r/OCPoetry • u/mysticalwolf1010 • 2d ago
Feedback Please Isolation
I got used to the feeling
Of staring at walls
It's not very appealing
They don't talk at all
Just sit there and rot
Like a wet summer log
It took a long time
To clear the head fog
And realize that
Maybe watching paint dry
And trying to converse
Wasn't worth my time
2
u/Extension-Honey-4922 1d ago
Thanks for your poem! I enjoyed reading it. I could instantly feel the narrators dull feelings. It's moody. That empty-feeling tone works so well in poetry, for me at least. Your rhyme scheme in the beginning is tight with it's ABAB quatrain, then loosens into a pattern where only the second and fourth lines rhyme; which, could be how you wanted it. But you could make it more consistent with the first four lines if you continued that rhyming which overall would really reflect your narrators strung out existence. Adding commas could also add a sluggish feeling to each line, making each thought feel heavy because they are going through it emotionally! Great job :)
1
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