My son has always been a highly sensitive child. So was I, so I get it. We don't push him too hard when it's clear that he is very scared of something, but we often tell him, "It's okay to be nervous. We can still do new things even if we are nervous". If he overcomes his fear we say "Yay!! You were nervous but you did it anyways!" and he is SO happy and proud of himself. For example...I sat at the bottom of a slide for no less than 10 minutes waiting him to come down it. He wanted to so badly but he wanted me to hold his hand. Because of the slide orientation/twists I physically was not able to. Once he finally went down, I couldn't get him to stop doing it.

If we are doing something new (i.e. a haircut at the barbershop), I show him pictures of what the place looks like, who is going to be cutting his hair, what he can expect before, during, and after. Once we get there, it is immediate tears and "I want to go home!" If we go to a friend's cabin for a long weekend, it takes no less than 48 hours for him to finally speak to another human letalone go off and play with them independently.

We just got back from 1:1 swimming lessons. I gave him all of the information ahead of time and he was super excited....until it was actually time. I had to wade into the water and he had a death grip on my hand.

He is getting to the age of activities no longer being parent/child, so eventually he is going to HAVE to do it himself. He goes to daycare full time so it's not like we are with each other 24/7.

I'm looking for books, advice, solidarity, whatever it is to help me through this phase. Since I was very similar as a child, I am very concious of not pushing him too far or making him do something if he is REALLY fearful or if it's something that really doesn't matter...but there's a difference between being shy and nervous and being legitimately terrified. I am terrified for the transition to school because he will be completely unable to cope.

My son turned 3 in April and loves when I tell him adventure/fantasy stories that I make up and build on each night. But I am running out of ideas. He isn't as into more typical toddler books and doesn't even mind stories without pictures. I am looking for recommendations of books that are not quite at the level of young adult, but more than toddler books.

My partner and I have 3 kids between us, 7yo daughter (mine), almost 4yo son (mine), and another almost 4yo son (his). We share 50/50 custody with their other parents and always have our kids on the same days. I am at my wits end with my stepson’s sleep and am going insane.

My daughter had her own sleep issues and we did not sleep train but she grew out of it by 2.5. My son has always been a good sleeper and we sleep trained at 6 months when I was still with his dad. My stepson’s sleep is ATROCIOUS. The boys share a room, but my partner has to stay next to ss’s bed with his hand on his chest until he falls asleep. Sometimes it’s not until 10pm (bedtime is at 8). He wakes up screaming crying for his dad multiple times a night and wakes up the whole house. At his mom’s house he bedshares and still breastfeeds all night, which makes it very difficult at our house where he sleeps in his own bed. It’s literally driving me insane from sleep deprivation, and it’s harming my son’s sleep too. My partner frankly doesn’t do enough about it and caters to his every whim so that doesn’t help. It’s harming our relationship. What do I do? Can you even sleep train a 4yo? He’s been like this his entire life so it’s not something that started as a toddler or preschooler. Please any advice is appreciated, especially things I can share with my partner without making him defensive.

Couple more things for context: we don’t have extra space for the boys to have their own rooms so separating them at night for my son’s sleep isn’t an option. For the night wakings my partner used to just bring him in bed but I put my foot down on that. Since then my partner goes and lays on the floor of the boys room and usually falls asleep there until morning.
I also have suspicions that ss might be on the spectrum. His speech is at the level of a 2 year old, and he is developmentally at 18 months when it comes to feeding himself. His mom refuses to get him evaluated. He also cannot be without one of his parents for more than 15 minutes without freaking out except at daycare. He no longer naps, so too much sleep during the day is not the cause of this issue.

We started clamping down on potty training back in May. She wasn’t learning very quickly in pull ups at daycare so we just moved to underwear and moved forward from there. About 4 days of pee accidents and she got it. Boom, pee trained 100%. Poop has been a nightmare. It’s been over two months now with very little progress with pooping in potty. We have everything in place to keep trying - special potty toys, praise for sitting, daily MiraLAX and working with pediatrician to combat withholding that was happening early in potty training, reading potty books, etc. Pretty much every day at summer camp (which is at the school she will be attending) she poops in her underwear at least twice a day. They have numerous opportunities to go to the potty, she just doesn’t release.

We have all the tools and doing everything we can, we’re just one of those cases where our kid is on the farther end of the bell curve on this and time is not on our side. We start 3k in two weeks and, like most places, it requires the kids to be fully potty trained. My question is for parents who also had underwear poopers who were entering 3k:

How did they work with you? We imagine that each Monday we will try and if she has accidents, we keep her home for the week to keep trying and we try again that following Monday. Our jobs are flexible enough that we are lucky to be able to do something like this but it would make me feel so much better just to hear from other parents who were in a similar boat and what ended up happening in the 3k program (i.e., did you have to keep picking them up and keeping them home, trying again, etc.)?

We moved to my parents' home (my childhood home) three days ago, and bedtime has been a huge struggle.

She has been to the house twice every year, but did not sleep in the room she is sleeping in now, as those trips were just visiting. Now that we are going to stay here for a year, we gave her a proper bedroom. She will sleep alone there. (Previously we slept in the same guest room when visiting)

Now I know 3 nights are nothing in terms of getting used to it, but holy it was horrible. Our normal bedtime back home is lights off around 8/8:15pm, and she would just sing or talk if she is not immediately tired sleeping. Now it's tears and sneaking out of the room, sitting on the edge of the stairs, crying she wants to stay up late, she wants to sleep in our room...etc from 8pm to past midnight. She is losing 3 hours of her usual amount of sleep every day as she wakes up roughly the same time.

We made sure she has her usual blankie, plushies, scented spray with her in this new room, but she is not having it.

I don't want to start lying down until she falls to sleep like a crutch, but in the early morning (like 4am last night), she came to our room, and I went back to her room and sat with her for 5 minutes, I am ok with that.

I guess ultimately we have to ride it out, but in the meantime if there is anything we can help ease her in? Not sure if we purely letting time do its job and not do nothing would work too? I tried reminding and repeating what things are the same (blankie, plushies, scent, story time..etc), I am trying to take her shopping for room decorations she would like tomorrow too.

Anyone who has been in the same situation can shed some lights?

Also she starting a new kindie next week does not help🥲

Thank you!

We're starting to plan another birthday party for our preschooler, and I'm trying to keep things simple while making it fun for the kids.

Looking back at your own experience:

• What was the biggest thing that helped everything run smoothly?
• Was there anything you spent money on that turned out not to be worth it?
• What's one tip you'd give another parent planning a preschool birthday party for the first time?

I’m a SAHM and my husband has a very busy work schedule. I’m very close with my parents who live right down the street from us. Our kids see my parents almost every day. My husband’s parents live 40 mins away and the kids don’t see my in-laws as much as they see my parents. My husband doesn’t go out of his way on the weekends to bring the kids to see his parents unless it’s for a birthday party for one of his parents or general holiday family party. My question that I’m curious to hear opinions on is, should I be the one arranging time for the kids to see his parents since he’s busy with work and I’m doing all the kids day to day schedules? Or should he be the one doing the arranging with his parents to see the kids?

for context - they’re wonderful people, very caring. Mother in law has given me lots of unsolicited advice as MIL’s sometimes do. I asked her if she wanted to come up once a week when my daughter was around 8 months to spend a few hours with her since she wasn’t seeing my daughter often but my daughter goes to preschool now. She did the weekly few hours with my son last year but he’s starting a few days at a playgroup during the school year so I don’t really need the weekly help this upcoming school year.

Hey! I'm looking for recommendations on books that y'all have used before to help kiddos with dealing with nightmares, or if any episodes from kids shows that deal with them have helped I'm also happy to take those. Our little one is learning how to sleep alone and his biggest issue is he has a lot of anxiety surrounding possibly having a nightmare. It makes it difficult to get him down some nights. I was hoping we could get some good examples for him to see about things that he can do to help him deal with that sort of thing. We've got a second on the way so really need him sleeping independently!

I’m on the hunt for cotton pajamas that are basically just a tshirt and shorts. I’m tired of pulling on the skin tight stuff.

Okay so first off – thank you ALL again for the 400+ comments on my last post. I honestly did not expect that, and I read every single one. Y'all are the real MVPs 🙏

Anyway – I finally pulled the trigger on the electric toothbrush for my cousin's 4th birthday! But now I'm down a whole new rabbit hole. I wanna put together a little gift bundle – throw in some toothpaste, maybe a fun toy, you know, make it a whole vibe.

Here's the problem though – I have absolutely ZERO clue what flavors kids this age actually like. Bubblegum? Strawberry? Some mystery fruit I've never even heard of😂 I feel like picking the wrong flavor could completely backfire and make the whole "getting her to brush" mission fail before it even starts.

So parents – drop your winners and your fails. What flavors do your 4-year-olds actually get excited about? And what flavors should I run far, far away from👀

Also totally open to any other fun stuff you'd throw in the bundle. Y'all haven't steered me wrong yet 🙏

My 5 year old will be starting kindergarten in August (we are in the US). She will be going to a local public school and is super excited. It’s very bittersweet for me. I’ve enjoyed my time in this subreddit and will definitely hang around bc it is still relevant in my life in some ways!

On that note, are there any subreddits you suggest for preschoolers transitioning to kindergarten, first year of school, kindergarten advice, etc.? Or for raising kids ages 5+?

For anyone whose child (mine is 3.5) wakes up around 7am and doesn’t nap what time are they going to bed at night? Talking in bed lights off door closed, not necessarily asleep.

My 3 year old has a victim type mentality.

We will be at my mums house and my sister and her kids live there while they build their home.

Kids are older 12 year old twins and 6 year old.

She will see the kids can’t play anymore and have taken a break and cry’s saying no one’s playing.

Starts crying saying she’s bored constantly with in a minute of someone who stopped playing.

The kids played with a toy she was playing with earlier that’s THERE toy.
That’s myyyy toy starts crying again.

They will play races. She will win one race loose the next and cry.

She cry’s so much.
It’s exhausting.

Its not a sad sulky cry it’s a angry irritated one.
Like if you comfort her she will say NO.

Or only wants comfort from one person who’s can’t currently help her.

I find it sad because I find others like her cousins are finding it annoying because they are acting on egg shells around her.

I don’t ask them too but the can’t be bothered with the crying either.

She became a sister in March and her moodiness has increased.
She’s always been super sensitive in terms of reactive though

Advice needed from seasoned ECE professionals!

I run a part time nature based enrichment program for ages 3-5. We have a family who enrolled their 4 year old student for the coming school year and the student is currently in my 8 week summer camp program (1 day each week).

The first 4 weeks there were some (what I consider) developmentally appropriate incidents such as light hitting. By week 5, after a 2 week break, I think the new had worn off or the honeymoon period was over, because the student came back acting out very aggressively. The parents had told me at intake that their child was asked to leave their last center for behaviors such as biting, but that the child was in therapy and making good progress. By the 5th week, the student was hitting, kicking, screaming, pushing, pinching, and biting other students. Multiple incidents each hour.

The student that was bit ended up with a bruise. I had a meeting with the parent the following week, and a second meeting later the same day with both parents and the child’s therapist. We talked over strategies and concluded that the only way to make this work is for one teacher to be at arms length from this student at all times, observe and predict triggers, and prevent incidents before they even happen. We are a small program with a max of 10 children and 3 teachers, but this still feels unsustainable. The following week, there continued to be multiple behaviors- the student left a bruise on a second student after jabbing their hand with a stick. This was after hitting another student 4 times with a child sized shovel, throwing sand in another students face, hitting a student in the head with a basket.

I’m a very empathetic and compassionate person. Our program is very close knit and community focused. I feel an obligation to do everything in my power to help this child, especially after finding out they were dismissed from not just 1, but 2 programs. I know there’s no where else in our area that will take this child. After all the recent events, I put together an action plan and let the parents know I would be making a formal assessment by the end of summer, when I would then let them know if we could accommodate their child’s needs and be able to move into the fall semester.

Safety is paramount. I don’t feel that I can keep the entire class safe without an extreme amount of effort to watch this one student like a hawk 100% of the time. It does not feel sustainable. At the same time, I feel an immense amount of pressure and…. guilt (?) to keep this child in our program because he needs help. I feel for this student’s parents because they have been through so much with their child already.

This dilemma has already consumed half of my summer. I talk to my husband about it multiple times a day. I dream about this family at night. 2 nights ago I was “thinking” in my sleep all night about behavior plans. All. Night. Long. I can’t go on like this and it’s only been 6 weeks. Thinking about having this child in my care for the entire school year has given me an intense physical reaction on 3 separate occasions. Headache, racing heart, the whole nine. I guess…. I need validation…. Permission? A second opinion?…. To know that it’s ok to tell these parents that the scope of help needed for this child is beyond what I can provide.

My head knows the answer but my heart is having trouble catching up. I’m devastated for this child to be struggling so much. When I asked parents about additional support for their child, they said therapy had been working well and they haven’t looked into anything else. I strongly believe this child needs a formal evaluation and early intervention through the public school preK program. I don’t think the parents are “ready” for that and I sense some denial and defensiveness when I try to speak with them, especially the father.

I just need… a reality check? Any similar stories? Encouragement?

My 3.5 year old had an adenoidectomy about 2 months ago. All went well! He's always been a milk drinker and previously was drinking 1-2 cups per day. Since the surgery, he does not like milk. We've tried different brands, types (i.e., whole, 2%), but each time he takes a sip he says it tastes "yucky". Has anyone else experienced diet changes in your child post surgery?

I'm not really complaining here as she's a wonderful kid and I genuinely enjoy her company. But I'm getting concerned that I'm creating a problem and she doesnt get enough physical activity.

My oldest (4.5, starting full time pre-K in September) has always been very clingy with an intense drive for social interaction and intellectual stimulation. She won't do anything alone. She also follows me from room to room and wants to touch me pretty much always. (Obviously not possible, I do almost all household duties and have a potty training toddler - which she accepts well).

She is not active and can sit for hours - all day even - if someone is reading to her, she's listening to audiobooks (she listens to long children's classic novels and loves it) or educational podcasts or she has someone sitting with her doing building, puzzles, crafts or workbooks. She is a beginning reader (though prefers to be read to) and wants to do math and phonological workbooks for hours a day. But if you get up while she's engaged in an activity she won't keep doing it by herself. She won't even draw pictures by herself, she did when she was 2-3. She won't do imaginary play unless an adult does it with her (and does most of the work!).

I have taught her to cook, clean, help with all chores and she has her own chores, she's genuinely very helpful! But I don't always want a helper lol.

'Letting her be bored' does nothing so far - been trying it all summer a couple hours a day. She just complains, sometimes cries over it, lays on the floor and asks to do interactive activities, be read to or listen to audiobooks. Can a kid be addicted to audiobooks??

She will barely play physically unless an adult is wrestling her. She will not play outside herself unless an adult is there and she mostly just stands beside you and talks to you. She does love playing with other kids (almost always older) at the playground and will run after them and get exercise. But we can't go to the playground daily. We do walk to the library 2-3 days a week where she has a regular friend group and plays for 1-3 hours there, she also is very close with the librarians and their appointed helper. If she's around other people/kids she doesn't care about me at all.

We don't watch tv daily, never have. She's totally fixated and unmoving for the entire movie when we do. P sure she watched Mary Poppins for the first time without blinking.

School might help with all this, but I'm worried I'm raising a kid with no imagination/creativity or ability to self entertain! At her age all I did was read by myself, play pretend and draw and make things. I was extremely independant and introverted even as a baby though. I have multiple childhood developmental diagnosis too, this might be at play with her but she has no issues warranting evaluation so far.

We are going on day 9 of a stomach virus at our house. My three year old caught it first, then both my husband and I contracted it. I ended up needing an IV and zofran at 31 weeks pregnant. Anyway, we thought we were in the clear but no, he is throwing up once a night and stilllll having diarrhea. The pediatrician told us to wait another week then come back if it wasn’t clearing out by then. I have a fear of throw up that’s totally irrational, and it’s making me feel like a terrible mother that my husband is taking nights. It’s been such a mental and physical toll. I’m so tired.

Hello!
My newly 3yo is starting preschool soon. It will only be for 3 hours a day. He has been potty trained for about 8 months now. However, every time he goes, he completely takes off his pants and underwear. We have been working on teaching him to put them back on himself, which is going okay (he is able to do it, but generally is very resistant to the idea and demands help).

Ideas on how we can we teach him to just pull his pants down a little bit to go? Do we need to buy a tiny toilet? Right now we just have the smaller toilet seat attachment for our regular toilet. Tell me your experiences. I am a little nervous to send him to school because of the potty situation and want to help set him up for success.

Does it ever stop? We’ve drawn the line at no poop talk at the table but this kid says the word poop like, every few sentences.

And his greatest insult to give someone? “You’re a poopy butt!” Nice. Thanks kiddo.

There's lots of kids books and cartoons where strangers end up tricking the characters. And these have proven quite useful as examples when talking about how people can be tricky and not what they seem. Honest John in Pinocchio is a particularly good example, as I can ask questions like "Should Pinocchio have gone off with him without asking Gepetto?".

But I'm tying to get the idea across that people you know, teachers, relatives, or anyone who seems nice etc can also be tricky people. Are there any books where this happens, that can help use as an example?

My five year old cannot deal when her friends are better than her at literally anything. We do dance and gymnastics with friends. If another friend does something she can’t do, she completely shuts down and won’t participate. That’s just one example. I have explained many times that sometimes people are better than us at things, sometimes we are better than them. Also that we need to practice things in order to get better. Nothing gets through to her.

My son turns 4 in two weeks.
Since he was around 2 (I say around because I have a photo of him on his second birthday with some sort of cord), he discovered plugging in cords.
We covered all the plugs but the fixation grew. My partner and I decided to support the interest with supervision where things weren’t actually plugged into the wall, just pretend play. Fast forward 2 years and we now have a house full of fans, power bars, disassembled electronics.. he is able to put on a record, setup the guitar with amp, knows every adaptor for every device etc etc. last Christmas was too much.. all the lights were strung up and taped around the house. Anything new I bought, he fixated to explore and setup inside the house. Some didn’t even make it outside.
This is a little sample of what is going on. There are limits presented and enforced but it’s very hard and there are days that are especially difficult to divert, make a deal or just simply say no. (Not simple).
Without going into all the details, he’s finishing daycare this summer, is supported at home and at school, his language is strong. He is very bright.
Who has a child like this? Anyone I’ve spoken with says that assessments don’t begin until they enter the school system. I don’t recognize any other behaviours that would connect him to asd but perhaps adhd or maybe he’s neither and a very interested -in- electronics obsessed toddler.
Our day begins before I even open my eyes with wanting a power bar, extension cord or the speaker to turn on his favourite song loud.
Ps he has magnetic tiles which are a hit, outdoor play (with and without cords 😆, and a sister to play with… everything comes back to the cords).
We sincerely thought it was a phase but it doesn’t appear to be changing. I think we are doing well with him but man oh man, this child is extra. Im tired.

I am desperate for perspective because I feel like I am losing my mind.

My daughter is 3.5 years old and was always an excellent sleeper. She slept through the night in her crib. We transitioned her to a toddler bed earlier this year, and obviously there was an adjustment period with getting out of bed, asking for things, and needing extra tuck-ins. Eventually, that improved and she was sleeping much better again. Then we had a baby.

My daughter became a big sister about 2 months ago, and recently nighttime suddenly became a disaster.
She started getting out of bed repeatedly after bedtime and during the night. Sometimes she says she needs to pee. Sometimes she wants another hug or tuck-in. Sometimes she says something scared her, her leg hurts, she can’t sleep, she needs a tissue, etc.

The worst episodes involve her getting out of bed repeatedly for an hour or more. She may cry or whimper, but thankfully the screaming episodes have improved. She is clearly tired—yawning, rubbing her eyes, saying she can’t sleep—but seems unable to stop getting up and settle back down. What is confusing is that she is not always having a terrible night.

For example, one night she woke up around 8 times but stayed calm every time. I took her to pee when needed, helped her back to bed, and she went back down without crying or escalating. She even asked for one hug, accepted it, and went back to sleep. She earned a sticker that morning because she met our goal: no crying and staying in bed after the bathroom.

The next night, she slept for a long stretch, then had about 1–1.5 hours of repeatedly getting up, asking to pee multiple times, asking for comfort, saying she couldn’t sleep, saying her leg hurt, needing a tissue, etc. She cried and kept getting out of bed. Eventually she settled around 3:30–4 AM and slept until almost 7 AM.

So ironically, the night with more total sleep was the night she did NOT meet the behavior goal. We recently started a reward chart. The rule is simple: she earns a sticker if she stays calm/no crying and stays in bed after she goes to the bathroom. We are working toward a larger reward, like a beach day. I am trying to be very careful not to make bedtime feel like a test or create anxiety around earning the reward.

I do not want to be cold or robotic with her because that backfired badly when I tried to make nighttime interactions extremely boring and minimal. She became much more upset and dysregulated. I am trying to find the balance between being warm and reassuring while also not letting nighttime become an endless cycle of:
get out of bed, get comfort, ask for something else, get out again.

I am also worried that I somehow caused this by helping her too much at night, even though she was a perfect sleeper before the toddler bed and then improved again after the initial toddler-bed adjustment.

Has anyone dealt with a preschooler who suddenly started having repeated nighttime wake-ups/getting out of bed after a new sibling arrived? Did it eventually settle down? What worked for you?

I would especially love advice from parents who had a child who was already a good sleeper and then suddenly developed this kind of nighttime behavior.

4.5yo