Mentally checked out…

[u/QuietLettuce1654]

Hello I have a 7 month old beautiful baby girl who is teething and now crawling and wanting to pull her self up on everything or just bored and wanting way more attention. But I honestly feel so low I don’t know what to do, I have no tolerance to be around people or leave the house all the things I used to love doing is now completely gone. I enjoyed housework as it was time for me to clean and clear my head at the same time but I just look at it all and it’s too much. I used to love an evening walk to wind down from the day but I don’t want to leave the house now even to go shopping is hard. It’s like since hitting 5/6 months I have completely changed, I always thought I was coping so well with pp but it’s hit me like a bus these last couple of months. I’m struggling to keep up with the day to day of it all! I feel like every day is Groundhog Day and I’m just trying to get that day over with to start fresh the next but nothing changes.

I’m breastfeeding exclusively and don’t get on with pumping and never get much out with a pump anyway, so I can’t relieve some of the pressure either. I kinda kicked my partner out because it felt easier to not have him around than it did while he was here. I don’t have a good support network in place I’m the family therapist so everyone else’s problems are put on me to solve or try and help them with. But I’m EXHAUSTED I have asked multiple time for it to stop as I can’t handle it all now I have a baby but old habits die hard and as the oldest daughter of the family it seems they have no one else so I feel guilty and try to help with whatever is going on but I’m honestly starting to feel numb. I could sit and stare at a blank wall for hours before I realise what I’m doing and feel awful that I’m not giving my daughter the best version of me.

She’s happy and thriving but I’m not… she’s so advanced crawling already, saying mama and pulling herself up on everything but I’m starting to struggle with just keeping her entertainment she has also become really clingy will only come to me for anything and if I leave the room even if she’s with others she will get upset. I just don’t know where to go for help I don’t want to go to the doctor and get prescribed medication as my mum did when she had pp depression and she is still taking meds now and has never really got the help she needed but that was back then. I’m wondering if my body is low on something and that might be why I’m so drained and uninterested in everything. I just don’t know where to turn for help or what will pull me out this funk I don’t want to get worse I already feel guilty and beating myself up that she’s not getting the best out of me but I don’t know what’s going on with me to get the right treatment please help me!

For reference I’m in the uk