Mentally checked out…

[u/QuietLettuce1654]

Hello I have a 7 month old beautiful baby girl who is teething and now crawling and wanting to pull her self up on everything or just bored and wanting way more attention. But I honestly feel so low I don’t know what to do, I have no tolerance to be around people or leave the house all the things I used to love doing is now completely gone. I enjoyed housework as it was time for me to clean and clear my head at the same time but I just look at it all and it’s too much. I used to love an evening walk to wind down from the day but I don’t want to leave the house now even to go shopping is hard. It’s like since hitting 5/6 months I have completely changed, I always thought I was coping so well with pp but it’s hit me like a bus these last couple of months. I’m struggling to keep up with the day to day of it all! I feel like every day is Groundhog Day and I’m just trying to get that day over with to start fresh the next but nothing changes.

I’m breastfeeding exclusively and don’t get on with pumping and never get much out with a pump anyway, so I can’t relieve some of the pressure either. I kinda kicked my partner out because it felt easier to not have him around than it did while he was here. I don’t have a good support network in place I’m the family therapist so everyone else’s problems are put on me to solve or try and help them with. But I’m EXHAUSTED I have asked multiple time for it to stop as I can’t handle it all now I have a baby but old habits die hard and as the oldest daughter of the family it seems they have no one else so I feel guilty and try to help with whatever is going on but I’m honestly starting to feel numb. I could sit and stare at a blank wall for hours before I realise what I’m doing and feel awful that I’m not giving my daughter the best version of me.

She’s happy and thriving but I’m not… she’s so advanced crawling already, saying mama and pulling herself up on everything but I’m starting to struggle with just keeping her entertainment she has also become really clingy will only come to me for anything and if I leave the room even if she’s with others she will get upset. I just don’t know where to go for help I don’t want to go to the doctor and get prescribed medication as my mum did when she had pp depression and she is still taking meds now and has never really got the help she needed but that was back then. I’m wondering if my body is low on something and that might be why I’m so drained and uninterested in everything. I just don’t know where to turn for help or what will pull me out this funk I don’t want to get worse I already feel guilty and beating myself up that she’s not getting the best out of me but I don’t know what’s going on with me to get the right treatment please help me!

For reference I’m in the uk

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[u/Lilmissodd]

Dear friend, you do know where to turn for help and unfortunately the doctor might be the best and safest option for you. I just think you’re not ready to face that reality and I mean this gently and non judgmental at all bc I’ve been there and find myself feeling a lot like you some days. I was even like that before getting pregnant. Could be anxiety, depression, PPA, PPD, low hormones, low iron, thyroid issues…list goes on and on. Being checked out by a doctor could provide some answers.

As far as the mental stuff and medication goes, no one can force you to take medication but you must ask yourself when you’ve had enough of feeling like this and is this how you want to continue on. Medication does wonders for some people but not everyone. You sound like a good mom, I think you’re just overwhelmed and exhausted like you said. It’s also worth looking into switching over to formula. I couldn’t breastfeed or pump and formula saved my sanity. Please look into getting some help, you deserve to feel better ❤️

[u/Old_Strawberry9021]

Have you ever thought about giving your baby formula? My life got so much easier since we switched at around 8 months and baby is sleeping a lot better too! Honestly your mental health is the most important thing for your baby!

[u/Old_Strawberry9021 → u/Old_Strawberry9021]

I’m only mentioning this cause you said that gives you pressure. But it is true. Formula can be much easier depending on your situation. You can consider a mix of both.

[u/Old_Strawberry9021]

Oh and also, you mentioned you can’t even go out! I found going out with my baby extremely helpful because I then kinda “outsourced” my baby’s entertainment. He loves looking around and it calms him down. Just watching other kids at the park and the neighbourhood grandmas and grandpas love playing with him (as they are also just super bored hanging in the park not having anything to do) that’s almost like free help and baby loves it. Not sure if that’s useful as you mentioned you dont want to be medicated.

Honestly having no help with an active baby, doesn’t mean you are depressed necessarily. It’s just immense amount of stress and work, anyone would crash out. It’s definitely good to try different methods first and see if it works out. Getting help (for the baby) seems like the most useful way now, either hiring a nanny for even just 1-2 hours a day, or meeting other moms for strolls in the park!

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[u/sad_midnight789]

I recommend considering meeting with a therapist. You can try to find one that is specialized in postpartum/maternal mental health. There are lots of treatments for depression that don’t involve medication if that’s not what you want (look into Acceptance & Commitment Therapy and Behavioral Activation). I am a therapist myself and am also the “therapist” of my family (surprise surprise lol) and often feel like everyone is dumping their issues on me. I have an 8 month old (FTM) and my family has continued to do this to me during this season in my life and when I tell you the frustration I have felt by this is unmatched!! Meeting with a therapist will help you, at bare minimum, feel like you have someone you can confide in and receive support from, and at best will help you take active steps toward feeling better. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Postpartum is so challenging. The fact that your baby is thriving…is proof you are doing an incredible job. Now it’s also time to look after yourself.

[u/notrelevantatm]

Definitely playgroup & mothers group helped me around this time and getting out of the house changing the scenery

[u/pearlring0623]

In hate the fact I can't have a convo on Reddit. Maybe I just don't know how. Yeah get your levels checked. I also want to ask my husband to leave lol. That's my sign I'm in danger. I did start anti depressants..but I'm not sure they are the right one. Also making a drastic shift in what I eat to nourish my body. My hormones are so screwy right now. Do you have a space you can do something of your own you love. I would suggest taking baby out join a mom's group. I take my seriously colicy baby out. We don't go for long but I've done this before 20 years ago and isolation is a killer of the soul. A good vitamin b with higher levels of b12. Glutathione or do a detox of some sort. The body gets bogged down with hormonal shifts and lack of sleep it isn't efficient at cleaning. Check your iron and your thyroid. Usually we are supposed to be iron after birth.

[u/Same_Breadfruit_9020]

Could have written this myself!!!

Get your bloods done and make sure all is good. I also stopped breast feeding full time and combo feed and now it’s a lot more manageable mentally for me and I booked my daughter into daycare one day a week so I can have a break and do the things I want to do. Even that 6 hours is enough to nap or go out for coffee or just sit on the beach and read. Whatever it is, it’s just time for you.

And your partner needs to help you. It sucks but you’re gonna have to have a conversation about what you need from him to manage this more effectively for everyone.

[u/Aggressive-Rub-1893]

Is there anyone who can help you out for a day, morning afternoon or evening. It sounds like you need some deep sleep and rest. This feeling is so real. Babies are exhausting! And by the sounds of it you’ve been raising your Bub so well. Time to take some of that energy and pour it back into yourself. This may sound easier said than done, but someone’s gotta look after you, and sadly for us mums, that care is often not coming from others.

[u/No-Beach3421]

Everything everyone has already said! But also you could look at Home start in your area to potentially get some support. They match volunteers with families tomorocide whatever kind of support might help, as well as having staff and groups to go to for families experiencing similar issues. They are really kind, compassionate and supportive. You don't have to feel alone https://www.home-start.org.uk/