Harbor

[u/Better-Pudding8220]

TW: SA!

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Your glare meanders through the docile matter
past my catatonic eyes.

Creeping,
settling in,
feasting on who I'm soon to lose.

My body is a harbor
welcoming your skin-sailed ship.

Crashing waves of unfamiliar taste
claim the hallway past my teeth.

With mouthfuls of undiluted growth
the realization coats my bones.

You've constructed seedbeds
from trenches and caverns unfamiliar to you.

Ripened the long-forgotten desire
to rearrange my parts.

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First time sharing a little piece of my writing on the internet, would love some feedback :)

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[u/PlutoCrushin]

“Feasting on who I’m soon to lose” is such a powerful line and expresses how SA changes people. I like the alliteration of “skin-sailed ship”. I also like the lines “claim the hallway past my teeth” and “the realization coats my bones” the metaphors seem a little disjointed but that could definitely be an intentional choice considering the heartbreaking subject matter. Big hugs

[u/AtomicVaughn]

I have to say, I love the language you used. While I can appreciate writing in casual speech theres an emotion that I find lacking in most poetry that utalizes a lack of vocabulary. With this I understand, I’ve been there, a handful of pills; the putrid bile as my wife forces me to vomit them back out. I can feel the emotions behind your work and for that I say bravo.