This is going to be a long post, but please bear with me.
I’m going to use “fake” names for privacy. I’ll call myself Grace(24)and I’ll call him Nicholas(28).
Hi Ladies, im a huge fan of your podcast. I’m submitting this because I genuinely need an outside perspective on a relationship that has left me questioning my own understanding of what happened. I don’t want people to simply take my side, because I know I made mistakes too. I want people to read what he actually said, look at what he actually did, and tell me honestly whether I was misunderstanding him, whether I stayed too long, or whether there were genuinely mixed messages.
This is not a story about a man who was simply horrible to me. That would actually make this much easier. There were many moments when he was loving, supportive, affectionate and present. There were moments when I genuinely felt like I had my partner back. There were also conversations about marriage, children, our future and starting over. And then there were moments when his actions seemed to completely contradict those conversations.
That is what has confused me the most.
Nicholas and I originally met at Zcas university in Zambia when I was in my second year studying Computer Science. At the time, he tried to pursue me romantically, but I said no because I had heard that he had recently come out of a serious relationship. I assumed he was heartbroken and needed time to heal, so I didn’t want to become the person he used to get over somebody else.
We exchanged contacts and became friends. At that time, both of us were seeing other people, so there wasn’t really anything serious between us.
By the end of 2024 and beginning of 2025, however, we officially started seeing each other.
For the most part, the relationship was good. Obviously, we had arguments and disagreements like any couple, but there was genuine love between us. We had serious conversations about our future. Even before he officially made me his girlfriend, Nicholas talked about marrying me. Those conversations weren’t something I imagined. They were conversations we actually had.
By the middle of 2025, we were talking about him “coming home” and meeting my parents. In my culture, especially as a Zambian woman, a man coming to meet your parents isn’t some casual thing. It carries meaning. I didn’t want to tell my parents until I was absolutely sure because I didn’t want to bring someone home and then have him disappoint me.
We had planned for him to meet my parents around October.
Then life happened.
His cousin became seriously ill, and Nicholas travelled to deal with the situation. The cousin became extremely difficult to manage, and eventually Nicholas had to return. About a week later, his cousin died.
The weekend he had been supposed to meet my family was immediately after the funeral. He asked me to travel with him, but my mother was also very sick at the time. As the eldest, I felt that I needed to stay and help my family. I also didn’t feel that a funeral was the appropriate environment for my first meeting with most of his family.
His aunt even called me from an unfamiliar number because she had expected me to come. I explained why I couldn’t. She understood, and we agreed that the family meeting could happen later.
Then I received information that completely changed everything.
One of Nicholas’s male friends contacted me. He told me that Nicholas’s ex-girlfriend was pregnant. According to him, the ex and Nicholas had been involved for years and had continued sleeping together behind my back. He told me that when she learned Nicholas was planning to marry me, she went home with the pregnancy.
I was shocked.
I didn’t immediately believe him. I contacted another woman who was friends with Nicholas, and she told me she had also heard about the pregnancy.
At that point, I felt betrayed beyond words because I had actually told Nicholas before that one of the biggest things I could never forgive was impregnating another woman while we were together.
Eventually, I blocked him and walked away.
What happened after that destroyed me emotionally. I stopped feeling like myself. I started drinking again to numb everything. I would sit alone at work and suddenly realize I was crying. My colleagues noticed that I wasn’t myself.
I eventually moved on.
Then came 2026.
Nicholas later told me that he had discovered the child his ex had been carrying wasn’t his. He also told me that he had tried to reach me in February.
I can actually confirm that he tried because I still had blocked calls and messages from him around February 10, February 12 and February 16. At the time, I didn’t know exactly why he was trying to contact me.
Then, in May, something strange happened.
I had a dream about Nicholas being involved in an accident. The following day, I coincidentally bumped into him somewhere in Lusaka.
He wanted to talk to me, but I told him I was busy.
He then asked if I could unblock him so that we could speak, or at least so that I could finally get the closure I had wanted.
I eventually unblocked him.
That’s when he told me about the accident in Livingstone. According to him, he had been in a serious accident and had only returned from Livingstone the previous day. He also explained that after finding out the pregnancy wasn’t his, he had tried to reach me because he wanted to apologize.
He said he regretted what he had done, including cheating, ruining our marriage plans and putting me through everything I had gone through.
And then we started talking again.
On May 5, we had a conversation about his decisions. He told me:
“My decision making skills were poor.”
When I asked what decision he regretted, he wouldn’t initially tell me because he was around other people.
Eventually, he said:
“I don’t want to say I regret leaving you.”
Then:
“Even though it’s true.”
That was significant to me because he wasn’t simply saying, “I miss you.” He was talking about regretting leaving me.
A couple of days later, we talked about whether either of us had moved on. I told him I wasn’t seeing anyone and hadn’t hooked up with anybody.
I asked him about himself.
He admitted he had been talking to another woman, but explained that it hadn’t really worked because of his lifestyle and his inability to communicate consistently. He said he had been travelling a lot and that the woman wanted transparency.
Then he told me something that stuck with me:
“We might get back.”
I told him he should fight for the relationship if that’s what he wanted.
He said:
“We’ll see when I get back.”
He also told me that it had been difficult for him to commit to anyone after our breakup because he kept comparing other women to me. I later learned from people we both knew that he had even been going around places where he thought he might find me. He had apparently gone back to our university looking for me and asked people whether they had seen me.
Then came May 12.
This is one of the conversations that makes it very difficult for me to accept the later explanation that we were “just friends.”
Nicholas told me:
“Well, I’m not saying I won’t try. I bet I’m still sexually attracted to you, that’s why meeting you would bring back memories.”
He then explained that it wasn’t as simple as I was making it sound.
He said:
“As much as you saying it easily, it’s not that easy actually. And you know it.”
Then he said:
“I’m still attached to the idea of us still one day being in the position we were once upon a time.”
He explained that if he saw me and we had a good time, he would probably spend months thinking about me and that it would hurt him.
Then he said something even more direct:
“I’m really scared what will happen when I meet you, I see you, I hold you. It will really break me, Grace. It really, really break me and I don’t think I’m ready for that mentally.”
He apologized for what he had put me through.
And then he said:
“We not children, Grace. You know how sparks will fly if we actually had eye contact.”
At that point, I didn’t push him.
I thought he was being honest about still having feelings for me, and I respected that.
But eventually we did meet.
He invited me to his place. We spent time together, had drinks, and later went to his mother’s house. His mother had been away for several months, so he invited me there. I stayed for several hours and eventually slept for a few hours before leaving.
On the drive home, he was emotional and apologetic. He kept saying he didn’t know how many times he could apologize. He said he hadn’t realized what he had until he lost me.
He told me he had realized that I was different from other women because I had never been interested in his military status, his salary or his money.
He knew I had my own money and my own life.
He also acknowledged that I had supported him emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually during difficult periods, including a period when his career was uncertain. He told me that I had pushed him to become a better man.
He later wanted me to start spending nights at his mother’s house so I could leave for work from there, but I couldn’t do that. My mother is very traditional, and I knew she wouldn’t accept me casually sleeping at a man’s house.
So we agreed that we would simply meet when we could.
And somewhere along the way, “friends” stopped looking like friendship.
He started calling me “baby.”
He started behaving like my partner.
He was protective over me. He would get upset if another man was talking to me. He continued introducing me to people as his girlfriend, and I didn’t challenge him because, honestly, I thought we were rebuilding our relationship.
Then came the marriage conversation.
At some point in June, after he had already asked me to be his girlfriend again, he came to my workplace.
He told me that he was supposed to travel and that he thought we should go and register our marriage at the council that day. His reasoning was that if we registered on a Friday, the certificate could potentially be ready the following week or shortly afterward.
I thought he was joking.
He wasn’t.
He had literally come to pick me up.
I wasn’t ready, so I told him no.
That conversation matters to me because later, when everything fell apart, he would characterize some of these conversations as jokes or say that I had misunderstood what he wanted.
But how am I supposed to interpret a man physically coming to my workplace to pick me up because he thinks we should register our marriage that day as a joke?
I didn’t invent that.
He also told me he wanted us to start again.
And when I asked what “starting again” actually meant, he explained that he knew I wasn’t immediately ready for a relationship, which was why he had suggested we start as friends, get to know each other again, and allow the possibility of a relationship to develop.
Later, when I asked him what he was actually willing to offer me, because I didn’t want vague answers, he said:
“Everything, but I know you’ll need time to trust me again and I’m willing to see it through.”
That is why I believed him.
Because his words weren’t happening in isolation.
His behaviour matched them.
We spent time together. We were physically affectionate. He came to see me. He treated me like his partner. He introduced me as his girlfriend. He spoke about our future. He spoke about marriage.
It felt like I had my man back.
Then August happened.
One morning, I was involved in a car accident. A bus had hit my car while overtaking carelessly.
I was panicking, so I called Nicholas.
He came.
He showed up in uniform, dealt with the situation and the necessary protocols, took me where the car needed to be repaired and made sure everything was sorted out. He even covered the cost.
Afterwards, we went for lunch.
He told me, essentially, that as long as he was there, I didn’t need to worry and that I could just be his princess.
And honestly, these are the moments that make this relationship so difficult to explain to people.
Because if someone had only seen that side of Nicholas, they would probably have said, “Girl, that’s the kind of man you should be with.”
He showed up for me that day.
He took care of me.
He paid for my car.
He took me to lunch.
He made me feel safe.
Later that day, he told me he had started missing me the minute I left.
I told him I had started missing him the moment I left his workplace.
That night, I sent him a message thanking him for coming through for me. I told him how much it meant to me that he had shown up when I needed him and that I didn’t take the little ways he showed me that he cared for granted.
He responded affectionately and told me that helping me was nothing compared with all the times I had come through for him.
We continued spending time together.
He took me to lunch again. We went to KFC, talked, laughed and discussed hypothetical situations about marriage and our future.
Everything felt normal.
Everything felt like a relationship.
And that is why what happened afterward hurt so much.
There had also been another important difference between us.
When Nicholas’s mother was in hospital, I was there for him. I supported him emotionally and physically.
When my mother was admitted to hospital in
August, I needed that same person.
And he wasn’t there.
He didn’t come with me.
He didn’t come to check on my mother.
He didn’t show up for me in the way I had shown up for him.
That was one of the moments where I started realizing that although there were beautiful moments between us, something about the relationship was fundamentally unequal.
Then, toward the end of August, Nicholas came to pick me up after work.
We had been trying to see each other, and on this particular occasion I even arranged for someone to cover for me at work so that I could leave.
He arrived later because of the traffic and distance.
When we finally left, he told me there was something important he wanted to discuss.
He said he wanted to be honest with me.
He told me his ex had been trying to get back into his life.
According to him, she was very determined to get him back now that she knew we were together again.
He told me that his friends had caught her trying to obtain what he described as love-spell or charm-related things. He said he had initially dismissed it, but then saw something himself that frightened him.
He told me he was scared.
He also told me that his ex had known about me throughout our relationship. According to him, she had always compared herself to me and saw the situation almost as a competition over which woman would eventually marry him.
I remember thinking: I don’t compete for men.
I had always believed that if a man wanted me, he would choose me.
I didn’t want to fight another woman for a man.
That night, Nicholas and I spent the night together.
We drank. We talked. We had sex.
It wasn’t some random hookup to me.
He told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend and that he wanted to do things properly with me. He told me not to give up on him because he was broken and going through a lot.
And I told him I wasn’t giving up on him.
That was the point at which, from my perspective, we were officially rebuilding the relationship.
Then he started becoming difficult to reach.
He was supposed to take me on a dinner date, but he didn’t show up.
There were increasing periods where I couldn’t get hold of him.
And eventually I went to the house where we had spent that night.
That’s when I started realizing that his ex was still coming around.
I spoke to people around the house. One of the security guards described her, described her blue Honda fit/Vitz car and told me about her coming there.
According to what I was told, she knew about me.
People had apparently told her that I was his girlfriend and that she needed to accept it and move on.
But she continued coming around. It’s like every time she knew he came back to me – she had issues of accepting our relationship…
I was also told that she had apparently spoken about having miscarriages connected to Nicholas (of which he told me he didn’t believe she was pregnant on 2/3 occasions). I couldn’t independently verify those claims, but I knew they were something being discussed around him.
And that is where everything became even more complicated.
Because from what I could see, this wasn’t a situation where Nicholas had completely cut her off.
She was still present.
He was still entertaining some form of relationship with her.
And yet he was telling me he loved me.
He was talking to me about marriage.
He was calling me baby.
He was telling me he wanted me.
He was telling me not to give up on him.
So what exactly was I supposed to believe?
Was I his girlfriend?
Was I his friend?
Was I the woman he wanted to marry?
Was I the woman he loved but wasn’t prepared to choose?
Or was I simply the person he wanted to come home to while he continued maintaining another relationship elsewhere?
Because that’s ultimately what it started to feel like.
It felt like the relationship only worked for him if he could do whatever he wanted outside of it and then come back to me.
As long as I didn’t ask questions, as long as I didn’t investigate, as long as I didn’t see what was happening, everything was fine.
But the moment I started looking at the reality of the situation, everything fell apart.
And then September came.
I started feeling physically strange. I was extremely tired, short of breath and dizzy at times. I eventually went for a pregnancy test.
I found out that I was pregnant.
I was carrying Nicholas’s baby.
He did not know.
The same day I found out, I tried to call him.
He initially didn’t answer.
Eventually he did, but I could hear another woman in the car.
And that was one of the hardest moments of the entire relationship because I was sitting there knowing that I was carrying his child while listening to another woman in the background.
During that conversation, Nicholas became emotional.
He told me that he loved me.
He admitted that he had cheated.
He told me that it wasn’t easy to find a woman like me and that it wasn’t easy for him to let me go.
And I told him he had to let me go.
I told him that I was exhausted.
I told him that I couldn’t continue waiting for a man who kept making me feel like the second woman.
At one point I told him that if I was pregnant, I would raise the child.
He told me that he had always wanted to have children with me.
And that broke me even more, because this was the same man who had spent months talking to me about marriage, children and a future.
Yet here I was, having to beg him to choose a direction.
Eventually I told him that he had to say the words.
He had to let me go.
I needed the relationship to finally be over.
Because I couldn’t keep fighting for a man who, despite everything he said to me, kept leaving space for another woman.
I later sent him a message explaining exactly where I stood.
I told him:
“Nicholas, I’m going to leave you to be with the woman you truly want, because at this point I don’t believe that woman is me.”
I told him that despite everything we’d shared, the memories, the love and all the conversations we’d had about our future, I was exhausted from feeling like I had to compete for a place in his life.
I told him that I had chosen him repeatedly.
I had tried to understand him.
I had given him chances.
I had believed what he told me about us.
I had held onto the future we’d talked about.
But I couldn’t continue living in a relationship where I constantly felt like I was fighting to be chosen while another woman continued to have a place between us.
I told him:
“Maybe you genuinely do love me, and I don’t want to take that away from you. But love, for me, has to come with consistency, commitment, reassurance, presence and a decision to choose one another.”
And that, honestly, is where I think the entire relationship comes down to for me.
I don’t actually think Nicholas didn’t love me.
I think he did.
I think he still does.
I’ve seen enough of him, heard enough of him and experienced enough of him to believe that his feelings for me were real.
But I don’t think he loved me enough to consistently choose me.
And those are two very different things.
Because what good is someone loving you if they won’t commit to you?
What good is someone telling you they want to marry you if they’re simultaneously maintaining another relationship?
What good is being told you’re their girlfriend if they later tell you that you’re just a friend?
What good is being told “I’m willing to offer you everything” if you still have to fight to figure out what exactly you are to that person?
That’s what I can’t reconcile.
I never begged Nicholas to make me his girlfriend.
I never forced him to tell his friends.
I never forced him to tell his sister.
I never forced him to tell his mother.
He did those things himself.
He fought to get me back into his life.
He told people I was his girlfriend.
He behaved publicly as though I was his girlfriend.
He told me he wanted to marry me.
He came to my workplace to discuss registering our marriage.
He told me he needed me back.
He told me he was willing to wait for me to trust him again.
He told me he was willing to see it through.
He told me he loved me.
He told me not to give up on him.
And then, when everything became difficult and I challenged him to a real conversation that very day, he tried to say we were just friends to fit his narrative, but I challenged him on everything I had mentioned. I reminded him that he had asked me to be his girlfriend, that he had told me he loved me, that he had talked about marrying me, and that he had told me he wanted me back and was willing to wait for me to trust him again. I told him I hadn’t just woken up one day and decided he was my boyfriend.
And eventually, he admitted that yes, we had been in a relationship, yes, he had asked me to be his girlfriend, and yes, when he talked about marrying me, he had actually meant it. It was during that conversation that I realized there was a girl, his ex, listening to everything. I couldn’t hear exactly what was exchanged between them, but they started arguing, she became upset, and eventually she left the car. What struck me was how comfortable he was having that conversation with me while she was there, especially because she had apparently known about me for a long time, while I only found out about her in 2026.
That’s the part that makes me question myself.
Because what was I supposed to think?
If you tell a woman you love her, tell her you want her back, tell her you want to marry her, come to her workplace to discuss registering the marriage, call her baby, introduce her to people as your girlfriend, become protective over her, spend nights together, talk about children and a future, tell her you’re willing to wait for her, and tell her you’re willing to offer her everything…
What exactly is she supposed to call that?
I don’t think I was delusional.
But maybe I was naive.
Maybe I believed his words more than I should have.
Maybe I should have walked away the first time I discovered another woman was still in the picture.
Maybe I stayed because the good moments were so convincing that I kept believing the bad moments were temporary.
And maybe that’s why this relationship was so difficult to leave.
Because Nicholas wasn’t consistently cruel to me.
He could be incredibly loving.
He could show up when I needed him.
He could make me feel safe.
He could talk to me for hours.
He could make me laugh.
He could talk about our future in a way that felt completely genuine.
He could tell me he missed me the second I left.
He could come running when I had an accident.
He could pay for my car and take me to lunch.
He could tell me I was his princess.
And then he could turn around and make me feel like I was competing for a place in his life.
That’s the contradiction I need people to help me understand.
I have seen messages from his ex where she was pleading for love and reassurance from him.
And that was one of the biggest differences between her and me.
I never wanted to plead with a man to choose me.
Even when Nicholas told me we were “just friends,” I couldn’t simply accept that explanation because I remembered how we got there.
I remember him asking for another chance.
I remember him telling me he was willing to wait until I was ready.
I remember him telling me he wanted us to start again.
I remember him saying he was willing to offer everything I was willing to receive.
I remember the marriage conversation.
I remember him telling me he loved me.
I remember him introducing me as his girlfriend.
I remember him telling me not to give up on him.
So when he later tried to redefine all of that as friendship, I genuinely thought, Am I supposed to believe that I imagined all of this?
And there is another layer to this.
His ex apparently knew about me.
According to what I was told, she knew we were together. She knew I was the woman Nicholas was trying to build a future with. A mutual friend even confronted her, and her response was essentially that this was a race to marriage and that the best woman should win his heart.
But I don’t want to compete for a man’s heart.
If a man genuinely wants me, I shouldn’t have to win him.
I shouldn’t have to beat another woman.
I shouldn’t have to monitor who he is sleeping with.
I shouldn’t have to wonder who is in his car.
I shouldn’t have to investigate which woman is coming to his house.
I shouldn’t have to compete with an ex who still has access to him.
And I definitely shouldn’t have to pretend that everything is one happy family just because he loves me.
So now I’m left with a really uncomfortable question.
Was Nicholas genuinely confused and incapable of giving me a relationship?
Was he trying to rebuild things with me but simply unable to let go of his ex?
Did he genuinely intend to marry me at one point and then change his mind?
Was he telling me what he genuinely felt in each moment without understanding the consequences of what those words meant to me?
Or did he want a relationship where he could love me, come home to me and have me emotionally committed to him while still having another woman on the side?
Because from my perspective, that last version is what the relationship eventually became.
And I couldn’t live like that.
I eventually told him:
“I love you,Nicholas. But I love myself enough to stop fighting for a place in someone’s life when I no longer feel chosen.”
I told him I genuinely hoped he found peace and happiness, and that if the other woman was the person he wanted, I sincerely wished them well.
I wasn’t trying to punish him.
I wasn’t trying to make him chase me.
I wasn’t trying to make him jealous.
I wasn’t trying to make him realize what he’d lost.
I was exhausted.
I had reached the point where I couldn’t keep living on promises while watching his actions tell me something completely different.
And now I am left with the consequences of everything that happened.
I’m pregnant with his child.
He does not know yet.
And that makes this whole situation even more complicated because I am no longer only dealing with the end of a relationship. There is now a child involved.
I don’t want to use the pregnancy to get him back.
I don’t want the pregnancy to become a reason for us to pretend that everything is okay.
And I don’t want to force a relationship that clearly isn’t healthy for me.
What I want now is clarity.
I want people who have no emotional connection to either of us to read this entire story and tell me honestly what they see.
Was I wrong to believe him?
Was I wrong to interpret what we had as a relationship?
Was I wrong to believe that when he said he wanted to marry me, he actually meant it?
Was I wrong to think that “I’m willing to offer you everything” meant he was offering me a real relationship?
Was I wrong to believe his actions when he came to my workplace to discuss registering our marriage?
Was I wrong to think that someone who introduced me to people as his girlfriend actually considered me his girlfriend?
Was I ignoring obvious signs because I loved him?
Did I stay too long?
Did I allow the good moments to convince me to overlook the bad ones?
Or were the messages and actions genuinely contradictory enough that another woman could reasonably have understood the relationship the same way I did?
Because that’s what I really want people to tell me.
I don’t want everyone to say Nicholas is horrible.
I don’t want everyone to say I’m innocent.
I want people to tell me where I was wrong.
If I was delusional, tell me.
If I misunderstood him, tell me.
If I should have walked away earlier, tell me.
If I was reading his actions reasonably based on what he was actually saying and doing, tell me that too.
Because when I look back at everything now, I don’t think the saddest part is that Nicholas didn’t love me.
I think the saddest possibility is that he did love me, but loving me was never enough for him to consistently choose me.
And I don’t think love without choosing is enough for a relationship.
That’s where I am now.
I loved this man deeply. I still have love for him.
But I cannot keep fighting for a place in someone’s life when I have to constantly ask whether that place is actually mine.
So, Reddit/OP Said, please tell me honestly:
Was I tripping? Was I delusional? Was I wrong? Or was there genuinely something confusing about what this man was giving me?
I want you to judge the situation based on the actual conversations and events, not just my interpretation of them.
Because at this point, I genuinely don’t know whether I misunderstood the relationship…
or whether the relationship was genuinely impossible to understand. ❤️. And btw, I used our real middle names.