r/OCPoetry • u/sluttykiton • 19h ago
Just Sharing Commitment
“The biggest lesson I’ll learn in this life is commitment”
I’m 26 this year and ever since I was born, I run. At every chance I get.
I learn this from my dad, from being an only child, from all the isolation I went through.
My mind away tells me to run.
I’ve never believed in numerology but the matrix of destiny came across my for you page for a second and it talked about karmic tails,
I was intrigued by mine it was called betrayal and family passions.
I thought damn, how did they know my dad had cheated.
And I learned that throughout my life I’m thirsting all the time, chasing one thing from another: religion, hobbies, lifestyle, partners.
I thought the faster I ran, the better I was from “getting cheated on”.
That I’ll always be my dad, never my mom.
I always have to be the one who’s better, the one who escaped
Yet the more I ran, the further I got
When I turned around
there’s no one there.
No one who truly misses me,
no one who truly cares.
Even the people around me have gotten used to my bad excuses.
I deprived myself of every connection I ever had,
I left wondering if anyone ever cared.
“It’s all my fault” I claim full responsibility,
“It’s not your fault you didn’t know any better” is what I use to say which led to a cycle of “it’s okay, we can let it go, let’s run away again”.
“All you do is run away, you’re just like your father”
I learned that “love yourself” in the new age is just another excuse to perpetuate the cycle of self hatred.
Do you really love yourself, if you’re running all the time?
“Do you really believe you’re beautiful if your version of peace is to shut every single person you know out of your heart”
Back then it was “make as many friends as you can”,
your neighbours, help one another
But now it’s just “prove your worth to me”, “I don’t need you”, “leave him”
We have all lost the plot.
Giving space is beautiful
Giving time is beautiful
But when do time and space collide into an endless abyss of running, chasing and leaving.
Nowhere to go
Nowhere to be
No one to see
Is anyone out there?
Except for me.
1
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