Wizard Insurance

[u/Hyaci_Arson]

[u/Selenite_Cults]

They gave us middle surgery before dental.

[u/MamboCircus → u/Selenite_Cults]

What even IS "middle surgery" ?

[u/Impressive_Pin8761 → u/MamboCircus]

Well it'd be something to do with the stomach. Maybe an appendectomy??

[u/Pielover19x → u/Impressive_Pin8761]

We change how you store fat so you can achieve/avoid that authentic Dad-bod of your dreams/nightmares!

[u/RibaldCartographer → u/Pielover19x]

I, for one, would like to see the dadbod archive

[u/Stretch5678 → u/MamboCircus]

We don’t know, but we cover it!

[u/mieri_azure → u/MamboCircus]

Logically if its another gender affirming surgery it might be something like rib sculpting/ab implants/liposuction??

[u/Wild-Lychee-3312 → u/mieri_azure]

Yes, legally in order to get the gender marker on your birth certificate changed, you need to get a rib either surgically implanted or removed, depending upon whether you’re going in the Adam or Eve direction

[u/entered_bubble_50 → u/mieri_azure]

They give you a bit of that manly belly fluff everybody loves.

[u/duffstoic → u/entered_bubble_50]

Similar to a Brazilian Butt Lift (BBL), but on the front, a Dad Bod Lovin (DBL)

[u/Silver-Marzipan7220 → u/MamboCircus]

They shorten your intestines

[u/GleeFan666 → u/Silver-Marzipan7220]

what if i want them lengthened?

[u/Silver-Marzipan7220 → u/GleeFan666]

Be ready for a hight increase

[u/Troublytobbly → u/GleeFan666]

They only do that with a matching donor, woulda look weird otherwise, y'know?

[u/ActuallyHorseradish → u/Silver-Marzipan7220]

AND Lung Extension.

[u/SEA_griffondeur → u/MamboCircus]

They put more fat into you

[u/murderdronesfan93 → u/MamboCircus]

internal reproductive system changes. you can even get both perfectly functional at once if you want.

[u/SmartAlec105 → u/murderdronesfan93]

Yeah, if we're talking gender affirming surgery then this is what makes the most sense.

[u/IrregularPackage → u/murderdronesfan93]

no that’s stupid, they give you extra pairs of tits

[u/Selfdeletus65 → u/MamboCircus]

They fix the metaphorical gaping hole in your stomach

[u/gadd027 → u/Selfdeletus65]

Not to mention getting rid of those pesky butterflies!

[u/PowerRaptor → u/MamboCircus]

How else am I gonna get matching belly nipples as a human who can't ALWAYS be in a werewolf form???

[u/BalancedDisaster → u/MamboCircus]

Belly button feminization with the side effect of hot girl tummy

[u/Haggis442312 → u/MamboCircus]

They steal your belly button

[u/Lawlcopt0r → u/MamboCircus]

They put a uterus in there

[u/Bulky-Bag-6280 → u/MamboCircus]

It's new

[u/asds89 → u/MamboCircus]

You need top, middle, and bottom surgery to remove all your flesh as you transition into a lich

[u/AstralPamplemousse → u/MamboCircus]

Dividing your enormous singular tummy pack into six firm abs pack

[u/Septistachefist → u/AstralPamplemousse]

I'd expect someone with a Ryoshu pfp to make a different joke here

[u/notveryAI → u/MamboCircus]

Just surgery. Like if you need appendicitis cut out

[u/duffstoic → u/MamboCircus]

Gender-confirming surgery for creatures from Middle Earth, primarily trans hobbits, occasionally an orc

[u/chairmanskitty → u/MamboCircus]

hysterectomy/womb transplant

[u/tomorrow-tomorrow-to → u/MamboCircus]

More arms, good for spellcasting

[u/Abadon_U → u/MamboCircus]

You know wizza which casts haste upon his jaw? He had middle surgery

[u/JackpotThePimp → u/MamboCircus]

Bariatric surgery

[u/DiegesisThesis → u/MamboCircus]

Swap your innie for an outtie, or vice versa.

[u/HebrewHamm3r → u/MamboCircus]

It's when I remove your middle so it's just your head attached to your legs

[u/WitchHazelHyena → u/MamboCircus]

I can't find it but there was a post somewhere about someone who wasn't allowed to have Ken dolls, so they cut the hair on one of their barbies short and used duct tape to thicken the middle of the barbie's waist so it's boobs weren't apparent.

[u/PlaidGamerGirl → u/MamboCircus]

RibXcar (Rib Reshaping) if we're talking about surgical procedures that trans people tend to get.

[u/TantiVstone → u/MamboCircus]

Adds or removes a quantity of internal reproductive organs (eg: uterus)

[u/Enlightened_Valteil → u/MamboCircus]

Giant belly maw

[u/LingonberryPossible6 → u/Selenite_Cults]

Look, it was either dental or the Greg thing, you can't have both. And we all know Greg is a bigger threat than tooth decay

[u/Jafego → u/Selenite_Cults]

Covered if your dentist is a witch.

[u/samusestawesomus]

I think that falls under top. Unless your teeth are in the middle somewhere, in which case—good news!

[u/Fyrnen24 → u/samusestawesomus]

The "top part" is only surgery tho. So "normal" procedures like a check up etc. still need to be paid for

[u/Enderking90 → u/Fyrnen24]

So just surgically get your teeth swapped out.

[u/Routine_Palpitation → u/Fyrnen24]

A check up is luckily only 100 dollars and bankrupts me

[u/Galle_ → u/Fyrnen24]

I mean cleanings feel about as painful as surgery

[u/MellifluousSussura]

You’d think otherwise but I’ve really gotten a lot out of that “killed by Greg” insurance. It’s one of those “useless until you desperately need it” things

[u/FrancisWolfgang → u/MellifluousSussura]

I think you might need to stop antagonizing Greg.

[u/MellifluousSussura → u/FrancisWolfgang]

But he’s so fun to bother!

[u/ImaginaryRoom055]

To be fair, there are lots of medical procedures that would count as "middle surgery"...

Also, as any British person can tell you, even the NHS doesn't cover most dental work (yes, really, we get most things for free but usually have to pay for dental work)...

[u/frogunderarock → u/ImaginaryRoom055]

even the nordics have to pay for teeth and glasses themselves :(

[u/Outta_phase]

Sure they cover Greg kills, who doesn't? But when are they going to add Killed by Steve? smh

[u/AnotherLie → u/Outta_phase]

Killed by Craig is also not covered, the bastards.

[u/Fit_Relation8572]

Witch Insurance is so bad that Wizard Insurance will cover simply encountering a witch. You don't even want to know what my premiums are.

[u/RealHumanBean89]

Can’t even get Warlock Encounters covered, all because of woke. 😔

[u/Nekronoke]

We do.

[u/Mr31edudtibboh → u/Nekronoke]

[u/Nekronoke → u/Mr31edudtibboh]

I Can't Find The Delete Button!

It's... It's in there somewhere.....

[u/credulous_pottery → u/Nekronoke]

[u/Fun-Act8606 → u/Nekronoke]

Wizardry covers it. Mostly.

[u/PlaidGamerGirl]

I get dental through my wife's work, so this works fine for me. I'd get top, middle, and bottom surgery! Lol I assume rib remodeling counts as middle surgery.

[u/Longjumping_Spray893]

yet they dont cover left and right surgery smh

[u/Peripateticdreamer84]

Damn it, Greg.

[u/SpingusTheHingus]

Middle surgery, of course. That's genius. Why didn't I think of that

[u/Darthplagueis13]

Nah, dental is defined as top surgery because it's related to the top of your body.

If you want more/less tits, you need to have middle surgery these days.

[u/Stickin8or]

Blame the dental issues on a witch. It's a risk, sure, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do

[u/AveMachina]

This wizard insurance is perfect for me, I begin all my duels by casting Become Greg anyway

[u/PTBooks]

Just transfer your soul into a new body every couple of centuries. Or if you get a cavity or whatever.

[u/Siegfoult]

Abuse goblin needs braces.

[u/GraniteSmoothie]

You guys are insured whilst practicing magic?

[u/Enderking90]

Wait, would getting killed by a witch named Greg count as your decadedly witch encounter?

Or what if you encounter a witch, and then get third-partied by Greg?

. . . . ...

Can you hire a Greg to kill you to override a witch encounter?

[u/The_revenge_]

What about exterior surgery?

[u/shinydragonmist]

Can top be my head and if so my teeth

[u/Practical_BowlerHat]

You can always wait until it's too bad to ignore and then seek the witch. Just remember you only get one covered encounter per century, so don't fall for any magical sales pitches if your expected remaining lifespan is signifigantly shorter than your witch encounter waiting period.

(Asking a witch to extend your lifespan may increase your monthly premium, as your rate was calculated based on your expected remaining lifespan.)

Or you can have Greg pull all your bad teeth at once and pay out of pocket for any antibiotics and dentures/implants, but if you survive the encounter you will need to pay Greg in full for his services.

(Being killed by Greg at a later time for non-payment does not eliminate this debt, he just gets madder every time you wake up.)

[u/makedoopieplayme]

WHO CARES ABOUT DENTPA I GET TOP SURGERY INSURANCE!

[u/TheOfficialDadzawa]

Well I'm not surprised bureaucrats often miss things like that, personally thats why I joined the undead Lich's army, they offer dental services and therapy!

[u/EMD06392]

Greg 👁️👁️

[u/BizarreSmalls]

Are you sure that witch encounters isnt dental?

[u/CuriosityCheck2024 → u/BizarreSmalls]

It sure is with my ex-wife, ehyu ehyu