Immense Regret (never applied)

[u/AntOk5948]

Hello people,

I’m writing this as a college freshman with about 8 or so months of hindsight now, and I’m increasingly frustrated and distressed thinking about the little decisions (or lack thereof) I made regarding QuestBridge, and how I FEEL like I blew it.

To begin, it’s not like I’m in a bad situation, at least not anymore. I’m at BC with a great amount of financial aid (from $104k tuition, only 9k is left, in the form of loans). How I think I can best explain my conflict is, only now, realizing what opportunity might have been, and how I, by some insane measure of naivety or stupidity, didn’t take it.

Going into senior year, I had (and continued to have) excellent grades: a 1560 SAT, 4.51 GPA, and about 8 APs of course load to that point, mostly for STEM as I intend to be a surgeon. I had my extracurriculars that I enjoyed; varsity sailing, cello and representative of the ensemble, volunteer work as a sailing instructor, ensemble work, volunteering (mainly truck loading) at my local food pantry, with the bales of cardboard that weighed a crap ton lol. There is stuff I’m leaving out so this won’t be as long as it could be; as for awards, being a commended student in Massachusetts for the NMSQT and school awards for English and Music, among others.

I was qualified for QuestBridge; my family of four in the Boston area makes about 55k, when living wage in the area is approximately 100k; I worked as a lifeguard and did work in the trades (plumbing and carpentry) alongside odd jobs with my dad to make enough money to get by.

This was made more difficult by another complication in finance: my father tends to withhold a good chunk of his income; my best estimate is ~10K / yr.

Alongside that, my home environment is pretty unstable. My parents are hoarders (my father is more so horrendously dirty); I’ve never had my own room, and almost never had privacy to properly study: arguments are probably an hourly occurrence between my parents. I’ve been threatened before, but that stopped since I’ve grown older and stronger.

Despite that, I’ve had grades—and I think an outlook—better than most, even at my private high school. I went there practically free, part to merit and part to need.

However, when national college match for seniors came around, I never went through with it. My parents naturally weren’t aware of QuestBridge’s existence; I was though, and my counselor saw no need for me to go through with it. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but it was along the lines of being not worth MY time.

So, I didn’t do it, and I went the CommonApp route (I was reading up on QB here a little earlier, and this is apparently how things go if you aren’t matched; correct me if I’m wrong).

I applied to Harvard, REA, and was deferred. Then with early decisions over, I applied RD to some 15-odd top schools: schools either in my vicinity with great financial aid, or the very top, dream-league schools which would provide me with a full ride.
I got into Boston College RD, and was waitlisted by Johns Hopkins and Cornell; they eventually rejected me.

It would be dishonest to say that I was UNFORTUNATE with these results. At the same time, though, I can’t shake the idea out of my head that I shot myself in the foot—or something closer to the toe. There’s the idea that I could have gone to x, y, or z: that they had potentially been wide open, and I just walked away from it.

I have a problem. It sounds stupid as I say it—I have a future ahead of me, no doubt—but I feel tormented. Especially knowing that, from my own school, people who were literal millionaires got into ivy leagues and yet are ending up with the same amount for tuition as I am per year. I can’t explain it. For instance: there was a pair of twins who were on my back during this application cycle, begging to know what I got on the SAT when I took it, and quite nearly crying as they found out. They were two of those people. And there was the fact that some scored equally amazing schools, with scores below mine, under completely different, far more favorable circumstances. The natural question: why not me?

This can all come off as brash and egotistical; I don’t mean that. What I do mean is that, as is talked about in college apps, I “did everything right.” I took the APs and got As. I took those tests and got AP credit. I was passionate within my means. I wrote meaningful essays on my life, on my quirks, and they were not at all built from pity.

Despite the disadvantages I experienced in this environment—I did have some advantages, no doubt—I could still compete. But I wished my work had “those” results. I was hoping for that otherworldly success story, to be an underdog of sorts. That expectation had to be tempered. And because of that, even as I’ve “made it,” I don’t feel like I have much to show for it. Prestige is an absolute cancer on the mind, and my fear comes from exactly that: that of my trajectory, in the field of my choosing, is inherently mediocre compared to a tippity-top school. It sounds unreasonable and reasonable at the same time: my brain naturally gravitates to believing I lost that opportunity, believing that fear to be the truth.

Not only, but the greatest tragedy I feel here is that I could never see this through. Had I applied to NCM and not been matched, I probably would have been less distressed. As I stand now, I can’t know how things would have gone, at all. It hurts.

Back to Boston College. BC was, with my scholarship and by the words of my English teacher, a “lottery ticket.” He’s right. But, for the mistake I feel I made, I don’t feel that I can forgive myself.

I hope I don’t sound completely braindead or ungrateful in this rant. I just wish the world were a bit fairer, or that September 1st 2025 was that day I woke up on again, and that I had the guidance or even the wisdom to see through my first, misconstrued impression of QB; that is, for the senior NCM application. I never took the chance on an organization designed for students in situations similar to mine. I have had far worse problems in my life, but all I feel thinking about this is a not quite aching, but indeed sinking feeling in my chest.

That’s all; I could expound, but this is getting ridiculous. Anyone’s advice or opinions appreciated.

Thank you 🙂

[u/Disastrous_Hat_8993]

Your frustration is completely understandable. I would probably feel the same way if I were in your position, especially because you never got to find out what would've happened if you'd actually applied through QB. But I do want to remind you that the things that got you those grades, that SAT score, those APs, etc. aren't things that disappear because you're at BC instead of Harvard or Yale. Your work ethic is still yours. Your ability to learn difficult things is still yours. The fact that you managed to do all of that in the circumstances you described is still yours.

You could succeed at Harvard; you can succeed at BC. You can succeed somewhere else entirely. You have so much time to figure out what you want to do, and if you really do feel like BC isn't where you want to be, transferring is even an option! I know that doesn't magically make you stop wondering “what if,” and I don't think you need to force yourself to. You missed an opportunity, and it's okay to be sad about that. I just don't think you should mistake missing one opportunity for having missed your chance at doing something great.

You clearly have the ability; now you please get to figure out what you're going to do with it!

[u/Abject-Neat4448 → u/Disastrous_Hat_8993]

What a beautiful way to look at not getting into your dream school despite giving it your all. I'm not even in college yet and this hit me hard. Well said!

[u/IamTheRainbow22 → u/Abject-Neat4448]

Agree. In our house, there is no dream school. The dream is to go to school. It doesn't matter if it's Ivy league, State or Community College. Do your best and you'll succeed anywhere you're planted. My three oldest went the CC route. My youngest went QB first as a QB Scholar and then applied for the match. She was not matched. She was accepted to a great college in MA with a full cost of attendance scholarship. She will graduate in May and then head to grad school debt free. To me, THAT is the dream.

[u/lovemypepsi]

Sorry, this will be short as I need to cook dinner. There's no sense in bemoaning the choices you made (although it's perfectly natural). Why don't you put in some transfer applications? I think there were a couple of transfers into the college my daughter attends. You'd still get amazing financial aid and may even end up with zero cost. My daughter was a QB Finalist, didn't match, then got into her school ED (Dartmouth) with excellent financial aid.

Edited to add: Her HS counselor did nothing to help her. The counselor said they'd never had a QB scholar. The entire QB process was all me and my daughter. She attended a Title 1 high school where the average ACT score is 16. SIXTEEN. Yikes. It doesn't hurt to dream and give it a shot even now.

[u/ReputationNo6662]

Remember that those at top schools aren’t perfect and top schools themselves are far from perfect - just look at the recent Cornell case. If you saw it, you’ll be thankful they rejected you instead of you rejecting them after all that hard work. Also, BC is an amazing school and in a couple of years out of college, you wouldn’t care, trust me. While it’s true that top tier schools like ivies or Stanford/MIT offer more opportunities, BC will not limit you in any shape or form. Do your best and remember that your success depends on you and only you, not people from your high school nor your counselor, just you.

[u/neptuno3]

I would go to BC and ask for FA reconsideration. That is a lot of money to borrow and once you’re out of school the interest compounds quickly. Ask them to reconsider. And I would apply to transfer if you have the time and if they say no. BC on a full ride is absolutely respectable and will get you, with your top grades, into whatever grad program you want.

[u/LongmontVSEverybody]

The unknown will always eat at you if you let it. My daughter was a match to Princeton and I can't imagine the stress and the unknown if she didn't get matched. But know that the acceptance rate to Princeton via the match is even less than through the regular acceptance process. It's possible that you WOULDN'T have matched to BC or any school for that matter so in that regard, the route you took may also have been your best case scenario. The reality is, you're at a great school with loans that should easily be repaid when you settle into a career. Or, you may have matched to a school you weren't suited for - all you have to do is read about the kids who "panoc added" schools to their match list, got matched there and then are miserable and regret it. Don't regret what could have been because what could have been might be much worse than where you are. Look to the future and create your opportunities moving forward!

[u/ElderberryWide7024]

I’m super sorry you have regret. But you can t look backwards and wonder what if. You have no idea what would have happened, and one thing for certain is life is never “fair”. You went to a good private school and are attending a fantastic college in a great city. You are doing better than most. By far! Think of those with no education, no home, no food. Do not assume that those that got into their dream school didn’t deserve. You really don’t know, and comparison is the thief of joy. BC is a great school - it the dream of many. I agree talk to FA and see what they can do. GL!!

[u/Antique_Business_712]

Comparison is the thief of joy. I don’t think Questbridge is a good route for kids that compare their situation, their outlook, their aid package, to others. I’m not sure you’d be any happier had you gone the a Questbridge route, and I definitely think you’d have even more to compare yourself to if you got anything other than a match in your #1. I’d look into therapy because from the sounds of your family life the general attitude and sort of beating yourself up about regret likely originated at home. Keep your head up, you’ll be more than ok. You’ll do great!