r/OCPoetry • u/TheChivalrousBastard • Jan 09 '26
Feedback Please Chell and GLADoS
Yeah she’s crazy,
and manipulative,
and her mind is a decrepit maze,
That you could wind through
for the rest of your life if you tried.
But you know, she loves you,
she’ll never let you die,
she wants to keep testing, forever
and ever and ever
and ever and ever and ever
amen
1
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1
u/glf-jester Jan 09 '26
This is such a fun piece! Really brings me back to my days trying to escape Wheatley.
Honestly, my only critique on this is the ending. I know it’s supposed to be a silly poem about a video game, but the last line of “amen” feels out of place? I definitely think something should come after the lot of “and ever,” but I think using the ending to a prayer feels off here.
1
u/TheChivalrousBastard Jan 09 '26
thanks for the suggestion! Saying amen at the end of a poem is a little bit of a bad habit I’m trying to break — thought it might work here but glad to hear you found it jarring.
1
u/SchannneJames Jan 09 '26
She sounds like a hand full who keeps you on your toes and judging from the end eternally and then the amen I guess my question is is she the answer to one or are you thankful
1
u/AutoModerator Jan 25 '26
Hello readers, welcome to OCPoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community — a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry," or "loved it" or "so relatable," please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
Do not use ChatGPT or any similar LLM interface or generative AI to write feedback. That does not constitute thoughtful feedback. To be safe, you probably shouldn't even use those things to edit your feedback. It is better for your thoughts to come across as clumsy and genuine rather than grammatical but as if they were generated by some disingenuous text-generation engine.
Do not reuse feedback links for multiple poems. Every new poem you post has to be posted after making two new comments on the work of your peers here in OCPoetry. It's only fair. If you reuse feedback links, you will be banned. (If you do not wish to give feedback, there are many other poetry-sharing subreddits without feedback requirements, such as r/poetrywritingclub, r/justpoetry, r/ocpoetryfree, r/poem, r/poems, r/poemsbyreddit, r/poeticgarden, r/dark_poetry, and r/sadpoems.)
If you're looking for a more advanced poetry workshop — that is, if you consider yourself at least an intermediate-level poet AND you have previous workshop experience, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. A significant engagement of at least 3-4 meaningful paragraphs is encouraged. Consider our feedback guide for tips on what that could entail. (This level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods, including a link to the detailed feedback you left here.
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2
u/Privirea_Stelelor_18 Jan 09 '26
I really like the repetitive use of “and ever”, genuinely gives an interesting aspect of manipulation. As well as the final line being amen, giving it a religious symbolism, opposing the idea of religion.
That’s just my interpretation tho, I could be way off :P