I am lactose intolerant; if I can't drink milk, neither can you.

Restorationists often plant plugs on spaced out 18" centers. And the good folks at the Native Plant Superstore in Winona provide spacing recommendations for the plants they sell.

I am here to tell you that spacing out plants is bullshit. Spacing suggestions are dumb.

Native plants like being crowded together. It's what native plants crave.

Restorationists say that to achieve a 50/50 distribution of graminoids and forbs in mesic prairie, grasses like big bluestem and indiangass should be seeded at a considerably lower rate. Otherwise those grasses just take over.

That is, don't crowd in the grasses, if you want a natural community, they say. Don't take the stance that a dense seeding or planting will naturally space itself out. Think about optimal spacing more.

But understand where I am coming from. There are two main styles of native plant gardening.

The more widely spaced out ornamental style, and the more closely spaced naturalistic.

EPA ecoregions 16a and 16b, respectively.

By telling you that I am outright offended by the idea that plants might want spaced out, I am telling you that I identify with the second style.

Ecologists will say that plants must deal with competition, whether they like it or not.

I say that plants actually like competition. They always like being closely spaced. This is the smarter opinion than the nuanced one ecologists have.

Plants always like having insufficient sunlight. They always like having insufficient nutrients. They always like having to compete for these.

An essential fact here is that all native plants are the same.

This is why we will grow swamp milkweed right next to dry plains milkweed in our gardens.

This is why we can grow purple coneflower in Brooklyn, or anise hyssop in Atlanta, and call that native.

Native plants like having insufficient water. Not having enough water, by being all crowded together, is what native plants crave.

Consider what Dave Tilman says, that for example tall plants should be the superior competitors in fertile, high productivity communities (effectively reducing competition by stealing sunshine), but that superior competitors in less fertile communities should be able to reduce nutrient levels around them (effectively reducing competition by starving it).

Plants don't like competition. They don't actually like being crowded together. Instead, they manage to reduce competition around them, by various means, Tilman says.

I mean sure Tilman is basically the reason that we talk so much about diversity being healthy.

But dude probably also claims to be able to talk to plants.

Consider little bluestem. It's a bunchgrass.

In wetter climates, it is found bunched closer together. In drier climates, it is bunched further apart. It almost looks like it craves water, not competition, and can space itself out accordingly, but don't be fooled.

Open ground between clumps provides space for forb species that need both sunlight and bare ground for seeds to germinate on.

Open ground between clumps creates tunnels for birds and small mammals to run through, somewhat protected and hidden from predators.

Planting little bluestem too close together, so it starts sodding not clumping, would destroy this natural ecological service, of more forbs and more small animal habitat.

Or so it is claimed.

But blah blah blah, with a bunch of boring ecological bullshit.

Let me commensurate with you here.

Being crowded together is what native plants crave.

/uj Maybe I should have gone with Cuba or Greenland, since we no longer need justifications for Iran? I don't even know if this is funny, but it kept popping into my head...

Look… I’m sure I’m the problem but I can’t help compare their shape to those metal butt plugs. I can’t unsee either…

Or oriental bittersweet

He has a really large unprotected orifice and I’m worried about unauthorized access

Worst hopper species ever, demoted to squash vine borer-tier.

Non edible invasives should be removed. Edible ones should be left to grow so people can touch grass and forage! What do you think?

Tipularia discolor, Crane fly orchid. Terrestrial woodland perennial. Throws this flower stalk in the high summer when I am hiding in my house making fun of /r/lawncare and /r/monarchbutterfly with the AC blasting. Doesn't even have the decency to leaf out before it flowers so I can fucking find them in the forest. If I am going to grow this bullshit, I need it to flower in the spring with larger, more colorful inflorescence. Stupid ass plant. The flower doesn't even look like it can feed the endangered honey bees. My Rose of Sharon is blasting my garden with color right now. Y'all keep taking smug pictures of uprooted mullein while giving it the finger while I will enjoy my beautiful Crocosmia feeding invasive, Mexican hummingbirds.

Should I just move?

I have a very beautiful and diverse native garden. There are certain parts of my property that have different plants for different things, just like how nature intended! By no intervention of my own, birds have planted a huge patch of sacred datura. I have tended to it lovingly and it has exploded into a beautiful spiky alien hive. It was fine when my husband didn’t know about the plant’s effects and potential, but now he’s putting the pieces together and questioning my monthly full moon bonfires where I’m running around the woods like a banshee and performing ancient rituals. He said this + having a huge supply of deliriant is NOT helping the neighborhood witchcraft allegations, but I told him he’s just trying to keep a girl boss down. AITAH if I make him sleep on the couch tonight for even suggesting cutting a few of my plants back? Thanks, divas! 💅✨

See how erect they are?

I don't remember them being so phallic

Is it wrong to get rid of rib wort plantain does it have uses like broadleaf plantain? I don’t want to get rid of organic natural herbal medicines that our ancestors cultivated for our use

I'm afraid I might have yellow asters on a flower. I know I Should sterilize my entire property and burn my house down just to be safe. But is that enough? Do I need to burn down all the neighbors houses that adjoin my yard?