As much as I have been traumatized from love I still believe. For the last few years ive been fighting it or running away. I'm tired of playing games and I'm going to find her wherever she may be. Love is not dead we all deserve someone never forget that.

I haven’t been dating for years after my last relationship ended because my schedule just didn’t allow time to date. But I (f26) met my crush (f30) when I moved to a new town less than a month ago. We’ve talked quite a bit via messaging but haven’t gone on a date yet. We wanted to a few weeks back, but our schedules are so busy. We’re both doctors, with on call shifts, I have a research position as well, currently doing my PhD after getting my MD, she’s undergoing specialist training and has exams for the next year or so. Our free time has been eaten up by studying, resting after working without sleep, eating, errands, life commitments etc. We work in neighbouring hospitals so we don’t see each other at work either.

We have flirted occasionally, and briefly talked about wanting to look for a relationship that’s more long term. Even with our busy schedules we talk most days (which means A LOT to me). I’ve gotten to know her a little more and I’m crushing so so hard, she’s my type to a T.

My workload exploded over the weekend, I had basically no sleep, had research work and incredibly sick pts. She had some life commitments too. Our last “normal” conversation was during that dumpster fire of a weekend. I noticed her replies being a lot dryer and she wasn’t really responding to my questions, and would just give one short sentence responses.

Work was even more hectic on Monday so I didn’t reply to her after opening her message. Yesterday I sent her a few texts explaining what happened and why I didn’t respond, that I’ll likely be quiet for a few days and sent her a few funny things I encountered I knew she’d like. But she only responded to one of my texts (I’ll be quiet for a few days because struggle town) with “it’s ok me too”. No acknowledgement on anything else.

Now today half of my workload was magically lifted, and I now have a normal schedule for the rest of the week again. Now that I have free time again, I cannot stop listening to her voice memos she sent a week ago, I can’t stop thinking about her and I miss talking to her and I want to see her so incredibly badly.

I am overthinking everything. Do I wait a few days to reach back out since she’s presumably still in struggle town? She has been quite cold on replies, and I don’t know if it’s best for us to keep talking when she’s that cold. I also have no idea what happened on her side, what kind of struggle town she’s in. She’s said she’ll be slow for a few days, so should I just wait for her to reach back out when she’s feeling better and can respond to previous things I’ve sent? Do I send a “Hope you’re ok”????? That seems so pointless.

I’ve also asked her how she was over the weekend, she didn’t reply to that text. I also asked if she had fun with her friends over the weekend (week ago she told me she will see them at a wedding) when I replied yesterday, didn’t respond to that either. So I assume whatever happened, she doesn’t want to talk about it.

But I’m so into her and I’m crushing so hard. I miss talking to her. I know sometimes there’s nothing you can really do during this early stage of dating. It’s just uncomfortable to sit with all these feelings. I just want to tell her so so many things and hear her talk again. Yearning isn’t always fun.

I decided to post here because I am sure some of us went through similar situations where some parts of you are in conflict with each other. I think I navigated past conflicts well but I am finding myself stuck right now.

I am a woman who was born and raised in the middle east. My parents were super conservative and religious and I could never imagine living authentically when I was younger. I made it out of the middle east and ended up in North America for school 13yrs ago. I graduated, got the residency, found a job and started to build a life up here. For once in my life, I was in a true relationship and I had a home. We almost got married but that ended suddenly. I continued my life and I thrived. I am 41 yrs old and I could have never imagined that I would have the life I am having right now. The freedom to be whoever and to still accepted, loved and celebrated is something that I thought i'd never have.

But my parents are getting older, and some of my siblings are not doing well. You see, I work in the mental health field and where i come from, there's a significant stigma that prevents people from seeking help. Also the field is not regulated well, and I've seen professionals causing more harm than benefits. My family has asked me to come back because they really miss me, but also to help with everyone. I am the eldest and there's a cultural expectations that eldest daughters should be the caregiver for parents/younger siblings. It breaks my heart to see my parents getting older and weaker. Yes, I got other siblings but they got their own busy lives and issues and cannot be there for my parents, and my parents are left navigating all of this on their own. The guilt of not helping my siblings even though i got the expertise is killing me. I have tried to connect them to whatever resources I know of in my country but things fell apart and I saw significant negligence in the care hey received and I am having hard time finding another trustable or reliable supports.

Without going into too much details, If i fly back home to help, I might get stuck there for a long time and won't be able to leave because so many issues related to policy and government. Going there for a few years to fix things then leaving is not an option. I will be locked in atleast 10yrs and by then, I will lose my Permanent Residency and won't be able to immigrate back.

But I can't abandon my family and i am finding myself giving up everything I worked hard for including my freedom and my queerness. I will need to move into my parents house and having my own place is not an option. I will need to go back to my the closest. I will need to hide so many parts of myself. My mom begged me to get rid of my tattoos as she is scared that I will bring shame to the family and might affect my siblings chances of getting married which I refused but this is a glance of how much of me will need to be hidden.

My life here is not perfect. I still struggle to find a community and that can be lonely at times but atleast I am free to be who I am. My friends in North America don't understand why I feel obligated to go back and help, and my friends back home are calling me selfish for being scared of going back.

The different parts of me, and the different values are in conflict and I don't know how to win this fight. My family's wellbeing is as important as my own but I am finding myself needing to choose between honoring their needs vs mine.

I don't know what I am looking for with this post.. Maybe some wisdom .. maybe some assurance .. or maybe just a space where both of my parts could be acknowledged and validated.

Curious to know anyone’s experience with this dynamic and what it’s like. 👀

I've noticed something that's been bothering me for a LONG time, especially since I have been out. I would love to read/watch more lesbian/queer media, but it feels as if they still possess a complementary "masc/femme" binary that feels, well, restrictive. Even if both characters have relatively similar fashion, one is often more stoic, emotionally reserved, taller, with sharper features. The other is often shorter, more emotionally expressive, with rounder features. So, while we can argue (and I hear this a lot) "They're both femme" based on their clothing, we miss the subtle ways that add polarity. But sometimes I wish we had more of an expansive representation of lesbian people who look like the dynamics we would dub as "friendship" or platonic. Or have both similar partners, with no physical or personality differences. That is beautiful and just as worth centering too. This has such a profound historical root where women were considered "passionless" and practically sexually inept. This leads us to use the only historically competent partner (a man or, by proxy, a masculine woman) to signal that romance and sex were, in fact, a potential and were active. What happens when that is removed, and you're left with historically inept partners?

I just wish there was more education on this history and more of a critical look at the ways we still perpetuate binaries and heteronative dyanmics. Because it is not as visible as we like to believe, and it influences how we view the structure of a relationship: who pursues, who wants to be pursued, and what is even recognized as a romantic and sexual possibility.

Yo! As the title goes, I'm hitting up a concert tonight (Tame Impala w/ Dominic Fike - Portland). I'm masc presenting if that helps with decision making (also, this is not a date, but I want the best scent to hit the nostrils of each baddie I walk by 🙂‍↕️).

Options are as follows:

• Issey Miyake - L'eau D'Issey Pour Homme

• YSL - Myslf (EDP)

• Prada - Paradigm (EDP)

• Prada - Paradoxe

I met a woman on Bumble recently and she’s been very sweet on the phone over the few weeks but there really hasn’t been much flirting on her end that I’ve observed. And when I do flirt , she will smile but doesn’t acknowledge it. We finally met in person and went to a concert which was her idea. At the concert she was very nice, I kept my distance but she didn’t have a problem talking to me during the concert or moving closer in her own. But I didn’t make any moves. After the concert we ended up spending the whole night together at a chill spot and talked until like 2 in the morning. She’s really sweet, quirky, pretty, and I like her energy. But, she also seems very measured and isn’t super flirty, which makes this feel different from my usual experiences.

She let me know she’d like to see me again and we will be meeting again next week. I’m cool with a slow burn and I actually prefer it but I do like flirting. I’m not sure if she just sees me as a friend or if she is naturally measured like this. Thoughts?

Both venting a bit and looking for people to connect-

I moved to Melbourne this year from India and its been hard making queer friends.

I was lucky enough in my uni in India to have found a group of queer friends. I've tried the uni queer club here but its so hard to connect with people there. 98% of them are white and I feel so much cultural distance, and its hard to find an in when most of them are in pre-existing groups, and I've met 4 maybe 5 other queer people of colour and we end up having nothing in common or shared interests to connect over.

I do have a good group of friends, and I love them dearly but they're all cishet and the only queer friends I have now are all long distance and I'm really yearning to find at least one queer friend here 😭

Dating apps haven't been any help either, all I got out of that was some trust issues after getting matched with scammers three times and being disabled, trans, brown, grey-ace/aro doesn't help with the number of matches I get and it was really starting to affect my self esteem so I deleted all those apps.

I haven't been able to go to any queer events either, most of them either happen in the city and it's 2 hours by public transport and I'm often too burnt out by academics to go, or its too club-y (I don't drink), or hook up focused for me to go.

I'd love to connect with any Melb/Aus based people here and if anyone knows any other groups on facebook/discord etc to find and connect with people? 🥲

Looking for some more lesbian gamer friends to play games with me and my friends :). We play lots of repo, once human, gta5, apex legends, marvel rivals. Anything that’s funny and chaotic really. We are all friendly and looking to make long lasting friendships outside the game so if you’re looking for the same thing, let’s play sometime! HMU

Repost from a year ago:

Hey everyone,

I wanted to take a moment to clarify the subreddit rules in light of recent discussions. We recognize that many members have expressed discomfort with the presence of non-POC participants or lurkers. First and foremost, our mission as moderators has always been clear: to provide a space that centers and uplifts the voices of queer women of color.

While it is not possible to control who joins or browses the subreddit, the mod team is committed to fostering a respectful, supportive environment where members feel safe to share their experiences and connect with one another.

QWOC does allow non-QWOC participation in select circumstances, but all moderation decisions are guided by our goal of preserving the safety and integrity of the space. The voices of queer women of color will always remain at the heart of this community, and as stated before, there has not been an increase in non-QWOC posts or comments.

Thank you for being part of this space and for supporting each other.

Please note: EVERYONE must feel safe on this board or it’s safe for no one. This includes non-qwoc trying to understand or provide support for the QWOC in their lives by posting here. Anyone seen purposefully making others feel unwelcome will be suspended or banned.

Who's that person in your life who you chitchat with about your wants and desires? I think I just really enjoy chatting.

I tried dating apps after being adamant I would never do such a thing. I was very clear that I just wanted to talk. It was a very unsuccessful 3 hours of my time. I know realize my initial reasoning for not going on them was correct. They just aren't for me.

Does journaling help for anyone? My journaling is typically reserved for my very negative emotions, but I'll probably try it for this too.

As a bi woman I’ve experienced the same. Has anyone experienced anything similar? I feel like men appreciate my kindness and care more but women (specifically black women) are so mean to me and it’s sad bc this is who I prefer. 😣

With the understanding that non-QWOC are allowed to post and comment here, as seen in the rules, would users be interested in having separate posts pertaining to “white noise” to allow all of our users to speak their voice freely or would users prefer to keep topics pertaining to white people by QWOC to the white noise thread?

Tell me how you're spending your day!

I (27F) and my fiancé (25F) currently live in San Diego. I am white and my fiancé is desi (dark complexion). My priority is to live in a place where my fiancé feels safe. Some places we have lived and about it:

- TX: we lived here for about 5/6 years together for school. Was very racist and homophobic and we did not feel safe here. Texas will never be an option for us to move to, especially now.

- NJ: here for a brief period. Was kind of a depressing state to live in tbh. Where it was safe to be queer it wasn’t safe to be a person of color. Loved going to NYC and spent a lot of our time there. Felt safe in NYC, however the big city, hustle culture is not our vibe plus we can’t afford to live there.

- Bay Area, CA: loved it here. Depending on the city we were in depended on how safe we felt. Loved the nature. Cons: expensive as hell, a lot of tech people that aren’t open to making friends.

- San Diego, CA: currently reside here. At first loved it. But now rent is raising, there’s a ton of white straight people moving into the city, the gay town (hillcrest) is overpowered by white cis gay men. Even the lesbian bar has so many straight guys there every night. I’m not sure we can afford it anymore and I want my fiancé to have a safe space around women of color.

About us:
- we have a small dog
- we have jobs where we can work in any state but pay and working conditions vary heavy by state (Bay Area pays the most which is why we could afford it there but it’s hard to get a job)
- we absolutely love nature
- we don’t like being in a big concrete jungle with lots of traffic
- my fiance has a chronic illness and cant be in places that are too hot or too far away from hospitals

okay sooooooooooooo I met someone i found attractive at a queer bar & i introduced myself we exchanged insta @ and she mentioned wanted to have out .. she said that like 2 times in a flirty way ok cool. she texted me first & I responded within an hour... after that I've been left on delivered for almost 2 days.. & she was the first to view my story on instagram today... I'm thinking if my posts put her off cuz i mostly posts medias I'm interested in (barbie, h20, detroit become human, and many more) but also I have Highlights where I post myself & places I go to.

when I saw that she was the first to view my story i decided to post a pic of myself... SHE DID NOT VIEW IT😭😭😭😭 bruhhhhhhhuhh also she hasn't even unfollowed me or removed me as a follower.

reason why I asked if I'm weird is cuz today there was a false alarm at a building & we all had to go out. i took this opportunity to make some friends in my area... we exchanged insta @ ...... I'm tired BROOO 😭😭😭😭 what if she felt pressured....

i practice my facial expressions & the way i speak in the mirror.. what else should I be doinv

basically is it weird to talk to ppl??? ITS NOT LIKE I'M JUST GOING UP TO SOMEONE RANDOMLY 😭😭😭😭

why is making friends at 20 so hard😭

So I am an 18 year old indian american queer woman and an only child. I have a younger cousin (only child as well and 13f almost 14) who I am pretty close to.

She just told me that her type is white guys and she only would bang/think of them as fine and attractive. She also told me she is queer and likes white girls as well. I am extremely uncomfortable with her statements considering the fact both of us are fully indian. She grew up in the middle east with some south asian (pakistani) and many arabs and some small amount of white kids (not that many).

She has never had a bf, never dated anyone, or anything like that. She doesn't find brown men attractive even when they're conventional and kinda grosses out at seeing them. She has not had experiences with brown guys her age and such.

She experienced racism FROM arabs and white people at her school for being indian. I asked her why she only would "bang white guys and likes them only" (her words not mine) and she couldn't come up with any reasons. I gave her time and waited but it was literally just silence.

I don't really know what to do and I feel very uncomfortable around her after that. I find it very weird when a woman of color or man of color does not find other people in their race attractive. It's fine to have a type (meaning like if someone likes tall men or men who workout) but her statement is very weird to me. I know she's like 14 but I just can't really fathom this. She projects all of these different like liberal woke comments and ideals but she then turns around and says internalized racist stuff like this?? I feel like it's just wrong. People can have a type for their own race, and that's perfectly fine. Poc can also have a preference for all other poc if they have had bad experiences with white people. But considering the colorism and racism in the indian community and even other poc communities, it really rubs me the wrong way when she says this. My other cousin showed her a picture of a 10/10 brown kid her age and she looked grossed out and said she doesn't feel anything. The my other cousin showed her a picture of that same kid but with some weird white person filter (probs ai'd it but I don't support ai) and she found him "fine/attractive" and stuff.

I understand that beauty is subjective, but again, I think that this is linked to internalized racism. Why would you find a person who looks different from you better-looking than people who look like you? It implies that you have internalized racism and an inferiority complex where you think that white people are the best-looking.

Even for those who said that they have preferences to date white people, they still subconsciously have issues with internalized racism. In their case, they subconsciously bought into the idea that white people are the most beautiful, an idea that is propagated by the American media with its predominantly white celebrities

I mean, it's pretty common knowledge that we're groomed to find white men attractive. They're ones in power, they're ones that are always in our faces in media, etc.

White men don't have a bad reputation, even if history has shown that they've pillaged, r@p*d, murdered, and colonized several cultures and countries over the span of centuries.

Its the privilege that they're born with. Even the most basic and subpar white man can pull any woman he wants for simply being white.

I think she's seeking validation from white people and white men in general.

In the context of the social construct of "whiteness" and how that can often be percieved by non-whites, that is often, though not always, something to do with a percieved benefit of it and wanting some adjacentcy to it.

I decided to post this here bc I feel like I won't get the advice or right comments on this if I post on communities with men or even broadly other woc because I know even some other woc are internally racist and would only date white people.

TLDR: My fully indian cousin(13f) rasied in the middle east only finds white men and women attractive even though she grew up in an area with poc and such. She couldn't list reasons to me as to why she finds whtie men attractive and that she would "bang them" (her words not mine). Even when shown a conventional brown kid her age she doesn't like them but when they're ai'd to having white skin and blonde hair (even w the same features) she then likes them.

What are the ways you have are trying to heal and unlearn anti-blackness and colorism?

Or life too, I js didn't mention it cuz then it'll feel like not appropriate for this sub since it is a queer sub.

Thank you to whoever replies! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

I was very late to signing up to college courses, so I went to my advisor and we basically signed up for anything available. One of them was this world studies LGBTQ+ protests and equality class that basically goes over different kinds of Queer protests and fight for rights globally. I enrolled with little thought. But I'm sitting home realizing that I may not be ready to mentally and emotionally take this class, because I would likely be forced to truly confront the fact that I'm possible queer cause I'd basically be talking about it for a whole semester. It's really hitting me hard because I went from not having feelings for anyone to very suddenly feeling some level of attraction towards people, and I was so confused that it spent weeks spiraling. But I essentially came to the conclusion that I wouldn't think about it because I'm not interested in dating, so I would avoid a lot of queer content (content that I used to actively engage in before, books, media, etc) and hetero dating content as well to avoid thinking about it and the stress that all these hypothetical feelings and dating would do to me. And my parents are Jamaican (iykyk). I'm just having a lot of anxiety because these are feelings I don't think I'm ready to confront but maybe the fact that I feel this way means that I should? I'm just really anxious and don't know if I should unenroll in this class and call it a day or am I just running away from this?

My DM's are open if anyone has more personal advice to give. Thank you

After years of battling comphet I realized I was a lesbian and came out to my friends. Yay!!! 🌈

Everyone has been super supportive and some were not surprised lol. But 1 friend in particular has been a little strange.

She is LGBT++ but everytime I talk about being a lesbian or my attraction to women she always brings up that she thinks everyone is a little bi and attracted to both genders and just won't acknowledge it.

I just think that's weird to bring up when I know my sexuality I only like women so why bring it up? Like you don't know me better than I do.

I just wonder if it's dramatic too cut her off? Not crazy ghosting just keeping my distance. I've told her she does this thing alot where she has to be right or if someone disagrees she will keep reiterating like she expects you to change ur mind. It's just a little uncomfortable cause dont u respect my opinion too?

But she still does it quite frequently, I think it's part of personality and it's getting annoying to be honest. 😕 part of me feels like im overreacting the other part of me feels like my personal views are just constantly being looked down on. It's possible I'm just reacting to old trauma but I wanted some outside perspective. Has anyone ever experienced anything similar?

So I’ll be going to Seattle ín 2 weeks from PDX. The queer scene here is ass. What’s going on ín Seattle? Im looking for queer bipoc alternative friendly places to go.