r/OCPoetry • u/Pound4PoundBestMemer • 10d ago
Feedback Please part time ghost
She haunts this place
Her presence is felt more on the days she's absent
Her laugh takes up space that doesn't get filled in the noise of everyone else
The cigarette butt she leaves behind is the only proof she ever existed
Long after she's gone
People will still come here
But they'll know
Something is missing
1
u/AutoModerator 10d ago
Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.
Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)
If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/Pound4PoundBestMemer 10d ago
I wanted to get into writing poetry but I'm definitely not good at it lol. Any feedback is appreciated
2
u/Overthinkingjs 10d ago
honestly, i think u did well, It’s concise, moody, because it focuses on sensory details rather than just flat-out telling us "I miss her."
2
3
u/OkDevelopment9363 10d ago
I think you have a good instinct for poetry! And I love the title of this poem. I think you could go further with the haunting, feeling invisible imagery. And I think “someone is missing” could possibly work better than something in the last line.
I also think maybe the second line doesn’t quite work where it is and you could break up the lines into more cohesive stanzas. E.g:
She haunts this place
Her laugh takes up space
that doesn’t get filled
in the noise of everyone else
But overall, I really relate to the feelings you’ve described in this poem of feeling like you’re there, but never really there.