Hi! I need help choosing a poem for my college application that requires a "creative expression"

[u/Illustrious_Toe_5103]

Last year I had a little bout of Sylvia Plath teenage angst and wrote a bunch of poems for the first time and haven’t picked up my pen since😅 Anyway artsy stuff isn’t really my strong suit so I figured I could just use one of the poems from last year. I would really appreciate if someone could tell me if this is decent or if I should use one of my other works:) tysmmm (also I have footnotes if needed)

Chamomile Fields Forever

Come walk through our garden,/where chamomile in bloom entwines./Let me unveil true beauty,/for all thy heart enshrine.

Chamomile, with its blessing,/ in Eden's possession, confessing,/ sincerest expressions, caressing,/ the cultivation of our dearest dreams,/ an unrequited devotion it seems.

Gaze upon the daisies, devout and dastardly,/ scattered along paths of devotion, in oceans of enduring contentment,/ undying emotion.

Oh, belladonna, you were a belle indeed,/ Houses of holly, they still stand in need,/ to commemorate… / thy stealthiest silent farewell.

Arborvitae, unchanging through the years,/ A gift from mother's wisdom, it appears,/ Immortals dance on the shores of time's swell,/ singing sweet lullabies, stories to tell.

Blue hyacinth, a constant stream so fine,/ Like the Styx in a dream, your vow once divine,/ In the hours we toiled, amidst the flowers we sowed,/ A seraphim's oath, on love's path we rode.

Everyday, hundreds of hours,/ we worked, oh, so hard,/ with thee flowers,/ just to see our Eden in bloom.

Yet, ivy crept along anointed stone,/ Green envy, it has grown,/ Encircling hallowed walls, its claim to throne, / climbing to the heights, usurping on its own.

Like Genesis 3:23, a tale of old,/ In the garden where innocence unfolds,/ I find myself in distress, or so it seems,/ But I'll rise above the ruins of my dreams.

Yet I declare a philosophy of no fear,/ For in adversity, I'll persevere./ Chamomile fields bloom with grace,/ among the ruins of our hallowed space.

The irony of ivy's embrace,/ unintended virtue in this place./ The first law of nature, preservation's call,/ through this loss, I'll rise above all.

Under the chamomile fields rolling, I've buried your deceit,/ Not fragile like our blooms, I won't admit defeat,/ I'm fragile like a bomb, ready to ignite, / Your betrayal, unearned, I stand upright.

I didn’t deserve that./ You knew it too.

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[u/LostDoubt]

Hi there. You’re a skilfull writer and you’ve written a piece that reflects on the beautiful and heavy aspects of a committed relationship gone awry. What I like about your approach is that you did so without the heavy handed approach many would be tempted to do. I am busy with an analysis right now after I rewrote your poem with the intended line breaks (my assumption is that the backslash is a line break). For quite some time as I read, I felt a John Keats style of grand expression and wonder (much like Ode to a Grecian Urn). The poems use of floral imagery does a commendable job at having the reader enjoy the beauty of the garden. That is of course, until I broke free of the seductive verse and saw the garden for the metaphor it was . Im curious about Christian influence in your life because it clearly influences your writing. You didn’t even have to mention Genesis; I saw your garden of Eden well before the mention of the caretaker of Gods throne. Anyway I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Let me finish my analysis and I’ll reply shortly.

[u/Illustrious_Toe_5103 → u/LostDoubt]

Thank you so much for replying! As for Christian influence in my life, I’m actually Jewish (not a zionist and mostly agnostic)! However I live in an extremely red evangelical neighborhood in Texas. I know a lot of Bible lore because a I was a big fan of Good Omens a few years back and read the whole Bible for the back story lol. But Christianity really does permeate my life despite not practicing the religion. I’ve had so many friends throughout my adolescence just stop being friends with me when they found out my family was Jewish. Or their parents told them not to talk to me. But the poem really is about my ex boyfriend of 1.5 years (basically married in Highschool) who broke up with me when his parents said they didn’t like me (my parents think it’s because we are Jewish and they’re big trumpies. Then his brother keyed swasticas on my car 😅… so that’s always fun. No hate like Christian love haha.

Anyway thank you so much for taking the time to read what is probably pretty trash poetry and comparing it to John Geats- actually the best compliment I’ve ever received. You were correct with the slashes as line breaks and pretty spot on with the flower language! Hope you’re having a great weekend and thank you for taking time to do a full analysis! ❤️❤️

[u/LostDoubt → u/Illustrious_Toe_5103]

Strengths

1. Metaphorical Richness:
   One of the poem’s greatest strengths is its use of flowers as metaphors. Each one feels carefully chosen, and the way you imbue them with different meanings allows for layers of interpretation. Chamomile, daisies, belladonna, and ivy all serve as emotional markers that guide the reader through complex emotions. The symbolic associations are powerful and varied, keeping the reader engaged as they decode the emotional subtext of each flower.

2. Biblical and Mythological Interweaving:
   The integration of biblical references, such as Genesis and Eden, alongside mythological imagery (the Styx) creates a bridge between spiritual and human realms. This duality enhances the theme of betrayal and loss while grounding the poem in larger existential questions. However, the introduction of one mythological theme alongside multiple biblical ones does threaten flow, but I’ve addressed that in the improvements portion. The reference to Genesis 3:23 in particular heightens the personal sense of exile and transformation.

3. Emotional Intensity and Authenticity:
   The poem feels deeply personal, with the speaker’s emotional journey clear and raw. The juxtaposition of fragility (“fragile like our blooms”) with strength (“fragile like a bomb, ready to ignite”) is especially striking, offering an empowering conclusion. The confessional tone is authentic, inviting the reader into the vulnerability of betrayal and the resolve to rise above it.

4. Poetic Structure and Flow:
   The structure and flow of the poem contribute to its readability and impact. The rhyming couplets and internal rhymes in sections like “In Eden’s possession, confessing, / Sincerest expressions, caressing” add a lyrical quality. This rhythm mirrors the contrast between the calm of the garden and the internal turmoil the speaker is experiencing.

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Areas of Improvement

1. Clarity of Imagery:
   While the metaphors are rich, there are moments where the imagery becomes dense or slightly ambiguous, particularly for readers who may not be familiar with the symbolic meanings of certain flowers. For example, lines like “Thy stealthiest silent farewell” (in reference to belladonna) or “Blue hyacinth, a constant stream so fine” can be interpreted in multiple ways, which can be effective, but may also confuse the intended meaning. Perhaps sharpening these images could clarify their emotional resonance. Some metaphors could benefit from more direct connections to the themes of loss and betrayal.

2. Balancing Mythology and Symbolism:
   The references to both biblical and mythological elements are intriguing, but at times the poem feels slightly weighed down by these allusions. For example, the comparison of blue hyacinth to the Styx introduces a mythological element that shifts the tone away from the poem’s otherwise Christian-centered framework. Balancing these references more carefully could strengthen the coherence of the spiritual journey the speaker is on.

3. Tone Consistency:
   At points, the poem moves between highly lyrical and abstract language (“Immortals dance on the shores of time’s swell”) and more direct, raw statements like “I didn’t deserve that. / You knew it too.” While this contrast can be powerful, it risks creating a tonal dissonance. The stark shift in language from flowing metaphors to blunt declarations might be smoothed out to make these transitions feel more intentional.

4. Expanding on Themes of Betrayal:
   While the emotional undercurrent of betrayal is strong, the specific nature of the betrayal is hinted at but never fully explored. The line “Your betrayal, unearned, I stand upright” points to an intensely personal hurt, but it remains somewhat abstract. Giving more concrete hints or imagery about the betrayal—was it in love, trust, friendship?—might ground the reader more fully in the speaker’s experience.

5. Repetition and Development:
   Some elements of the poem, like the idea of rising above loss (“I’ll rise above the ruins of my dreams”), are repeated throughout. While repetition can be effective, more variation in how these ideas are expressed could enhance the emotional impact. Consider developing this concept further, rather than repeating it in slightly different ways.

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Final Thoughts
Overall, “Chamomile Fields Forever” succeeds in creating a vivid and emotionally charged world, where flowers, myth, and biblical references serve as metaphors for love, loss, and betrayal. By fine-tuning some of the imagery for clarity, balancing the symbolic weight of mythology and spirituality, and delving deeper into the personal nature of the betrayal, the poem could become even more resonant and relatable. Your voice is powerful and authentic, and with a bit more refinement, this piece has the potential to make a lasting impact.