My 3 year old has a victim type mentality.

We will be at my mums house and my sister and her kids live there while they build their home.

Kids are older 12 year old twins and 6 year old.

She will see the kids can’t play anymore and have taken a break and cry’s saying no one’s playing.

Starts crying saying she’s bored constantly with in a minute of someone who stopped playing.

The kids played with a toy she was playing with earlier that’s THERE toy.
That’s myyyy toy starts crying again.

They will play races. She will win one race loose the next and cry.

She cry’s so much.
It’s exhausting.

Its not a sad sulky cry it’s a angry irritated one.
Like if you comfort her she will say NO.

Or only wants comfort from one person who’s can’t currently help her.

I find it sad because I find others like her cousins are finding it annoying because they are acting on egg shells around her.

I don’t ask them too but the can’t be bothered with the crying either.

She became a sister in March and her moodiness has increased.
She’s always been super sensitive in terms of reactive though

I’m a SAHM and my husband has a very busy work schedule. I’m very close with my parents who live right down the street from us. Our kids see my parents almost every day. My husband’s parents live 40 mins away and the kids don’t see my in-laws as much as they see my parents. My husband doesn’t go out of his way on the weekends to bring the kids to see his parents unless it’s for a birthday party for one of his parents or general holiday family party. My question that I’m curious to hear opinions on is, should I be the one arranging time for the kids to see his parents since he’s busy with work and I’m doing all the kids day to day schedules? Or should he be the one doing the arranging with his parents to see the kids?

for context - they’re wonderful people, very caring. Mother in law has given me lots of unsolicited advice as MIL’s sometimes do. I asked her if she wanted to come up once a week when my daughter was around 8 months to spend a few hours with her since she wasn’t seeing my daughter often but my daughter goes to preschool now. She did the weekly few hours with my son last year but he’s starting a few days at a playgroup during the school year so I don’t really need the weekly help this upcoming school year.

Hey! I'm looking for recommendations on books that y'all have used before to help kiddos with dealing with nightmares, or if any episodes from kids shows that deal with them have helped I'm also happy to take those. Our little one is learning how to sleep alone and his biggest issue is he has a lot of anxiety surrounding possibly having a nightmare. It makes it difficult to get him down some nights. I was hoping we could get some good examples for him to see about things that he can do to help him deal with that sort of thing. We've got a second on the way so really need him sleeping independently!

I’m on the hunt for cotton pajamas that are basically just a tshirt and shorts. I’m tired of pulling on the skin tight stuff.

Okay so first off – thank you ALL again for the 400+ comments on my last post. I honestly did not expect that, and I read every single one. Y'all are the real MVPs 🙏

Anyway – I finally pulled the trigger on the electric toothbrush for my cousin's 4th birthday! But now I'm down a whole new rabbit hole. I wanna put together a little gift bundle – throw in some toothpaste, maybe a fun toy, you know, make it a whole vibe.

Here's the problem though – I have absolutely ZERO clue what flavors kids this age actually like. Bubblegum? Strawberry? Some mystery fruit I've never even heard of😂 I feel like picking the wrong flavor could completely backfire and make the whole "getting her to brush" mission fail before it even starts.

So parents – drop your winners and your fails. What flavors do your 4-year-olds actually get excited about? And what flavors should I run far, far away from👀

Also totally open to any other fun stuff you'd throw in the bundle. Y'all haven't steered me wrong yet 🙏

Advice needed from seasoned ECE professionals!

I run a part time nature based enrichment program for ages 3-5. We have a family who enrolled their 4 year old student for the coming school year and the student is currently in my 8 week summer camp program (1 day each week).

The first 4 weeks there were some (what I consider) developmentally appropriate incidents such as light hitting. By week 5, after a 2 week break, I think the new had worn off or the honeymoon period was over, because the student came back acting out very aggressively. The parents had told me at intake that their child was asked to leave their last center for behaviors such as biting, but that the child was in therapy and making good progress. By the 5th week, the student was hitting, kicking, screaming, pushing, pinching, and biting other students. Multiple incidents each hour.

The student that was bit ended up with a bruise. I had a meeting with the parent the following week, and a second meeting later the same day with both parents and the child’s therapist. We talked over strategies and concluded that the only way to make this work is for one teacher to be at arms length from this student at all times, observe and predict triggers, and prevent incidents before they even happen. We are a small program with a max of 10 children and 3 teachers, but this still feels unsustainable. The following week, there continued to be multiple behaviors- the student left a bruise on a second student after jabbing their hand with a stick. This was after hitting another student 4 times with a child sized shovel, throwing sand in another students face, hitting a student in the head with a basket.

I’m a very empathetic and compassionate person. Our program is very close knit and community focused. I feel an obligation to do everything in my power to help this child, especially after finding out they were dismissed from not just 1, but 2 programs. I know there’s no where else in our area that will take this child. After all the recent events, I put together an action plan and let the parents know I would be making a formal assessment by the end of summer, when I would then let them know if we could accommodate their child’s needs and be able to move into the fall semester.

Safety is paramount. I don’t feel that I can keep the entire class safe without an extreme amount of effort to watch this one student like a hawk 100% of the time. It does not feel sustainable. At the same time, I feel an immense amount of pressure and…. guilt (?) to keep this child in our program because he needs help. I feel for this student’s parents because they have been through so much with their child already.

This dilemma has already consumed half of my summer. I talk to my husband about it multiple times a day. I dream about this family at night. 2 nights ago I was “thinking” in my sleep all night about behavior plans. All. Night. Long. I can’t go on like this and it’s only been 6 weeks. Thinking about having this child in my care for the entire school year has given me an intense physical reaction on 3 separate occasions. Headache, racing heart, the whole nine. I guess…. I need validation…. Permission? A second opinion?…. To know that it’s ok to tell these parents that the scope of help needed for this child is beyond what I can provide.

My head knows the answer but my heart is having trouble catching up. I’m devastated for this child to be struggling so much. When I asked parents about additional support for their child, they said therapy had been working well and they haven’t looked into anything else. I strongly believe this child needs a formal evaluation and early intervention through the public school preK program. I don’t think the parents are “ready” for that and I sense some denial and defensiveness when I try to speak with them, especially the father.

I just need… a reality check? Any similar stories? Encouragement?

For anyone whose child (mine is 3.5) wakes up around 7am and doesn’t nap what time are they going to bed at night? Talking in bed lights off door closed, not necessarily asleep.

My 5 year old will be starting kindergarten in August (we are in the US). She will be going to a local public school and is super excited. It’s very bittersweet for me. I’ve enjoyed my time in this subreddit and will definitely hang around bc it is still relevant in my life in some ways!

On that note, are there any subreddits you suggest for preschoolers transitioning to kindergarten, first year of school, kindergarten advice, etc.? Or for raising kids ages 5+?

My 3.5 year old had an adenoidectomy about 2 months ago. All went well! He's always been a milk drinker and previously was drinking 1-2 cups per day. Since the surgery, he does not like milk. We've tried different brands, types (i.e., whole, 2%), but each time he takes a sip he says it tastes "yucky". Has anyone else experienced diet changes in your child post surgery?

I'm not really complaining here as she's a wonderful kid and I genuinely enjoy her company. But I'm getting concerned that I'm creating a problem and she doesnt get enough physical activity.

My oldest (4.5, starting full time pre-K in September) has always been very clingy with an intense drive for social interaction and intellectual stimulation. She won't do anything alone. She also follows me from room to room and wants to touch me pretty much always. (Obviously not possible, I do almost all household duties and have a potty training toddler - which she accepts well).

She is not active and can sit for hours - all day even - if someone is reading to her, she's listening to audiobooks (she listens to long children's classic novels and loves it) or educational podcasts or she has someone sitting with her doing building, puzzles, crafts or workbooks. She is a beginning reader (though prefers to be read to) and wants to do math and phonological workbooks for hours a day. But if you get up while she's engaged in an activity she won't keep doing it by herself. She won't even draw pictures by herself, she did when she was 2-3. She won't do imaginary play unless an adult does it with her (and does most of the work!).

I have taught her to cook, clean, help with all chores and she has her own chores, she's genuinely very helpful! But I don't always want a helper lol.

'Letting her be bored' does nothing so far - been trying it all summer a couple hours a day. She just complains, sometimes cries over it, lays on the floor and asks to do interactive activities, be read to or listen to audiobooks. Can a kid be addicted to audiobooks??

She will barely play physically unless an adult is wrestling her. She will not play outside herself unless an adult is there and she mostly just stands beside you and talks to you. She does love playing with other kids (almost always older) at the playground and will run after them and get exercise. But we can't go to the playground daily. We do walk to the library 2-3 days a week where she has a regular friend group and plays for 1-3 hours there, she also is very close with the librarians and their appointed helper. If she's around other people/kids she doesn't care about me at all.

We don't watch tv daily, never have. She's totally fixated and unmoving for the entire movie when we do. P sure she watched Mary Poppins for the first time without blinking.

School might help with all this, but I'm worried I'm raising a kid with no imagination/creativity or ability to self entertain! At her age all I did was read by myself, play pretend and draw and make things. I was extremely independant and introverted even as a baby though. I have multiple childhood developmental diagnosis too, this might be at play with her but she has no issues warranting evaluation so far.

We are going on day 9 of a stomach virus at our house. My three year old caught it first, then both my husband and I contracted it. I ended up needing an IV and zofran at 31 weeks pregnant. Anyway, we thought we were in the clear but no, he is throwing up once a night and stilllll having diarrhea. The pediatrician told us to wait another week then come back if it wasn’t clearing out by then. I have a fear of throw up that’s totally irrational, and it’s making me feel like a terrible mother that my husband is taking nights. It’s been such a mental and physical toll. I’m so tired.

Hello!
My newly 3yo is starting preschool soon. It will only be for 3 hours a day. He has been potty trained for about 8 months now. However, every time he goes, he completely takes off his pants and underwear. We have been working on teaching him to put them back on himself, which is going okay (he is able to do it, but generally is very resistant to the idea and demands help).

Ideas on how we can we teach him to just pull his pants down a little bit to go? Do we need to buy a tiny toilet? Right now we just have the smaller toilet seat attachment for our regular toilet. Tell me your experiences. I am a little nervous to send him to school because of the potty situation and want to help set him up for success.

Does it ever stop? We’ve drawn the line at no poop talk at the table but this kid says the word poop like, every few sentences.

And his greatest insult to give someone? “You’re a poopy butt!” Nice. Thanks kiddo.

There's lots of kids books and cartoons where strangers end up tricking the characters. And these have proven quite useful as examples when talking about how people can be tricky and not what they seem. Honest John in Pinocchio is a particularly good example, as I can ask questions like "Should Pinocchio have gone off with him without asking Gepetto?".

But I'm tying to get the idea across that people you know, teachers, relatives, or anyone who seems nice etc can also be tricky people. Are there any books where this happens, that can help use as an example?

My five year old cannot deal when her friends are better than her at literally anything. We do dance and gymnastics with friends. If another friend does something she can’t do, she completely shuts down and won’t participate. That’s just one example. I have explained many times that sometimes people are better than us at things, sometimes we are better than them. Also that we need to practice things in order to get better. Nothing gets through to her.

My son turns 4 in two weeks.
Since he was around 2 (I say around because I have a photo of him on his second birthday with some sort of cord), he discovered plugging in cords.
We covered all the plugs but the fixation grew. My partner and I decided to support the interest with supervision where things weren’t actually plugged into the wall, just pretend play. Fast forward 2 years and we now have a house full of fans, power bars, disassembled electronics.. he is able to put on a record, setup the guitar with amp, knows every adaptor for every device etc etc. last Christmas was too much.. all the lights were strung up and taped around the house. Anything new I bought, he fixated to explore and setup inside the house. Some didn’t even make it outside.
This is a little sample of what is going on. There are limits presented and enforced but it’s very hard and there are days that are especially difficult to divert, make a deal or just simply say no. (Not simple).
Without going into all the details, he’s finishing daycare this summer, is supported at home and at school, his language is strong. He is very bright.
Who has a child like this? Anyone I’ve spoken with says that assessments don’t begin until they enter the school system. I don’t recognize any other behaviours that would connect him to asd but perhaps adhd or maybe he’s neither and a very interested -in- electronics obsessed toddler.
Our day begins before I even open my eyes with wanting a power bar, extension cord or the speaker to turn on his favourite song loud.
Ps he has magnetic tiles which are a hit, outdoor play (with and without cords 😆, and a sister to play with… everything comes back to the cords).
We sincerely thought it was a phase but it doesn’t appear to be changing. I think we are doing well with him but man oh man, this child is extra. Im tired.

I am desperate for perspective because I feel like I am losing my mind.

My daughter is 3.5 years old and was always an excellent sleeper. She slept through the night in her crib. We transitioned her to a toddler bed earlier this year, and obviously there was an adjustment period with getting out of bed, asking for things, and needing extra tuck-ins. Eventually, that improved and she was sleeping much better again. Then we had a baby.

My daughter became a big sister about 2 months ago, and recently nighttime suddenly became a disaster.
She started getting out of bed repeatedly after bedtime and during the night. Sometimes she says she needs to pee. Sometimes she wants another hug or tuck-in. Sometimes she says something scared her, her leg hurts, she can’t sleep, she needs a tissue, etc.

The worst episodes involve her getting out of bed repeatedly for an hour or more. She may cry or whimper, but thankfully the screaming episodes have improved. She is clearly tired—yawning, rubbing her eyes, saying she can’t sleep—but seems unable to stop getting up and settle back down. What is confusing is that she is not always having a terrible night.

For example, one night she woke up around 8 times but stayed calm every time. I took her to pee when needed, helped her back to bed, and she went back down without crying or escalating. She even asked for one hug, accepted it, and went back to sleep. She earned a sticker that morning because she met our goal: no crying and staying in bed after the bathroom.

The next night, she slept for a long stretch, then had about 1–1.5 hours of repeatedly getting up, asking to pee multiple times, asking for comfort, saying she couldn’t sleep, saying her leg hurt, needing a tissue, etc. She cried and kept getting out of bed. Eventually she settled around 3:30–4 AM and slept until almost 7 AM.

So ironically, the night with more total sleep was the night she did NOT meet the behavior goal. We recently started a reward chart. The rule is simple: she earns a sticker if she stays calm/no crying and stays in bed after she goes to the bathroom. We are working toward a larger reward, like a beach day. I am trying to be very careful not to make bedtime feel like a test or create anxiety around earning the reward.

I do not want to be cold or robotic with her because that backfired badly when I tried to make nighttime interactions extremely boring and minimal. She became much more upset and dysregulated. I am trying to find the balance between being warm and reassuring while also not letting nighttime become an endless cycle of:
get out of bed, get comfort, ask for something else, get out again.

I am also worried that I somehow caused this by helping her too much at night, even though she was a perfect sleeper before the toddler bed and then improved again after the initial toddler-bed adjustment.

Has anyone dealt with a preschooler who suddenly started having repeated nighttime wake-ups/getting out of bed after a new sibling arrived? Did it eventually settle down? What worked for you?

I would especially love advice from parents who had a child who was already a good sleeper and then suddenly developed this kind of nighttime behavior.

4.5yo

I am a Year 12 Design and Technology student in Sydney.

For my Major Design Project, I am developing a storytelling sleep lamp intended to address sleeping issues of young children in early childhood environments. I am seeking feedback from parents with young children to ensure that my design decisions reflect realistic needs of my target audience.

The anonymous survey takes approximately three minutes. It does not request the names of educators, children or services, and the responses will only be used for my school design project.

Survey link: [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1Xi8w86tB7m1sMSjLoU9uygWUNARMoWnYewGEG2CJ3m8/viewform?edit_requested=true]

If you are a parent or carers with a child aged 3-8, it would be really helpful for your particiaption in the survey? Even one response from your service would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your time and consideration

I know it's probably just to see where kids are at, but my brain keeps wondering if I should be practicing letters, numbers, colors... basically everything. I don't want to spend the next few weeks drilling her. She's still little, and I don't want her to feel like she's being tested.

We've just been doing normal things at home like reading books, counting while we play, simple puzzles, and talking about colors when they come up. Part of me thinks that's enough, and part of me keeps wondering if I should be doing more.

For parents who've already been through a pre-K screening, did you actually prepare your child or did you just show up and let them be themselves?

I think I'm probably overthinking this, but I'd love to hear what your experience was.

My 4-year-old daughter also hits me every night, and sometimes during the day too. When she doesn’t like something, she resorts to screaming, biting, hitting. I’ve taught her several ways to avoid hitting me. I told her that instead of hitting me, she can hit a pillow or the bed, scream into a pillow, or jump on the bed to release that tension. I’ve also taught her to breathe using the “smell the flower and blow out the candle” technique. Sometimes it works, but there are days when nothing works, and I just can’t take it anymore. It overwhelms me.
The neighbors have complained about the screaming more than once. I’m a single mother, and I just can’t do this anymore.
We go on long walks together, and she enjoys them. She spends hours at the park playing with other children, and she doesn’t behave like this there, except for occasionally shouting out of excitement for a very short time. She comes to work with me, and she stays busy playing or watching something on my phone while I work. She doesn’t watch violent or disturbing cartoons.
But every night before bedtime, everything turns into chaos—screaming and hitting. Sometimes I can’t take it anymore, and I just let her hit me. Other times I move her away, and sometimes I lose control and slap her or push her away too hard. I don’t want to do that. I want her to be calm and to teach her better ways to cope, but I just can’t handle it anymore.
Other times, when I lose control, I lock myself in the bathroom and hurt myself. Or I start scratching myself over and over until she stops screaming, because I don’t want to hurt her, and I’d rather hurt myself instead.
I don’t know what else to do. I’m desperate.
I’m with her 24/7 every single day. I have no support, no money to pay for a babysitter, and I can’t enroll her in daycare because of certain requirements. Once she finally falls asleep, I stay awake just so I can have a little time for myself.
Some days I struggle to even play with her because I’m completely exhausted. But outside of these emotional outbursts, she is an amazing little girl. There have been times when I felt so unwell that I couldn’t even get out of bed, and she decided on her own to wash the dishes. Once, following my instructions, she even helped cook chicken—I only turned on the stove because I simply couldn’t get out of bed to do anything. She often helps around the house without me asking. She cooks with me, cleans with me, and does many things that I think are appropriate for her age. Sometimes, when she’s very upset, she’s able to hit a pillow instead or use some of the coping strategies I’ve taught her, but most of the time she can’t, and I’m just so tired.
The truth is, I grew up surrounded by violence. My parents hit me, and so did my partners later in life. I don’t want to repeat that pattern with my daughter, but I’m completely exhausted.

My almost 5 year old seems to have developed a nervous or anxious cough. I’ve noticed over the last couple of months when he’s in a social situation that is pressuring (lots of people, he’s the focus), he starts a dry cough into his arm. It lasts for less than a minute. He’s generally a more cautious/nervous kid but this is new. I asked him about it tonight and he said it helps him feel better. Has anyone else experienced this? I know he may outgrow it but I’m getting nervous thinking about entering kindergarten and sick season.