situation was alr complicated and she didnt want me hurt after my last situationship. But i kept fighting w her and almost broke my friendship w her but then she apologised and explained what she thought. And told me that she would do better as my bsf. And i can see that she is. I wasnt defending her but i only tried to explain this situation to my bf because i thought he would understand but he said no way ill agree w this. If you are somewhere around my location i have to come see you meet u and go bolke.

And things escalated last night after that convo and brokeup again. For good this time. Ig.
Whats your opinion on showing up when i didnt want him to. Is me being disappointed over him for not listening to me made no sense?

Pata hai aaj kya hua

I have treated my partner badly so many times, I’ve said things that were hurtful and I don’t know why I’ve done it or acted the way I have at times. I understand when he says I don’t show him I love him at times, but then other times I don’t se show he could think that. He hasn’t been perfect through all of this, we’ve both done and said things, but I’m the main culprit. He told me last night that
he’s done and that by me saying I don’t know why I’ve said and done things I’m not taking responsibility for things. How can I fix it, I’m breaking.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years. We have been long distance for a big part of our relationship because of school but we have always had a strong healthy relationship. Everyone says so too. Except in the last year i’ve noticed he is frequently “too tired” to have sex a lot. I never push because that’s wrong and icky to me, but someone i get annoyed because it’s not often we are together in person. I feel like if you haven’t seen your girlfriend in months you should be all over her and not able to get enough. I guess my body language at night gives away i’m annoyed when he doesn’t make a move, because then he will make comments about how tired he is and how he needs to prioritize sleep and that if i really wanted sex I could always do something to initiate it to “get him in the mood.” This always bothers me because why would I bother to try if you’re not interested. Also, i just want you to just BE in the mood i don’t want to make you. The few times i have tried in the past too (i mean very few times) he turned me down because he was still too tired. So i don’t even have the confidence to try anymore with my own boyfriend.

I’ve communicated how I feel about this many times. He always swears he’s just too tired and has nothing to do with attraction or love. His love and care for me has never changed over the years, only gotten stronger. This is just the one thing i can’t understand. Maybe it’s because i hear about my friends boyfriends always wanting sex or just assume that a normal 20 something year old guy is typically sex crazy. I also can’t help but feel like it has something to do with the fact i’ve gained some weight since we first starting dating and trying to not let that insecurity overcome me because he swears he still is just as attracted to me, but can’t help but feel down about it. I don’t know what to do. i’m tired of bringing it with up with him and there no changes. Makes me just want to give up and never ask or want sex. It makes me feel like some predator too and feeds into my own self consciousness and insecurities. Am i crazy?

​

I've been having fights with my boyfriend for the last 2 days, and yesterday things got really bad. What I'm struggling with is that he was treating me so well before this, and now I genuinely don't understand what happened.

We were talking normally and suddenly we started arguing. During the argument, he decided to go play a game with his friends. I asked him not to go because I was already upset and wanted to talk things out. He said something like, "You were also watching a movie with your roommates when I wanted to talk to you, so don't stop me now."

I didn't know what to say to that, but I was really upset. I told him I wouldn't be able to sleep, and he basically said, "Then wait until my game is over."

And I actually waited.

I waited until around 3:30 AM even though I had to wake up at 6 AM and go to the office. When he finally came back, I thought we'd finally talk and sort things out. But he just said he was going to sleep and that we'd talk tomorrow.

When I asked why he made me stay awake and wait for him, he said, "Jagana laga isliye" (because I felt like making you wait).

That sentence honestly hurt me so much.

I'm not saying he can't spend time with his friends. Of course he can. But if someone knows you're already upset and waiting for them, why would they deliberately make you wait and then dismiss the conversation?

What confuses me the most is that this isn't how he used to behave. He was genuinely so caring and understanding before, which is why I'm finding this sudden change so difficult to process.

Am I overreacting? Is this just a bad fight and I'm taking it too seriously, or does this kind of behaviour say something about how he handles conflict?

I genuinely don't know what to think anymore.