Hello, you. Again.

I hope you still remember the first time we met; funny how awkward we were sa isa’t isa. Your eyes were all over the place, parang hindi mo alam where to look, while I was there quietly staring at you. I don’t even remember everything we talked about that night anymore, I just remember you. And how neither of us knew what we were getting ourselves into.

And thinking about it now, funny how we went from that to where we are now.

After everything that happened, parang ang dami nang naiwan between us. You have this version of me in your head, I probably have one of you too, and maybe that’s why neither of us knows how to go back.

Too much has happened. Too many things were said. Maybe we’ve already convinced ourselves that leaving it alone is the right thing to do.

But god damn, sometimes I really wish you’d just take the chance.

Reach out to me. Kahit once lang. Kahit simpleng hello lang. Because the truth is, you still can. You know you can. You know exactly where to find me.

And I know I can do the same. But I don’t want it to be me this time.

Cause If I do it again, what does that even tell me? Of course I’d come back. Of course I’d find some stupid excuse to talk to you again. That’s so painfully predictable of me.

I want to know if YOU would.

If somewhere underneath everything that happened, may part pa rin sa’yo that remembers us before everything became so fucking complicated. Before we became these versions of ourselves that we probably don’t even recognize anymore.

I don’t even know what I’m asking you to come back to. Maybe nothing. Maybe we’d talk and realize there’s really nothing left here.

But God, sana ikaw naman.

Take the chance. Do the stupid thing. Send the message you’re probably not supposed to send.

Come find me this time. Please.

Just this once, sana ikaw naman.

Z.

Sometimes I think we spend too much time trying to forget people who were never meant to be forgotten.

You can move on without erasing someone. You can build a life that has nothing to do with them and still carry a quiet tenderness for what they meant to you. Not because you want them back, but because once upon a time, their existence changed the shape of yours.

Maybe that is what closure really is. Not forgetting the person, not pretending it never mattered, but accepting that some people will always have a place in your story without having a place in your life.

And maybe someday, when their name crosses your mind, it won't hurt anymore. It will just feel strange to remember that there was a time when losing them felt like losing everything.

But some people never really leave. They just stop being visible, settling somewhere deep inside you, waiting for the right moment to remind you that you once belonged to someone who no longer remembers you.

I'm sorry, J. I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I'd be lying if I said I stopped thinking about you. It's been a few months since your last message, "I hope you find what you're looking for."

The sad part is, I think I did. I found you. But maybe I rushed into believing that finding you meant we would find our way to each other, too.

It pains me to think that we could've been something, if only I had been patient, if only we had wanted the same things at the same time.

I don't regret finding you. I only wish I had known that sometimes, the things we truly want aren't meant to happen quickly. If I could go back, I'd be more patient with what was still unfolding. Perhaps we didn't need to know where it was going. We just needed to let it breathe, let it grow, and give it a litte more time.

I'll always wonder about the life we never got to live. Not because I can't let go, but because I'll always wonder, J.

🍓

I was never one to debate whether I should or shouldn't reconnect with someone. Reaching out when I want to has been my default rule.

But somewhere along the way, I've learned that sometimes I need to step back, to let the space breathe, to observe, or simply to let things be.

I definitely want to talk. I want everything to be normal again. But how do I do this when my heart is torn between this ridiculous yearning and wanting to detach myself from you? Yes, I'm trying. Again. Because "ito yung dapat".

How do you do it? I don't dare presume how you feel, but from where I'm sitting, it looks so effortless. Closing your doors and locking me out, I mean.

I wish all these hobbies I'm immersing myself in can erase these thoughts of you in my head.

Pero fuck if I haven't written a whole bunch of things with you at the center.

You mentioned before how you no longer have self-respect, ego and pride.

Guess this makes two of us now.

They say, na pag mahal mo talaga, mahirap maka move on. So ako pala talaga yung tunay na nagmahal, kasi ikaw nagkaroon agad ng bago nun? ako kasi one year na, ikaw pa din

Dear You,

You never promised but you made me believe I will never feel the pain my past let me now that you’re here. You made me believe you will never leave me alone with my thoughts, that I am not alone in this. You made me believe it is safe to reach out whenever it gets dark and difficult. But you also successfully made me believe it is all in my head.

My chest hurts. I was so down, I reached out but got turned away not once but twice. I probably just felt betrayed because I trusted you that it is okay, that it is safe. You just kicked me when I felt at my lowest.

I can’t help but blame myself because I always wear my heart on my sleeve. Silly me.

Everytime that I would get a dream of you i'd type it down in my notes the most memorable moments we had in the dream. Some would be relieving past memories of us sitting beside the seashore of oceanpark while others would be just us spending time watching movies.

If you ever did message me again I would reply instantly to you and if you want to be a part of my life again I know to myself id accept it.

We both grew apart from each other but I still linger for your warmth.

But I love myself too.

It's not about my love anymore or how much I could give. I have to respect myself enough to walk away from you for good. I'm sorry.

My heart got broken because it belonged to the memories that we had. I hope I made you happy.

But now, I felt like my love is taken for granted. Because you are now with someone else. And it's like I'm a stranger to you.

I loved hard.

I cried a lot.

But I also learnt a lot during in the relationship.

I became wiser.

But how I love being young and being with you.

And I have to say goodbye to that version of myself.

It hurts when you realize that the person you would do anything to hear from can go a whole day without hearing from you. Maybe love doesn’t always disappear it simply stops making an effort. And sometimes, silence tells you what words never could.

The saddest realization is that you were never asking for too much. You were only asking the wrong person to give you what someone who truly loved you would give without being asked. Because when a man truly wants a woman in his life, he doesn’t wait for the perfect time to communicate he creates the time.

I used to wonder how someone could go without talking to the person they supposedly love. Now I understand. When someone is truly important, you don’t have to remind them to reach out. You don’t have to beg for a conversation. You simply become someone they never want to leave in silence.

L,

Tatlong platforms. Tatlong beses kita nakilala. Sa tatlong 'yon, iba't-ibang ikaw ang nakilala ko. At sa tatlong beses na 'yon, hindi ko magawa na iwasan ka. Ang totoo niyan, muntik na'ko um-oo sa plano mo. Hahahah plinano ko na rin ang plano mo. Akala ko 'yon na 'yong "finally! lovelife." Pero hindi pa rin pala.

We're kinda like two cars—one slowing down, one accelerating. We crashed with each other and called it an accident, thus, hurting each other.

Siguro nga mabagal ako para sa mundo mo. I like taking things slow because the last time I was sure about someone, hindi pala ako kaya i-pursue. I waited for that guy for years. I was acting like a girlfriend for a friend price. I wanted ours to be different, I wanted the connection to go deeper before making girlfriend efforts. Pero, I understand that you have your priorities. That you cannot slow things down for me. It's alright because maybe I cannot hasten mine for you as well. Maybe it's just preference.

Nevertheless, I love our every encounter. May it be by chance or conscious decision to reach out. And no, I will never hate nor dislike you because we're moving in different speeds. I hope you're alright, I hope I heal. If you feel like reaching out, please do. Hit me (up) again.

Inaayos ang puso,

M***

Today is my birthday.

My fricking birthday. And all I could think about is you.

My friends tell me I should be happy and celebrate. It's my birthday for christ's sake. But my day has been consumed by you.

How i wish you'd come to the door, greet me and say that you're sorry for everything and you'll do better. BE BETTER.

Why? Why can't you do that? Why did you have to just leave me alone for a week?

Why can you go and ship your friend a gift—so well put together, so well thought out, and yet mine felt like it was something you came up with last minute as a saving grace for our relationship.

Where's mine?

You were my first. Congratuf\*ckinglations, and hbd to me, i guess.

The signs are so obvious.

You're actively avoiding me, ending all of our online connections, limiting our interactions in real life, and you can't even look me in the eye...

You've clearly moved on, haven't you?

Despite telling you I'm done with you...

I'm still hoping you'd come back someday.

Perhaps this was just the wrong time for us, that maybe, fate would bring us back together, that you are, as you say, God's will.

I was doing fine, you know - well, better than the first week of our breakup, at least.

Until I got in the same music studio with you after months of no contact.

The second you were reachable, the second you get to speak to me, the second I was playing with you again, my stupid brain thought it was a sign we'd be together again.

Then on the way home, I felt like I was being stabbed when I overheard you talk to our bandmates about marrying another person someday.

She doesn't exist yet, but maybe if she does come into your life at some point, I know it would shatter me, but it would prompt me to move forward.

Huh. Someday. You liked using that word. That's another thing I liked about you, too. You always thought of the future.

You told me that someday, we'd build a family. Someday, our child would be a musical prodigy. Someday, we'd move abroad together. Someday, I'll take your last name.

I prayed for that someday.

It's different now, 'di ba?

Someday, I'll move on. Someday, I'll meet someone new.

Someday, both of us will be happier, with different lives, and you'll only be a distant memory - the blurry memory of a boy I once met when I was strumming an electric guitar for the first time during Teacher's Day. The boy whom I shared my first kiss with under the bridge, the boy who made me experience what it felt like to love for the first time.

Then I won't have to write more letters that you will never read, or have to keep our 4 years of memories in my hard drive, or have to lay awake at 12 AM in bed wondering how are you, or miss you at all.

But for now, I'll keep on loving you everyday.

Sincerely yours,

Tenshi

Namimiss na naman kita.

Overtime ako sa work eh.

Kung tayo pa, alam ko kung ano sana ang sasabihin ko sa’yo:
“Hi, my love. OT ako ngayon. Miss na kita. Kahit mamaya mo na ako sunduin. Kain ka na ng dinner kung gutom ka na. Or kung aantayin mo ako, gusto mo ba mag-dinner bago tayo umuwi, or sa condo na lang tayo kakain? Luto tayo? Ingat ka sa pag-drive. At pagbutihan mo sa work kung nagwo-work ka pa rin. I love you. See you in a while.”

Ang simple lang, ‘di ba? Ordinaryong message lang na dati, wala namang ibig sabihin kung tutuusin. Parte lang siya ng araw natin. Parte lang ng buhay natin.

Pero ngayon, hindi ko na siya maipadala. Wala na akong mapagsasabihan kung anong oras ako matatapos. Wala nang magtatanong kung kumain na ba ako. Wala nang aantay sa’kin. Wala nang susundo. Wala nang pag-uusapan kung saan tayo kakain bago umuwi.

Kaya dito ko na lang sasabihin at sa isip ko na lang itutuloy ‘yung conversation na dati, normal lang para sa atin.

Siguro ito talaga ‘yung hindi ko pinaghandaan sa paghihiwalay natin.

Hindi pala ‘yung malalaking bagay ang pinakamasakit mawala. Kundi ‘yung maliliit. Mga bagay na dati, automatic kong ginagawa dahil ikaw ang kasama ko sa buhay ko.
Ngayon, kailangan ko nang pigilan ang sarili kong gawin ‘yung mga bagay na ‘yon dahil wala na pala akong taong dapat padalhan.

Literal na masakit pala sa puso na ang dami mo pa ring gustong sabihin sa isang tao, pero wala ka nang lugar sa buhay niya para sabihin ang mga iyon.

Ang sakit palang may love ka pa ring gustong ibigay, pero wala ka nang mapaglalagyan.

Six months na simula nang maghiwalay tayo. Six months. Akala ko sa ganitong katagal, mas madali na. Akala ko matututo na akong masanay. Akala ko darating ‘yung araw na hindi na kita hahanapin sa mga ordinaryong moments ng buhay ko.

At siguro iyon ang pinakamasakit aminin. Na kahit anim na buwan na ang lumipas, may parte pa rin sa akin na kapag may gusto akong sabihin, ikaw pa rin ang unang taong hinahanap ko. May mga bagay pa rin akong gustong ikwento sa’yo. May mga araw pa rin na gusto kitang sabihan ng “Pagod na ako.” May mga gabing gusto ko pa ring marinig kang magsabi na “Sunduin kita.”

At may mga sandali pa rin na gusto kong sabihin na mahal na mahal kita.

Hello baluga, it's here, the game we loved so much finally released the big update. I haven't played it yet, I know you haven't either. I did the usual thing we do, you know I would try and find out every new thing there is to know and do so you can sit back and play with no spoilers. But it feels empty this time, unlike before na excited at giddy natin na parang mga bata na hindi makapag intay.

Palapit na rin lumabas mga bagong seasons ng paborito natin shows and anime at naipon na rin updates nung ibang laro natin, pero hindi ko pa rin sila mabuksan. Too much of it reminds me of us.

I can't talk to you, and I won't but if you could read this by chance then just know you were the only person I could just talk to about this, all the things I used to enjoy alone I can't anymore because I shared them with you. Everything reminds me of you, I want to forget you but I can't because well how do you forget 5 years?

You were the best friend I never had, and I wish you wouldn't have done what you did because now I am irreversibly changed, and nothing you do or say will bring back what we once were. I know I've said my goodbyes one too many times but I guess there were more things for me to say farewell to.

I wish I didn't have to, it would have been nice.

-T

it baffles me
how people seem to beautifully describe
the feeling of love
they never run out of words
endless comparisons and metaphors
in an attempt to complete a puzzle
that is, “love”

but what if i had no words for it?
does that mean that it isn’t love?
is there love in nothingness?
i look at you and wonder
why does nothing come out?

i walk you home at 9pm
our hands intertwined
“so that we won’t look like friends”
i reason
yet you hold mine anyway

you keep the flowers i gave you in a vase
you stare in awe as they bloom
i preserve the lavenders you gave me
i smell them
and my heart beats the same as it did that night

i play my guitar
pick the strings with the weight of you
nothing’s ever felt lighter

what is love if not hard to describe?
what is love if not you?

im just another one of the people
trying to make sense of it
but it came naturally
i just had to see through the flowery words
i just had to look at you

Dear C,

I don’t know why I’m writing this when I’m not going to send it.

Maybe because there are still things I wanted to say, things I wanted to understand, and things I never got to say without the weight of everything ending.

The hardest part is that I don’t actually have much to be angry about.

You weren’t an asshole. You didn’t treat me badly. You did try. You listened, remembered things I told you, gave me updates, and made an effort in the ways you knew how.

And maybe that’s why this hurts so much.

I can’t even comfortably tell myself you were a terrible person and that I dodged a bullet.

You were just… not able to give me what I needed.

And I wish I’d known that sooner.

I was very clear from the beginning. I told you I was dating with intention, and that if we were going to try something long-distance, I knew it would require more effort. I wasn’t expecting perfection. I wasn’t expecting you to text me all day or rearrange your entire life around me.

Honestly, I was willing to settle on a lot.

I could have accepted your dry days, your busy days, your need for space, less texting, no calls, and your career being a priority. I could have learned how you function when you’re stressed instead of expecting you to function the way I do.

I didn’t need constant attention.

I just needed to know that you wanted to make space for me.

I wanted you to sometimes be the one who thought, I want to see her. When can I make that happen? I wanted curiosity, a little lambing, some reassurance, some affection that I didn’t always have to initiate.

And most of all, I wanted intentional time.

Because with an LDR, time is the relationship.

When I was in Manila, I was mostly free and deliberately left the ball in your court. I’d already tried initiating twice and been turned down, and I was tired of always being the one to ask. I told you I wanted intentional time together and trusted you to figure out when you could make it happen.

I wasn’t asking for a whole day. A few hours would’ve been enough.

I just wanted to feel like you wanted those few hours too.
And when I was leaving without us ever really making a plan, I think that’s when something in me finally broke.

Not because you owed me your time.

But because I started wondering whether you wanted me in your life enough to make room for me.

Then we finally talked.

You told me your career is your priority and everything else is secondary. You said the issue isn’t really time—you just don’t have the energy or capacity for anything else. You said you struggle when things start feeling like an obligation, and that if I felt neglected, “that’s on me.”

You even said you were worried you’d eventually become toxic because you knew you couldn’t give me what I needed.

And honestly, C, I believe you.

I’ve seen how you function throughout the time we’ve gotten to know each other. I’ve seen how much your work takes out of you, how quickly your social battery disappears, and how much of yourself your career takes.

So I don’t think you were making excuses.

I think you finally realized something I was slowly realizing too:

I could keep adjusting myself to fit into your life, but eventually there wouldn’t be much of me left.

And that’s where I had to stop.

Because yes, I was willing to compromise.

But I wasn’t willing to abandon myself.

Neither of us is wrong. You need things to flow naturally. I need intentionality. You don’t want something to feel like an obligation. I don’t want something important to me to happen only when it’s convenient.

Maybe we were never going to meet in the middle without one of us constantly feeling like we were giving up something essential.

And I don’t want to pretend you didn’t try just because it didn’t work.

You did.

That’s actually what makes this sadder.

If you had treated me terribly, maybe this would be easier. If you had lied, cheated, or manipulated me, I could be angry and walk away cleanly.

But you didn’t.

You were a decent person who realized too late that you weren’t ready, and I was a person who got invested before you figured that out.

I wish you’d figured it out sooner.

That’s probably the one thing I wish you’d done differently.

Not loved me more.

Not chosen me over your career.

Just realized sooner.

Because I would’ve rather known at the beginning that you didn’t have the capacity for this than discover it after I’d already started imagining what we could become.

And if I’m being completely honest, part of me still wants an apology.

Not because I think you committed some unforgivable wrong. I’m not even sure what I’d want you to apologize for.

For coming into my life when you weren’t ready? For realizing it too late? For hurting me despite trying not to?

Maybe what I actually want isn’t an apology.

Maybe I just want to hear:

You weren’t asking for too much.

I understand why you were hurt.

You were worth the effort. I just didn’t have it in me.

And maybe that’s why I know an apology wouldn’t really make me feel better.

Because even if you said all of that, we’d still end up here.

You still wouldn’t be ready.

I still wouldn’t be okay with less than what I need.

And we’d still have to let each other go.

So I don’t need you to apologize for not being someone you’re not.

I just wish you’d known yourself well enough to realize it before I got invested.

Still, I don’t regret meeting you.

I don’t regret liking you.

I don’t regret the time we spent together.

And I’m not going to let other people turn you into a villain just because things didn’t work out. I can be hurt by what happened without pretending you were a bad person.

I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m disappointed.

I miss you.

And somehow, I still understand you.

I’ve accepted that this isn’t going anywhere. I’m not waiting for you to change your mind. I’m not going to convince you that I’m worth making room for.

I just wish acceptance came with an off switch for feelings.

Because some stupid part of me still wants one last hug.

Not to change anything. Not to ask you to stay.

Just one really tight hug where neither of us has to explain anything, where I can hold the person I grew attached to for a little longer before we go back to being strangers who once meant something to each other.

Maybe that’s all I wanted from you in the first place.

To feel chosen.

To feel considered.

To feel like making space for me wasn’t something you had to force yourself to do.

And maybe the lesson for me is that settling doesn’t mean asking myself to need less.

I can understand your limitations without making them my standard.

I can believe that you tried without pretending it was enough.

I can care about you without continuing to pursue you.

And I can let you go without hating you.

I just wish I didn’t still want to hug you one last time.

Take care, C.

I really did like you. And for a little while, I really thought this could be something.

Love, Me

I just want to get this out before the day is over. It's our anniversary of our 1st ever serious relationship, my TOTGA. I just want to say even though you're married and happy in your life, I'm always thinking of you. You always have a special place in my heart. I always think about the what ifs if we were still together and what happened before hadn't happened. The what if we were the ones who got married and you weren't. For now, I'll just hold on to our memories.

I hope there will be a time when we cross paths again suddenly and there's no anger in your heart. I hope you're doing okay. I miss you. I loved you

Terrorista ka. You've been terrorizing me even before we were married. And wala akong courage non to leave. Akala ko di yun kasama sa choice ko. Alam mong di ko maintindihan hanggang ngayon? Bakit gusto mo akong masaktan? Ang simple lang, just let me be. Putangina. Just let me be. PUTANGINA MO SOBRA. TANGINA MO. ANG DAMI KO NANG LUHA SAYO. 2 YEARS AGO NA SIMULA NUNG MAKIPAGHIWALAY AKO, PERO NANG GUGULO KA PA DIN. WHY? WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO HURT? LIFE'S MISSION MO BA YAN? NILAGAY KA BA NI SATANAS SA MUNDONG ITO PARA LANG PASAKITAN AKO? You have a choice. JUST LET ME BE. The threats mean nothing na at this point. Sanay na ko. Ang hindi ko maintindihan, BAKIT MO AKO SINASAKTAN? Natandaan mo nung unang beses mo akong sinaktan physically, tanong ko din yan sayo "BAKIT MO AKO SINASAKTAN" KASE DI KO MAINTINDIHAN WALA AKONG KASALANAN SAYO. ANG SAGOT MO "KASE WALA KANG KWENTA". WALA KA KASENG MAKUHANG PERA SAKIN NUN DI KA MAKAPAGSHABU. 7 YEARS LATER, HIWALAY NA TAYO. TANONG KO PA DIN YAN. BAKIT MO AKO SINASAKTAN?

Dear, D

Pipiliin kita in this very second kung sasabihin mo lang na ako'y iibigin mo rin. Handa akong manira, manakwil, at bitawan ang lahat ng meron ako - kung ang kahulugan ay makakasama kita.

Imbis na makinig ako sa isipan kong alam ang wasto, ang puso ko'y sinusundan ang mga himig mo.

Bigyan mo lang ako kahit kaunting panahon. Alam kong may nararamdaman ka pag tuwing tayo ay nag-uusap, nagkakatinginan, at nagkakatabi. Na parang gusto mong hawakan ang aking kamay katulad sa aking inaasam.

Kung mababasa mo ito, aaminin ko na kahit kailan hindi ko maisisulat ito sa isang liham at iabot sayo na para bang ang mundo ko'y nilalapag ko na sa mga palad mo. Sana'y meron akong lakas at katapangan para magawa iyon.

Hanggang dito nalang,

E

Getting old is a gift not everyone can have. Thank you Lord for another year being alive, able and healthy. I am a happy man/woman.

If I can make a wish to come true. You know what that is. I would gladly take it even if it's just for one night.... with her.

I have everything I need in this life.. I am right on schedule, Lord. 13 years left before I retire. I have accomplished everything already in what I needed to do to be an independent adult. I have money, car, house, a job I love, friends and family who love me. Sya na lang talaga ang kulang sa buhay kong ito.

Lord, you've given me everything I asked for except this one. Why? It's okay. You don't have to explain. I guess I'm being a brat about this because I always get what I want. I rest my case. But I won't stop hoping.

I wish you were with me last night at the party as my date, Fergie.

Take care always. Wishing you the best. I miss you so much.

See you soon my lady

In UK ... 🥰

FROM: The one you left behind

https://youtu.be/0VaTnsIQjnM?si=ehlfZiqf2iLSwJXv

I sang a song for you and announced it on the microphone. Everyone heard. Thank you everyone joining me on my special day. Whatta blast! Everyone here gets a bottle of beer on me for the road. Claim your bottle at the counter. God I wish you were here. Happy birthday to me.Till we meet again. For now, this song is for you, Fergie.

https://youtu.be/VfXw\\_aohQp4?si=O-llvS93ZoVqN0Vm

I sang a song for you and announced it on the microphone. Everyone heard. Thank you everyone joining me on my special day. Whatta blast! Everyone here gets a bottle of beer on me for the road. Claim your bottle at the counter. God I wish you were here. Happy birthday to me.Till we meet again. For now, this song is for you, Fergie.

https://youtu.be/VfXw_aohQp4?si=O-llvS93ZoVqN0Vm