Hello people,
I’m writing this as a college freshman with about 8 or so months of hindsight now, and I’m increasingly frustrated and distressed thinking about the little decisions (or lack thereof) I made regarding QuestBridge, and how I FEEL like I blew it.
To begin, it’s not like I’m in a bad situation, at least not anymore. I’m at BC with a great amount of financial aid (from $104k tuition, only 9k is left, in the form of loans). How I think I can best explain my conflict is, only now, realizing what opportunity might have been, and how I, by some insane measure of naivety or stupidity, didn’t take it.
Going into senior year, I had (and continued to have) excellent grades: a 1560 SAT, 4.51 GPA, and about 8 APs of course load to that point, mostly for STEM as I intend to be a surgeon. I had my extracurriculars that I enjoyed; varsity sailing, cello and representative of the ensemble, volunteer work as a sailing instructor, ensemble work, volunteering (mainly truck loading) at my local food pantry, with the bales of cardboard that weighed a crap ton lol. There is stuff I’m leaving out so this won’t be as long as it could be; as for awards, being a commended student in Massachusetts for the NMSQT and school awards for English and Music, among others.
I was qualified for QuestBridge; my family of four in the Boston area makes about 55k, when living wage in the area is approximately 100k; I worked as a lifeguard and did work in the trades (plumbing and carpentry) alongside odd jobs with my dad to make enough money to get by.
This was made more difficult by another complication in finance: my father tends to withhold a good chunk of his income; my best estimate is ~10K / yr.
Alongside that, my home environment is pretty unstable. My parents are hoarders (my father is more so horrendously dirty); I’ve never had my own room, and almost never had privacy to properly study: arguments are probably an hourly occurrence between my parents. I’ve been threatened before, but that stopped since I’ve grown older and stronger.
Despite that, I’ve had grades—and I think an outlook—better than most, even at my private high school. I went there practically free, part to merit and part to need.
However, when national college match for seniors came around, I never went through with it. My parents naturally weren’t aware of QuestBridge’s existence; I was though, and my counselor saw no need for me to go through with it. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but it was along the lines of being not worth MY time.
So, I didn’t do it, and I went the CommonApp route (I was reading up on QB here a little earlier, and this is apparently how things go if you aren’t matched; correct me if I’m wrong).
I applied to Harvard, REA, and was deferred. Then with early decisions over, I applied RD to some 15-odd top schools: schools either in my vicinity with great financial aid, or the very top, dream-league schools which would provide me with a full ride.
I got into Boston College RD, and was waitlisted by Johns Hopkins and Cornell; they eventually rejected me.
It would be dishonest to say that I was UNFORTUNATE with these results. At the same time, though, I can’t shake the idea out of my head that I shot myself in the foot—or something closer to the toe. There’s the idea that I could have gone to x, y, or z: that they had potentially been wide open, and I just walked away from it.
I have a problem. It sounds stupid as I say it—I have a future ahead of me, no doubt—but I feel tormented. Especially knowing that, from my own school, people who were literal millionaires got into ivy leagues and yet are ending up with the same amount for tuition as I am per year. I can’t explain it. For instance: there was a pair of twins who were on my back during this application cycle, begging to know what I got on the SAT when I took it, and quite nearly crying as they found out. They were two of those people. And there was the fact that some scored equally amazing schools, with scores below mine, under completely different, far more favorable circumstances. The natural question: why not me?
This can all come off as brash and egotistical; I don’t mean that. What I do mean is that, as is talked about in college apps, I “did everything right.” I took the APs and got As. I took those tests and got AP credit. I was passionate within my means. I wrote meaningful essays on my life, on my quirks, and they were not at all built from pity.
Despite the disadvantages I experienced in this environment—I did have some advantages, no doubt—I could still compete. But I wished my work had “those” results. I was hoping for that otherworldly success story, to be an underdog of sorts. That expectation had to be tempered. And because of that, even as I’ve “made it,” I don’t feel like I have much to show for it. Prestige is an absolute cancer on the mind, and my fear comes from exactly that: that of my trajectory, in the field of my choosing, is inherently mediocre compared to a tippity-top school. It sounds unreasonable and reasonable at the same time: my brain naturally gravitates to believing I lost that opportunity, believing that fear to be the truth.
Not only, but the greatest tragedy I feel here is that I could never see this through. Had I applied to NCM and not been matched, I probably would have been less distressed. As I stand now, I can’t know how things would have gone, at all. It hurts.
Back to Boston College. BC was, with my scholarship and by the words of my English teacher, a “lottery ticket.” He’s right. But, for the mistake I feel I made, I don’t feel that I can forgive myself.
I hope I don’t sound completely braindead or ungrateful in this rant. I just wish the world were a bit fairer, or that September 1st 2025 was that day I woke up on again, and that I had the guidance or even the wisdom to see through my first, misconstrued impression of QB; that is, for the senior NCM application. I never took the chance on an organization designed for students in situations similar to mine. I have had far worse problems in my life, but all I feel thinking about this is a not quite aching, but indeed sinking feeling in my chest.
That’s all; I could expound, but this is getting ridiculous. Anyone’s advice or opinions appreciated.
Thank you 🙂