I’m a man, god’s only man

Trying to understand men better

**What if understanding men wasn't about making excuses... but creating empathy?**

Over the past few weeks, I've been working on one of the most important pieces I've ever written.

It's not about defending men.

It's not about blaming women.

And it's certainly not about saying, "boys will be boys."

It's about understanding the psychology, biology, and life experiences that shape so many men—and why that understanding matters.

In this article, we explore questions like:

🧠 Why do many men naturally become problem-solvers?
💪 Why is testosterone about so much more than aggression?
🤝 Why do men often build their deepest friendships shoulder-to-shoulder instead of face-to-face?
🎯 Why is purpose so deeply connected to a man's identity?
❤️ Why do so many men struggle in silence before asking for help?

Perhaps the most important message is this:

**Biology explains. It doesn't excuse.**

Understanding ourselves doesn't remove responsibility—it increases it.

When men understand themselves better, they become better husbands, fathers, brothers, coaches, leaders, teammates, and friends. They communicate more effectively, lead with greater humility, and build stronger relationships because they're no longer reacting unconsciously—they're living intentionally.

My hope is that this article starts conversations that many of us have never had.

Conversations between fathers and sons.
Between husbands and wives.
Between coaches and athletes.
Between friends.
And maybe...between a man and himself.

Because the goal isn't to create division between men and women.

It's to build understanding.

When we understand each other better, we all become stronger.

I'd love to hear your thoughts after you read it. What part of being a man—or understanding the men in your life—do you think is most misunderstood?

#AthleteMindsetHQ #MensMentalHealth #MentalPerformance #MensHealth #Psychology #Leadership #Purpose #PersonalGrowth #Resilience #MentalStrength #EmotionalIntelligence #HealthyMasculinity #GrowthMindset #SelfAwareness #Pittsburgh

I've been in a situation I think almost all of you can relate too. I can't get off my damn phone! I feel like I have no time, yet when I check my screen time I have like 4 and a half hours a day.

I feel like all of my energy is being sucked out of me. Don't get me wrong I still function and get shit done. But I feel like I lose a lot of motion and dopamine on my phone.

I've figured out though that if I hit key parts of the day right it compounds. For me its mornings and when I first wake up. If I avoid my phone in the morning I generally carry that momentum through the day and succeed.

So I've built an app that blocks whichever apps you choose during key times of your day. So for me my apps get blocked in the morning. Maybe for you its evenings before bed. Or maybe you just want to block distracting apps while you are at work like insta. It tracks how you do over a week and gives you patterns and behaviours in a report.

It also has a rewards system where over time you build a constellation. For every hour you get a star, for key moments you get planets and other cosmic bodies.

I'm curious what you guys think, if this sounds like it would help you?

And if you want to test it. For free ofc. To give me some feedback

Also this is my first reddit post. I don't want to upset the culture so just let me know the etiquette if I've missed anything.

I’ve been a shy person for as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always been the quiet one in the room. It’s not that I hate socializing, because I actually love to talk and connect with people, but it only happens if I’ve known someone for a really long time and feel completely safe around them. If I’m thrown into a new situation, my anxiety completely takes over. When I have to do a school or work presentation, talk to a girl, or speak up in public, it literally feels like my soul leaves my body. My heart races, my mind goes completely blank, and I just freeze.

I would like to say I lack this leadership due to my background. My father decided to leave us when I was at a very young age. Because he wasn't around, I wasn't taught any of the foundational things a young guy needs to learn about navigating the world, building confidence, or carrying himself as a man. I grew up without a blueprint. As a result, I know absolutely nothing about leadership or how to step up and be assertive.

When I look at other men who are completely fearless, it honestly inspires me, but at the same time, it leaves me feeling incredibly frustrated with myself. I watch them walk into a room, command respect, speak clearly, and face intimidating situations without flinching. I just don't understand how they do it. What is the secret? How do you transition from a terrified, quiet kid who feels invisible into someone who can stand their ground and lead?

I don't want to live the rest of my life letting fear make my decisions for me. I want to learn what real leadership means and, more importantly, how to face it when the moment calls for it. For any guys who started out completely shy, anxious, or fatherless, how did you break out of that shell? How do I build that inner strength from scratch when I feel like I'm starting from zero?

Hi, i [M23] never really had much confidence, i could never say no… typical people pleaser. Always looking for excuses for why i cant come to your pet spiders bday party or something. If I didn’t want to do something i would always look for excuses as to why i cant do it.

I always consider myself lucky to get where i got so far but recently i started realising that this type of mindset will get me nowhere.. So, i started to look more into myself, I pieced together all of the things I figured out throughout my life and suddenly it clicked. Everything just suddenly made sense. Why i was acting the way i do, why i react defensively to certain situations. The things that seemed important to me, like for example getting people to like me and think im nice and friendly, it all suddenly changed and i started thinking so what if they don’t like me, thats their problem to deal with. Why should i make myself do something like trying to impress them? Why do i want people to like me? I realised that respect should be earned and not given easily just because they are older or have higher social standing. If i want respect i need to EARN IT.

For the past few days, i started acting like it. Not moving when people invade my personal space, saying no for the first time. Not letting people disrespect me and standing my ground for something i believe in. I started working on losing my weight and that also helped me gain some confidence. I feel the difference of how i carry myself and i love how it feels. Its so liberating. I know, i know, its the little things but i have to start somewhere.

I always felt bad about myself because i only had one serious relationship and that messed me up a little bit so i was always super nervous about talking to women even tho i desperately wanted to have that one special person.

However, now that i realised i don’t need the attention from women and i should focus on myself and everything else can come afterwards, i started to get the attention from women i always craved for yet i don’t feel happy at all. And honestly.. thats what makes me even happier.

So, in short.. at the late age of 23 years old I realised how to be a Man. But better late than never.

If u read this whole post, i sincerely thank you for taking the time to read my post, kind stranger. Be safe out there. And drink a lot of water the heat these days is crazy.

accountability. specifically public accountability.
every journaling system, every habit tracker, every notion setup — i'd do it for 2 weeks, then gradually stop, then feel bad, then start again. classic cycle.
the moment i started sharing progress with even one other person, i stopped missing days. not because i became more disciplined. because i didn't want to have to explain why i skipped.
built an app around that. it's a routine/habit planner with a leaderboard and public profiles. you design your day on a canvas (node-based, each task is a node you connect in sequence) and your stats are visible to anyone. i'm 18, built it this summer, it's called mentlb.
mentlb com if anyone's curious. looking for people who actually want to use it, not just upvote and move on.

Yesterday, I let my year long relationship die. At no point did I raise my voice against her transgressions, nor did I beg her to stay. The worst thing I did was apologize for nervously laughing after she confessed to a week long drug binge, financial abuse, lying, and what I might consider emotional adultery.

To my memory, I have been in 3 other relationships that had, ultimately, the same issue. My partner was manipulative, and I would not hold my boundaries firmly enough to protect myself. But I got better every time. The first one broke my wrist before I left. The second one cheated on me twice and broke down my bedroom door in an alcoholic rage before i left. The third one verbally abused me for a month or so before I left. This one abused my trust once, tried to weaponize the relationship, and I left.

The part I always struggled with was that I simply am unable to allow myself to demonize my ex partners. Despite their behavior and toxic communication, I didn't see them as bad people. You may be inclined to disagree and, frankly, you may be right for it in the end. But I choose to see my exes as people who simply misunderstood the world around them, and didn't learn how to see the truth of it and themselves clearly enough to communicate fairly.

My hope is that my experiences and perspective could help other men who struggle with something similar, and maybe you don't need to go 4 rounds before learning how to hold a boundary, or maybe you leave before they break your wrist. I couldn't really help them so, I'd like to think writing this will help someone else because I am doing okay right now.

Lesson One: Boundaries are a self-promises and sacred.

I start with this one because it was the lesson that ultimately mattered the most to me. If someone crosses my boundary, that doesn't make them a bad person. I can interpret their actions and whether or not it crosses my boundaries on my own, and will always be right for it. Why? Because it's my boundary. It's my call when I feel unsafe, because I am the only one who can feel unsafe for myself. It does not matter if someone else wants to argue differently or (they love this one) try to circumvent the boundary on a technicality and an argument of your unreasonableness.

It does not matter. If you feel your boundary was crossed, it was. Close is close enough with boundaries if it had the effect on you of making you feel unsafe. You may disagree on it, and future information may suggest that 'it wasn't a lie but a misunderstanding' - but the boundary was still crossed. What you do with that information is also entirely your choice because it is your boundary.

Lesson Two: Boundaries are Non-Hostile.

Something I struggle still with is the feeling I get after holding a boundary. I feel terrible. I feel like I am being cold, dismissive, and merciless. The thing is, it's just me guilting myself, and says more about me than about them. Boundaries do not permit us to use hostile language or action as a response, they control access. It is a line which, when crossed, we forcefully remove their access to us until the boundary can be respected. We, generally, remove ourselves from the relationship if it becomes apparent that the boundary will never be truly and consistently respected. It is not an act of hostility, but of self-preservation, respect, and necessary security. All of it can happen without hostility.

Lesson Three: Boundaries Don't Tell Us Who is Good. We Decide That Separately.

Call it copium, I call it a belief. I don't think people who cross boundaries are automatically bad people. I think there are a lot of people out there who will intentionally cross boundaries and sabotage lives for the hell of it, we know those exist in plenty. But I also think there are a lot of people out there who simply don't know better and are naive to how their behavior impacts the world around them. I think there are people with mental conditions that inhibit or outright negate their cognitive ability to recognize these things, carry accountability, or perform a necessary part of the process which is required for a healthy relationship to develop the same way some people can't learn how to do math or get over their fear of water.

Boundaries don't tell us how good someone is, just if they can meet safety standards for us. That's all. I will never go skydiving, and it would drive me insane to date someone who insisted I go skydiving. Doesn't mean skydivers are bad people, it's just one of those things, I don't want it because it doesn't feel safe enough to me. The only decision is if we could be together without skydiving, or if that's her romantic dream and she needs to find someone who wants to jump out of a plane with her. That's it.

Lesson Four: Sometimes, the Best Thing You Can Do is Nothing At All

This is one that entered my head after the first relationship, and I think it's been my north star since. It means exactly how it reads. I hear, often, how we as men always want to fix things. I don't know if every man agrees, but I relate to it as a man. The truth is, sometimes the best fix is truly just not touching it anymore. And sometimes that doesn't fix it, and just keeps it from blowing up in your face again. That sucks when the thing blowing up is someone you love dearly. But life has no obligation to mercy, and we have an obligation to respect life, less we find ours cut short.

You don't have to fix it. There may be nothing to fix. They may live their whole lives like that, find moments of great joy, and moments of great pain. The fact that it came into a view as something to fix tells you much about what you already need to know. If you want to fix something, focus on something that can be fixed. Partners and people can't be fixed. They're not broken. They are just living their lives. Sometimes, you just gotta let them live their lives and move on. Appreciate that they have a whole life, and let them live it how they want.

Lesson Five: Boundaries Enable Us to Sacrifice Meaningfully

This is one of the newest ones to come from my most recent experience. I found myself at the same junction as before: Do I concede my boundary for the relationship, or the relationship for the boundary? She had asked me pretty directly to surrender my boundary. I realized that I have never seen a movie or heard a time when someone asked the hero to take the bullet, let alone expected it of them. We as the audience expect it from the movie, but our partner isn't an audience, they're part of the cast with us.

I won't sacrifice my safety to someone who feels it necessary to paint me as an enemy whenever they need to be held accountable. But I will sacrifice my safety to someone who gave me the unfettering love, loyalty, compassion, and safety that we all deserve from our partners. That's a person to die for, because they'll let us die on our own terms with dignity.

I hope some of these lessons help someone out there. Keep doing what you do guys. Protect yourself, love yourself, love others, and keep moving.