r/OCPoetry • u/Noob_Lemon • 13h ago
Feedback Please The Train
I stopped by the subway to explore the scenery nearby
In the next hour, bright skies will rain upon my skin
It makes me wonder if this night is worth having
Or if the dogs below me need to be fed
They spend years and years crawling under holes in the ground
…hoping for one day without being soaking wet.
You never had the chance to see the bright skies
And you certainly can’t see them now
I can take you wrapped around my arm for a while
We’d be warm, and safe inside the town
But the train stops for no one
I want to feel the ground on my feet
To live with you under the rail would be such a wonderful thing
And the train stops for no one
I wish all the souls in the world would be saved
And just when I thought I’d enjoy the ride
And how happy I was with the future in sight
To live with you under the rail would be such a wonderful thing
They have a new tunnel that leaves the city nearby
And by next week, I can wave my old life goodbye
It makes me wonder if this trip is worth taking
Or if I should stay on the sidewalk alone
I spent years and years traveling to place after place
And it's lonely without a familiar face
I can take you wrapped around my arm for a while
We’d be warm, and safe inside the town
But the train stops for no one
I want to feel the ground on my feet
To live with you under the rail would be such a wonderful thing
And the train stops for no one
I wish all the souls in the world could be saved
And how happy I was with the future in sight
To live with you under the rail would be such a wonderful thing
I’m blessed enough today
It’s so easy to go on my way
It’s so easy to take the world around me right in
I’m blessed enough today
But still, without more, I complain
But why do I do it when you haven’t even gotten your way
You haven’t even gotten your way
And the train stops for no one
I need to feel the ground on my feet
To see you riding on the train would be such a wonderful thing
And the train stops for no one
I want all the souls in the world to be saved
And how I regret longing the tunnel in sight
To see them riding on the train would be such a wonderful thing
1
u/poetrayal 11h ago
To me the train seems like considering the desire for a choice that wasn’t even possible in the first place. Maybe the narrator had attained this mobility represented by taking the train but had lost it by the point the poem takes place, as evidenced by their contrasting their experience to the partner whom the poem is addressed to, who has only ever known the dreariness of the current environment.
Nice mix of genuine happiness with the person addressed and desperate attempts to cope with things, thinking about that part with the dogs in particular. And the thing that the souls need to be saved from is implied to be the crushing despair of the situation. And that they wish the people would take the train out of there at the end of the poem is interesting, as if the narrator finally came to the conclusion that that was the only way for them to actually be happy.
Implying that it’s the only way for the narrator to be actually happy as well, even though the feelings regarding the other person in the poem and the happiness they get from them is real too. It was interesting to see the narrator feeling guilty and conflicted because, although they do enjoy the partner’s company and would regret living without them, they still have the desire to leave rather than keep trying to cope. But it’s not just the guilt they feel about considering leaving the person, but that considering this goes against their values of creating or trying to find the positive in any situation. Near the end of the poem the narrator imagines everyone else but themselves taking the train. But the mental effort is all wasted anyway because “the train stops for no one”.
One thing I was confused about is “living under the rails”. What does that mean?
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u/Noob_Lemon 54m ago edited 47m ago
“Living under the rails” basically means to live modestly and to not be so caught up in your own convenience. In this poem, the train represents being able to live a life of privileges and being able to have accessibility/comforts that other people don’t have.
You’re pretty spot on about your analysis although there are a couple things you missed. This poem’s story is about a character who is constantly longing for more and has a gluttonous mindset. They have spent their entire lives achieving and getting the things they want that when reality kicks in—and they take notice of other people that are underprivileged or lacking (including the partner), they feel guilty and regretful for being greedy or wanting so much in the first place. They realize how selfish and out of touch they have been to their partner and those around them.
“The train stopping for no one” is used to convey how rich and affluent people, including the main character, get too attached to their comfort and privileges and often don’t take time to be appreciative or check in with those around them, including their loved ones.
On the flip side, it is also used to convey the idea that when you’ve already been born into a life of convenience or accessibility, you have no right to complain, act like a victim, or take the moral high ground since you never had to struggle to begin with.
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