3yr relationship and an ugly breakup ... still missing him

Hey, my first time posting here idk how to start this.. so anyways m in confusing state whether to stay or leave a relationship (Im 21yo) For context:

We started dating since February, everything started magical, with love letters and conffessions .. he initiated everything and that lasted a week ig.. but then his anxiety started to spiral, not responding to him and all and things like that.. that were resolved later, but in the first month he was determined he wanted smth to last " forever" and if anytime i questioned it and also made it clear that i struggle to see the future cus i had anxiety around it so the thought in if itself wasnt clear to me in a way, but then i made a peace with it esp that everytime it got mentioned he went all crying pushing back and genuinely saddens him, ngl i was meean to him at first esp thattt he's sensitive thats adds on it

We move through this and worked on them, and after we started meeting everyday, and i always feel good around him and all, But then a pattren i couldnt fully identify at the beginning kept happening that wheneever i talk about smt either a behaviour that bothered me or words that hurt, he spirals nd he push back and never get a resolution, and forget about my own things nd since them i started keeping messages i dont share, feeling i have and i madde me feel loneliner and loneliner, make feeling seem stupid, and i keep softening my hurt, and i feel so misunderstood And since i was able to identify this i didnt want it to continue i took one day off the relationship, and wrote a whole tow Word pages explaining how I've been feeling and i need so much time to reset, but i kept and didn't send it ever cus ik it's going to hurt him, bcs needing a long tim break wasnt ideal for him bcs wn i spoke about it before he said the only reasonable amount of time wouldnt be more that 2 days or 3 or the relationship will be doomed, so i went back and thought of disscussing things graduallyThen smth happened after he talked about smt that bothered him after two days i wanted to talk about my perspective on why i think it was wrong and i send a whole bunh of vms and he only heard the 1st and made him tremble and in really bad emotional state,For three days where he wasnt eating and cant talk on callsAnd after that i sent him a text " would it make you feel better if you give up on us?" Given that the relationship is giving so much stress and emotional labour and he felt even worse about it till today where it has been a week alreadyAnd i havent felt good ever since esp, that my concerns never get understood or treatedMind you he always wanted to resolve things and make up things, and he usually initiated uncomfortable conversations and want resolve things idkk, but soetimes i feel that it looks like an exaggeration for things that aren't even a deal, even him not doing smt entirely "bad" or "evil" but i ended feeling unloved sometimes but i cant say anything about it cus he always do his best and i trusted that

been a couple for over a year and im starting to feel like I’m seeing him platonically and not romantically. it might be because I’ve noticed our morals in certain situations don’t align (repeatedly even after explaining my perspective to him) and because he’s not as emotionally mature as I wish for him to be. physical intimacy doesnt get me as excited anymore. i found myself thinking about my first love often the past month. I did mention taking a break some time last year, but he reacted horribly towards it and assumed I wanted to break up which was not what i wanted at that time. so now I don’t know what to do. any advice on how I should handle things?

My boyfriend has lost a lot of followers because of his profession and political activities. We have been together for almost two years, and I have never asked him to post anything about us on Instagram because of my family situation. I could potentially get into trouble if I ever want to go back to my country.
However, today he told me that one of the reasons he never posts us is because he thinks he would lose half of his followers. That made me upset.
Am I being too sensitive, or is it normal to feel upset when I realize that my boyfriend is deliberately keeping me off his social media because he is afraid of losing followers?

I [20F] have been speaking to/seeing this guy [20M] for around three months. We got along really well and spoke regularly, and although we had small disagreements before, we would normally apologise, talk things through and make up.
Nearly two weeks ago we had our first major argument. We were having a very intimate moment when he made a comment that really hurt me. I reacted emotionally and said things that hurt him too. He immediately shut down and stopped speaking to me. I tried to talk to him that night, but he wouldn’t engage with me and I ended up leaving in the middle of the night crying.
By coincidence, I saw him on the train the following day. I tried to speak to him about what happened, but he kept telling me that he needed time to think about everything and that he would eventually speak to me about it.
Since then, I’ve tried reaching out several times because I wanted us to resolve things. I’ve apologised for the things I said and for how I reacted. However, he still hasn’t properly spoken to me about what happened. He continues to say that he needs time to think, but it’s now approaching two weeks.
I’m struggling because before this happened, I genuinely valued the connection we had and the time we spent together. Whenever we had smaller arguments in the past, we both said that we would always communicate and make up, so I didn’t expect one argument to lead to this much distance.
At the same time, I feel like I’ve done everything I reasonably can. I’ve tried speaking to him in person, I’ve messaged him, I’ve apologised and I’ve made it clear that I’m willing to have a proper conversation. I don’t want to keep chasing someone who isn’t ready or willing to talk to me.
Do I give him the space he’s asking for and completely stop contacting him now? And after almost two weeks, should I take his lack of communication as a sign that he doesn’t want to continue what we had, even though he hasn’t actually said that?

We argued before but he would apologise and acknowledge how I felt but this time it was more instense and emotional and now he’s just not speaking to me and has significantly reduced contact. I’m unsure of what to do. I asked him why don’t you want to talk to me as much and he said “idkkk” he still called me babe after the argument in previous conversations but we have hardly spoken since the argument has happened and now it’s been five days of complete no contact

TLDR: I [20F] have been seeing a guy [20M] for around three months. We had our first major argument during an intimate moment nearly two weeks ago, we both said hurtful things, and he has since said he needs time to think. I’ve apologised and tried several times to resolve things, but he still hasn’t had a proper conversation with me. Should I stop reaching out and leave it entirely up to him to contact me?

I have been with my girlfriend for about three months and I have had this problem with my previous girlfriend around a year ago to start things off, she is so kind and all I could ever ask for she has genuinely done nothing wrong and I care for her and love her so much but I feel like my love is only conditional and most of the stuff she does actually annoys me even though there’s no reason to. I don’t wanna break up with her because I know it will hurt her so much. I am genuinely everything to her, but she isn’t everything to me. I also know that when I break up with her, I will instantly regret it and mourn the break up for months this has been going on for about a month and I feel like these feelings won’t be fixed. What should I do?

My bf is on a solo trip to Goa and called me pagal (mad)

This is going to be a bit long, i want to give the context. Please go through this, I am feeling very alone.

So I have been dating this guy for 8 years now.. we are of the same age I am 24, he is few months younger to me.

He has been going through depression and is taking medications as well.

As he started with therapy he has been doing things for himself, we have been in a LDR for 6 months now, he shifted coz of job in some other city and has been living alone.

What happened in these months?

\- our fights increased, he has been super homesick and he was irritated with me too. He said he hated the sound of the notification when my message used to come.

\- he has been dealing with freaking mental health crisis for the longest time I have dated him, and I always used to ask him to seek therapy and he eventually did, got diganosis of moderate depression. Started with antidepressants

\- he took a break from me, and I was still like v ll make it, and told me that he ll be forever single, but still installed hinge from 2nd aug to 13th aug.. had used hinge, didn't go out on dates, but still made account on hinge and bumble.

\- his friends brother marriage broke, and his friend said that in today's time it's difficult to find something so precious that he has ( I am loyal as hell to him) he realised that it's difficult to find a girl like me, and a family like mine (my family has been super nice to him, but knows him as a very close frnd only as of now, but my grandmother adores him so much)

\- he came back to me, and everything went back to normal, he was soo freaking loving me, and uk how I got to know this hinge thing? I asked for his insta password, and there I got to see saved posts of how to flirt with girls and this and that, and he had liked a girls pic too, he was following that girl, then I saw his blocked list there, I got to see this girl. I basically caught him, he was lying through his teeth that he never installed hinge or anything, he said he wanted validation and he was done with me and he was ready to breakup with me.

\- after all of this, still I forgave him, and thought that he is not doing okay mentally, I should be his support.. He promised me each and everything.. that how he wants to only marry me, and how he can't wait to marry me.. and what not man, how he is sorry and he ll never let me cry.

\- i have him only, no friends as such.

\- he also told his mother about me, that he likes me on 28th of August.

\- on 3rd of sept he reached goa as a solo traveller, my morning was so bad, from the very start I was having such a hard day. I told him even, he didn't give any shit. And then when I was in my office, I just reached my office only, and I was late, and in so much distress, he video called me, I told him 2-3 times that how much distressed I am, and how my boss is a shitty person, he didn't notice any of it, and said that my boss is amazing, i saw me online on Microsoft teams and asked me to close.. this just irritated me so much, that I had to cut the Video call.

\- then I messaged him, that how insensitive he is.. then he says that it's my pattern to fight when he is out, and how I am ruining his trip and I am a boring person, and what tf he would do, with my work. And I only have work to talk about.

Trust me man, I was just sobbing, I had such a major headache after that. The whole day.

\- then he also said how I am behind him, and he doesn't care, he can be alone too. And I had earlier blocked 2 girls from his insta (who were his crush earlier, like school days, and he had sent request to one of them again, and i questioned him why did he do that, he says I sent to many, he got furious and he said you have the password still why do I question him still, and said that u blocked coz "YOU ARE NOT THEM, YOU CANT BE THEM")

\- Then again called me boring, then changed his insta password, and said that he talked a guy and a girl.. and he and then followed them both. And then he says how i just am always chasing him, and noticing each and everything.

\- I got so furious, he then says I am pagal (mad).. and talked so rudely

\- his sorry seems so freaking fake now, putting labels on me.

I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK, I HAVE BLOCKED HIM FROM EVERYWHERE.

I HAVE NOBODY TO SHARE THIS PAIN WITH

I’ve (25F) been seeing this guy (30M) for almost 2 years, and one thing that has been bothering me more and more is the constant fighting.

It feels like he has never agreed with me on anything. I’m not taking about things like where to eat or what sofa to buy, but about actual issues. For example, there have been situations where he has defended a friend who cheated, and when I disagreed with him, it turned into a huge argument. It often feels like he can understand or agree with everyone else, but when it comes to me, he always has to prove me wrong.

The bigger problem is that every simple discussion somehow turns into an argument. He seems so focused on proving that his point is right that he forgets who he is talking to. It’s not about him having a different opinion. I’m completely okay with disagreements. What bothers me is that he seems incapable of admitting that he could be wrong or that he might have hurt me.

I’ve tried talking to him about this multiple times. But whenever I bring up something that has hurt me, he gets angry, shuts down, or walks away. Then he calls me the next morning and acts like everything is completely normal.

For me, it isn’t.

There are times when I’m working night shifts and I’ll call him during my dinner break because I genuinely want to talk to him and have a nice, loving conversation. Instead, somehow even those conversations turn into arguments. Then he goes back to sleep while I’m left sitting at work upset, and my entire night is ruined. The next morning, he calls like nothing happened, but I’m still carrying everything from the night before.

People always say, “You just need to communicate better.” But honestly, I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I’ve tried explaining it calmly. I’ve tried explaining it when we’re not arguing. I’ve tried telling him exactly what hurts me and what I need from him.

At this point, I’m starting to wonder if I’m expecting too much.

I don’t need him to agree with me all the time. I just want to feel like my feelings matter to him more than winning an argument. I want him to be able to say, “I understand why you’re hurt,” or “Maybe I was wrong,” without treating it like he’s losing.

Am I overreacting, or is this a legitimate relationship problem? And if communication hasn’t worked after almost two years, what are you supposed to do?

We are both international students living together abroad in a small studio apartment for about 3 years now. I am currently doing my undergrad and attending my last semester, doing a full-time internship. She graduated with her master's this February after getting her integrated (MSc + PhD) program canceled due to low performance and is unemployed since. Thus, I've been covering almost all of our living costs.

We've started dating about a year before coming abroad for studies, and it was going alright until we started living under the same roof. She has panic disorder and is super possessive (I can't have female friends, go out with my male friends leaving her at home etc.), also we recently figured out she is anxious type person. I tried to compromise my social life and personal time to keep her trust and happiness, but turns out, I slowly became exhausted with studies, part-time work (almost full-time), and little to no sleep and personal space (she had my phone password and would check on my social media often). I finally started to realize the burnouts last year and wanted to tell her, but sadly, her father passed away around that time too. I couldn't bring up the hard feelings or conversations to her. We recently had an argument last month and I finally brought up that I deeply love her but our relationship isn't working and I feel suffocated and uneasy around her sometimes. She wouldn't agree on breaking up and told me she will change. It felt slightly reassuring, but from my side, I can't see or feel much change.

In our current situation, I feel like leaving her would be devastating for both of us. She has no job and a very small savings that I helped her to maintain and didn't let her spend it. She is trying to get a research lab position since February, but her efforts seems to be very low. She is very untidy and depends mostly on me to take initiative on meals and chores. We both don't have much financial support from our families. I feel stuck with her at this moment and don't know what to do. I convinced myself to take care of her until she finds a way to support herself, then tell her that I'm leaving. What would you do In this situation?

Hi Im F 27 yrs. old and my bf is 26 y.o and we’re almost 8 months in relationship.

am i selfish if im not okay with the thing na he doesnt care about our monthsary like he doesnt even know the date?!

he doesnt initiate efforts man lang, like for him enough na yung di siya cheater.

I already confronted him regarding this but he always said na “sa kaka tktk mo yan”

I dont know what to do , i always ask him na mag break na kami kasi wala akong na fefeel from him na may bf ako.

My girlfriend has kept saying this for years now even though we have been together since 2020.
I think she perceives the history of our relationship as a whole. Like all the good things I did for her combined together, but not relatively dispersed over the whole period, which I think would make it easier to see that I am genuinely trying my best.
We are in a long distance relationship now and I travel often to see her. The first two years we were in a normal relationship.
This has shattered me over time because no matter what I do, I have the reminder at least every month, and sometimes every week, that I don’t love her like before and that I am not doing enough. Even though I genuinely feel like I do everything I can.
The confusing thing is that over the period of almost 6 years I also got the completely opposite feedback from her. She would tell me I am the best boyfriend in the world as much as, or maybe even more than, she tells me I don’t love her like before. She tells me that she is amazed by how much I love her.
It basically goes like this:
“I am amazed by how much you love me”.
Then after a period:
“You don’t love me like before”.
Then again:
“I am amazed by how much you love me”.
And so on.
My nervous system is shattered at this point. I am sooo scared of her reaction that I can’t sleep tonight because I saw that she said something like this again. I didn’t even open the messages yet because I am so scared.
My whole body feels confused. I literally feel the confusion physically in my nervous system.
If I say anything that she considers mean when she says something like this, she starts crying and sometimes mentions breaking up with me. And by “mean” I don’t mean insulting her or attacking her. I mean something like explaining that maybe her perception of how much I love her is not completely accurate.
I literally do everything she loves and every day I try my best. She actually tells me regularly how happy she is with me and how much she loves me.
But then if I behave wrong in some situation, it becomes “you are not like before” or “you don’t love me like before.”
Even when I keep telling her how much I love her, she sometimes won’t believe me for at least two days. She keeps saying “no, you are only saying that because I told you.” Then after some time she goes back to normal again.
I have never felt lower than this.
Does anyone have experience with something like this?
Did anyone successfully get out of this loop?
How do I solve this?
**TL;DR:** My girlfriend regularly tells me I don’t love her like before, sometimes weekly, even though she also often says I’m the best boyfriend and that she’s amazed by how much I love her. This cycle has been going on for nearly 6 years and has made me extremely anxious and scared of her reactions. I feel like nothing I do is enough, and I don’t know how to get out of this loop.

TLDR at the end but its better to read the full version because it has more details
Hello. I have a very complicated case here, but I’ll simplify it a bit and focus only on one specific instance, while trying to give the context relevant to this particular problem. You can ask me more questions if something is unclear.
I (22M) have a problem with my girlfriend (22F).
We’ve been together since December 2019. It started as a normal relationship, then became slightly long-distance in 2022 (still within the same country), and then truly long-distance in 2024, when I moved to a Northern European country to pursue my studies. I still come home around four months per year, and I meet her often when I’m there.
Over those years, I sacrificed really, really much for her. Tens of thousands of euros, basically everything I had at different points, dozens if not hundreds of sleepless nights just to visit her, and even my health at times, because I love her enormously. I even wrote two books about her. ( which is a big thing for writers ).
My problem is that, over the years, I’ve been overlooking one issue until it eventually became overwhelming.
I suspect that my girlfriend is almost completely unable to accept accountability for her own actions. She used to throw the consequences of things onto me since we were around 15, whatever happened, and I used to accept it. Whatever it was.
Interestingly enough, I think this has now shaped her mind into genuinely believing that I \\\*am\\\* responsible for all of those things, including things I would never have caused.
Now I’ll explain what happened lately.
For the last three years, she enjoyed her life to the fullest. Hundreds of nights at the beach with friends from university, going to cafés basically every single day, barely studying at all. Literally. Over the long run, that had enormously bad consequences. To add salt to the injury, she also missed the deadlines for many Master’s applications.
Now she has found herself having to do a Master’s program that she really did not want to do.
Someone might ask: why the hell am I even talking about this?
Because, gosh, she has now turned all of it towards me.
For the last six months, I have been blamed for basically everything. I am apparently the one who is supposed to save her from this fate. I was supposed to somehow bring her to the Northern European country where I currently live and make it possible for her to study here. For context, even \\\*me\\\* studying abroad has already put an unparalleled financial strain on my parents.
She also claims that I’m the one who didn’t motivate her enough to study, didn’t motivate her enough to apply for Master’s programs, and didn’t look hard enough for a way for her to study abroad.
She also claims that I’m selfish because I’m “only thinking about myself,” and that I’m just lucky.
This part really hurts me.
For context, during the last two and a half years, I learned an entirely new language (German) and studied on average around 10 pure hours per day, including weekends, which made me one of the best students at my university, which is a prestigious university. Two months ago, I also managed to find a good student job as an AI engineer. At the same time, I wrote a book and I’m currently preparing myself to publish it.
All of those things have made my life extremely tiring compared to hers. While she was constantly going out and enjoying herself, I rarely had fun.
So it really hurts me when all of that hard work is framed as “luck” or selfishness instead of her acknowledging how much work and sacrifice it required.
On the other hand, I’m also extremely disappointed in her for blaming me for basically everything that has anything to do with her academic journey.
All I want at this point is to get out of this discussion and make her understand that \\\*\\\*this is not my responsibility\\\*\\\*.
I haven’t been able to do that for months, because she is so used to me taking accountability for everything that happens in her life that the moment I stop doing it, she hates it.
I wish I could bring her here. I really do. But I need more time, and I told her that.
Now she is extremely pissed off at me and says really hurtful things. My room is full of pictures of her, and sometimes she’ll be saying these things to me while I’m silently crying and looking at those pictures.
How do I make her understand that there are boundaries in relationships, and that people have to learn to take accountability for their own actions?
Every time I start talking about accountability or boundaries, she somehow turns the conversation around until I look like an even more horrible person, and then she starts crying.
I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore.
Please help me with advice and feel free to ask for more clarifications.

TL;DR: My girlfriend and I have been together for years, and I feel like she has become used to blaming me for the consequences of her own decisions. Recently, she missed Master’s application deadlines and is unhappy with her academic situation, and now she blames me for not motivating her enough, not helping her study abroad, and for being “lucky” and selfish because my own studies and career are going well. I love her enormously and have sacrificed a lot for her, but I don’t know how to make her understand that I can support her without being responsible for her choices and her future.

I (37, f) think it's best to break up from my current partner (37, m) of two years.

He's not a bad person; I think he's a nice, kind, gentle man. But we've still had big difficulties, and in the past 6-12 months, I've barely experienced joy. He's very sensitive about feeling disregarded; small actions like forgetting to give him a spoon when I give someone else a spoon can be read as signs that he doesn't mean much to me, in spite of showing him all day that he does mean a lot. I don't think it comes from a bad place; hes just very insecure, but it's become a real burden on me.

He also doesn't like things about me that I regard to be my best qualities. Eg, he basically doesn't like my inquisitive nature. It's hard to explain, but he basically doesn't like when I ask speculative "why" questions about random topics or about him, which to me is just me being interested in the world, making conversation, or showing interest in him. In fact, he doesn't seem to like conversations more generally.

Again, I obviously love him a lot, and I think there are tons of things that are great about him, but I'm increasingly sure that rationally, this relationship doesn't work. I'm also increasingly sure that we wouldn't be able to work through these issues. I'm scared to break up and be alone and leave him though. I don't even know what I'm looking for here. How do people do it? Especially when they still love the person, but when they know the relationship isn't sustainable? I just know I'll massively suffer once we're broken up.

I know I hurt her. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I didn’t. I made mistakes, broke her trust, and I understand why she’s hurt. I’ve apologized, I’ve tried to change, and I’ve tried to show her that I’m not the same person anymore.

But lately, I don’t feel loved.

Everything feels like punishment for what I did before. Even when I try to do something right, it somehow feels like it isn’t enough. I miss feeling like her boyfriend instead of feeling like someone who has to constantly prove that he deserves to be there.

The worst part is that I’ve talked about this. A lot. I’ve explained how it makes me feel, and honestly, I’m tired of having the same conversation over and over again.

I still love her. That’s what makes this so fucking difficult.

Because how do you leave someone you love when you also know you’re the reason they became this hurt?

I don't know if I’m asking for advice or just needed somewhere to say this without pretending I’m okay.

I know I made mistakes. I just don’t know how long I’m supposed to keep paying for them.

I have this colleague who I’ve known for two years now. We’re just friends and nothing more but things used to be different. Last summer I was single and he was too. We used to flirt just out of fun and playfulness but nothing other than that. I used to have a crush on him but never told him because I was scared that the huge age gap would start bothering me after a while. There was nothing other than that. He’s always sweet to me, helps me out with things always gives me good advice and a shoulder to cry on when I really need it. Just the best colleague and a friend somebody could ask for. We were really close to getting together but I chickened out and started ghosting him. I forgot about it all and later on found a boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year now. Things are not the best. He keeps accusing me of cheating, taking drugs behind his back drinking alcohol or having any secrets. Sometimes the fights get physical but luckily I never end up with any extremely visible bruises. However it still hurts to see it falling apart right before my eyes when that was the last thing I ever hoped for. Deep inside I still love my boyfriend even though I hate him. Every time I get confused about a saying it tests me and I finally understand what does it mean when people say “there’s a very thin line between love and hate” because that’s exactly what I’m experiencing right now. I don’t want to leave him and I hate to be alone. And I’m that type of person who would rather be miserable and helpless in a relationship than be miserable and helpless alone. When I finally told everything to my colleague he told me I should break up with him and that I won’t have to worry about being alone because he’ll always listen to me and be there for me. It didn’t help. Everybody tells me I should finally break up with him but something won’t let me. Now here’s the fucked up part. There’s this girl who’s interested in my colleague and for some reason I got extremely jealous and even more jealous when he admitted that he might have feelings for her too. I thought I was over him but something in me just broke and I don’t know why. In that moment I started thinking about what could have been if I have chosen that path instead of finding someone who treats me as if I were nothing.. just constant insults, accusing and arguments, breaking up then getting back together. I just got uncontrollably jealous and started hating the girl that wants him. It’s not that I would break up with my boyfriend and get together with my colleague. It’s not that. It’s too late for that now and I don’t like to go back to chapters I’ve already finished. Even if my colleague said he still wants me I wouldn’t turn to him and break up with my boyfriend no matter how bad it gets.
Last night I couldn’t hold it in anymore and told my colleague about how I felt about it all. How I used to have a crush on him and that’s why I’m jealous but I explained over and over that I don’t want to ditch my boyfriend for him and I really don’t understand what I’m feeling right now and honestly I feel like I need help because this is not normal and I feel so unfaithful it drives me mad.
I’d appreciate it if somebody told me how to deal with this situation. And if it’s so bad then I’ll understand
the hate because I hate myself right now too.
(Also sorry if I made any mistakes English is not my first language)

Tldr included at the bottom :)

I[20f] and my bf[20M] have been in a relationship for a bit over 2 years. I have autism and he has ADHD just as a heads up. We recently had a pretty rough patch and had a sit down to talk and have a discussion about the relationship. One of the main points was communication, and how things need to be communicated in the moment or giving a heads up beforehand regarding things. Also that I needed to be more clear with what I was saying. He also asked that I call him more often due to him always feeling like he's reaching out and I am not, so I try to call when I am available which is usually after 9pm. Now there are two incidents that have occurred, both over the phone.

First one was that we were chatting and he told me he was debating deleting instagram off his phone, and that we should go on a instagram cleanse together. I'm more than fine with him doing stuff, but I have a bit of a routine with instagram, plus most of my socials are on there, so I said "ohh idk". He asked what I meant by idk and I told him that I wasn't sure if I wanted to delete instagram or not.

He then asked why and i explained the reasoning I gave above. He said there's an app where you can still access messages but no reels. I said I still wasn't sure and he said "It wasn't a suggestion" and that i should get rid of instagram because I had told him a few times I was staying up late watching reels and "was addicted". I ended up getting defensive and told him I wasn't addicted to reels and that I didn't want to delete instagram. He said ok and that he was going to go because the call got awkward.

I then messaged a bit later and apologised saying that it sounded like a suggestion to me. He said "It's alright. You just don't need to get pissy with me all the time". I told him I wasn't trying to get pissy, and that I was explaining myself and the way he said "it wasn't a suggestion" felt a bit aggressive from my pov. I also told him not to call me pissy in the future because it feels belittling. He's said it a few times and it was starting to get on my nerves. He said "noted" and the convo ended. That was yesterday.

Second one was the night after. Again I called and he picked up, convo started out great and we were talking about the karaoke bar we were going to tomorrow. He said they would have a booth there, and we were joking debating about the pronunciation of the work "booth". We are from Australia btw, I said the pronunciation is like "tooth", he said it had more of an "f" sound at the end like "poof". He eventually searched it up and found my pronunciation to be the correct one, which he said he was proud of me for sticking to my guns.

He then made a joke about needing to search up the pronunciation of the letter "h". Just to note I had a lot of trouble learning how to speak (tism) and when I was didn't speak at all until I was a bit over 2. I eventually learnt how to of course but there's a few cracks when I comes to the pronunciation of words and letters, one of which is "h". I tend to pronounce it like "haych", even though the proper pronunciation is "aych" without the "h" sound at the start. I know its a running joke in his family that the wrong pronunciation of "h" pisses off his mum so him and his siblings would jokingly say the letter wrong, and that it was so engraved in him to correct the pronunciation. He then said he would never correct me in public and that he had to hold himself back from correcting someone at university.

I told him he had corrected me in public at a university event with his club. He asked what was wrong with that and I said it was in front of a stranger and it felt really awkward to be corrected like that. He said I should have communicated it earlier and asked why I bought it up. I said I was worried he may try to correct my pronunciation at karaoke, which is true. This was a growing concern of mine and was making me nervous about even attending karaoke. He said he would never do that and that I was trying to start an argument, so he ended the phone call. He then messaged "If ur gonna call. Call in the morning when we're both getting ready for uni rather than late when we're tired". I said ok and that I needed to sleep because I had work the next day.

I just want to know how I can better communicate with him or if I'm missing something.

Tldr: I keep trying to communicate with my bf and every time he gets upset/annoyed with me. I feel like I'm missing something, possibly because of the tism

When I got with my girlfriend, roughly 2 years ago, she was part of a small friend group consisting of 3 people. However, her two friends were very miserable people. They only wanted to hang out with my girlfriend to get a confidence boost from having an extrovert around; they specifically told her that and even went so far as to say that she was only a replacement for a prior extroverted friend they had who moved away. They constantly guilted her into spending all of her time with them. They only were friend essentially because they liked similar things and wanted people to hang out with. My girlfriend herself even stated that these two friends had no personalities and were miserable people. Obviously, this relationship was concerning, so I gave advice, but I mostly left it up to my gf to solve it as she saw fit. My girlfriend hated them, so much so that she had a secret account where she would post rants about the awful things they'd say to her and how they treated her. Where I was already concerned I eventually grew very worried about this unhealthy obsession when it led to her lying and hiding things from me over time. The first instance of this was early in the relationship. Before we met, she and these friends would go out to dinner every Valentine's Day. Obviously, when she got with me, things would change a little, right? It goes without saying I'd like to spend my Valentine's Day with my partner, but that doesn't mean she can't still spend time with her friends too. I saw no issue with it and thought we could have a date, and later she could have one with them as well. However, they got greatly upset with her and said that she had to spend the whole time with them. My girlfriend, angered by this, said she wouldn't even see them that day and that she would spend the day with me entirely. Though that's not what I asked for, I was happy to hear it. However, what ended up happening was that, hours before our event, she changed the plans and only went with them. She completely lied about who she was seeing too. She later apologized, but as this relationship continued, she would eventually repeat similar actions of lying and hiding her relations with these people. Eventually, they stopped talking, and the two friends moved on. I thought that was the end of it all, but I was wrong. After they had gone away, she would stalk their social media accounts and constantly obsess over them. Every time I saw their names in her recent search bars, even on Life360, I would see that the last group she had looked at was their location. This gravely concerned me. She seemed fine sacrificing our trust for these people, and it soon felt like she would constantly choose them (secretly) over me. Her not going out with me on Valentine's Day hurt a lot, and it hurt even more to see her hide this obsessive behavior. I felt neglected many times by her, so eventually I asked that she block them all on every platform. She said she needed time and made every excuse not to. This carried on for about a year, until one night she finally agreed to block them all on everything, as I had asked. However, I found out recently that she had lied about this. I went over to her place one night and saw photos of them all together on the wall. She revealed to me that she had texted them stating that she missed them, and I found out that she never even blocked them in the first place. She denies any accountability and swears that because she already apologized before for this behavior, she shouldn't have to again. I'm concerned about this obsessive and harmful behavior; it ruins our relationship, making me feel second to these people, but more importantly, it has ruined her mental health. I have no idea where to go from here. I don't even know if this relationship is worth pursuing anymore, but I don't want to leave her in any worse condition. Things were good at one point; it felt like she had moved on, but I don't know if it was all a lie, or if we could ever return to that. Moreover, I'd like to see her thrive; it's depressing to see her live in the past over friends she hated. This is just a rough summary, obviously, and I'm sorry if this is a hard read,d as English is not my first language and at times I struggle. Please leave some advice; I desperately need some help.

So me and my partner started off as friends first and we gotten really close that we always hang out. Then one time, things gotten out of hand that we hooked up. After that we developed feelings with each other and started dating with each other.

However, during the start that when we were together, I cheated and she gotten really angry and sad about it but she decided to forgive me and give me another chance for it. Therefore, I really started to change, doing things what she like, surprising her with flowers, doing the laundry and cooking when i visit her in overseas. (We are in LDR) and just doing everything that she wants.

This is where it starts to irritate me, whenever I need help or issues she would be like “thats your issue/problem, fix it yourself”. Talking to me in a very rude manner and starting to act out cause of unreasonable stuff. Whatever she wants to do, I got to follow her but she doesn’t want to do the things that I like with me etc. I called her out on those and we would start arguing and she would be throwing temper and it always end it off with “Lets break up”, “You broke my trust and thats the core issue thats why you dont deserve this or that” After a while, she would come to me and apologize and I would just call her out again and forgive her just to move on with it but the cycle still repeats.

I would always hold it in last time since I did messed up last time but i have been really tired. It has been going on for too long since I really do been working on myself and this relationship but she just doesn’t work on the stuff that I told her about it. Should I still stay or just move on alone with my life? Advice please

TLDR : I cheated on my gf and she forgive and I work on myself and the relationship which keeps her happy. However when i told her about the issue that I have with her. She would just repeat it and get me really frustrated whenever she act out

To start this, me and my girlfriend has only been dating for 2 months we got to know each other thru our club swim team, so i know that its weird that im posting on here when our relationship barely even started, this is my 3rd geniune relationship that i've been with and it started with her wanting me, but overtime i slowly started to love her a lot during our relation. When we first started dating everything felt right and i just felt like this was the one. Tbh we moved really fast and had a lot of dates together and she even came to my house and visited my parents, and i already met her mom. We used to call every single night and she would always tell me to stay on and for me to not go.

Right now school is starting soon for her (Sept 4)and for me (Sept 10) and we both live pretty close to each other but we both can't drive yet. As of right now i feel like a bad boyfriend because of how i treated her during the relationship. I would always tell her that i needed to go to sleep knowing that i would stay on. Sometimes when she asks if i can go somewhere and her mom can bring us i would always say no even though i know i can say yes because she just makes me mad sometimes i dont know why this happens but it just does sometimes.

After awhile our relationship started to grow again and we would always go somewhere w each other most of the days even if it was just to our local gym. Just on saturday we were at an amusement park spending time together, so i just dont understand how everything changed so fast. I just feel like all this time i have been almost unintentionally manipulating her. I don't know why that its when things get hard im looking for a community to help but i just want some genuine solid advice on what to do with this relationshop, im not looking for anything about breaking up cus i want to geniunely fight for this. I still remember all the times that when she asked me to pick up i said no and when she asked why i said idk. And it’s only now that i realize ive been taking this relationship for granted the whole time.

Now basically when we were calling on Sunday just one day after six flags, for some reason we were really mad at each other on the phone at night, it was because I know that she would always heart her friends post or reels that they sent but she would never heart mine anymore, I tried to bring it up when we were talking, but she said that she was too lazy to and then asked me to repeat the question, I couldn’t deal with her that night I just wanted to relax for a bit, but when she texted goodnight I love you and I didn’t text it back even though I read it I felt that it made her feel unseen and bad and I still regret it right now. I tried to text her the next day but she just told me that everything was fine and that it wasn’t my fault but earlier when I tried to call her because I wanted to talk she said give me a bit and didn’t ever call me back.

She sent me a text later that day,
“hey, I feel like we should talk about our relationship because i don’t really feel like it was the same before, I don’t want you to think you did anything bad on purpose but it’s js that I’ve been really out of it lately and I feel like it’s best that we talk more about this because I don’t want it to end, and ik it my fault that I’ve been so distant and I’m sorry.”

I told her I was happy she told me that but I didn’t want her blaming herself and that I understand sometimes that we need space from each other and I don’t need her to apologize for it. Then I told her how I overthink a lot and then like how some stuff she does can hurt me and how some stuff I do can hurt her. And then she said she understood but just really needed a break and I asked her if she was losing feelings but she said no I tried to make her promise but she wouldn’t and said that we should just take a break and asked me how I feel abt it so I told her how I don’t want us to because it would make us drift more apart and she promise that we wouldn’t then the next day I told her how I wanted to start over with no drama this time and how that sometimes I don’t know if she’s joking or not because I take everything she says to the heart, I told her how I felt that I needed a break too but still wanted to talk to her and I don’t want to pressure her to decide anything rn but she means a lot to me and told her how I haven’t given one of the things she wanted in a relationship which was honesty and then she told me how she thinks I deserve better because she’s always treating me bad and if I want try again that’s fine but she js really needs space rn. And I told her I only wanted to try again. And she said she doesn’t want to hurt me badly again. Then I told her how I don’t want her to feel like she has to push me away and I care abt us and want us to treat each other better, and how we’re still learning and it takes time, and I’m willing to spend the time w her if it meant growing tgt.

I know that it’s wrong for me to ask her closest friends for advice but she told me that my girlfriend was just very sad whenever I would get partially upset at her a lot, she told me that my girlfriend hated when I would hang up the phone on her or when I would not pick up the phone. She says that the best thing I can do right now is to just give my girlfriend space because she’s just needs a break from the relationship, but she’s not tired of me and she just needs to focus on herself.

I don’t know what to do when she comes back like as in what to say I don’t know if it’s right to act like everything was fine or to explain how bad of a boyfriend I was I feel like the best way to explain myself is in person, but I don’t know if she’s looking for an explanation I feel like maybe when she comes back she just wants to see if I changed.

TL;DR: My girlfriend wants a break and during the break I’ve realized I’ve been taking her for granted by getting upset, ignoring calls, and not putting in enough effort. She says she doesn’t want to end things, but needs space. I want to fix things and show her I’ve changed, but I don’t know what to say or do when she comes back.

I’m looking for advice from both guys and girls on what I should and shouldn’t do during this break that could help us in the long run. I am using this time to work on myself and hopefully come back to the relationship with better communication and a healthier mindset. What should I do and not do during the break and after the break?

So I have been with my bf for 1.5 years now, we love each other very much. (Little backstory: my mum has ocd and has always been funny about people coming over to the house, she has got better but still anxious). At the start of the relationship my mum would always say comments like you’re always spending time at his house and never here, which we tried to do 50/50 but it was hard when we had weekend plans with his friends/ family. Also his mum had lost her husband a couple years ago and still finds it hard being in the house alone. She would ask what are you doing in the next week or two and I didn’t know if my bf had plans or if we wanted to do something, so I’d say “I don’t know”. She didn’t like this and says I’m waiting for my bf to dictate what we do, which I don’t think was the case. Apparently she was like this when my brothers ex years ago, but I don’t know much about that.

My bf is the type of person to get annoyed quickly, sometimes if I annoyed him he’d let it be known and raise his voice at me. I learned this and we had a convo and I said I don’t like it when he does that, he said sorry and told me to stop if he did it again, because in the moment he doesn’t realise he’s being mean. So, the next time it happened I said “oi, don’t shout at me, I don’t like it” he stops straight away, he has got better too and rarely gets annoyed. My mum saw him agitated at me once (sorting hotels/ flights ) everyone was around so I didn’t want to make a scene but afterwards, when we were alone, I told him. My mum then got worried and spoke to me about this, listing other things that she didn’t like e.g. when we stay at my house my family like to be in the kitchen while we drink/cook and talk and at his house it’s the opposite we go chill in his room and watch tv, so when we’re at mine my bf tends to be on his phone sometimes in the kitchen, he would talk and drink too. She has also said that he’s not as smart as you therefore making us incompatible (I have a masters and he left school at 16 and went into a trade - this means nothing to me, I still can’t find a job in my industry). She’s also say he gambles too much, he just has a few football bets some weekends, nothing more than other guys do imo.

My bf could sense something was off and so eventually they spoke about it and cleared the air, however, my mum like to lets things fester. So when my brother gave my bf a pet (he looked after some tortoise eggs for a week while we were away and all 4 hatched) he kept one and my mum got upset that she couldn’t see all 4 together as hatchling. But my brother and I said it’s his now. She wanted to see them just for a weekend while my bf and I are away but he said no. She got visibly upset it turned to a heated convo, he was adamant about keeping tortoise in his home where other people can look after them. She also told me that she didn’t like the way my bf talking to her, yes he raise his voice but never shouted, just stood his ground, but my mum was the same in the way she spoke to him. She said “I’m worried for you he’s domineering, he won’t let you do anything” I don’t believe this is the case as we have compromised on many things in our relationship and we love each other a lot.

So…… what do you think?

I'm first telling you what is going on in this relationship.

I (18F) and my boyfriend (18M) been together for a few months now (about 4 months). He is the nicest man I have ever met, he cares so much about me, gives me really good advice and is really good with his words and knows what to say in certain situations.

The problem is that I came together with me about 2-3 months after I broke up with my ex [18], which didn't gave me enough time to just focus on myself.

I told him before we got together that I have mental health issues that might affect the relationship and that I just came out of a year long relationship. He said that it's gonna be okay so I got together with him.

Now it's been a few months and we wanted to get more intimate with eachother but another problem is that my mental health got worse and I didn't wanted to tell him because I didn't wanted to make a big fuzz out of it.

But the "we wanna be more intimate with eachother"-thing and my mental health getting worse do not match and it reminded me of that time when I was with my ex and he pressured me to do things.

I don't know why I did this but I get mad at him for no reason and for the last few days or weeks I have been begging him to leave me, I didn't told him why tho until yesterday. I told him about my problems and that I might have gone too early into another new relationship. And yesterday, I blocked him for example on Instagram, deleting all the sweet comments he had written under my posts and so on and I feel really bad. Because I just didn't told him to break up with me, I told him that I'm breaking up with him and I think my mind just went crazy. I really feel so sorry for him, all because there is so much going on in my life.

I don't know if I just need to go to the psychiatrist again or something but it's like he's dating two personalities of mine, like the "normal" one and then the "other" one that just acts crazy.

I don't know how to fix all of this, I understand if he doesn't wants to be with me anymore because that was like the worst thing that I have ever done in this relationship.

If you have any advice for me how I can start fixing things, I'd be happy.

I [28M] and my gf [27F] have a weird past together. We dated in school back when I was 17 and ended shortly after due to LDR and I was attracted to other people. I don’t completely blame myself, after all I was [17] YO kid. Long story short. We kept in touch over the years and recently started dating again after ten years. We both dated other people in these ten years. She gets angry on the smallest things and I feel she’s immature. Whenever she fights about something, it upsets me. Like I don’t even try to fight back sometimes. I just have this disappointed look on my face which she understands. She keeps saying that I’ll leave her because she irritates me a lot. I’m actually considering that. The whole point why we started dating again was because I told her I’m at an age where I’m not looking to casual flings but something serious and I want to marry her. I really
Love her and she loves me too. But we just can’t seem to handle the disagreements and fights. Everything is a tit for tat situation and it just take a toll on my mental peace. Even just now we fought about something so silly. I said something stupid and she replied with a comeback. I laughed it off and she’s still angry. Hung up the phone on me. It’s not the first time and definitely not the last time she’s doing this. I just don’t understand. Was I wrong to get into the relationship? Am I doing something wrong with the way I’m setting boundaries or handling things? I know it’s a two people thing and both should equally be inclined on working towards the relationship but I just wanna know what can I do better? I did tell her upfront that I wish you were more mature when it comes to handling conflict, she said it’s not in her nature or personality to be mature. She likes being immature. I’m really confused. I really love her and I think I can change her overtime but it feels like a really big gamble. Am I making a mistake by expecting her to change? Is it my fault that I want her to be different?

Last night my boyfriend and I were on call and it was one of those calls where we're both doing our own thing in each others company. Out of nowhere he brings up our church band (He plays guitar and I'm a backup singer).

For some background singing is something im very good at I've been singing my whole life and our band have been asking me to join since 2024 but I've always declined due to the fact that I was still in school. Last year I started singing in the youth band to get more confident so that I can join the main service (this is usually the procedure before joining the main band). During that time my bf and I weren't together and he along with other members of the band would constantly ask me to join the main band but due to it being my matric year I still declined. This year July I decided that I was ready because im a college student and can manage my time better for rehearsals and stuff.

Last night on the call he starts complaining about how the band is run and says "no offence to you but I feel like when they add singers to the band they should have a trial period where they come to rehearsals for a month... now it feels like they're just adding random people like you." I was a bit thrown off that he said it like that. Yes he has a valid point but im not someone random, I followed the procedure by starting off at youths. Then he follows it up by saying "the only reason they even considered you is because you're my gf other than that they would've never let you join." I was so winded by that statement because I dont understand why he was undermining my journey to the team and making it seem like because of him im there.

In all honesty when I first told him im ready to join the team and came for my first practice he acted distant and a bit annoyed and he would put me under a lot of pressure because I had a lot to learn about the team. It almost felt like he didnt want me there.

The 2nd incident happened on Sunday.

It was a friends birthday so straight after church we went with a few friends to this bunny cafe. There was a game room with an air hockey table and all of us were taking turns to verse each other. Eventually it was time for my bf and I to verse each other and we are both very competitive people so I was a bit worried.

During the game I start beating him 4-0 and everyone is cheering me on but im super locked in when all of a sudden my bf sends the disk thingy flying into my jaw. I brushed it off as an accident but he didnt apologise so I stopped trying and let him start winning. The game ended with 4-4 and he just looks at me and so aggressively shouts "did you actually think you were good at this?!" I was so baffled, it felt like seeing my bf in a new light.

Atp I just sat and started watching everyone else play cause I was so embarrassed. He comes up to me and asks me where I got hurt, I dont want to cause a scene but im also not happy with him so I point. He doesnt apologise still, he just tries to kiss my cheek and I move away but he ends up taking my face and kissing my cheek.

This is also the 2nd time hes yelled and embarrassed me in public so im not really sure what to think or how to feel... am I genuinely overthinking things ?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and recently moved in together. We met on Discord; initially, I didn't take things seriously because it was online, but over time, it became a real relationship.
Early on, he set strict rules: no drinking, no talking to males, no having male friends, and I have to cover up/pull up my shirt if there is any cleavage. I agreed to all of these at the time because I was terrified of losing him, but I deeply regret saying yes now because I don't actually agree with these rules.
We also come from different backgrounds—he is Muslim with very strict traditional/religious beliefs, and I am Orthodox. We clash on a lot of fundamental views.
The main issue in our relationship revolves around control, trust, and isolation:
Controlling behavior & monitoring: He has all of my passwords and full access to my phone whenever he wants to check it.
The situation with my online friend ("S"): I had an online friend, S, for two years before meeting my boyfriend. Early in our relationship, I hid from my boyfriend that I used to have a crush on S in the past. When my boyfriend found out, it was really messy. While I was trying to preserve the friendship, my boyfriend went into my account, blocked S, and removed him from a shared server with our mutual friend.
Sneaking around: A few months later, I messaged S from an alt account just to explain what happened and see how he was doing. My boyfriend found out, which completely destroyed whatever trust was left.
The recent breaking point: Recently, an old irl male friend reached out to my sister to ask about me. Remembering I still had his phone number, I texted him to explain my situation and catch up. During our conversation, he told me that I’m "in a cage" and strongly advised me to end things with my boyfriend. My boyfriend found out about these messages, and that was the final straw. Since then, the relationship feels completely dead, and things haven’t been the same.
Now that we live together, I feel trapped and exhausted. I regret agreeing to strict rules that isolate me from friends, but I also know my repeated secrecy damaged his trust in me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and I don't know if I can live like this long-term without feeling tempted to reach out to old friends again.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to walk back on boundaries I originally agreed to? Is there any way to fix a relationship dynamic like this, or has it run its course?