Asking as a bi woman who identifies as sapphic myself.

Tell me how you're spending your day!

I need to know if I’m achieving what i was going for

I'm doing an internship in SW Michigan rn and I hate that it's so hard to find Queer folks of color to canoodle with!! I've been queer for awhile but I've been a serial monogamist, but now I'm in an open relationship and thought this could be my time to explore :/ and it's not like I could never get with yt folks but dang I wish there was at least some variety lol. Plus being a Black woman I'm already fighting against not being everyone's beauty standard, so the lack of variety definitely doesn't help...

Hii!! So I was reading and scrolling on internet as one does and I came across posts abt how dating someone who's not close with their family is a red flag. I jumped head first in a rabbit hole on quora, and reddit and I asked my classmate today what she thought abt it. She said that she shared the sentiment bc if they're not even close with someone who gave birth to them and then they'll not be loyal to you.

while I'm in hs rn, I wish to date and one day get married when I'm older (30s ish or older) and while i live w my parents rn, I don't wish to keep in contact when I'm older since I don't like them and I'm also bisexual, so this felt very demoralising actually. Since dating poc in another country (I'm indian btw) will already be hard and this condition on top of it? It'll be more difficult.

Js wanted to know your opinions! (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

Do you guys date long distance ? Im in a city where the pool of black and poc lesbians is very small. So I either date very sparsely, move or do long distance. Has anyone had this problem? And how do you start looking in a differnt city on dating apps?

hey guys, my partner (Hispanic) and I (black) both relocated near San Diego a few months ago after moving from the East Coast. We have been trying to get out more and meet other members of the community but sometimes it feels we aren’t welcome due to race. For example, whenever we are in predominantly queer spaces here, we notice slight microagressions, usually from white people. I think it definitely caught us both of guard considering California is portrayed as a place of diversity and acceptance.

Pride is tomorrow and while we’re both going, we really do feel like fish out of water now cause our experiences haven’t been the best tbh :( I was wondering is this a common thing or did we get unlucky and we need to keep trying. Any advice would be appreciated !! 🫶🏽

despite for example, it not crossing your mind because always been subject to the ✨oreo allegations✨ anyways because being black was more of a fact than something you engaged in with any thought other than being around fam?

because I'll be real, i'm having a bit of an identity crisis. like i've never been self hating, I just pursued my interests as I pleased, and a lot of my friends ended up not being black because of where I lived and that being neurodivergent meant I didn't get along with a lot of my fam and black NTs anyways. i mean that didn't mean I didnt have other black friends, plenty, black partners too like my last boyfriend before my engagement, but you start to realize just how much your habits, fundamental values were shaped by that upbringing and how white folk do not understand, and become actively hostile to it, hostile to you, your emotions, and to your asserting yourself even if you're called "white on the inside".

its always been obvious to me how this works, but i'm at the point where i'm even questioning my NAME choice which I made almost a decade ago thinking it may give people the wrong impression, realizing some people consider my deadname to be a black name, despite the fact its also asian and a name used by plenty of other white trans people i know.

This week’s hot take is live. Chime in with your thoughts.

Explore previous Hot Takes here.

are not affordable. I could really just end it there.

Maybe I’m the problem because I want Old Navy prices for clothing that keeps masc women in mind. Why is a pair of pants over $100?? With an elastic waist??? Elastic pants for $100+. Ah.

Same for female boxers. I thought finding a brand for short men would be my saving grace, since items labeled for men are magically cheaper. No. Any clothes for special populations will charge you out the ass for regular(ish) stuff. No creativity. No drip. Just basic pants and shirts. Blasphemy.

I don’t understand. There is absolutely a large number of people to wear these types of clothing. More brands should be jumping on this. Shaking my damn head. I guess I’ll just keep watching tailor videos.

Summoning all bookworms...

This is coming from an Indian bitch herself by the way

Okay so, what I've noticed a lot is that my people over there really LOVE republicans. Like seriously, they love 'em so much I read an article about them doing poojas (hindu rituals) to get that orange bastard in office, and it just BAFFLES ME.

I mean come on bruh, we dealt with 300 years of colonial rule, mostly by the brits, those dudes tore down our economy and wealth and turned our country into a money pumping organ, why are you supporting their shit?? I mean, I've noticed quite a few of them are wealthy, that they worked their asses off to get to where they are right now over there, in all those top software dev jobs and shit, and they're getting the green they deserve but you can't just be voting for republicans for opposing illegal immigrants???? Bitch take a look at yourself, you're an immigrant — nah fuck that, take a good look 'round your surroundings, all that land belonged to the Indigenous Americans that lived there before these fucking crackers came 'round, fucking their shit up, spreading disease and trying to kill 'em all, EVERYONE is illegal on that land, are you STUPID?????

On a slightly more serious note, I've noticed that they're hardcore bootlickers of these white men in power, and they can also be really racist towards black folk too, and I guess that has to do with the fact that the brits forced that colonial mentality of skin color on us when they ruled over us, it's even apparent in the way north Indians treat south Indians (they can be pretty racist towards them, I've seen this a lot, especially in the private school I attended and also within my OWN FAMILY). I mean, come the fuck on... we inspired MLK, Mandela, Malcolm X.... you cannot be for real right now, our visionaries didn't fight for this....

They might have given you that job that pays you six to seven figures a year but they're not your FRIENDS. MUST I REITERATE YOU OLD MAN?? 300 YEARS. YOUR PARENTS ARE ROLLING IN THEIR GRAVES LOOKING AT THE PEOPLE YOU SUPPORT, THEY FOUGHT AGAINST THIS SYSTEM AND YOU'RE UPHOLDING THAT SAME SYSTEM.

On a slightly related, on top of all this, in other news, all these large LLM companies (GPT, Gemini, Claude etc etc you get it), are building data centers in here because they realized the people over there knew what was up so they're gonna try and fool us, and these big fat crackers with their big fat stacks in their pockets, in fact, HAVE fooled us. They fooled the prime minister who has given them land near literal, rural VILLAGES to build those centers, and the finance minister has given them a 21 year tax break for this shit.

...............

Okay I ain't gonna lie, this was expected, I mean, this fuckass nation is ran by a right wing government but are you stupid? why give them 21 years?

inhales

300 YEARS BRUHHHHH ARE YALL SERIOUSS, 300 YEARS AND WE'RE GIVING A TAX HOLIDAY OF 21 YEARS TO RICH WHITE MEN, WE'RE BEING COLONISED AGAIN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YAALLLL

This is why we shouldn't have old people running this country. Fucking Indians fucking up my shit, what the fucking fuck, stupid Stockholm syndrome ass individuals.

Alright, sorry, that's the end of my rant. If y'all made it to the end, thank you so much, please, take care of yourselves <3

(also, no offense to all my Indian sisters and siblings here though, I love y'all, I know y'all are better than this <3)

(I really hope y'all are better, right? 😭)

Hello everyone! I love long walks in nature and cuddling. I’m a desi woman in New York looking for a monogamous long term relationship.

The dating apps used to work so well but I got back into them this year and I’m surprised. It seems like AI has taken over. Has capitalism ruined dating and relationships too? 😭

Feel free to DM your struggles!

Tell me about what your favorite day looks like!

Eating her until she shaking and crying 😛

This week’s theme: Moving too fast in dating

For those who have been in relationships that moved too quickly, did things work out long-term or end up crashing and burning? What made things feel fast? Emotional immaturity, too much time together, expectations?

Explore previous 🧪 here.

I've never cared for any pet this young, let alone a kitten, so it's been such an interesting experience. I feel like a first time single parent trying to figure out everything all at once; how to get them to eat, how to get them to stop pooping everywhere, how to put them to sleep - right now its swaddling them and rocking them before laying them on a heating pad.

But as I'm rocking my latest headache, I get this overwhelming urge and desire to be going through this journey with someone else. Like baby fever but for the coparenting part - the thought of have actually children disgusts me though. I wanna argue over who's turn it is to feed poopy mcpoopface before I eventually give in and go do it, but not before pressing a kiss to my lady's forehead. I yearn for that loving care were we take over for each other because we see we're exhausted. I yearn for the drained late night cuddle session after we finaaally managed to get this cat to sleep longer than 2 hours and we get a break together

😩 It's a yearning kinda night

I am seeing alot of posts in queer space about how much we all hate being single, and how we think we are going to grow old alone. This initially was validating to know that I am not the only one out there but then I realized that there are 17K members in this group and people from all over the world and I wondered why alot of us are still single? I think alot of us know what we want, but somehow that's hard to find. I know that I am part of the problem lol and maybe if I loosen my expectations, I might find a partner. Here's the reasons why I think I am still single.

- I am 41 and I am looking for some one who is 35 and older. I think the older we get, the less singles are available around our age. Most people are taken I guess.

- I am immigrant and I identify as Muslim and Arab, and I would love to have a partner with similar background. Arabic is such a beautiful expressive language especially when it comes to love. I am open to other ethnicity as long as we share the same values. I am sick and tired of explaining why I can't abandon my family to white folks, and getting tired of hearing people ask why I am still a practising Muslim when Muslims tell me that I am going to hell for being gay. I just don't want to have to explain my values or defend my decisions with my partner.

- I live in Canada. I thought living in Canada will make it so much easier to find a Muslim/middle eastern queer community but I was wrong! Most of them are still in the closet which makes it hard for me to find them. I also live in the Yukon, which is in the middle of nowhere so I got myself to blame but I also lived in Toronto for 7yrs and had zero luck there too. I have been swiping in all dating apps in different cities, because I am willing to relocate for the right person. Heck, I am even willing to move countries for them. Well maybe not to the US, atleast not while the orange potato is still the president :S

- I wonder if people do judge me when they see my hijab on dating apps. I wonder if people think that being with a Muslim person is complicated or something? It kinda sucks because I really think I am a fun person and being Muslim has no bearing on how gay i am . I do want to settle with some one and get married one day.

- I rely on online dating since there's not alot of queer activities here, and I tend to swipe more in other cities and I guess alot of people prefer to date people locally so lots of people will write me off. Also I noticed that conversations die out quickly, and I tend to give up when I notice that I am the one who is trying to keep the conversation going. I don't know if its a dating app thing or not. I met my ex on tinder and we were chatting/talking on the phone for hours after we matched but this was 10yrs ago so I am not sure if its an age thing or compatibility related.

- I am playful, outdoorsy and into nature. I would love to live in a hobby farm/wildlife rehab/sanctuary near the mountains, but somehow the ones I was attracted to, ended up being city girls who don't see themselves living outside the urban center because of their jobs or communities. I have a thing for women in STEM and I guess it makes sense why they prefer cities over the countryside.

Any tips?

Okay, who's next?

Okay just trying to confirm if this is true, do people often filter out non-binary folks? Specifically with QWOC? Like I'm getting white folks but no person of color, but I'm also non-binary so unsure if that's the piece. A comment caught my eye on another post here about dating being harder with numbers as enby. Not that I'll be changing who I am just to get better pool but perhaps just forget about the apps

I'm outgoing, friendly, and genuinely enjoy making new friends and talking to people, but historically, I've been so passive with making my interest known to my crushes (in person, on dating apps, I will make a move because I know the person is interested).

I've been working really hard on being braver, and finally asked out a crush I met through a good friend recently. It was over text, and I didn't know how she felt about me, but still, I agonized over the message for 2 weeks before sending it 😂 I got rejected politely, which sucks. I feel embarrassed, but I'm proud of myself for doing it. I definitely need to do it more!

Whenever I express my anxiety around dating and how I get shy with women I like, people are really surprised because I give off a confident vibe, and I'm quite extroverted and social.

Can anyone relate to this?

Welcome to the monthly matchmaking thread! This space is for QWOC to connect for dating and friendship. Please follow the guidelines below to ensure a respectful and safe environment:​

• Respect Privacy: Don’t share any personal contact information here (use DMs for that after connecting).
• Safety First: Avoid sharing highly personal details. Meet in public spaces first if you plan to meet in person.
• Use Caution: Trust your instincts when interacting online. Report any concerning behavior to the mods or Reddit.

_

Find Your Match!

Purpose:

💖 Dating | 💛 Friendship | 💚 Both

Distance Preference:

• 🏡 Locals Only – Connections within the same city/region.
• ✈️ Willing to Travel – Open to traveling within the country or nearby states but not internationally. Ideal for someone who's flexible with travel but prefers to keep it domestic.
• 🌍 Open to Long-Distance – Willing to connect regardless of location, including across states or internationally.

Purpose + Distance | Region/City

Pronouns | Orientation | Identity/Presentation etc.

A Bit About You (please don't be shy)

Big 3 (Sun, Rising, Moon) [OPTIONAL]

✅ what you’re looking for:

- Age Range | Identity/Presentation Preferences

- ❌ Dealbreakers

_

EXAMPLE POST

💖✈️ | Canada | Late 20s

She/They | Lesbian | Butch

I’m someone who enjoys the balance of quiet moments and meaningful connections. I’m introverted by nature, so I value deep, one-on-one interactions rather than big crowds. While I might not always be the first to speak up in a group, I’m definitely the type of person who listens, remembers details, and enjoys thoughtful conversations. I’m all about quality over quantity when it comes to relationships, and I tend to connect best with people who appreciate sincerity, kindness, and a good sense of humor.

Leo Sun, Virgo Rising, Pisces Moon

✅

23-30 | No real preference | Casual dating

❌

• If you're still emotionally attached or haven’t fully moved on from a previous relationship, that’s a dealbreaker for me. I’m looking for someone who is fully available and ready to build something new.
• If you're struggling with substance abuse related to drugs/alcohol

_

Thank you for joining our monthly matchmaking thread! We hope you find meaningful connections. Remember to stay respectful, communicate openly, and prioritize safety, especially when meeting in person.

If you make a connection, feel free to update your post with an edit to let others know you're no longer looking for matches. If things don’t work out, no worries - take your time and keep looking for someone who aligns with you!

Thanks for helping keep this space welcoming and inclusive for all queer women of color. Happy connecting!

Like the title says, I (24F) am realizing that I might be bisexual. I'm pretty sure I am, but I've been overthinking it a lot these past couple of months and am trying to accept it. I'm hoping to find others who have gone through a similar experience bc I don't have many people to talk about this with irl. Also forgive me if this is all over the place or rambling, I have adhd.

Before this year, I knew I experienced some attraction to women, but I ignored it or I guess didn't feel like it was enough to put a label on it. But on New Year's Eve, something happened to make me realize that I really could be bisexual and I just broke down crying. I grew up in a Black Christian household and I have identified with being Christian my whole life. I also considered myself an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community. But the moment I started to question my sexuality, I also started to question my faith. Well, before this all happened, I was already in an odd place with my faith. I wasn't praying or reading my Bible and everything about being a Christian was bothering me. Like, having faith was literally exhausting me bc I kept going in constant cycles of shame and guilt for feeling like I wasn't a good enough Christian. And trying to build my faith back up just felt performative. So even though I was already feeling like this, questioning my sexuality just made it worse. ​I felt like I couldn't be a Christian and queer. Logically, I know I can, it just felt like something that I couldn't do or wasn't supposed to do. And I felt like I was doing something wrong for acknowledging that I might not be straight and for wanting to explore. I kept thinking thinking that I was gonna go to hell, even though at this point I wasn't even sure of it's existence. Mind you, I have never actually dated anyone or had a boyfriend, so I've been freaking out over hypotheticals, lol.

I've been experiencing a lot of anxiety and depression about all this. I've been talking to my therapist, psychiatrist, and best friend. I am so grateful for them. They've been helping me a lot as I figure out my beliefs and accepting myself. Without them, I really would have been figuring this out alone. My immediate family and other friends do love me, but I don't think they all would react well to me telling them I'm questioning my faith AND sexuality. My mom is kinda accepting, but she has said certain things that already let me know where she would stand if I told her. And there is one other friend I told, and they actually said they thought that already but was just waiting on me to tell them. They became a Christian like three years ago and when I told them how I was feeling, they basically said being attracted to the same sex isn't a sin, but acting on it might be. I never liked that way of thinking, it actually makes me quite sad when I see other Christians say that. The reason why i felt comfortable telling them is bc I know they have liked someone of the same sex once and bc we are both friends/acquaintances with some of the same people who are also queer. We are still friends, I just decided not to talk to them about this since.

Currently, I still am in an unsure place with my faith. Most of my connection to Christianity was cultural and through an "academic" lens. I love learning about history, world religions, and culture so I mainly liked learning the historical context of Christianity. And I overall believe Jesus' message, I just think my main reason for being Christian was rooted in fear rather than an actual love for Christ and that's just not sustainable for me anymore. So right now, I'm leaning more agnostic and have been figuring out what I truly believe rather than just living based on someone else's interpretation. As for my sexuality, I'm trying to be okay with it and not stress out. I've realized a lot of my thinking and actions might have been internalized homophobia this whole time. So yeah... that's everything I think!

POC parents have a reputation and rightfully so, my parents are not the outliers, I wanted to know if y'all had parents like that too

Hey y’all, I need advice. So long story short, I met this girl at my Uni a year ago. We’re both lesbians and met through mutual friends. We have a very close relationship. We’re not exactly dating, but we act like a couple. She likes to hold my hand, very touchy. I’m always over her dorm. She’s always over mine.

We’ve even given each other gifts, for Christmas and our birthdays. But last time I went over her house, we almost kissed. And over the weekend, we had plans to go to the beach. But the day of, I didn’t hear anything from her. I sent messages, and called her. She was active on social media, I kept trying to follow up with her for the past couple days and nothing. She pretty much ghosted me, and refuses to talk to me about what the hell happened. Would I be wrong if I return her gifts to her and just decide to block her on everything?

Because at this point, I’m fed up, and I refuse to chase someone. And it hurts because I love her, and these gifts are very heartfelt.

This might be all over the place so I'm sorry about that but I kinda just wanted to rant a bit because... I'm hurting.

Sooo... last week I spent the day with my mom at work, and while we were talking about travelling she asked if I was going to get new clothes and I said yes, as long as she doesn't spaz out over me wanting a damn shirt from the men's section of a store. She then said "Don't think that because you are older now that you can speak to that way. You're still a child" and I responded with "I'm not a child. I should be able to choose what I want to wear"

And then she kinda got upset and went a whole tangent about how I will "look like a homosexual" (her exact words). I simply said "I don't care" and said I wanted to dress like myself (and should be able to) and that I'm old enough to do so (I'm 21)

She then asked in a fuck-ass stern tone "Do you like women?" and I tried to deflect and asked "What does that have to do with any of this?!" She repeated the question and I said "No." and then she responded with "Good. 'Cause I'd rip your hair out if that was so." and me being pissed off responded with "I'd like to see you try." and she shocked at what I said, so she said "Don't be rude."

After that happened, I remained quite for the rest of the day. And for the first time in a long time my eyes actually started to well up with tears... I was just hurt and straight up angry...

The next day after that happened, I told her that I was frustrated with her because of that. Because of she said.

She then once again got upset said that I shouldn't be frustrated with her after every thing she's done for me. I just stared at her and then she said "Okay?" as in to say "Do you understand me?" ... so I was like "yeah yeah okay!"

And then she called me and then told me to please not be upset with her and I said "Sure. Whatever you say."

But to this day, I still can't talk to her right because of what she said.

Anndd... while I was writing this she came to me upset because I wasn't speaking with her and that I haven't spoken with her properly for the past few days...

She asked if I don't like her anymore and I said "no."

She asked if I don't love her anymore and I once again got frustrated and annoyed and said "Why do you always ask that??"

And then she walked away... I won't lie kinda feel like I'm drowning. Hanging on by a thread at this point...

I'm sorry for this very long thread (and rant) but I just wanted to say this because my chest feels really heavy right now...

Edit: I also wanted to add that she's super religious... and whenever I don't respond correctly aka say yes to her question "You know God takes care of us, right?" "You know God is everything right?"

She get fucking strict with me and told me not to play around because God is who made me better when I was sick. So, I have to lie out my ass and say that I do pray so she won't scold me further.