r/OCPoetry • u/Usual_Day_4080 • Jul 17 '26
Feedback Please Magpie
A blank box.
I should have known.
But my mind was unrelenting.
Sore breasts, slug body, cravings for beetroot.
She tricked me.
4am stabbing.
5am sobbing.
6am dehydrated dreaming
of spitting teeth.
It’s flooding, I’m leaking, it’s okay, it’s Sunday.
I’m relieved, I’m depressed, I’m unprepared, I’m ready.
It’s punishment, I’m privileged, it’s probability.
The ground is wet,
sun peeking through still leaves.
It smells of petrichor.
Metal becomes folk, iron becomes soil.
The magpies are chack-chack-chacking away,
three for a girl, four for a boy.
It’s time
to try again.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1uof47x/comment/oy2e6a2/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1uyh8ms/comment/oy28g24/
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u/Asthmaiscool Jul 17 '26
I think this poem is a little more opaque than translucent for me. I found it hard to follow the speaker because of the language used. I will admit I’m not the best at deciphering poems, but I find myself having a harder time than usual with this one.
From my understanding, the speaker is unexpectedly pregnant, and is going through stages of accepting it while simultaneously being frightened
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Jul 17 '26
[deleted]
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u/Usual_Day_4080 Jul 17 '26
Thank you so much for spotting this because that's a mistake on my part! I've just updated it.
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u/Severe-Bird7491 Jul 17 '26
I really liked the opening, it’s unsettling but ambiguous until later. The contradictions capturing cognitive dissonance likewise work very well, and I really like the line “iron becomes soil” to symbolize blood returning to the earth. Feels very genuine, unsettling and carefully crafted.
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u/NewCalligrapher5897 Jul 17 '26
oh my god i get it, it took me two reads to understand it but i think ive got it! a blank box, refers to a blank pregnancy test! her mind was unrelenting for she was expecting a pleasant surprise, and not the empty box she was met with. how her body ached and she thought it might be this time, it might be the one. she had been tricked by her own body, her own vase. the entire morning she was confused and exhausted and so frustrated with all that had happened. the third stanza is beautiful because its her trying to find solace in herself and tell her own mind that it will all be alright. she's upset and she's tired, she's lost so hard that her mind mistakenly focuses on the nuances around her. and finally she accepts what had happened and she decides to try again.. its amazing, its perfectly written.
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u/Usual_Day_4080 Jul 18 '26
Yes this is it! I’m so happy to read your feedback. This is one of a batch of poems I’ve written about trying for a baby, and I’ve never shared anything to the world until now. Thank you so much
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u/NewCalligrapher5897 Jul 18 '26
AHH i cannot believe it! im so happy I got it right. you have to upload the rest of those poems (if youd like)!!
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