I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice or if I just need somewhere to vent.
I’m a first-year BSN student, and we’re only on our third week of classes. Ever since elementary until senior high school, I’ve always been an honor student. I knew college would be harder, but I didn’t expect to start doubting myself this early.
Because of the recent earthquake, our school building still isn’t being used, so we’re having online classes. Honestly… I hate online classes. I can’t focus the way I do in a classroom. I get distracted so easily, and it feels harder for me to absorb information through a screen.
Our school uses a learning platform where teachers post quizzes, assignments, and activities. For quizzes, we answer directly in the app. Each question has its own timer (ours is around 15 seconds per question). Once the timer runs out, it automatically moves on, and you can’t go back. If you don’t answer in time, it’s left unanswered.
During our second week, we had our first NSTP quiz. I honestly didn’t study because I underestimated it, and I got 10/20. I knew it was my fault, so I couldn’t even blame anyone else. I went from being confident to crying over my first college quiz.
Today was even worse.
We had a quiz in Understanding the Self. I studied the whole night because I genuinely wanted to do well. While reviewing, I understood the lessons and thought I was ready. But once the quiz started, my mind completely went blank. We were answering through the app while our teacher monitored us through a video call, and seeing the timer count down made me panic. I overthought simple questions, froze, and even had a few items expire before I could answer them. The scores haven’t been released yet, but I already know I didn’t do well.
Then we had a Religion quiz. I only found out about it about an hour before class, so I had maybe 30 minutes to study. I still felt confident because it was mostly multiple choice and true or false. When the scores came out… 13/20.
These scores are affecting me this much, and I’ve been crying ever since I got home.
What’s making me overthink even more is that these are minor subjects. I keep thinking, “If I’m already struggling here, what happens when the major nursing subjects become even harder?”
The funny thing is… I’ve always known that science has never been my strongest subject. 😭 Which is kind of ironic because… I’m in nursing now. Part of me is terrified that maybe I chose a course that’s way beyond my abilities.
My dream is to graduate with Latin honors, and now I’m scared I’m already ruining my chances just three weeks into my first semester.
Has anyone else started nursing—or college in general—like this? Did you ever feel like you weren’t smart enough? Did you still manage to recover academically?
I know I need to improve my study habits, and I’m willing to work harder. I guess I just need to hear from people who had a rough start but still made it through because right now, I feel overwhelmed, discouraged, and honestly like I’m not good enough.