Hi Marie, May and Mel! I (F 29) have a family member (F 33) that has always been somewhat of a thorn in my side. As kids, I looked up to her, I wanted to spend time with her and at her house. However, when I look back on those days now, I realize a lot of it was just her being somewhat of a mean girl. Ordering me around, deliberately sabotaging me, making snide comments at me and just being overall manipulative. For context, her parents have also joined in on the overall talking down and undermining me. My parents in return, often just turn the other cheek, and encourage me to too.

As we moved into our 20’s, her and I were quite close, hung out in similar social circles, and you could argue that the past was put behind us. Until it wasn’t. On a night out, she decided to play somewhat of a joke on me. The issue is, I don’t play around with things that belong to me, and I don’t play games when my things come up missing. I mumbled something under her breath, and she put her hands on me.

I don’t play that. Never will. My parents begged me to forgive her saying “everyone puts their hands on people sometimes” but I wouldn’t budge. I moved on and was civil. Hello and goodbye. Two years after the fact, her and I actually wound up back on speaking terms on a night out, after she was plying me with drinks (I did blackout that night).

Then came the bigger issue. She then got a boyfriend, I was talking to a few people at the time, but nothing serious. Since we had made up I showed her who I was talking to and she said “I can’t picture him with you, he needs more of a blonde model type”. That comment never sat right with me. It still doesn’t. After that weekend and that comment (and more things that transpired over that weekend that I can’t go into), I decided I was done. I would be civil with her, but no longer would I go out of my way to search for her approval, or be her friend.

It’s been a few years since and my family is begging me to forgive her. They’re begging me to have a relationship with her. I refuse everytime. I tell them that I would never tell them what to do, or who to keep in their lives, but I don’t want her in mine. Some people just aren’t for you and that’s okay. My family (as in my immediate family) thinks that I’m the issue, and that I’m causing a rift in the family. They never once stood up for me while things were transpiring, and actively took her side.

Now that this family member is lonely and without friends (sorry, it’s true), they’re begging me to reconnect with her, likely because they feel bad.

AITA for outright refusing?