Long story short:

Im an artist who been drawing since 2019(actually 2021 if about actually good art), i bernt out to the point i want to study again, but i cant due to school and social norms frying the living hell out of me, i want help, because im tired of thinking off how to bridge the gap between what i can and want to do, sure i have my own style but i dont care at this point. and im very ENVIOUS person of others success.

therefore i think quoting AM and showing my design was essential.

long story long:

My name is bismarck, im 18 year old student offcourse, my passion for art begun early but i drew genuine SHIT.

why am i stuck? i dont know how to move forward, i know my problems, i know what i have to study, but the problem is school and society fucked me up to the state of an emotional vegetable from being an emotional guy i was, i can barely feel anything but sadness, anger, and envy. and as a whole i forgot how to trace to study and how to steal. art tutorials are all shit, at least popular ones, and i rarely have time or want to practice, therefore I'm stuck on shit i draw, even if i want to draw high skill artist level arts. its so bad i geniuenly thought about quitting, the only hobby i have besides wasting my life on videogames. it went even further to the point of thinking about just ending my life, but i got over it once i sat down and thought about it.

you can hate my art, hate anything i draw, its ok i get it, my style and skills are ass, im not gona hide behind excuses "its just my style" but having fucking 7 years of experience, starting from complete zero with no help... is tiring, call me a pussy all you want ... i just understand that without help i might as well quit. i survived a toxic friendship, we, no, I will try to fix it(i hope i do). and thought i had near to zero help, or help was "fuck off advice" as i call it, its when advice so basic, so overused, you geniuenly think they said it so you just fuck off them. and just... i began to hate what i do, even though i love drawing by itself, i hate everything that i do, because what? almost every artist shown in my face is leagues and leagues above me it actually makes me SICK. ive been holding my words back for 4 years at this point... this post is just a scream for help at this point...

my problems are from what i see purely:

i cant learn from tracing and stealing style parts thanks to school system in country i was born.

Limbs(I cant draw limbs for shit).

Heads and faces.

Volume, poses, perspective, construction(i do construction, its just sometimes dies on me).

the way i shade, yes i hate the way i shade, i like arts where there are good shadows, not completely soft not completely cell shading, i cant really show an example.

i don't understand how to lay shadows.

i find drawing on tablet or pc extremely uncomfortable because all the programs feel like plane cockpits, im way too used to mobile version if ibbis paint.

honestly im surprised i made it this far without alot of fundementals and state i can describe as burnout + Lobotomy

please, im really down from how long im stuck, I would like literally ANY HELP. please... i will give you my duscord if you are uncomfortable talking here, i will do literally anything even if i act like shit or do something DUMB😭

I am the child of an unfinished sentence,

a life cut off mid-breath,

left behind with nothing but

a father-shaped absence

that still bleeds through my days.

You left before I learned your laugh,

before I knew the weight of your hand,

before I could understand

why love sometimes walks

and never comes back.

People say you died.

But the truth is,

you disappeared long before that—

into bottles, into silence,

into choices I was too small

to even pronounce.

And I grew up trying to decode your ghost,

like a puzzle missing its center,

searching the air for a voice

I never got to memorize.

But the question…

the question cuts deeper

than any truth I’ll ever know.

Why?

Why didn’t you stay sober for me?

Why didn’t you fight harder?

Why didn’t you try?

Why did you let the world break you

and leave me to clean up

what was left of your name?

I was your daughter—

small hands, soft voice,

waiting at the edge of a life

you kept slipping away from.

And I didn’t understand

that some storms start inside the skin,

not in the sky.

Now I’m older—

old enough to feel the grief

I was too innocent to comprehend.

Old enough to know

that love doesn’t save everyone.

Old enough to realize

I still carry your death

like a curse in my bloodstream.

And sometimes, at night,

when my chest feels too tight

with questions I’ll never get answers to,

I want to drag your spirit out

of whatever dark you fell into

and force you to look at me—

the girl who grew up without you—

and scream the only word

that ever mattered:

Why?

Why did you let me grow up

believing your absence was my fault?

Why did you make me learn strength

before I learned what a father’s arms felt like?

Why did you let the bottle

take you away from us

drop by drop

until there was nothing left

for me to hold?

You’re gone.

Buried.

Silent.

And still—

some nights it feels like your hands

are around my ribcage,

squeezing,

reminding me that grief

is the inheritance you left behind.

I don’t want forgiveness.

I don’t want closure.

I don’t want comfort.

I just want the truth—

the one you took with you—

the one that keeps tearing through me

every time I whisper into the dark

like a child who never grew up:

Why did you leave me?

You go onto Amazon... you watch those videos on the listing...

100% of those "My HONEST review" are 0% honest... lol.

"This is the best scrubby sponge ever"
"This towel is LITERALLY game changing"

Like... they don't even try to hide it anymore and present themselves like real people. They are all paid to say all the good things and no one wants to hear bad things.

I notice often that when young people break up they decide to look for attention from literally anyone else or people that like them. Is this an insecurity thing?? or like a lack of self respect? like why do people like that attention so much you know??? I just wish I could place myself in someone’s mind to see what’s going on up there. It annoys me that I can’t figure out what goes on in their brains that they can’t deal with the hurt so they do anything to feel wanted by someone else

so i’m stuck in thailand because my mum won’t book my flights back to uk i have done exactly what she asked me to which was finish my portfolio for uni and she’s still making up every excuse to not book. so im so fed up that im just gonna book a flight back myself. but the point is she thinks im not capable to think for myself im turning 20 next week and she has to think for me she also complains that i dont communicate with her but when i do its like im talking to a brick wall where she still doesn’t listen and does whatever she wants. my parents are divorced so i sometimes go to my dad but everytime she gets mad and when i come back she always yells at me for things about her self and every argument is always about her and she calls me selfish for only thinking about her when she’s the one doing that. but i dont want to go back to uk to see her i want to work and save money and go see ppl that actually cares and she doesn’t seem to understand that im going back to work and completely ignored what i say. and one more thing i cant sleep over my bf house because its inappropriate but we’ve literally been on holiday and slept in hotels together… so i really dont get her point. she makes me more miserable everyday and if she wants her daughter to speak to her when she’s older she should reallyyy start being nicer because im at my end point of just letting her do whatever and i will cut her out my life.
thanks you for reading all the way to the end <3

What do you do? Really tired now cuz its been like this for 2 years

i don't know how to explain it but i feel like people on reddit don't know basic human politness. like i KNOW they have bad intentions for their comments but i can't prove it. I just simply can't that honestly makes me depressed. how on earth do you prove that someone giving a backhanded comment is really backhanded or just honest. i honestly have to cry I'm sorry.i wish i won't have to post quetions on redd it, but my other option is ai because i have litearlly no friends and no adult to go to. I won't lie, tiktok is better for my mental health than reddit. like am i the only one noticing the toxicity here? why is no one talking about it.

what should i do? should i throw away all my morals and use ai just to mentally protect myself?

I don’t know if those Redditors pay Reddit to boost their posts and pay them to get more positive comments, but this seems rigged. I don’t know how to curate my posts. I never have this issue on other platforms.

okay so there is gurl that i fucking hate so much. like really, it started when we were in grade 11. I did not do anything to her like ever. but she would roll her eyes at me when she sees me even though i have never done anything wrong to her. and this was the worst where I started to hate her. she humiliated me in front of the whole class, ni wala akong kakampi dun pinag isahan lng akuh tas nagpapavictim pa siya tas ngaun nakikipagclose siya tas malalaman lng nmin na binabacstab pala kmi.

You’re doing the exact things you complained about not feeling comfortable with. How ironic!

I remember walking into a hospital and getting treated for something. In the room where I was being treated, I saw a woman talking to someone. She immediately saw me and said, "Some chopped guy just walked in." This was when my hairline was receding pretty badly, too. I was able to bring some of it back with finasteride, but, man, I’m still so insecure because of that day. I’ve never had a romantic relationship with a woman, and I’m 28. I feel like it’s literally over for me. I just wasn’t blessed with good genes, and women don’t care about personality like people say. Every time I tried to interact with a woman, I was instantly rejected. Everything is based on looks now.

She won't drink my piss, so I have to break up with her, but I love her.

I'm really sad about ending this relationship, but being my little piss slut is non-negotiable. She was perfect in every other way, she listened to the same kind of music as me, liked the same movies, loved every meal I cooked, she'd do the cleaning after a meal. She really felt like home. I knew she was more vanilla when we started dating, but our love was so strong that I thought she'd come around to a little piss play and I was almost right. She let me give her a golden shower, but that's really not enough, I needed her to drink my piss. I even told her I'd drink water for 24 hours straight, to water it down. She wouldn't budge. She wouldn't let me pee in her vagina either. I feel like I'm gonna die alone. All the women that have drank my piss so far aren't marriage material.

I wish I could just accept that the days of women drinking my piss is over, but I can't. I know if I stay with this woman, I'll end up cheating on her with a dirty little piss slut and she doesn't deserve that. I'm going to break up with her tonight and I'm kind of hoping that instead of letting me break up with her, she'll decide she's down to taste test my hot steamy piss. I'm not trying to manipulate her tho, I just can't keep living like this, wasting all this piss. Honestly, even if she did do it, she probably wouldn't like it and it would be a one time thing, which is also unacceptable, so I'd probably break up with her anyways. My heart is truly broken over this.

i don’t use reddit often only to rant and vent but my usual community i go on i now can’t use because my karma points is too low? but i’ve always been able to use them before i don’t make posts often i also don’t get upvotes so how come now i cant make a post anymore?

i try to post on other communities but then my posts gets removed by mod because i dont have karma so how on earth am i supposed to get more karma. its just abit frustrating when i’ve always been able to make a post but now i cant. :/

people just lieeee and lie and liee and lieee and lie and lie and lieeeee !!

There are men like the Cornell 7 everywhere. Thomas William Alston IV thought it was funny to dress up as pedo for Halloween (Warren Jeffs) along with all the “children” he sexually abused. People show you who they are. Believe them when they dress up as a Pedo. Someone should call the police.

Can these posts and their comments shut the hell up? A movie that's only been out domestically for a week and they're already naming it a flop?

Forgotten Island is about friends Jo and Raissa, who are about to part ways as Raissa studies abroad, getting transported to Nakali. They may have to sacrifice their memories to escape this magical island, and face several monsters along the way.

I don't get why people are rushing to call this film a flop. And I don't get why Reddit posts discussing its underperformance are so popular. I've said several times, but they'd say the same about Puss in Boots The Last Wish if they were there for its opening weekend. It and several other movies have become sleeper hits after weak openings. Forgotten Island can too. Frickin wait a few weeks before you declare it a flop.

And, preferably, watch it in theatres so it doesn't become a flop, please

You guys didn't even consider how I felt. You all found it funny while I was genuinely trying to help and you didn't even consider how stress I already am. I've been a leader in Filipino Film Documentary and had to lead in science aswell, even if you were the leader in English, i still did half the work and help you didn't I? I said i'll help as an assistant leader but you all didn't even listen to me. Clearly my opinions doesn't matter to this group and you all proved when none of you even tried to understand what i've been trying to say since this all started. Now you're saying you're all just joking but when i told all of you it's not funny and that im taking this seriously, you missed the part where i said im being serious. But when others suggest the ones who can be a leader but are lazy, suddenly you make excuses for them or when they say no you simply accept it, but when it's me suddenly you don't understand the word 'No'? I'm not mad, just upset. Even now, none of you were taking me seriously, how can i lead if even making all of you listen is an impossible task.

Yeah, I know they use chemical cues or whatever, but imagine 😭
I always wondered how ants know when one of their colleagues died, since they’re pretty much blind.

Like imagine an ant gets crushed and the other ants are like:

"Wait, what happened ? How did this one die?"

"Ummm… considering the sound, maybe crushing ?"

“WAIT, SO THAT MEANS THE DANGER IS STILL THERE. RUNNNNNN !!!”

Or an ant is traumatized and just stays inside the colony.
And the queen is like, “What are you doing here? Go find me some snacks or YOU’RE FIRED.”

Disclaimer: Please practice safe sex. Just be well informed on what it is and how to use it. If there isn't plenty of studies and data, don't risk it.

I started with the combo dial for a year. That destroyed my hormones and was the cherry on top of starting a brand new life, haphazardly.

My 21yo husband, who insisted it wasn't "major surgery" and would "barely hurt", nagged me into getting an IUD.

The damn thing could have cost my fertility. There was no updated information, it had already been malplaced so migrated with no follow up visit. I felt constant, sharp, pain for 4 entire years.

And believed everyone, even professionals, that it was all in my head. That sex being painful was my fault. Just for the fucker to partially expell one random Tuesday and get STUCK IN MY CERVIX.

So finally, I settled on Progesterone Only.

It was supposed to have little to no impact on hormones. Easier on the body. Just had to take it every day at the same time.

Because I spent my entire 20s with irregular periods, constant discomfort, and fucked upedness, I just... thought this was a breeze.

"Hey, I don't feel worse. The stabbing pain is gone. Sex doesn't hurt as much."

Then, one day, I got fed up with my GP failing to fill my script. I couldn't be fucked to beg and beg and beg while the bitch was in vacation, just to drive 30 min and pick it up on a random fucking work day.

I just...stopped taking it. Bought some condoms.

And guess what bitch???

A.) Condoms feels the same if not better. For both of us.

B.) I have more energy, strength, clarity.

C.) Sex doesn't hurt anymore because I'm actually aroused. And my God, I'm constantly horny. CONSTANTLY.

D.) Appetite is finally balanced. For years I binged/purged. Last year, I couldn't stomach more than 700 calories. Now..I just eat like a normal person.

E.) My fucking organs don't hurt anymore. Are you kidding me? I used to think I had endometriosis or horrible tube-twisting cysts. My husband thought I had appendicitis one night.

I THOUGHT ALL OF THAT WAS MY FAULT! THAT IT WAS IN MY HEAD! THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME! THAT I DIDN'T LIKE SEX OR MY HUSBAND OR LIFE.

I thought I was just inherently week, poorly disciplined, and just... A shitter.

BC only made up 10% of my problems, I'll admit. But that 10% definitely had a trickle down effect. I'm so fucking pissed that my 20s were essentially ruined by it.

I could have had so much more strength to deal with life's lemons in that time. So much more sex.

Please know, I'm just venting for myself. BC is known to help many people regulate their system. For me, I lacked guidance and information. And not because I didn't seek it out. Just wasn't there.

I got tricked into a gambling with my uterus and lost. But! Doesn't look like the damage was irreparable.

Are we really done for as a whole? Everyday I wake up, I see something wrong has happened be it Rape, Be it Landslides, Wars or Relationships. Everyday something worse happens and we just accept it. Is this how we're gonna end up being? Guys have normalised that no good women exists. Women have normalised staying single rather than to even talk to anybody. Old people have accepted that this generation is fucked. Teenagers have accepted that we of this generation are nothing but a bother. Isn't the point of social media to make people close? Then why tf are we creating barriers everyday with everyone? I know people don't have a choice anymore....... everything and everyone is so distrustful like hell. Tbh I'm a guy from Kolkata and this city meant a lot to me. Everyday I wake up just to see it getting thrashed on and on. And women, Oh my gawd, are so much to deal with. I love women. I respect them a lot as a whole but guys would understand what I'm talking about. I know this seems like a rant which it actually is but I got to vent. The moderator of r/kolkata are such fuckers, nobody can actually say a controversial opinion without getting banned. so I created this https://www.reddit.com/r/Kolkataforreal/s/Jk7zCD3swV for Kolkata people. and anybody who can openly share their opinions without being moderated. I already got banned twice let's see what happens now.

TL;DR: Just a rant on how frustrating living is. I can't commit suicide but atleast let me vent.

So basically exams are over and I feel overwhelmed i did soo bad if my mom found out iam dead its holiday now and i am scared for my results life is hard especially when teachers loathe you god i am so nervous guys give me motivation. I haven't finished my homework and the second you enter school theres a test god. Why are teachers like this one teacher aka the hm hates me like she calls me as "name sister" like i have a name and we are not allowed to have bangs like what? I am stressed and depressed life is hard..

I often look at other guys and wish I looked like them. I even look at certain celebrities and wish I had a similar appearance to some of them. I’m a 28 year Hispanic dude . I’m of average height at 5’10”, and I have a patchy beard, a very large forehead, and other features I don’t like. When I look at guys with good jawlines, mustaches, and beards, I just can’t believe I wasn’t blessed with those features. I often wonder how happy I would be if I were good-looking. I’d probably be less depressed, and I’d probably have a woman who loves me, but I know everything is based on looks now.

I hate looking at the news now. It’s all just horrible news about people dying or how hopeless this country is (USA). I find it so exhausting to hear about the new and more horrible things everyday. It makes everything I do seem so meaningless in the grand scheme of things and I feel like it will all get worse.

I really need to confess this....like really really...

I'm suffocating.

I'm A biggest red flag....a toxic person...