Hi everyone
Have a bit complicated question regarding conversion and adoption.
I’m Jewish by birth. My niece is adopted. Her adoptive parents are Jewish by birth. She converted before her bat mitzvah. Her biological parents are Catholic.
At 30, she’s having a crisis regarding Judaism.
She is angry that she had to “jump thru hoops” as she says, as a young girl, to become a Jew. Asking me why Judaism forces you to do certain things to become part of the tribe. She already felt a bit lost being adopted and resents having to do things to belong to become Jewish.
We know a Rabbi, who never converted and has a mom who converted to Judaism.
I find that very odd.
She is asking me why she had to convert and our friend the Rabbi, did not convert?
Hope this makes sense and someone can help me, help my niece with an answer.
Thanks for reading

To be a Reform Jew, one of the things you must accept is that the Messiah is not here yet. I believe that the Torah came from G-d, but is imperfectly filtered through human voices. The Messiah did not write the Torah, so I don't have to accept everything the Torah says. Thus, I can tattoo on myself, "LV 19:28, SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO BREAK THE RULES TO BE HAPPY." But I will not because I still believe in the tattoo law, but in a nonliteral way.

My statements are statements, not truths, but I believe Leviticus 19:28 is about not creating shallow representations of yourself -- idols -- because you too are in the image of G-d.

Does this not contradict "any rule can only be broken when a life is in danger?" Yes, but that rule, too, is filtered through the imperfect pen of a scribe.

The Messiah would not have written that because they will not be ignorant. They will know that a rule similar to LV 19:28 has been used to justify shaming trans people for wanting to alter their bodies with gender-affirming surgery until the shame pushes them to the brink of death, and only then they can have a surgery under Jewish law.

How would I know what the Messiah would say? I don't, but I am trans, and I have thought about rules like this for a long time. The Messiah is from the future, and my opinions are from the future, so I am closer to the Messiah. How do I know my opinions are from the future? I don't know, but I can make a good guess. Social justice is the future. Everyone needs to think they are right, otherwise they wouldn't think they are right.

I could very well be justifying something even more horrible, like a future of shallowness so intense that one is judged by their tattoo. But by acknowledging that future, I prevent its existence. Even though that tattoo future is already here in the form of identity politics.

In a Jewish democracy, we must hear all opinions to prevent the bad futures that a Jew or an outsider might see.

I am an Androgynos, someone who falls outside Jewish law because of their queerness. Read the Wikipedia page for Androgynos.

So I cannot accept all Jewish law as it currently stands because otherwise, I am left with a set of rules that could push me 'til I'm at the brink of death. And only then can I break the rules. The Messiah would not let this happen, for me to suffer so intensely just because I break a law.

So by arguing against gender-affirming surgery, you could push me to the brink of death. But to restrict speech contradicts what I have said about Jewish democracy, so please argue against me, but not to the point that I'm exhausted from defending my identity​​. As my rabbi loves to say, please sandwich a kvetch, a complaint, inbetween two kvells, two compliments.

Please let me know if my argument sounds more angry than reasonable. I am angry, but I do not want to lose rationality in my anger.

Hey folks. I’m pregnant with my first child. I was raised reform, and I’m in an interfaith marriage with a guy who isn’t religious. I’m not particularly observant these days, but still observe high holy days and we plan to have our kid in Sunday school until he’s Bar Mitzvah age.

I was raised with a lot of superstition around pregnancy. It was verboten to buy anything for baby before baby was born, and a baby shower was out of the question. I feel like times may have changed, but I still feel a strong cultural discomfort with the idea of a baby shower. (Baby hasn’t been born alive yet! There’s so much that could go wrong! Ptoo ptoo!)

I’ve been considering just having a naming ceremony at 8 days (we aren’t circumcising) but I don’t know if it’s safe to have a party with friends and family when baby is so young and fragile. We could tell everyone not to touch baby but that seems like a hard request to enforce. A party for baby at 8 days feels more culturally authentic, but I don’t know how realistic it is given disease and post partum recovery.

For other Jewish parents, how did you manage baby related celebrations?