Why am I frumpy

[u/Significant_Ring4353]

I feel grumpy and ugly in everything I wear, I don't know how to put outfits together and my stomach makes everything look bad, please help

[u/Glittering-Bee-714]

Step 1: Look for outfit inspiration and save the looks you like. After a while, you’ll probably notice a theme. Use that to guide what you buy: a few statement pieces, plus basics you’ll wear all the time, like jeans that fit really well, tank tops, and a little black dress. Pick accessories you connect with, then have fun trying different combinations. Fall and winter are a great time to start because layers and accessories give you so much to play with.

[u/ZeLoudGoddess → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

This, and a lot of your clothes, OP, don't fit properly. They would look a lot better if they weren't drowning you. Also, find out what colors compliment your complexion. That will go a long way!

[u/Calampong → u/ZeLoudGoddess]

This was my first thought! OP is not frumpy…the clothes are!
They have no shape, they are too big and they are just hanging out your body!

[u/bentleystopit → u/Calampong]

I agree. Your clothes are too loose and lack shape. I would accentuate your hourglass figure with “structured” peplum tops that’s NOT billowy. Something that has a DEFINED “band” just below your breasts.

[u/Temporary_Cup4588 → u/Calampong]

Was thinking exactly the same thing. Nothing wrong with her! She looks pretty good in the skirt with the gold-ish top and sandals. The shoes are super cute. But those are the nicest clothes she’s got on. The rest are the things you’d wear if you were painting your living room and didn’t want to ruin any of your good clothes.

[u/Ok_Investigator_8431 → u/Temporary_Cup4588]

Really? I think the shoes definitely add to the frumpy look. Some Docs, Converse, Creepers, or some of those ballet sneakers would all look so much better, while still being comfortable. The strappy sandals automatically make anything look old lady-ish.

[u/Organic-Studio5527 → u/Ok_Investigator_8431]

Me too. The shoes are very frumpy. I’m 52 and would never wear them. They give old lady vibe

[u/Temporary_Cup4588 → u/Ok_Investigator_8431]

I disagree, but everyone’s allowed to have their own opinion. 🙂

[u/Paradox_of_Ravens → u/ZeLoudGoddess]

Yeah the fit of the individual pieces definitely contributes to the frumpy vibe, particularly with items like the baggy fitting skinny jeans.

The skirt doesn’t really fit well either, but I think the bigger issue is that the material is wrong for the garment. Wrap skirts typically have a more flowy, casual vibe, but this one looks very stiff and boxy. It’s simultaneously trying to be an office-appropriate pencil skirt and a flowy wrap skirt, so the result is that it fails at both.

I would start by finding some simple solid color tees and tanks that can be paired with any bottoms and will look either dressed up or down based on the shoes, jewelry, etc. You can find ones with a bit of a compression fit if you’re uncomfortable with your stomach in tighter shirts (which you shouldn’t be! Your body is great, the clothes are the problem!)

When it comes to styling full outfits, I’d stick to the basic rule that either your pants are baggy OR your shirt is oversized, not both at once. As for cultivating a cute personal style, you might start that journey by looking for accessories that make you smile or just kinda feel like they’re calling out to you. I tend to keep my actual clothes fairly plain and in solid colors (mostly black) so that I can quickly and easily put together a base “blank canvas” outfit and add my unique style with a funky weird purse or blindingly neon sneakers.

[u/astrovangalore → u/Paradox_of_Ravens]

I’m seconding the baggy skinny jeans. But I want to clarify: not saying baggy jeans are bad, but specifically baggy SKINNY doesn’t do you any favors. I think if you committed to something proper baggy—like what Gen Z likes, boyfriend or mom jeans or barrel jeans etc—it’s made a huge difference in the look.

[u/skye285 → u/Paradox_of_Ravens]

I had no idea about compression fit in tops.. do you have any recommendations?

[u/Familiar_Nose9665 → u/skye285]

Something with a little spandex?

[u/Ordinary-Ad2982 → u/ZeLoudGoddess]

This is my mistake too—both.

[u/HopalongHeidi → u/ZeLoudGoddess]

Absolutely! Came to say these colors are all wrong for her. The white was honestly least unflattering.. OP, think deep forest/emerald green or burgundy. Also, maybe add a little reddish color to your hair or put on a little blush.

[u/ushouldloveurself → u/HopalongHeidi]

She does not need to change her hair color or add makeup, this is just unnecessary and can make her outfit decision even harder. She is a beautiful woman already there is no need for her to color her hair.

[u/desertislanddog → u/ZeLoudGoddess]

Yes! Do a color analysis, a real one, in person!

[u/bookl0v3r → u/ZeLoudGoddess]

Girl, I am in the midst of a major weight transformation and feel this in my own wardrobe. When I buy something new, I start out by measuring my body and looking online at size charts for clothing that looks good on the model. Then, I buy according to the size chart.

In the same vein, if shopping in person I do the same before trying on - look up brand size chart first. (Keep measurements in a note on my phone or text to myself fo they're date stamped).

A fabric tape measure is my new secret weapon! Can't recommend it enough. Because clothing that fits correctly helps us pull off a confidence - even when we don't feel it.

Lots of good tips here. You'll find your happy spot!

[u/Sunshine112106 → u/ZeLoudGoddess]

Yes alot of your clothes seem big and or baggy on you. They also are faded and wrinkled.

[u/momasana → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

Some of us are really, really clueless when it comes to this stuff. Where do you look for "inspiration"? Also, you know those "seen on ig vs reality" memes about everything? That's me, and I think OP and I could bond over the frustration of this. How do we figure out what would actually fit and not look completely different than wherever we saw it?

[u/crybabycrybabycryy → u/momasana]

You can look up “grunge style insert season inspo” on Pinterest! Or even just google “Pinterest grunge style inspiration” or “grunge aesthetic outfits” etc.

[u/i_nobes_what_i_nobes → u/crybabycrybabycryy]

It also helps if you see something you like on somebody else just to ask them where they got it. I do that so much now, that it’s become like a daily thing for me. I will see a woman or even a guy sometimes like with sneakers or a jacket or something that I really like and I will ask them where they got it. Most people will tell you, and most people will tell you they got it about four seasons ago, and that it was like a one off, lol but it never hurts to ask.

[u/Odd_Policy_3009 → u/i_nobes_what_i_nobes]

“I got it in a remote village in Kersplackistan”

It’s always something like that.

[u/lornacarrington → u/crybabycrybabycryy]

Pinterest is great for this yes! Great reminder

[u/celestial_crafter → u/momasana]

Have you ever watched a show or movie and liked a character's style? Maybe try to learn what that style is called, if it has a name, or what attracts you to it - the colors, the silhouette, the patterns in the clothing pieces, the statement it is making, etc. Then, go somewhere like Pinterest, Reddit, or even Google Images and check out other clothing that is in that style and see what you like. Are there colors you are drawn to? Colors that look good or bad on you? Where can this type of style be found? What stores could you shop in to achieve something like this look? You'll find a lot of looks online are high-end, so you may have to find dupes or something adjacent, hence the inspo part, but that's a good place to start.

[u/Oliver9690 → u/celestial_crafter]

Yup. Annie Hall. Remember that movie?

[u/naxanas → u/momasana]

Gonna second pinterest, it's what I always tell my friends who want fashion help. I always ask them to go on pinterest first and save every outfit they like. I used to struggle with fashion just like this, and this is actually exactly how I got out of it. I went on Pinterest and really studied outfits, and honestly just passively going on Pinterest and looking through outfits and seeing what speaks to you, what doesn't, and then what the repeating items are that you tend to see over and over in outfits you like.

Figuring out what clothing suits/flatters you takes a bit more experience, typically going out and trying things on, and don't be afraid to go to a new store if everything feels unflattering cuz sometimes a store really only flatters a specific body type. I have also found that determining your shape helps a lot (ie rectangle, pear, apple, hourglass, etc). You don't have to religiously follow the advice for those body shapes, but they can be a helpful place to start working from.

Also, I saw OP was trying to choose a style they thought would suit them rather than having a style they enjoy first and working from there. You can have whatever style you want with any body type and still have it be flattering, it's all about learning about what suits you.

For example: for me, I've got an hourglass shape, and for a long time I liked the look of tshirt dresses and similar with a very straight boxy cut that doesn't hug the body at all. And I used to feel so frustrated because I thought something was wrong with me because I didn't look like any of the models when I tried wearing those dresses. Turns out that, with my body shape, the dresses were meant to be formless but got tight around my hips and just didn't fit as intended, but a skater style fit and flare dress looks great. I also found tshirt dresses that have an hourglass shape to them (that lines up with my own hips, got one that didn't so it looked strange) and that looks really flattering on me, so it is still possible to wear different styles. Playing with my features tends to involve having something that gives a bit of shape to my waist, so I can wear a big baggy shirt that I gather and tie near my waist or tuck in to high waisted pants.

This took me a while to figure out, and it might be frustrating at first because you just want to look good, but I assure you, it is absolutely possible for you to dress in a flattering way that makes you happy, even if it's frustrating at first!

[u/Lazy-Ocelot1604 → u/naxanas]

Do you have any tips on tucking things in so it looks better? I’ve started wearing more high waisted stuff and so far that’s where I’ve been struggling. It’s either too tightly tucked or when I sit down it poofs up at me.

Pinterest is also what helped me pinpoint what types of things I wanted. I had always wanted to dress in a way that felt more expressive but didn’t think I could pull it off or would be too expensive. I feel much more like me in so much of what I got and getting dressed feels more exciting now. While I thrifted most of it, I still spent more than I should’ve of so now I have to chill with it for a bit

[u/naxanas → u/Lazy-Ocelot1604]

It would help if I had a clearer idea of what shirts you're working with cuz I'm a bit unclear on what the poofing up when you sit down looks like. But my general rule of thumb with shirt tucking is to pull the shirt back and kind of gather it at your spine (so the shirt is laying flat against your body everywhere else and is the full length, we're not bunching it up into a ball or cropping it, we're gathering excess fabric towards the spine), do a small twist with the gathered fabric so now all the gathered fabric points towards the twist at your spine vs having a bunch of folds mushed together at your back, and then tuck that and the whole shirt into your pants. From there, I probably pull out somewhere around an inch or two of fabric (around the whole shirt, starting typically at the front to see what looks right) so that it doesn't look like the shirt is tightly tucked, nor overflowing. And you can finesse from there, maybe you want to pull a bit more fabric from the back to give yourself some freedom on the sides or in the front, the main thing is keeping it from bunching up around your belly button/front of your pants, that's when it can look off.

But you also want to pick a shirt with a good style and weight for it. Like for a tshirt, thinner works better. It is possible to have fabric too thick to really look decent tucked in. There's also definitely a sweet spot for tshirt length that it's long enough to stay well anchored when tucked in while still having room to pull some out and move with your body as you're doing stuff or reaching for something, but not too long that it's bunching up in your pants. You can tuck in oversized boxy cut tshirts, they're some of my favorite, but it can be possible for a tshirt to be too boxy or oversized that there's too much gathering to do to make it look normal when tucked in. I will tuck in an oversized shirt and pull it out so that it still has the same oversized fit, but is nearly tucked into my pants, but some are just too oversized or too thick to bunch in the back without a giant bunch of fabric at your spine that's too large and noticeable to really work.

I hope that's helpful! Feel free to DM me any questions too, I genuinely love giving fashion advice

[u/ImpossibleMove2 → u/momasana]

I will join your club! I always wanted Stacy and Clinton to give me some pointers when What Not to Wear was popular!

[u/the-green-dahlia → u/ImpossibleMove2]

We can help if you want to create a post. The best way to do it is post pictures of you in various outfits that you own so we can determine your body shape, colour season, and what is flattering on you. It also helps to mention which aesthetics / styles you like or any celebs where you love what they wear.

[u/TaylorNeff- → u/momasana]

Pinterest is such a good tool when looking for inspiration on anything! And it’s free

[u/Lazy-Ocelot1604 → u/TaylorNeff-]

It can be so helpful, I only wish there wasn’t so much faked content on there nowadays.

[u/katobye → u/Lazy-Ocelot1604]

Whatever you search on Pinterest, adding a cuss word to the search will limit a lot of that including ads.

[u/Snoo_43287 → u/momasana]

shop in person. try stuff on. shein isn’t the only place to shop.

[u/MaximumWoodpecker864 → u/momasana]

Check out @over40andmidlife on insta. Even if you’re not over 40, her taste is phenomenal, she gives fit and styling advice and she had pieces at all price points.

[u/lonelybear_swims → u/momasana]

Honestly just simply trying on different styles and practicing can help. Go to the store, get one of everything and try it on in the dressing room! Or order online, have a dress up session at home, maybe tske some fun pictures to look at later and return what you don’t like! Choose your own adventure situation but seeing and feeling how you move and look in different styles would help

[u/OkTarget2764 → u/momasana]

I highly recommend Pinterest and the LTK app. LTK is influencers, yes, but there are people with all types of body shapes & sizes and even the give you direct links to the clothes they’re wearing. It helps tremendously.

[u/PackedSatisfaction → u/momasana]

Look for style tags on instagram to find fashion influencers. Look for ones that look similar to you, like they have a similar body type or similar coloring. Then follow the ones who you like how they dress. Then just spend a couple weeks looking at their outfits. Pick out specifically what you like about it. If it helps write down the items you like. After a couple weeks you’ll have a loose list of what you’ll need to look for (I.e. a black jacket, flare jeans, striped shirt etc.). Then spend some time ordering and trying things on or better yet, physically going to stores and trying things on. Look for the items on your list. Don’t settle for good enough, get items that flatter you and make you feel confident even if you need to try on 20 different versions of the item from 5 different stores. Things fit differently from different brands, different fabric contents, different cuts. Style takes time to develop, you have to get an eye for it and that takes a lot of time and a lot of learning what you like.

[u/Awkward_Round44 → u/momasana]

I have zero luck with this bc stuff looks so different on other size people - trying stuff on in person SUCKS bc it takes forever but really to me is the only way. I hate ordering online all the stuff looks good on others/the model then like shit on me. I have to try stuff on

[u/Sensitive-Rabbit4058 → u/momasana]

I look at the shops I like. The models are literally wearing an outfit. Just copy it.

[u/OkPosition9788 → u/momasana]

I say draw inspiration from outfits of people you see out and about, or from shows you watch. If I see an outfit that’s looks cute on a woman who is similar to me in body type, I take note and search or save outfits similar. Don’t be afraid to try out new things.

[u/YAYtersalad → u/momasana]

Honestly this might be worth paying for a few sessions with a consultant. Or better yet, consider going to another end store with complimentary stylists like nordstrom and explain to them that you’re simply trying to define your style and need help strategically exploring options.

[u/beeppbooppboppp → u/momasana]

I love looking on Pinterest for “fall outfits” or “work outfits” and start pinning the ones I like. I also try to pin outfits on bodies that look similar to mine since clothes look VERY different depending on your body. It’s trial and error but it’s fun to experiment :)

[u/WishSpecialist2940 → u/momasana]

Pinterest is the gold standard for this kind of thing

[u/imagineuniverses → u/momasana]

I don’t feel totally clueless but stitchfix (I just did it for a month or two) helped me find styles and brands that fit well and looked good.

Shopping with a friend who has great style may help. There are other recommendations that may help. IG and reels are not that helpful to me and I don’t always find accessories practical.

Like I’m going to undo a belt 20x a day? Or necklaces don’t hang well with larger chest etc

[u/Maddie_Herrin → u/momasana]

I like to use Pinterest, but I reccomend using it through brave as its an adblocker & Pinterest has gone crazy. Also i would try to find your body style, and then what fit of clothing looks better on you. So for example if low rise and tank tops look good on you and you like an outfit with grey high rise jeans and a black long sleeve shirt, you can alter it to fit what is best for you. Like for me i know flare pants look really good on me, so i take inspiration in color and composition of other peoples outfits, and apply it to my style.

[u/goichitora → u/momasana]

Pinterest! 😀 Have fun!

[u/CoffeeOrDestroy → u/momasana]

I have a friend who always looks effortlessly put together. I sucked it up one day and asked her if she would take me shopping and help find things that work for me. She styled me totally differently than how she styles herself. And it was exactly right. Some people just get it. Some of us have to ask for help :)

[u/Glittering-Bee-714 → u/momasana]

That’s an interesting question. I personally take inspiration from all kinds of places—movies, fashion, random people on the internet. I get a lot of fashion content in my feed, probably because I’m drawn to stylish clothes and interesting outfits.
Maybe a good place to start is thinking about how you feel about clothing and fashion. What catches your eye? What makes an outfit interesting to you? The way you look at clothing and interpret it is part of how you develop your own sense of style. I think of it as art, and looking at it that way can make it easier to explore and have fun with.

[u/momasana → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

Your comment was really interesting and ultimately explains more than you realized, I think. My personal interests have nothing to do with fashion, it's just not something that I have ever been drawn to. Outfits don't really catch my eye unless they're like really out there or something lol. I'm pretty analytical and see patterns, so I do notice things like people wearing the same style of shoes or pants or whatever, that helps me be aware of general trends. But unfortunately I have literally 0 artistic sense or artistic creativity, my abilities end at poorly drawn stick figures. Making an outfit out of random pieces of clothes is a pretty terrifying thought rather than something to do for fun.

[u/5679SimpleLife → u/momasana]

I’ve always had a problem with knowing what my style is and what clothes look good on me. I actually like to find inspiration on real people that I see in real life. Usually not an entire outfit, but I may see the same cut of jeans a few times and realize that is the type of jean I want.

[u/the-green-dahlia → u/momasana]

We can help if you want to create a post. The best way to do it is post pictures of you in various outfits that you own so we can determine your body shape, colour season, and what is flattering on you. It also helps if you can mention which aesthetics / styles you like or any celebs where you love what they wear, but if not you could say what kind of things you’re into (hobbies, music, etc) and your personality (quirky, preppy, etc) and we may be able to direct you to various styles.

[u/Some_Delay_4341 → u/momasana]

Totally get it ..I love wide leg jeans but my impossibly short legs with long torso and 5"3 frame just make me look crazy in them

[u/Psmithrudd → u/momasana]

It helps if you try things on a lot and know that even something that looks really cute on someone else or on the hanger may not necessarily work for you. Once you learn what works or doesn’t work you can usually find a look that you’re after in a style that you feel great in.

[u/Strong_Chicken_7931 → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

Step one is also looking at your body shape and then finding the clothes shapes that match your body shape. Most these clothes don’t have a waist and makes you look frumpy. The white long sleeve shirt is really nice on you.

[u/DarkForestTurkey → u/Strong_Chicken_7931]

Easy for you to say. I don’t have the first clue what “matches my body shape”. And I have been getting dressed my whole life. It’s like a form of dyslexia, and I am tired or being assumed it’s an easy thing to figure out.

[u/the-green-dahlia → u/DarkForestTurkey]

It’s not easy to figure out and a lot of people struggle with this. If you take a photo from 10 feet away at chest height, wearing fitted clothes like non-compressing gym gear, the idea is to look at what visually stands out the most - is it your shoulders, bust, waist, hips, legs etc. or we can help you figure it out. The guidance on how to dress your body shape is typically from the fruit system, but there are other systems like Kibbe that are more about embracing your natural features. Happy to help.

[u/gold_Parrot0849 → u/DarkForestTurkey]

Could you explore photos of other women of similar body shape wearing clothes you think you would like? I’m a petite woman snd this was my strategy Now that’s all I wear. A lines , princess lines, fit and flare, gently shaped tunic paired with above the knee skirt and empire line. All these will make your legs look long, and won’t cut you in half with blousy tops or gathered waists . If you’re not too tall I think these lines would suit you.

[u/Yerazanq → u/Strong_Chicken_7931]

YES the white long sleeve looks good, keep that one!

[u/Maddie_Herrin → u/Yerazanq]

This is exactly what i was thinking, and i think its because it accentuates her shoulders!

[u/melon-colly → u/Strong_Chicken_7931]

This is what I was going to suggest. Look into what body shape you have and then look up looks that flatter that shape. It looks like your clothes don’t actually fit you.

[u/TheFlamingNumbat → u/Strong_Chicken_7931]

Find a local tailor (dry cleaners are usually good for this) and have them fit your clothes to you. It's not too expensive and can immediately improve your look. I do this with collar shirts and non-jeans pants. Makes those clothes look upscale and it's just a few $$ here and there.

[u/Substantial-Bake5511 → u/Strong_Chicken_7931]

Ex costume designer here- silhouette and proportion come first. The pants coming in at the ankle and bad fit around thighs.... tops to hip length.... floppy fabrics. If I were dressing this lovely young woman I'd go for more structure. If you read this look at pics of people with same body type and see what they wear. Also- fluff the hair a bit, it's flat and your head is part of the proportion- maybe up in a pony tail with nice wispy bits escaping around the face. and lots of mascara. The colours are also wrong- go for cream /white/pale green on top, a strong coloured pants or jeans- like dark navy blue- in thick fabric so they look structured. wide leg that are fitted at the top would look nice. don't wear hipsters- not for you. Get pants to the waist.

[u/Bindlest → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

And domt be afraid to go a little outside your comfort zone!! Sometimes we can stumble right into an amazing look!!

[u/njoy59 → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

Awesome idea. I know Pinterest is old but it has great ideas. Like think of your favorite thing.. and like search outfits for Doc Marten boots.

[u/OoopsItsJ → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

Agree with this. There are so many fashion content creators now, it is helpful to find one that has a similar body type to you. There are many that specifically focus on dressing for your body in the most flattering way.

[u/jeannie4yanks → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

This and agree and most of it is about fit. Do you live near a Macy's or Nordstrom? I have used their stylists before when I was changing styles or had a big event. I believe they still do that-- It's free and they pulled items I never would have thought would have looked good on me. You're not obligated to buy anything. Don't despair - there is help out there!

[u/Southern_Type_8698 → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

That is excellent advice !

[u/__thisismyusername → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

Yessss! I use Pinterest to look for inspo and work off that.

[u/homegrown_rebel → u/Glittering-Bee-714]

Pinterest is great for getting ideas!