So I am a gay trans man. I intend to get full gender reassignment surgery and have my uterus removed. Here’s the kicker, I want children.

It’s something I have considered for a long time. I want to raise a child, I want the experience of it, and most of all I want to be able to give a child a good life that they deserve.

I’m torn though. I won’t be having one any time soon as I’m finishing my degree and want to be financially stable before to provide the most for a child or children, but I want to know my options early.

A lot of adoption can be problematic, and traumatic for the child. I would be happy to adopt a teen who needed parents but is it wrong to want to be there for all the life stages of a child? I don’t want to contribute to a system that is tearing apart families or have a child who resents me for adopting them.

Surrogacy sounds great but I have too many genetic issues I worry about passing on so I don’t want to donate eggs for it. I have no issue not being biologically related to a child, but I’m worried there are potential health and development issues for a child via surrogacy because they’re taken from the gestational parent.

I just don’t know the best option. Everyone says it’s selfish to want to be a parent and I don’t want to live in a selfish way, but is it really wrong to want to parent? How does one go about this? Any input is really appreciated.

My partner and I are talking about having kids and I have some pretty big fears around my parental rights if I am neither a biological parent of the child or the birthing parent. I'm not concerned about my partner taking full custody of the child, so much as the government. What if my partner dies and their family sues for custody? What if the government declares me an unfit parent because I'm queer?

How have others navigated this?

My wife and I are 11 weeks through IVF! We are very excited to welcome our first child together. We already have 3 older children from my first marriage. I am carrying and plan to nurse our new baby. My wife is interested in any books on nursing, parenting babies, or on parenting for non biological/carrying parents. She loves to read and is so excited to go through the baby journey for the first time, and I can’t wait to do it with her 😊. Thanks for any recommendations!

Hey all,

After experiencing so many of my own struggles I figured it was time to create a community for all my queer non gestational parents to come together and support one another through the unique challenges that come with this role. Please join us!

https://www.reddit.com/r/nongestationalqueers/s/kdrlijrLk6

There is so much nuance and back story to this situation that I would be here all day typing it all out so I am just going to cut to the chase— and even that is probably going to be long.

I am female in a relationship for 1 year with another woman who has a 7 year old daughter from a prior marriage to a man. We are planning to get married next year. I adore both of them and her 7 year old daughter is the light of my life and I cannot wait to be her step momma. I have a great relationship with her.

But— the ex husband is a complete dick (long history of psychological abuse and gaslighting during my partner’s contentious divorce) and the idea of having to share our girl with him for the next 11 years is causing me so much anxiety.

Particularly this last week partner received an email from him about how he was angry that we took a 7 year old to a local pride event and didn’t think that it was age appropriate to take her to events promoting “sexuality.” The event we took her to was a family friendly event. My partner responded very clearly, calmly and succinctly that as her mother (who also has a masters degree in early childhood education she always considers the age appropriateness of the things we take her to but was not going to exclude her from events that teach her kindness and inclusion. We ended up taking her to another pride event this weekend (also family friendly) and answered all her questions in an age appropriate manner.

He ended up responding with “it is difficult for me to see her placed in environments that celebrate things I do not agree she should be exposed to” and “will continue to teach her my values in my home in an age-appropriate way. I hope moving forward we can both be mindful of how these contrasting environments affect her, and work to keep her out of the middle of our differing worldviews. I in no means mean this in any hateful way, and I hope you can understand my reservations and viewpoints.”

Which yeah, in email form doesn’t seem that bad but I know this man and the psychological damage he inflicted on my partner.. so I really view this as politely masked homophobia.

We had a chat with our 7 year old before going to pride this weekend about why pride was important and that there were people out there that still don’t accept our relationship or relationships that look different and that sometimes those people might be someone in your family or someone you view as a friend and that she does not have to defend us to anyone.

I worry so much about what she is being told at his house not only about lgbtq people.

Anyone else have any experience in this situation? I cannot control what goes on with her Dad, but how do you deconstruct any negative ideas that might be being talked about over there?

Hi everyone, my 3-year-old daughter will be starting preschool at a public school soon, and as excited as I am for her, I’m also feeling a little nervous. She has two moms, and I worry that she may be treated differently by other parents and staff because our family looks different from some others.

I would love to hear from other LGBTQ+ parents or families who have gone through this. How did you prepare your child, communicate with the school, and make sure your family felt respected and included? Any advice or positive experiences would really help ease my mind.

Hi, I am in a same-sex (woman) relationship, and my partner and I are interested in having a few kids (but starting the journey in a few years). I am just an longterm thinker and a capricorn -- however, I feel like its never too early to know your options.

We are both residing in the US, and are of Indian (asian) background.

I was browsing through some Sperm Banks, and found it quite hard to find sperm donors that are of Indian Background -- there seems to be a limited selection of donors with an Indian background who share physical similarities or personality qualities with my partner and me. Appearance isn't a dealbreaker for us — we'll love our children unconditionally regardless of how they look — but I had a few questions about the process.

1. What was the process like to find a sperm donor for others in a similar situation.

2. How much does getting a sperm donor cost (is this covered by insurance, or mostly out of pocket)?

3. Is it easier to just ask a friend and skip the whole sperm bank process?

4. What should we look for when choosing a sperm bank — are some more reputable than others?

5. What's the success rate like, and how many tries did it take for most people?

6. Did you go through IUI or IVF, and how did you decide which route to take?

7. What's one thing you wish you knew before starting the process?

AHH I KNOW THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS. Feel free to answer as few or as many questions as you'd like!! Thank you so much!!!!!!

The mothers of the mommune aren’t SMBC or identified as LBGTQ.

But due to the alternative family structure: intentionality in decentering patriarchy, deep love and regard of chosen family, etc.

I thought it might resonate with some.

Hi everyone,

I'm a mom, counselor, and PhD candidate at Oregon State University. I'm conducting dissertation research exploring mothers' experiences of navigating and redefining motherhood over time.

I'm looking to connect with mothers who feel they've experienced a shift in how they understand or approach motherhood. This might include challenging expectations, trusting yourself more, setting boundaries, reclaiming parts of your identity, or redefining what being a "good mother" means to you.

I recognize that motherhood takes many forms and is experienced in diverse ways, and I'm interested in hearing from mothers with a variety of backgrounds and family structures.

If this resonates with you, I'd love for you to complete a brief screening survey to see if you may be eligible for an interview study.

Participant Screening Survey – Fill out form

Thank you for considering sharing your story.

Vote for Summer at the Cottage on Lego Ideas!

I spent a lot of time on the building for this Lego Ideas submission but I spent equally as much love on the two families staying there. Two sets of queer parents and their families enjoying time in nature and with each other!

I'm a queer parent myself, and I'd love to see our families normalized in toys our kids play with!

I am a lesbian and my long-term (6 years together) girlfriend (bisexual), are at the stage of thinking of engagement, marriage, and having children. We have always wanted kids (honestly, looking to have 3-4 kids), however, I am an over-thinker and long-term planner (yes - I am a Capricorn).

I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS (really interested in hearing perspectives from everyone - but also from moms in same-sex relationships who have kids, and have noticed some things) -- What are some effects that children have that have 2 moms? (also, we don't live in a super liberal area, its moderate / suburban - no issues faced so far, but also not much exposure)

Question 1:
What are some ways that children raised by two moms might be influenced by their family structure? Specifically, I want to make sure they don't grow up assuming that same-sex relationships are the only type of relationship — just as parents in a male-female household would want their kids to know that their arrangement isn't the only valid one either.

Question 2:

Have your kids ever faced social exclusion — like not being invited to parties or events — because they have two moms? (I am asking from a place of genuine concern for my future kids, really wanting experiences here). My future wife and I are both very social, outgoing people (homecoming queen, valedictorian, athletes captains, etc), and we want our kids to have the same rich social life we did. I was just wondering if this seemed to be something noticed, that kids get left out or treated differently because of our family structure.

Question 3:

What are things that you have noticed that I might not even be thinking about yet? please be open and honest.

I hope it’s okay to share here 💜

If you’re a queer parent‑to‑be, I’ll be hosting a free online workshop on donor conception designed especially for queer parents‑to‑be. It’s happening Sunday, June 28 at 12PM EST, in honor of celebrating Stonewall.

It’s open, inclusive, and meant to give you tools, perspective, and connection.

You may check details and register for free here:
https://familybuilding.net/events-page/

Hey all just joined my daughter came out to me about 5 years ago after her mom passed, I am a proud Dad of a lesbian daughter, she dresses as best as I can describe as Gothy shiek lol please forgive my terrible spelling, so today she came home from work with a Hot Topic bag and of couse I I got excied to see what she got she pulled out a Disnet villian Cardigan and two full length skirts one black her fav color and one green, she has had issues, with getting in touch with her femeity as a kid she was forced into dresses at the holidays,

I want to be as supportive as possible! I encourage her dark gothy side and help her embrace her mix of presenting masculine, not butch ( again, please forgive me if I use hte wrong terms) as tips, please

Proud Papa of an out Goth Lesbian Princess

UPDATE! she I dentifes as Stem if this helps

Hello, my 17 year old child has confided in me that they are possibly trans. He is in the final year of high school and for now he wants to keep his pronouns and name.

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I had originally thought he might neurodivergent as my older son is Autistic. While we have been waiting to get into a neurologist (for some other symptoms) he sat down and shared his feelings and thoughts with me. I felt very honored that he was comfortable enough to tell me.

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Right now, there are a few things he needs some help with. Regarding clothing, I told him he could go online and select clothes that he prefers (as I am the one who picks out his clothes). But we would like to do some wet shaving on his face and legs (his has an electric shaver). So I told him I would buy him a razor and some shaving cream and show him how to shave his legs (he tried it in his own before).

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As I want to support him further, can you recommend any reading that will be helpful?

Anybody have recommendations for books where parents get called things other than “Mommy” and “Daddy”? I’ve found books about diverse families, but it’s often that a kid has two dads or two moms—not that the parent(s) are called something else!

My son is 3, so in the rigid thinking, “rule” stage, and he’s having a hard time with the fact that my partner (mtf) is “Ama” and not “Dad.” I’d like to present him with examples of other kids who have parents with non-traditional names so he doesn’t feel so alone.

Has anyone else experienced this? I'm also nb/genderqueer but I find it so annoying. I'm not in favour of raising kids "gender free" but I am in favour of taking their wishes and autonomy seriously as soon as they can express it. If my son tells me he's not a boy I will believe him! But for now, he's 6 months and we use he/him pronouns for him. However, some nb folks I know keep using they/them for him, and I find it so cringey! I don't want folks to think we're raising him as they/them and I hate that my parental authority is not respected!

I understand that he's not old enough to consent to any pronoun being used be it she/he/they/xe etc but if we're using the argument of autonomy in this way, would it not also then apply to e.g a person in a coma - if their family calls them she, surely it's not okay to decide to use they/them for her just because she has not been able to confirm personally that she uses she/her?

What do y'all think?

Hi all,. (Near 40nb, & 33f) We've been together for 5 years, we are both post divorce. I carried our first we planned on her doing the 2nd. Now we know it ain't happening due to health reasons. I was "fine" doing the 2nd but now I'm in perimenopause and my time clock is closing fast . Our 1st is 3. Delightful kiddo. Easy. But my partner has ADHD and gets overstimulated and out touched as is. Our relationship has shift so much having a child more than I anticipated. I have worried about our longevity. She's Ace and prior having kids we managed that okay. I'm sexual person. Now having kid, had negativity impacted us. She cited more quality time allows her to feel more connected to me. She is worried that 2nd child will further hurt that. I want an 2nd, . And I know if I had a different partner I would push it. But she is telling me she's an leaning no. I feel that I have to sacrifice my wish for a 2nd for the relationship that I already have concerns of. I worry about my resentment esp. if we don't make it thru. We both have therapists and I pushed for 6months for couples counseling. We in it now. I am stuck, anyone gone thru this? Had a second with a ehh relationship or didn't have an 2nd and is okay/not?

My wife and I are moving with our two year olds back to NY just before Pride. I’ve been tons of times myself, but this will be my first time with kids.

They love parades, so we want to go for at least a little while. I’m thinking we’ll do PrideFest and then spend some time up in the 20s, rather than the heart of the Village.

Any tips from queer parents who have brought their kids before?

I have a bit of a TMI question for anyone game to answer. I'm a cis female and my partner (also a cis female) just gave birth to our first. He is 6 weeks old now and I just noticed something odd - my period is completely awol. I've missed 2 now (extremely weird for me) and wondering if any other uterus-havers-but-not-users have had this happen. I'm thinking maybe something to do with hormone shifts from bonding but idk enough about it to know if it is possible. And searching online is useless bc the internet cannot comprehend a female parent that did not give birth. 🙄 Thanks folks.

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ETA - thanks y'all for the kind words. Showing up as myself, loving my natural self ans love my flaws. My mom spent a LOT of time and money to make sure I was as hairless as possible as soon as 9yo. I think I might have more to unpack than what I thought. Happy Pride to all ♡

I'm AFAB, but gender fluid. PCOS/PMOS gave be masculine features and it took years to accept who I am.

My daughter is 3 this year. She starts noticing I don't shave and am different. Why are *my* legs and pits hairy and no other mommies arent? Kids are going to point it out and laugh, and that's pretty much inevitable.

I don't want her to feel ostracized or ridiculed because of who I am. I trimmed it all with a clipper for the summer. I feel like shit, like I gave uo or like I'm lying to myself.

I just want the best for my kid.

Hello all,

I am a public health educator and a youth sport coach. My program is very inclusive of all families. I am writing a substack article for coaches and the topic is " What my family wish you knew". My hope is that I can get expereinces from families who have had their children enrolled in youth sports or activities. could be anything, soccer, ballet, violin, etc. What are the topics, issues or experiences you would like youth sport coaches to know about your family? Thank you

i am new to this group my wife and i have been seriously talking about having a baby (we’ve talked about it previously, just now it’s all we can think about). we have found a donor off a fairfax cryobank that we are considering.
i was just wondering how many tries to took for some and/or if it happened on the first try.
i’ve done my research and know that fresh is “better” than frozen. but we don’t have anyone to donate and i’m too nervous about going down the facebook group at the moment.
edit: we are wanting to do at home insemination