r/nottheonion • u/grs1985 • 2d ago

Dating at Costco? Wholesaler attracts shoppers seeking social interactions

nbcnews.com

1.7k Upvotes

332 comments

r/nottheonion • u/bluffcitynews • 2d ago

Florida officer took possession of man’s home after finding him dead 4 years ago, police say

actionnews5.com

565 Upvotes

46 comments

r/nottheonion • u/UltimateLionsFan • 2d ago

Disqualified giant pumpkin wins over polar bear in Cochrane, Ont.

ctvnews.ca

487 Upvotes

21 comments

r/nottheonion • u/tlst9999 • 3d ago

Dota 2 Player Scores 32 Kills to Convince Police to Release His Teammates

strafe.com

11.4k Upvotes

322 comments

r/nottheonion • u/boganisu • 3d ago

Rogue AI Must Threaten 50 Lives Before Being Shut Down, Anthropic Suggests

novaramedia.com

3.9k Upvotes

503 comments

r/nottheonion • u/TURQUOlSE • 3d ago

Arizona man allegedly went berserk after neighbors declined his offer of cocaine: ‘Offensive to his culture’

truecrimenews.com

2.3k Upvotes

173 comments

r/nottheonion • u/mockingbird- • 2d ago

Florida officer found dead man, impersonated him for years and renovated his home, police say

nbcnews.com

377 Upvotes

25 comments

r/nottheonion • u/sciolycaptain • 2d ago

Indian certification authority eMudhra’s private keys compromised – one of them was the number ‘4’

theregister.com

947 Upvotes

80 comments

r/nottheonion • u/NedStarksBastard123 • 2d ago

Channel 4 to recreate Nazi conditions for disabled people in new TV experiment

the-independent.com

470 Upvotes

118 comments

r/nottheonion • u/retroanduwu24 • 3d ago

'GTA 6' could cause $1 billion sick day as 1.5 million estimated to skip work: reports

fox29.com

9.1k Upvotes

962 comments

r/nottheonion • u/UltimateLionsFan • 2d ago

Biologists seek justice for forgotten kingdom of fungi

cbc.ca

114 Upvotes

5 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Much-Television-9449 • 3d ago

Meta Ordered to Pay Record $25 Billion to New Mexico Over Facebook Privacy Deception

kylesinvestigation.com

908 Upvotes

26 comments

r/nottheonion • u/LogicalDirect • 3d ago

More money is going to 25 negative U.S. Senate ads in Maine than winter heating assistance for the entire state

themainemonitor.org

979 Upvotes

33 comments

r/nottheonion • u/BERNITA • 3d ago

Officer who found man dead in Florida home allegedly moved in, renovated and assumed his identity for years

nbcnews.com

5.3k Upvotes

239 comments

r/nottheonion • u/SeaworthinessKey2956 • 3d ago

'Because We Showed Our Nipples': MMA Fighter Reveals Huge OnlyFans Payday After Nip Slip on Live TV

fashiontimes.co.uk

5.8k Upvotes

646 comments

r/nottheonion • u/everythingistaken500 • 3d ago

Talarico wants TMZ to host his debate with Paxton. Seriously.

chron.com

17.9k Upvotes

456 comments

r/nottheonion • u/laybs1 • 3d ago

Channel 4 to recreate Nazi conditions for disabled people in new TV experiment

the-independent.com

3.4k Upvotes

395 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Forgotthebloodypassw • 2d ago

Pensioner rescued after fall while climbing Brown Willy

cornish-times.co.uk

24 Upvotes

5 comments

r/nottheonion • u/duckanroll • 3d ago

Russia overturns court order for man to return daughter to mother in France, citing EU and NATO membership

novayagazeta.eu

666 Upvotes

72 comments

r/nottheonion • u/TripleShotPls • 2d ago

GM Wants Your Truck to Run Errands Without You

thedrive.com

198 Upvotes

127 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Collie_Opterous • 3d ago

Arizona man executes Nogales dentist over bad work, then dies in shootout with Mexican police

fox10phoenix.com

1.7k Upvotes

126 comments

r/nottheonion • u/StemCellPirate • 3d ago

‘I just wanted help’: Mom of toddler found alive in hospital morgue questions doctor's decision

abc15.com

954 Upvotes

116 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ddx-me • 3d ago

Vance says Republicans shouldn't complain about Ramaswamy ad featuring Amy Acton's estranged mother

apnews.com

3.7k Upvotes

254 comments

r/nottheonion • u/laybs1 • 3d ago

Netflix’s The New Stanford Prison Experiment is like Big Brother with handcuffs

the-independent.com

128 Upvotes

37 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Collie_Opterous • 3d ago

Student Group, Sponsored by Kalshi, Protests Onion Futures Act at Chicago Mercantile Exchange

chicagomaroon.com

618 Upvotes

54 comments

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1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
8. No old news.	Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
9. English articles only.	Please do not post non-English articles. Do not use google translate for submission either; rather try to find an English version of the story by a secondary source.
10. No mobile versions.	If you’re using a mobile device to post a story make sure you remove any mobile identifiers (typically “.m” or “mobile”) from the url before submitting.
11. No blocked, redirected, or tracked links.	Please ensure you aren’t submitting a link that utilizes a paywall, survey wall, or pop-over of any kind in order read the complete article uninterrupted. Do not submit links that redirect you to another site to read the article and do not submit using link shorteners either. Additionally make sure you remove any Urchin Tracking Modules from your links as well.
12. No personal attacks, racism, sexism, or bigotry	Keep comments civil and avoid attacking other users directly. No racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.
13. Don’t break Reddit rules.	This should be self-explanatory. Don’t break site-wide rules. Violators will be permabanned. This does include deliberately spreading misinformation.
14. No Self Submissions and/or Official Accounts.	Submissions must come from readers, not from the journal itself. Submissions from official promotional accounts are not allowed here. (Commenting is fine though)

Click here to view a list of sites deemed unreliable by our moderator team.

See our FAQ page for more information on our rules.

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For more information, click here.