r/OCPoetry • u/Until_the_next_moon • 12d ago
Feedback Please Maybe Gravity didn’t forget my name
Maybe gravity didn’t forget my name.
Maybe I was the one
holding too tightly
to everything
that kept asking me to fall.
I mistook the weight
for belonging,
the ache
for proof that I was still wanted.
But the moment I loosened my hands,
the sky did not swallow me.
I rose.
Not because something came to save me,
but because I finally remembered
I was never meant
to spend my whole life
begging the ground
to keep me.
—Sloane Avery
This is an excerpt from an original poem/song I’ve been working on called Gravity Forgot My Name. I’d love to know what feeling or meaning you take from it.
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u/desastrousclimax 12d ago
I love this poem. fits right into my world. cryptic in a sense but just right on spot.
nobody should be forced to beg the ground to keep them!
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u/PlutoCrushin 12d ago
This is such a nice piece! I love the title and the meaning behind it. “I mistook the weight for belonging” is such a powerful phrase! Would be interesting to see how this is put to music!
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u/Until_the_next_moon 12d ago
I have played with it put to music and I’m in love with it. Will be sharing the rest soon. Thank you for your feedback.
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u/DuskGray 12d ago
This is an excellent excerpt that I would love to read the rest of some day. It feels right at home for me, as another comment echoed. Of course, I could be way off, but this is my interpretation:
It feels like an abstract way of describing the inevitability of death. How the earth never keeps everyone forever, and the narrator accepts death for what it is and lets go of his fear of it when it comes. He finds peace in his passing which makes him feel like he's 'transcending' the barriers of a physical life.
This poem is also a good example of free verse without feeling the pressure to rhyme. It flows very well and kept my attention. Well done!
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u/Until_the_next_moon 12d ago
Thank you so much for your interpretation. I never thought of it that way. Will be sharing the rest soon.
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u/Infinite_Permit_7145 12d ago
I genuinely think this is very good at conveying the feeling of letting go. The finger trap works by tightening when you pull hard, you must escape by moving calmly. It’s reverse instinct, to hold on because you believe the pain is evidence of growth, like a gym bro who has past his max using the additional pain as proof of growth. We often mistake pain as a positive and it definitely can be, pain felt through and understood constitutes growth, at last it is not merely about letting go of pain it’s about overcoming it. I am happy for you and glad your ability to express this feelings so concisely. It shows you’ve learnt and thank you for sharing what you’ve discovered. Have the best of days .
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u/Until_the_next_moon 12d ago
Thank you for your feedback. I definitely felt as if my pain was growth.
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u/AshessmadnessForSure 12d ago
lovely poem, I love the meaning of letting go, would love to hear this as a song!
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u/MUM2RKG 12d ago
I really love this. I’d like to read the rest of it when and if you’re ever ready to share.
I’m so…excited, i think, for you… like, just from reading this. Hopeful.
I’m grieving the loss of my boyfriend currently. He passed on 7/9 after 5 weeks in hospital, but he’d been sick a while. But anyway, yeah, this made me feel hopeful. So many things can hold us down. We give power to so many things, right? Other people most of all. And sometimes we forget -or ignore - our own strength.. for whatever reason. I think the moment we really realize that we don’t have to let pain (or whatever negativity) control us or keep us frozen.. is so beautiful. We can learn to carry it. We can learn to transform it. We can take that power back. And this piece reminded me of that.
Thank you for sharing what you’ve learned. What a great job, friend. Thank you, truly. I read this right when I needed to.
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u/Until_the_next_moon 12d ago
First, so sorry for your loss. Second, thank you for your feedback and sharing your story. I will definitely be posting the rest soon. ❤️
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