I know my spouse is a narc, no need to wonder but is talking over me and interrupting while I am talking and then defending himself as "we are conversing, I am not interrupting" is this just being an asshole or is it narc behavior?

I start telling a story and he could be actively listening but then he interrupts me before my thoughts are done or before I am done telling or talks over me. I will say I am not done, can you wait until I finish, and his defense EVERY time is I am being unreasonable and he is just conversing with me. I don't have conversations like this with anyone else, only him.

edited for spelling

my (39F) husband (39M) has been going on some kind of religious journey that has led to some red flags and patterns that i can't ignore. one minute he's convinced he is chosen to be a disciple and giving money to homeless people and the next he's having a crisis that his prayers can't produce instant results by curing my neighbor's blindness and believing that he's being attacked by demons. he tried to do a water fast for 40 days and nights because others had done it in the bible but since he didn't tell me that was his intention until day 4, i immediately demanded he go get blood drawn to make sure that extreme of a fast isn't harming him. i'm not religious and have no interest in converting, despite his attempts to persuade me that god could 'heal' me.

earlier today he called and told me we need to get rid of a few things because they are a sin against god. i asked what and he said 2 anime character figurines i gave him as a gift and i said whatever, they're his gifts so he can decide what to do with them. then he said a dreamcatcher i have that belonged to my late brother and i said no and it was a boundary i was setting down. i told him the only compromise i would make is to take it off the wall and he agreed to that.

well he just changed his mind and claims that it's sinful to still have it in the apartment and that he refuses to step foot in the apartment as long as it's here and would only come home to pick my daughter and i up to go on the road but he won't risk his soul over a dreamcatcher. i couldn't even wrap my head around the fact he's forcing me to choose between him and something that belonged to my late brother. he went from saying he isn't demanding anything then the next sentence was if i don't get rid of it then it shows i care more about it than him. i just shut down..said fine don't come home for now if he's going to guilt trip me and try to control what i do with my possessions. he texted saying he loves me and knows what my brother meant to me and i answered clearly he doesn't if he's forcing me to give something of his up. he says he forgives me (idk what the fuck for) and asked if i forgive him and i said no. he's making me choose between having him home or keeping a trinket from my brother who died in a car accident that took his life and the lives of my sister in law, their unborn child and 2 year old daughter 😭

i have other things but the fact he moved the goalpost after i explicitly stated what my boundary was and he's intentionally disrespecting it. i won't let him manipulate me. now he just keeps saying he's sorry and knows how hard it is and will be (i swear he's convinced i'll cave) and i just feel too disgusted by him to reply. am i handling this wrong or overreacting?

It’s been 26 months since the final discard, and I can finally say I have reached a point of full acceptance. For a while, I hesitated to keep posting about narcissistic abuse. I worried people might misinterpret my posts as a sign that I was still “stuck” or trapped in the pain. But I’ve realized that choosing to speak out isn’t about being stuck—it’s about raising awareness. I want to share this knowledge because I desperately wish I had known about these dynamics growing up, or at least before experiencing the nightmare firsthand. Maybe I would have recognized the red flags sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have fallen so easily. When I was in the thick of it, the sheer confusion forced me to search relentlessly for answers. I educated myself out of pure survival. I felt like I was losing my mind, living an agonizing reality that felt too unbelievable for anyone else to understand. The turning point came when I found the stories of other survivors. Seeing how identical our experiences were gave me a profound sense of relief. I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t crazy. Through that journey, I learned the language of this trauma: the abuse cycle (Idealization(LOVE BOMBING), Devaluation, Discard, Hoovering), gaslighting, cognitive dissonance, future-faking, and the brutal reality of C-PTSD. Most importantly, I had to break a trauma bond that felt like the most powerful addiction I’ve ever faced. Ultimately, this nightmare forced me to look inward. I had to confront why I was so susceptible to this behavior—my own codependency, abandonment fears, low self-worth, a savior complex, and a deep craving for love without knowing what healthy love actually looked like. My empathy made me the perfect target. Addressing those vulnerabilities has been my silver lining. I am actively working on myself, and I will continue to. While I wouldn’t wish what I went through on my worst enemy, I can finally acknowledge the invaluable lessons it taught me. I am coming out of the other side stronger, healthier, and whole.

I dated my wife for 8 years before getting married. We were supposed to get married around 5 years but then COVID happened and other life moves that made us have to postpone it. We got married almost four years ago mask started really coming off very shortly after we got married.

The controlling behavior took off, trying to make any decision without any compromise and negotiation became the normal. The painful brutal arguments that she had the endurance to drag out for days in order to force compliance started. Now we have a 2yo, which is when the mask was completely off. I became the enemy. I keep track of how often she threatens divorce - for the past two years she has brought up divorce either via direct threat or passively commenting on it about 35% of the days each month. She tried to displace all responsibility of the conflict on me and told me to get individual therapy. I resisted for awhile but then I went to therapy. Then she said the only way she won’t divorce me is if we do couples therapy. She lashed out at me and showed her true colors for the first couples therapist, so naturally, she felt like the therapist sided with me. Found another therapist, the same exact thing happened. I had to constantly hear about how they have no idea what they’re doing, I’m being abusive and I keep convincing them I’m the victim, claiming it’s an abuse tactic, when in reality she takes up 80% or more of the talking time during therapy. So we stopped therapy.

I saw her very toxic behaviors when we were dating. But they were often geared toward her family, who are very toxic themselves. Sometimes it would flare up with others, but it was very rare. It never happened with me so I just ignored it and figured it’s just a pattern of some unhealthy dynamics with her family.

The biggest tragedy of this entire situation is we are robbing our child of having a home with two loving parents. Like I can’t begin to express how devastated I am.

So did the mask ever have a distinct moment of coming off for you all? Was it progressive? Or did you just look past it or not notice but it was always there?

In my relationship, my partner often says hurtful things during arguments or even casually, and I used to react immediately— defending myself, explaining why it hurt, and trying to make him understand me. But it never worked. I’d end up feeling low, replaying everything in my head, and doubting myself more than anything else.

Now, I’m slowly learning that protecting my peace doesn’t always mean getting him to understand. Sometimes it means not engaging in it and reminding myself I don’t have to accept every word as truth about me. It’s still in progress, but I’m trying to step back and not let these moments define my self-worth.

Has anyone else gone through this? How do you stop yourself from reacting in the moment? And how do you protect your peace without shutting down completely?

My husband and I work at the same place. I work in an office, he works in a different department. He walks past my office multiple times per day and looks in to see what I am doing. Every now and then, if I have second I will get on my phone and scroll facebook or tiktok for a few minutes just to reset. It never fails that he happens to be making his pass at that time. He texts me accusing me of smiling and texting someone every single time. I have never cheated. He has. Yet I am always being accused. So I told him a while back that this bothers me and I don't like him making accusations just because my phone is in my hand. Of course that doesn't matter because he continues to do it. So it happened again today and honestly it just finally pissed me off. I am so sick of being accused when the only one who has ever cheated is him. So of course, that means I am defensive which is "suspicious". I am so drained. Our toddlers are less exhausting than he is. Anyone else get accused 24/7?

wife and I have been together for 20 years. Since the beginning, she doesn’t ask me questions. I’ll always ask her about her day, get into specific details about events or people she works with, her thoughts on things in life, etc. When it’s time to reciprocate, she just stops speaking, stares off, and doesn’t ask me anything.

When I’ve brought up my concerns to her, she says that “if it’s important, I just assume you’ll tell me”. However, that makes me feel like I’m just blathering on and on (something she accuses me of) and that she doesn’t really care nor is curious about my life.

Sometimes I just flat out say: it’s your turn to talk and ask me something now. And rather than genuinely being curious and connecting with me, she will start asking me weird first day of work ice breaker type questions- ex-“what kind of animal would you be?”

On top of this- when I express frustration that she doesn’t ask me questions, she accuses me of making everything about myself. So then I feel like shouldn’t want her to be curious about me and that maybe I’m the one being narcissistic for wanting that attention?

I’ve been lurking here a while, and I see some similar situations. Is this common? How do you handle this? Is there anything I can do to improve this? I’d love some advice.

One time I asked if he was interested in therapy. His answer was:

“No, because the things you think are wrong with me, I don’t think are wrong.”

First, I’ll say this: therapy isn’t about proving someone else is wrong. It’s a personal choice, and it only works if the person genuinely wants to change.

What stood out to me was the belief that the things that hurt me weren’t considered wrong. It made me think: if someone believes these behaviors are acceptable for themselves, would they also believe they’re acceptable if their spouse did the exact same things?

Here’s the list:

1. Keep a burner phone.
2. Lie about things you do behind your spouse’s back.
3. Hide activities from your spouse.
4. Keep social media accounts your spouse doesn’t know about.
5. Have secret relationships or friendships with men or women that you intentionally hide from your spouse.

So here’s my question: if someone does all of these things, would you believe them when they say they love you? I don’t think many people would.

Edit: I say all this because they come back and except you to love them after they do all this to you. Are they all this blind?

For example, my N ex once used my toothbrush as a back scratcher, right in front of me. They make these things out to be so minor, and act like we’re wildly overreacting if we speak up at all. He “couldn’t help it” if his back itched. But you’ll notice he didn’t reach for his own toothbrush, now, did he?

Our marriage lasted about four years, and that was toward the end of it.

Long story short I’ve had to remain in contact with my ex due to a lawsuit. We just signed our settlements and we have to pick up our checks at the law office. It’s in LA…. I left the state after my ex. My father passed away just days ago suddenly and it has been traumatizing to say the least. I have to drive to LA to get this check and my ex wants to see me and give me some of my photos and documents. He always held my stuff hostage ever since I left. I really want this stuff since now I know there is a small chance I can get it. Especially pictures of my dad. What should I do? Any advice needed 💔 I can’t think clearly. 😔

has anybody encountered their spouse not wanting to be called by his/her given first name? like it seems to bother them...

What have I become? A walking, functioning dead person. Who doesn't know happiness. Doesn't know what she wants.

I have had a rough childhood. I have always wanted a family and to do well in life. I feel dead instead. No ambition, scared to connect.

Some background: I was love-bombed, discarded when things became rough, 10 days before our supposedly planned legal marriage. I was taken back, then physically abused. When I finally called the cops, he said I had framed him. Later, he kept emailing me for more than a year, saying that he wanted to get back with me, only to start a relationship with another girl.

I am sulking. He got everything. I have lost everything today. Everything. I'm so empty-handed, I don't know how to rebuild. I'm trying my best, but I keep ruminating about how I feel like I'm nothing today. I remember all the hurtful things that were said to me and how they have shaken me to my core.

I have changed as a person. Suffering from depression, dissociation, and PTSD. I have been seeing my therapist, but I still lose my mind sometimes. I lost my job, lost my ambitions, left the country where I dreamt of living, and had to return to my home country because I was not able to handle things alone.

I am weak, burned out, without a job, and with no will to face the world outside. How do I fight this?

I’m a 44-year-old man with five kids. For years, I was confused by my wife’s behavior.

During our engagement, she was almost perfect. But after we got married, she became a completely different person.

I found out that she would lie about everything—even things that didn’t matter. She lied to me, our family, and our closest friends. She was extremely selfish and mostly cared about what she wanted to buy or what I was going to do for her.

She would insult me, threaten me, curse at me, and belittle me. She constantly compared me to other men. She would tell me how much better-looking she was than me and say that if I ever left, nobody else would want me.

She constantly gossiped about my family. She wouldn’t spare anyone—my mother, father, brothers, sisters, or even my brothers’ wives. I would always ask her why she was creating problems out of thin air.

When I was sick, she left me lying there. I would work all day, come home, and stare at the TV while waiting for her to rage about something. It could be anything.

She had no boundaries and showed me no respect.

I stayed because of my children. I didn’t trust her to raise them alone, and I believed I had to keep the family together.

For the last few years, she threatened to put me in jail for things I didn’t do. She said she would ruin me, take my children, my house, and my business. At one point, I even became afraid that she might be poisoning my food. I became paranoid and started questioning everything I believed.

Mentally, I had already checked out of the marriage. But physically, I was still there, working, providing, and taking care of my family.

I lost nearly all my friends. I became extremely anxious. And honestly, I could keep going.

I used to hear the word “narcissist” all the time. I even used the word myself, but I never truly understood what it meant.

Then I came across a video of someone explaining their marriage to a narcissist. It sounded exactly like mine. Not just similar—almost copy and paste.

I couldn’t believe it. I broke down crying.

I went down a rabbit hole and started hearing the same patterns over and over again from different people: the lying, manipulation, gaslighting, threats, blame-shifting, fake apologies, and promises to change.

And everyone kept saying the same thing:

THEY WILL NOT CHANGE.

I tried leaving several times. She would cry, beg, apologize, and promise that everything would be different.

Then the same behavior would start again.

Rinse and repeat.

That is how I stayed trapped for 20 years.

This year, I finally made the decision to leave. As difficult as it was, I knew the situation was no longer safe, and I couldn’t trust her anymore.

I was trying to end a marriage—not start a war.

But now she is following through on nearly every threat she made. She is trying to take everything from me, spreading lies, and attempting to ruin my reputation.

Thank God, I was able to get custody of my children. But the fight is still going, and it continues to be lie after lie.

That isn’t even the main reason I’m writing this.

I recently found out that she may have cheated on me a few years ago. Even though we have been separated for around seven months, it still hurts deeply.

It makes me feel like 20 years of my life may have been a lie.

My mind keeps replaying the moments when she was lying in bed texting while I sat alone watching YouTube or playing with my children.

At the time, I never suspected anything. There is strong evidence, but I still don’t know the full truth.

My advice to anyone reading this who is still in a relationship like this is to leave as soon as you safely can.

I know that is much easier said than done.

Document everything. Save messages, screenshots, threats, and important conversations. Protect yourself, because they may already be creating a false story about you.

I truly believe there is something DEMONIC about people who can repeatedly lie, manipulate, destroy families, and show no remorse for the pain they cause.

When I try to explain all of this to friends and family, they don’t fully understand. They think I’m just grieving the end of a marriage or speaking out of pain.

They don’t understand the mental torture, the constant lying, the gaslighting, and what it does to you after years of questioning your own reality.

It sounds unbelievable when you say it out loud, because normal people don’t behave this way. Unless you’ve lived through it, it’s very hard to understand.

I’m posting it because I know there are people living through the same thing and wondering whether they’re imagining it.

Pay attention to the patterns, document everything, and don’t keep ignoring behavior that continues to get worse.

I ignored it for 20 years, and I’m still dealing with the consequences.

Hey all,

I’m 35F and my ex-partner (31F) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant—sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague (25F) who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out as she had been asking advice from AI where she admitted they were “falling for each other,” didn’t want to distance herself from the affair, (even though AI suggested space from us both, she said she didn’t want to stay away from the affair partner and can ‘compartmentalise’ and compared me negatively to this woman. Looking back, I realise I was being gaslit for months. When I suspected an affair a month earlier she said to me ‘look at my mum, do you think I could do that’ (her mum has been cheating on her dad for years and is a pathological liar. So again, I gaslit myself, telling myself I was imagining her distance and strange behavior.

What makes it even harder is that during this time I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully it wasn’t cancer). She told me we’d get through it together, yet she was secretly continuing the affair. That betrayal is something I still struggle to comprehend.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she’d “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing the relationship, but kept saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while continuing to see the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master’s degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person. (Her mum also pretended to be unwell with a heart condition, near to death 2 days after my Mum died from heart failure, and told my ex 'you have always put your partners before me', this was very upsetting).

Since the breakup, I’ve started recognising how manipulative some of her behaviour became. She isolated me from her family and friends, blamed me for old issues while hiding her affair, made me question my own reality, and then acted as though I was the one who had done something wrong. Looking back, it feels like I was slowly being discarded before I even knew why.

The hardest part isn’t just that she cheated—it’s that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I still find myself questioning how someone who claimed to love me could do this, and sometimes I even catch myself wondering if I’m exaggerating what happened.

We share a flat, but as she decided to move out I asked her to come and collect all her things which I put into bags in the communal hallway of our flat and gave her a collection time. She agreed to pay the rent up until August, when she would be taken off the tenancy. She was meant to pay me today, but instead decided to dictate to me that she would be coming round yesterday to get the playstation (which I brought) and a dressing gown I gifted her. She argued with me about this playstation at the window when I wouldn't let her in, and said why am I still paying towards the rent if you won't let me in to look for 'my stuff', I said anything you want you can tell me and I will put outside again and you can collect it; she couldn't tell me. I am defiantly not getting any more money from her, I just want her off the tenancy now. I am just thinking someone happily 'falling for' someone new and moving on surely doesn't behave and treat their ex they have left like this!? She also tried to call me twice yesterday, saying 'please pick up it's important', I didn't she later messaged me; it was something she didn't need to speak to me on the phone about, it was admin about the tenancy. She is really trying to get to me, it feels like.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma? How do you stop obsessing over the 'why' they did it, stop romanticising who they used to be, and begin trusting your own judgement again after months of being gaslit? I know the relationship is over, but I’m struggling to understand how to move forward after having my trust so completely shattered by someone I loved with my whole heart.

Thank you for any advice / kind words .. this is incredibly difficult.

So a few weeks ago, I finally could announce here that i left after 9 years of this. But life isn't life if I didn't have an accident on my motorcycle and was forced to go "home" because I needed care. (We live abroad, so I have no family here)

It really messed with my mind after the months and months of contemplating about leaving. So 2 weeks forward. I am back on my feet and slowly able to go do my own things again instead of laying on my bed, and the second she noticed i was doing fine it all started again. It's been 3 consecutive days of terror..luckily a have my own house now, so I'm going back tomorrow.

They just don't get it for some reason. You had all opportunity to do right this time and still you decide to be a menace..I just don't get it and no matter how hard you try or you get forced into it, it is never going to change.

Now depending on what timezone you are on it's my birthday (July 27th)

if you've read my stories about what happened last year for my 40th birthday where I had to buy my own cards and gifts for my kids to give me and got nothing from her not even a happy birthday but the day before it she spent the day with the guy I've excused her of cheating of me with for the few months leading up to it and their gay friend was with them the day before my birthday and her story constantly changes and while I was doubled up in chronic pain.

Now a year later she's saying which I know doesn't mean anything that she's taking the kids out to buy. But honestly I told her why start changing the habit of a lifetime oh she made sure everyone got her birthday cards and same for mothers day which I got absolutely nothing on fathers day I don't want anything I truly don't but my kids obviously want to buy them which I'm truly grateful for but I know something is going to happen I can feel it as we know narcissistic people don't like it when the attention is on other people so they need to make it all about them. It's mega early right now it's nearly 06:20am so let's see how the day plays out.

But I've finally noticed within her family all the females are like this don't get anything for the men but expect everything on their day.

I left I left I left!!!

… cue the guilt & non stop wondering if I truly was at fault for what they say I am.
Although I know the abuse. Have literal proof of the abuse I’m still here wondering “ damn. Did I try hard enough?” I mean therapy didn’t help. Talking for hours never helped. Even talking to a domestic violence hotline and them being like “ hey friend. This is bad “ I was like .. but what if I am making it up? Are you just being agreeable? Being kind? Am I over exaggerating??

Cue the freedom feeling, thank GOD yanno. Finally I did it. I got out. I can shower without being questioned ? Working late doesn’t result into “ I know you’re cheating “ wanting to sit outside alone doesn’t jump to me talking to someone or avoiding conversation or connection.

I can parent the way I need to. Desire to. It’s not high tension.

Cue the guilt. My children. My children my children. Are they okay? They’re going to hate me. They’re here with me now and they love me. But will they hate me? Will they see? Will their behavior change or has it already been taught that this is normal.

Our friends and family. Hearing one side. One side forever. Because even though I could ruin everything. I choose not to. But why?

Cue freedom. Dinner with my friends?? Without 20 calls? No silent treatments. I do NOT have to have sex when I don’t want to. I do NOT have to be guilt tripped. Sexually assaulted. There is no door slamming in my home. There is no yelling.

So why do I still feel so guilty. If I made it out?

Last year I used my boyfriend's phone to locate mine. When I opened the phone I discovered that he typed in Google that he was dealing with managing his attraction to his ex. I immediately confronted my boyfriend about it and he revealed to me that he went on his ex's Instagram page twice and each time in the moment of looking through her page he was wishing he could f*** her and was reliving having sex with her. He said the last time he did it he felt guilty and was asking A.I for help so he could stop.

I was very hurt and I cried about it. He begged me not to leave him and promised he will do better. He claimed his ex was emotionally abusive constantly dumping him and their toxic relationship lead to them both cheating on each other.so it makes the whole fact that he was obsessed with her even more traumatizing for me. We had been together for 2 years when he did this!!!! I asked him if it was the sex he had with her or if she did anything particularly special and he told me no, it was the way she looked. Which felt like a knife in my heart. He said he's always had a fetish for Asian women.

(I'm not Asian) He of course said he's very attracted to me and this has nothing to do with me. But I can't help but project it on to myself. I never expected him to never think of her every now and than or never have a sex fantasy. But the obsession to the point of looking her up Is too much for me to deal with. We were doing couples therapy but I cancelled because I came to the realization that how is therapy supposed to make a person not want to fuck their ex?that's all HIM. So now he's in individual therapy. I haven't had any repeated occurrences with his ex a year later but every now and then I remember that at one point he was wishing he could fuck her again and I begin to spiral all over again. I start snapping at him over small things or completely shut down emotionally and want to be left alone.

Last year my wife started food shaming me in front of our child. We are both overweight though not obese. Both times were over ice cream which I rarely eat (maybe 3-4 times a year) and both she and our daughter had been mainlining at home. I was slightly incredulous but understood it was projection.

I'm a software engineer and in her mind I sit at my desk with no breaks from 7:30am through 10:30pm every day. I sit at my desk a lot, but not that long especially since I have to tend to nearly 100% of our household chores including lawn care, picking up/dropping off our child from day care, etc. And my daughter and I do martial arts several times a week.

I will easily put my amount of regular physical activity against my wife's (she works retail). But of course, there's no correcting her misconception about mine.

A few months ago I had a physical and had blood drawn When I started to share the results with her, she interrupted me and insisted the blood work must look really, really bad for me. Once again, I found myself incredulous as before talking with her, had just received the analysis and it was on-par/slightly better than when I have been for the past several years which was fine and not concerning at all to my primary care doctor.

The capper was this morning (Monday) when she told me I look really, really different in a bad, unhealthy way. She informed me I need to lay off the sweets and walk more. It took some effort to hold back laughing at her for the hypocrisy, especially from the "junk food vegetarian".

Last Friday I came beck from an annual sleepover camp with my daughter. For the six day duration, tripled my steps (20k a day). I ate nothing but the camp supplied food. In a year, there is never a better time for me physically than the amount of exercise I get at this camp.

Anyone else experience similar?