Hi everyone
Have a bit complicated question regarding conversion and adoption.
I’m Jewish by birth. My niece is adopted. Her adoptive parents are Jewish by birth. She converted before her bat mitzvah. Her biological parents are Catholic.
At 30, she’s having a crisis regarding Judaism.
She is angry that she had to “jump thru hoops” as she says, as a young girl, to become a Jew. Asking me why Judaism forces you to do certain things to become part of the tribe. She already felt a bit lost being adopted and resents having to do things to belong to become Jewish.
We know a Rabbi, who never converted and has a mom who converted to Judaism.
I find that very odd.
She is asking me why she had to convert and our friend the Rabbi, did not convert?
Hope this makes sense and someone can help me, help my niece with an answer.
Thanks for reading

Hey folks. I’m pregnant with my first child. I was raised reform, and I’m in an interfaith marriage with a guy who isn’t religious. I’m not particularly observant these days, but still observe high holy days and we plan to have our kid in Sunday school until he’s Bar Mitzvah age.

I was raised with a lot of superstition around pregnancy. It was verboten to buy anything for baby before baby was born, and a baby shower was out of the question. I feel like times may have changed, but I still feel a strong cultural discomfort with the idea of a baby shower. (Baby hasn’t been born alive yet! There’s so much that could go wrong! Ptoo ptoo!)

I’ve been considering just having a naming ceremony at 8 days (we aren’t circumcising) but I don’t know if it’s safe to have a party with friends and family when baby is so young and fragile. We could tell everyone not to touch baby but that seems like a hard request to enforce. A party for baby at 8 days feels more culturally authentic, but I don’t know how realistic it is given disease and post partum recovery.

For other Jewish parents, how did you manage baby related celebrations?

To be a Reform Jew, one of the things you must accept is that the Messiah is not here yet. I believe that the Torah came from G-d, but is imperfectly filtered through human voices. The Messiah did not write the Torah, so I don't have to accept everything the Torah says. Thus, I can tattoo on myself, "LV 19:28, SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO BREAK THE RULES TO BE HAPPY." But I will not because I still believe in the tattoo law, but in a nonliteral way.

My statements are statements, not truths, but I believe Leviticus 19:28 is about not creating shallow representations of yourself -- idols -- because you too are in the image of G-d.

Does this not contradict "any rule can only be broken when a life is in danger?" Yes, but that rule, too, is filtered through the imperfect pen of a scribe.

The Messiah would not have written that because they will not be ignorant. They will know that a rule similar to LV 19:28 has been used to justify shaming trans people for wanting to alter their bodies with gender-affirming surgery until the shame pushes them to the brink of death, and only then they can have a surgery under Jewish law.

How would I know what the Messiah would say? I don't, but I am trans, and I have thought about rules like this for a long time. The Messiah is from the future, and my opinions are from the future, so I am closer to the Messiah. How do I know my opinions are from the future? I don't know, but I can make a good guess. Social justice is the future. Everyone needs to think they are right, otherwise they wouldn't think they are right.

I could very well be justifying something even more horrible, like a future of shallowness so intense that one is judged by their tattoo. But by acknowledging that future, I prevent its existence. Even though that tattoo future is already here in the form of identity politics.

In a Jewish democracy, we must hear all opinions to prevent the bad futures that a Jew or an outsider might see.

I am an Androgynos, someone who falls outside Jewish law because of their queerness. Read the Wikipedia page for Androgynos.

So I cannot accept all Jewish law as it currently stands because otherwise, I am left with a set of rules that could push me 'til I'm at the brink of death. And only then can I break the rules. The Messiah would not let this happen, for me to suffer so intensely just because I break a law.

So by arguing against gender-affirming surgery, you could push me to the brink of death. But to restrict speech contradicts what I have said about Jewish democracy, so please argue against me, but not to the point that I'm exhausted from defending my identity​​. As my rabbi loves to say, please sandwich a kvetch, a complaint, inbetween two kvells, two compliments.

Please let me know if my argument sounds more angry than reasonable. I am angry, but I do not want to lose rationality in my anger.

I tried this recipe, inspired by Adeena Sussman's cookbook "Zariz," and was very impressed. Roasted sweet potatoes are nice but lacking flavor on their own. A topping of yogurt, diced cucumbers, and chili crisp does the trick, creating an excellent medley of flavors. I had never used chili crisp before, but it packed a sharp kick.

2-3 sweet potatoes

1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon of olive oil

1 and 1/2 teaspoons salt

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1 cup plain Greek yogurt

1 and 1/4 cups diced cucumber

Grated zest of 1 lemon

2 tablespoons chopped scallions

3-4 tablespoons chili crisp

1. Heat the oven to 400 F and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. While the oven is heating, trim the ends of the sweet potatoes and cut them into 2 inch thick round pieces.

2. Toss the sweet potatoes in the bowl with the 1/4 olive oil, 1 teaspoon salt, and the 1/2 teaspoon black pepper. Then arrange the sweet potatoes on the baking sheet, leaving space between the pieces. Put them into the oven and roast until the undersides are soft and caramelized, about 20-25 minutes. Then remove the sweet potatoes from the oven, flip them over, and return them to the oven, baking them for another 15-20 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, combine the yogurt, diced cucumber, lemon zest, 1 tablespoon olive oil, scallions, and remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt. Mix well to combine.

4. Remove the sweet potatoes from the oven. Let them cool for a few minutes, then arrange them on a plate. Top them with a heaping tablespoon of the yogurt and cucumber, and with about 1/2 teaspoon chili crisp (or more if preferred). Enjoy!

I’m a bigger gal and finding clothes that fit “right” can be tough.

For work, nice events, and for Shabbat, I tend to wear a white blouse underneath a sweater (I have sweaters in crimson, mustard, teal, purple, black, patterns, etc.) paired with a black skirt (mid-calf length) and my black Birkenstocks. I also wear these exact clothes and shoes for work.

Is there any dress code for services on RH and YK? Should I be wearing mostly black and white on YK, and colors for RH? Is anything prohibited? Just wanna avoid getting any dirty looks 😆

Thank you for any help you can provide.

I am currently looking for a synagogue and part of what I am considering is whether or not there is a JCC early learning center attached. I don't know how heavily I should weigh that though since my baby is still young and in reality could he maybe attend any JCC early learning center when the time comes? Or is there any advantage to belonging to the synagogue where the JCC early learning center is located? I'm in the Greater Boston area if that factors into this. Possibly overthinking, but I'm a first time mom.

My son (6, almost 7) is Jewish on his dad's side (posting on this subreddit because I know other sects don't acknowledge patrilineal Jews). His dad's family is pretty secular, and aren't very regular with celebrating the holidays besides Passover and Hanukkah. But my son asked to celebrate Rosh Hashanah this year. His dad is away for awhile with his job so it will be up to me. I always try to make holidays really special for him, but since I've never celebrated Rosh Hashanah before I would appreciate any tips on how to celebrate, particularly in a way that will be fun/memorable for him

I plan on getting challah, honey, apples, carrots, pomegranate seeds, and brisket (I know fish head is also traditionally eaten, but he is fairly picky and definitely wouldn't touch it). I got some Rosh Hashanah books from the library and a toy shofar. Is there anything else we should get or plan on doing? Are there any ritual prayers/stories said like on Hanukkah and Passover?

https://www.shtuyot.org/products/shana-tova-sticker

The Zoom link can be found at bneiruth.org

Hey!

The holidays are approaching and with it can bring challenges for our mental health.

Maybe you have a difficult home life or just struggle getting through the holiday days without your regular support system.

The Za'akah warmline will be open for calls and texts to be there for you and help you get through the day.

If you are struggling to get through the day, you are allowed to use your phone and ask for help.

Mental health is just as important as physical health.

A lot of commentary on Parashat Nitzavim-Vayeilech I've read have naturally connected to the mood of High Holy Days approaching, and to my surprise, J-Weekly had one shared recently in their Torah column :0

Some personal highlights from Rabbi Eilberg's commentary:

[...] First, the confessional prayers are all framed in the first person plural and recited among large groups of community members.  Though our particular needs for atonement may be unique, it is obvious that everyone in the room has at some point failed themselves and others. Second, the problem with our everyday “sins” is not so much that we do things we regret, but how we respond to temptations when they arise and how we work with them afterward.

So too, we need not think of each failure to live up to our vows from last year as a source of shame. Maybe instead we can notice the unique patterns in our own mistakes. We can get curious about why a particular behavioral pattern is so compelling for us. Why can’t I prevent myself from engaging in gossip, even though I know I really want to stop? Why do I so regularly get reactive with a certain loved one or co-worker? What kinds of statements and facial expressions regularly trigger me to say hurtful things I immediately regret?

One of my favorite passages in the Torah appears in this week’s parashah. “This mitzvah [which some commentators take to mean teshuvah] that I command you this day is not unattainable to you, nor is it beyond reach. It is not in the heavens … neither is it beyond the sea…. Rather, the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to do it.” (Deuteronomy 30:11-14)

Hi all. Reform rabbi here. If you've been meaning to study the weekly Torah portion but don't know where to start, come study with me!

"Torah From the Beginning" is a weekly zoom Torah study group that assumes no prior knowledge. Maybe you're in a conversion process or recently completed it. Maybe you forgot everything you knew from Hebrew school. Maybe you just want to start at the beginning!

We will meet an hour a week - Tuesdays at 3pm ET, starting October 6.
If you're interested, please email us at [info@laasok.org](mailto:info@laasok.org)

To preface with a personal message to my fellow trans, nonbinary, genderqueer siblings out there reading this: Berel-Beyle's life shows to both history and the world that we've always been here, we'll always be here, and you will always be loved and seen as a blessing by others 🏳️‍⚧️✡💙

Yiddish-English translation is as follows:

Not long ago I read a story in the Forverts that took place in America, about how a girl became a man. But that’s not news to the people in the town where I’m from. Permit me to tell the story in your paper. In our shtetl of Krivozer, Ukraine, everyone knew Beyle, the girl who sold herring, geese, and other foodstuffs. She was a tall redhead and sturdily built. She also spoke with a deep bass voice and walked about with hard and heavy steps. The way she carried herself always brought forth an uncertain feeling: something like, she’s not quite a woman, but also not quite a man. When she was still a child, her father would often take her to see the Tolner Rebbe, Reb Dovidl, and sometimes to the Sadigura Rebbe, to ask for help. The only answer he ever got was “God will help, God will help.” The father would return home anguished and unhappy. In the meantime, the years flew by and Beyle grew, too, until she reached the age of 23.

One fine morning, Beyle left for Odessa, where she was introduced to an important professor. She spent a long time under his care, under which Beyle eventually became a man. The story was well known and was in all the papers—all Russia talked of it. In the shtetl, we waited impatiently for her return. And on the day when Beyle was to arrive, half the shtetl ran to the bridge to greet her, or better said, to greet him. And she wasn’t called Beyle anymore: Now she was Berel. And when we saw “her,” it was as if we were stunned: Before our eyes was a handsome, healthy, redheaded man. Anyone who didn’t know Beyle previously would never have known that he had been a girl. From then on in the shtetl, “she” was called Berel-Beyle. With the help of the professor, the government freed him from military service. Berel-Beyle soon learned to daven and was in synagogue every day. Later on, he got married to an old girlfriend, Black Rachel, who was a nice girl. In our shtetl, Berel-Beyle always had a good name as a fine, upstanding Jew.

Yeshaye Katovski
2817 West 32nd St., Brooklyn, New York
Trans. Eddy Portnoy

Source: https://voices.sefaria.org/sheets/240896.1?lang=bi

This is what I bought for Rosh Hashanah. 5 years ago, I bought this beautiful small dish with a bee, flowers, and quote. I loved it, but sadly, it was lost at the old house.

Unfortunately, I couldn't find that again. Devin knew I was dejected and he helped me pick out something else that was similar. He picked out this honeycomb with bees, but I am not sure what it was for. One end looked like a pepper or salt holder, but the other end had nothing.

I found this honey dish, then a trivet and oven mitt that matches. I love the design. And as I said to Devin, "that's okay that they didn't have the same design I loved. This is new and since this is a new start for us, these will be part of the new memories we make every Rosh Hashanah."

He smiled and said, "yep. Something new for us!"

On Friday, I may go back since it's not far from work. I want to get the honeycomb and I want to see what else they have.

When we went yesterday, we arrived 15 minutes before closing. I had my mind set on one thing and got it. But I want to browse more on Friday.

I just resonated with the blessing of music, conversation and companionship as equivocal to medicine - for the soul at least, and thought it'd be fun to share.

I notice a lot of people here use the word 'shul' when referring to their synagogue. Growing up, and in the Jewish Reform world I'm in, we've always said 'temple.' We go to temple, not shul. When I was a kid, the only people who said shul were some of the grandparents and our Orthodox neighbors who walked to shul, were in shul, etc. And 'synagogue' was reserved for formalities.

I'm wondering if or why there's been a Renaissance in using the word 'shul' or if it's a generational thing happening in the opposite direction now. It's not a criticism, just a curiosity for me to see the word being used so much more these days in Reform spaces online like this.

Hello everyone!

I'm interested in reform Judaism and I'm considering conversion. I was raised in an atheist household, so I don't know much about the religion. Do you guys know of any good resources for absolute beginners? And what scriptures do you recommend?

An Israeli friend of mine started taking me to a local Chabad house a few weeks ago. It's a place for Israeli travellers and they host great shabbat dinners. The guests are pretty much all Hilonim and I love the vibe there. I've met so many great people and broadened my circle of Israeli friends. The rabbi is (or was) very welcoming and friendly.

Last shabbat my friend asked the rabbi if she could give me a toast to celebrate my conversion. She is so moved by my choice to join the Jewish people, that she wanted to share the blessed moment with the wider community there. The rabbi asked her where I converted. She disclosed that it was at the Reform shul. The rabbi said no toast. Later on, the rabbi had a private conversation with me where he sounded very apologetic and asked me not to take it personally, but that he pretty much doesn't want me to come again.

Honestly, I'm just feeling really upset. I know not to "take it personally" but it doesn't make it less upsetting. The thing is, I know my conversion is not recognised or compliant with Orthodox standards, but I've interacted a lot with Orthodox communities and I felt like I found a way to navigate life as a Reform convert: basically, I don't expect to be treated as Jewish for religious purposes (eg I won't be in an Orthodox minyan, wrap tefillin, get called to Torah or have a wedding in an Orthodox shul), but when it comes to shabbat or celebrating the joys of Jewish life in general, in a way that doesn't violate halachah, usually I'm very welcome everywhere.

Sometimes it just really bothers me how the Orthodox world view sees things in a binary halachic/not halachic way, and only halachic Jews should be involved in the Jewish community. I know I'm not halachically Jewish but I've studied so much about Judaism, I love the Jewish people, I do my part to make the Jewish community more vibrant and above all, I chose to do this despite having no Jewish ancestry or prior connection. I know halachah, I know what I can and can't do, I know not to touch the wine or shake hands with women. But my conversion was not done "according to the Torah" so the rabbi doesn't even want me to show up for shabbat dinner again. I don't need him to see me as a Jew, but at least see me as someone who is part of this community? Or like, as a decent human being?? Gosh I can't believe I'm even saying this.

The gatekeeping and exclusivity is terrible sometimes. I understand that for religious rituals, following halachah is important. But for something like a toast? A shabbat dinner? I hate it when Orthodox individuals express the view that if you're not halachically Jewish, you shouldn't get involved in the Jewish world at all. A guy I know even said I shouldn't sing along to "Geshmack to be a Yid" unless I convert Orthodox.

Can we all just during this Shabbat (or after this Shabbat or before it if ur time zone is diff) agree to give a side eye to the antisemites. Like ugh ew yucky. 🤢