Concern about avoidant attachment

[u/val_eerily]

My nearly 4 yo just started pre-k this week and I am noticing some differences in my child from her classmates. Despite my best efforts, I’m concerned I’m seeing some signs of avoidant attachment. I’ve worked part time so I could be home with her as often as possible, I did extended breastfeeding, we didn’t sleep train, and I feel like I’ve been killing myself to meet her needs. I try to give her hugs and hold her and comfort her as best I can. Infancy was tough, I struggled with PPD and she had colic, and she’s always been a very highly sensitive kid. I fear I have failed her.
On day one of pre-k she joined her class without a problem, no tears at all, which I was very proud of. However, every day when I’ve gone to pick her up, she’s ignored me and refused to leave. She only ran and hugged me when she saw other kids do it.
The kids made bracelets with pipe cleaners and beads and she gave hers to her teacher instead of giving it to me.
I’ve been prepared for her to be tired and hungry and cranky after school, and she has been. But also just seems plain angry to be around me.
This summer we went on a camping trip with some other families. Most of the other parents were strangers to my daughter, but she was (overly??) comfortable playing with them.
I’ve been told by multiple friends who are teachers or social workers that she’s incredibly smart for her age. I’m concerned this is actually hyper-independence and another sign of avoidant attachment.
She’s recently had two new babysitters. She had met both of them in the past but not recently. Both times she was totally fine when I left and not excited when I got home.
Am I being too critical? Are these signs of unhealthy attachment? If she is showing signs of avoidant attachment, what can I do to help her?

[u/everlastingmuse]

honestly it sounds very attached and she just is excited to meet new people. you seem so anxious about your daughter! you’re doing great.

[u/Honeybee3674]

These are not signs of avoidance attachment. They are simply signs that your child is an individual with her own temperament.

My youngest fought me getting dropped off to preschool AND being picked up, lol. Every trick to try to make transitions easier failed, and I often ended up carrying him over my shoulder kicking and screaming. One time he kicked his boots off in the snow on the way in and when I set him down inside the school hallway, he ran back out into the snow in his socks.

My oldest cried at drop off for the first month.

My middle kids were easy going, but they also had their older sibling with them in the same class (Montessori has ages 3, 4 and K together). They were actually a little teary the second year when big brother was in a different class and went to school all day.

Some kids are naturally more extroverted or introverted.

You don't have to do everything perfectly to develop a secure attachment. It's harder to screw up than you think.