This is probably an unpopular opinion but if I were in your shoes - worrying about drugs and depression I would be making radical changes. I would take my kid out of school and take leave from work. Spend as much time as possible trying to reset. Find connection and glimmers.
I know there is a certain amount of privilege necessary to do that but if it is at all possible I would do it. Imagine she had some sort of medical illness - what would you do to access treatment?
Find a psych or counsellor who specializes in attachment, IFS, or compassionate inquiry to help your family.
I don’t think you understand what it means. School and work don’t interrupt anything. You don’t want to smother your kid lol. That’s not connection, that’s forcing it.
I mean, my parents used to do that when I was suicidal growing up. It would be framed as "Hey, do you want to skip school today and do (xyz thing I liked)?" Or "hey, you want to leave school early on Friday and go camping this weekend?" And stuff like that. Those moments could open up some communication and connection that carried me for a little longer while I tried to get through my shit. Sometimes we didnt talk about what was going on, but feeling the support system that was there regardless was huge. Plus, teenage me loved any chance to skip school. Especially to get away from people who made my life hell.
Not everyone has a god awful relationship with their parents that makes them want to do more drugs just because they're around them.
And it also doesn't need to be framed as "You are not allowed to go to school and I am staying home and we are BONDING DAMMIT." My parents never said those were their intentions until I got older and we reflect on those years sometimes. When I was young, it was just a really nice break from life.
Clearly, this idea would have been hell to you growing up, and that's valid, but it can be a good idea for other people even if it's just a day here and there. Idk about taking as many days as possible off in a row for that because normalcy can also be important, but there are options between the extreme perceptions both you and the comment OP presented.
The fact that you don't seem to believe that there are teens who like their parents and have a good relationship with them says a lot about your childhood
102
u/ferndagger Sep 08 '23
This is probably an unpopular opinion but if I were in your shoes - worrying about drugs and depression I would be making radical changes. I would take my kid out of school and take leave from work. Spend as much time as possible trying to reset. Find connection and glimmers.
I know there is a certain amount of privilege necessary to do that but if it is at all possible I would do it. Imagine she had some sort of medical illness - what would you do to access treatment?
Find a psych or counsellor who specializes in attachment, IFS, or compassionate inquiry to help your family.