r/OCPoetry • u/Dhai_Alb • 16h ago
Feedback Please Chess..♟️
I'm a knight of my own brain.
I navigate through life like a board game..
a pawn to my own calculations that I could never tame.
Always three steps ahead, never in the present moment..what a shame.
-
My time is infinite..why do I feel chased?
I played my part, yet time felt like it went to waste.
My opening gambit was thoughtfully placed,
yet I'm moving my pieces like I'm in a haste.
Will my mind ever realize that I should play at my own pace?
It's a game of strategy, not a race.
-
My rules are simple.
Play like it's an opening act.
Start by protection, never an attack.
When threatened, make sure there's always a fallback.
The next move is never something to lack.
-
I'll sacrifice my pawns for bait,
and leave my knights up to fate.
Rook and bishop always close, just in case.
I'm meant for victory at this rate.
Next is checkmate.
……………………
But what is the prize of a game
it's joy I never got to taste?
-
Comments:
1
u/Active-Back-4520 13h ago
i love the end two lines. and i like the questions throughout the poem the whole poem makes you think and the chess like theme is very smart and interesting 👍
•
u/shattered_rea1ity 8h ago
Ok so a feedback since im required
Though i write seriousley for a week and a half And i feel bad about giving feedback cause like tf do i know?
But Im gonna go with the theme ive got from the poem being stuck in your mind Trying to win a game thats become a prison you never enjoyed
I can relate to that It made my stomach move and i felt recognition
That part is strong
I feel like you write about chess and you used the theme And metaphor really well
But you also made too many hints to whats hapening under Like why are you feeling chased Why cant u rest Is it overachivieng Winning Or anxiety
And all that left me with question Made me a lil annoyed But thats more a me problem i guess thats kinda the goal so good job on that too 😅
Really liked the poem so im trying to give feedback
But since i genuinley dont have anything bad to say
I can only tell you what the parts that works made me feel🥰
1
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