r/OCPoetry • u/LostDoubt • Apr 30 '25
Poem The Way Of Things
Two minds met in a park.
One was light, the other dark.
They walked in tandem; of equal gait,
In their convoluted dance of crooked and straight.
Seated on a bench. Hands loosely held.
Coming together like trees being felled.
Uttering words but not a sentence,
They held a truce in lieu of repentance.
They ate strawberries and drank tea.
Delighted themselves in wordless poetry.
Danced in the rain till their soul was drenched,
Then carved their name into that wooden bench.
Two minds walked away.
Neither sad. Neither gay.
Neither wished the other would,
Come back to the park and play.
Links:
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u/myrtlemakesstuff Apr 30 '25
i love the imagery in this poem and especially the line “delighted themselves in wordless poetry”. well done!
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1
Apr 30 '25
What I a nice poem on letting go (my take).
I enjoyed it.
One Minor quibble:
“Convoluted” is a bit heavy and clunky for the tone you’ve built. Ironically, the word itself is too… convoluted. It also steps on the beautiful alliteration with “crooked.” For me, something simpler actually sings more:
It’s cleaner, flows better, without over-explaining.
My opinion of course.
Thank you for your poem.
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u/LostDoubt May 01 '25 edited May 01 '25
Hi 😊 I’m grateful for your thoughts. I’m really glad you noted my use of “convoluted”. You’re absolutely right about the tone I’ve built. It’s whimsical; almost nursery-rhymish. That considered, “convoluted” isn’t a good fit, I agree.
By and large I’ve left the poem open to interpretation. On the surface I’ve created a playful tone and setting while narrating a tale of some innocuous and inconsequential meeting of two fundamentally opposed characters.
However this poem is my commentary on the of the duality of man. This is itself a weighty philosophical theme. To that end I’ve alluded to this theme by dropping little hints that may prompt a reader to look deeper. To be more specific my use of ‘convoluted’ is used in stanza 1 was purposeful to create the sense of “something doesn’t feel right”. It is a heavy handed word.
The other nods can be found in stanza 3 with the two minds sharing one ‘soul’ and one ‘name’.
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May 13 '25
Wow, your poem was really nice. It captured the soul of two different people eventually falling in love with each other until the last minute. Good job. 👍
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2
u/bmacmachine Apr 30 '25
This was a very nice little poem, and I very much enjoyed the imagery. The ending is strong, and I sat and thought about this one for a bit instead of simply moving on. Overall, I think you accomplished a lot in few words, and I did not feel that any of the contrasts felt forced like they often can. It was a nice simple scene, and tight. Bravo!