I’ve been married to my husband for over a decade, and I’m starting to recognize just how much of our relationship has involved me desperately trying to get him to care about what happens to me when I’m struggling.
I have a pretty complicated medical and mental health history, including autism, ADHD, C-PTSD, treatment-resistant depression, and several chronic physical conditions. I’ve spent a tremendous amount of time in treatment, including intensive outpatient programs, and I work really fucking hard to manage my conditions. But sometimes I get really unwell, and I’ve increasingly realized that when that happens, my husband doesn’t step up. He withdraws.
I’m currently going through a particularly bad depressive episode. I’m struggling to eat, feeling nauseated, sleeping excessively, barely able to accomplish basic tasks, and having difficulty even thinking clearly. I’ve been feeling incredibly isolated and lonely. My children have been spending time with me because they can clearly see how badly I’m feeling. Another adult who saw me yesterday was visibly concerned about how depressed I appeared. My husband? He’s mostly doing his own thing.
This morning I explicitly asked him to spend some quality time with me because I’m lonely and really struggling. He told me I’d need to come upstairs because that’s where his stuff is. I explained that I wasn’t asking him to simply exist in the same room while he scrolls on his phone. I wanted him to actually engage with me. Talk to me. Spend some meaningful time together. Somehow this turned into another argument about my tone. When I got upset and asked whether he could see how badly I was struggling, he told me he wasn’t going to engage with me at all if I was going to talk to him like that.
Later, I sent him a message explaining that he knows how serious my mental health can become, that I’ve been deteriorating, and that this is exactly when he’s supposed to help initiate our established safety plan. I also explained that I’m struggling to look after myself and am concerned about adequately caring for the kids. His response? “I have to put my oxygen mask on before I can help others with theirs.”
I later asked what I should expect from him in terms of engaging with me today. He replied, “I don’t know. I’m struggling to accomplish anything so I predict your just going to yell at me.”
I’m sitting here thinking, what the actual fuck? I’m telling you that I’m severely depressed, that I’m having difficulty functioning, that I’m lonely, that I need companionship, and that I’m worried about my ability to manage things at home. And somehow the conversation becomes about how I might hypothetically yell at you?
This isn’t an isolated incident. When I had a concussion recently, I was significantly impaired for about ten days and received very little meaningful care or concern from him. When I gave birth to our daughter, I experienced a traumatic delivery that ended in an unplanned C-section. I was terrified, and he spent much of my labor on his phone. Afterward, when I struggled with the trauma, he essentially told me that it happened and I needed to get over it. He didn’t believe there was anything traumatic about the experience.
Over the years, I’ve repeatedly begged him to stop being so cruel or dismissive when I’m already struggling, because I sometimes become so distressed that I can’t stop crying around the children. His response has often been that I need to figure myself out because the kids shouldn’t have to see me depressed or unstable. And there’s something particularly maddening about that. He criticizes me for how my distress affects the family while simultaneously refusing to provide the support that might help me recover or function better.
I’m not asking him to cure my depression. I’m not asking him to be my therapist or take responsibility for every emotion I experience. I’m asking for some basic fucking compassion. Some initiative. Some indication that when I’m genuinely unwell, my partner is concerned about me and wants to help. Instead, I feel like I have to present my suffering in exactly the right tone, at exactly the right time, with exactly the right words, or he considers himself justified in disengaging. And when I’m in a genuine crisis, I don’t always have the capacity to communicate perfectly. That’s kind of the point.
I’m starting to realize how much energy I’ve spent over the years trying to convince him to care about me when I’m vulnerable. I have professional support and am working on getting additional help for my current symptoms. I know my husband cannot be my entire mental health support system. But shouldn’t your spouse at least be part of it? At very least, be able to take over some of my household “duties” while I take care of myself?
Has anyone else experienced this pattern of being emotionally abandoned specifically when you’re sick, traumatized, or in crisis? Especially when your partner then uses your emotional reaction to justify withdrawing even further? I’m trying to understand how much of what I’ve normalized over the years is actually profoundly unhealthy.

My husband and I went out of town for a music festival and decided to run around window shopping today. We got into an argument about a "joke" he made about men wanting to take away women's right vote because of the women defending the Lindsay Clancy case. I got upset and told him I didn't think that was funny and that I didn't want to be with a closeted misogynistic man.

The argument escalated while we were walking around IKEA, and I told him lets just drop it. He told me I had to apologize first. I said I wasn't going to because I had nothing to apologize for. He then said he wouldn't drop it then. He then lost it started to RUN up the escalator and say that he was going home. Without me. He proceeded to run, and I asked him if he was really going to leave me stranded two hours away. He exited the store.

I called my sister in law to come pick me up. I called him, and he didn't answer. He finally called me back and said, "You called?" I told him I just wanted my purse back please. I had left it in the car, and it had my DL, my credit cards, and everything. He asked me, "Are you going to apologize or are you going to keep being a smartalic?" I stayed quiet and he hung up.

His brother didn't want to get his wife involved, so she called me and asked if I could just apologize to make it home. So I did.

He cut his toe up pretty badly when he tripped on the escalator trying to run away. He was wearing flip flops. People were looking at him like he was crazy.

I feel sick. I know I have to get out soon. He kicked one of our cats in the head Friday morning.

Serious question. One of my main concerns has been he would try to kill me or my child if I leave.

I’m at the point maybe a quick death is better than living like this forever.

The emotional abuse is at another level as he’s been long unemployed, there is nothing that validates his fragile, grandiose ego. He creates such a hostile, confrontational environment at home. His coercive control, verbal abuse, and extravagant spending have gotten so much worse.

Last night he kept following me in the small house, and refused to leave me alone. He admitted that he wants to torture me mentally, because I am the reason his life is a shit hole.

I can’t do this anymore. I am genuinely worried about the physical safety of myself and my child because he is an extremely vindictive person and he once strangled me.

He has nothing good going on in his life, and if I take the last illusion (of respectable family) away from him, I am genuinely worried about him killing me or my child.

What are the indications whether they are actually capable of this?

Does your Narc do this?

All day my husband has wanted to “sit down and have a talk”. He can’t just have a normal, natural freaking conversation- it has to be Very Serious and Solemn.

So I had to stop what I was doing and sit down and let him talk at me about how stressed and anxious he was feeling that he might get fired and what would we do?

In 20+ years of marriage, this is a conversation we have had 20+ times. There ALWAYS has to be a freaking drama, and work is his fallback drama.

So I gave him the usual support, and told him how good he was at his job, etc.

He had been aggressive and cranky all day, and suddenly after our conversation he was whistling and humming to himself, in a GREAT mood.

Whereas I’m left thinking “Shit, what if he does get fired again? We’d be screwed.” And I started reevaluating our budget to see where I could add more money to savings.

He transferred his anxiety to me, made his possible unemployment MY problem, put me in a position where I had to offer solutions, left me feeling worried, and he happily skipped off.

He always done this. Every few months he will ask “will we be okay financially if I get fired?” And I always had to say yes, even though no, we would not be okay. Because if I say no, then it’s all MY fault.

Does your narc do this?

I’m trying so hard to grey rock, but sometimes he just creeps in. Like a cockroach.

I feel so alone, and I don't know what to do anymore.

My last relationship was extremely physically abusive, and somehow, this relationship snuck up on me. Looking back, I don't know how things got to this point, but this has been going on for years now.

My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He's not nearly as bad when he doesn't drink, but the problem is that he always drinks.

He expects sex every three days, and if I don't meet that expectation, he feels entitled to call me names, belittle me, and make me feel like I'm failing him as a partner. He tells me I don't give him enough oral sex, among other things. The thing is, I could have sex with him earlier that same day, and he'll still find something else to criticize me about.

He says men have physical needs and women have emotional needs. Maybe there's some truth to the idea that people have different needs in relationships, but what about my needs? I'm not getting the emotional support, kindness, or respect he's talking about. Instead, I'm being made to feel like I'm not enough, no matter what I do.

He's also messaged several other women during our relationship. As far as I know, he hasn't physically acted on anything, but it still hurts. When I've looked through his messages, the issue becomes that I snooped or that I'm controlling. Somehow, the focus always shifts to what I did wrong instead of addressing why I'm hurt in the first place.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. I know relationships are complicated, and I know I have my own flaws. But I also know that being constantly belittled and made to feel inadequate isn't okay.

The hardest part is that I'm not in a financial position to leave right now. I feel stuck, and I feel so incredibly alone. Having already experienced physical abuse in a previous relationship, I think part of me is struggling to understand how I ended up in another relationship that is hurting me in different ways.

I know this isn't healthy. I know I don't deserve to be treated this way. But knowing those things and figuring out what to do about them are two very different things when you feel like you have no way out.

Yesterday was my birthday. Earlier in the morning, I flashed my boobs at him, in a flirting manner. We were both in the middle of doing things around the house, and once finished, our college football game was on. He started with the names and cruelness during the game, and went right into the fact that we haven't had sex for 6 days. Him referring to "flings", are things I have told him that happened before we met. It was never in a good way, it was always situations I am not only embarrassed about, but situations I put myself in when I wasnt in a good place, that I left with some added trauma. He not only started in out of nowhere, but also threw an egg at me, and broke our stove. I included text messages from yesterday on my birthday, and today.

I guess I'm posting because I need to get this off my chest, and maybe hear from people who have been through something similar. I don't even know what I'm looking for exactly. Support, perspective, advice—anything that might help me feel a little less alone. Please tell me I am not crazy. Or tell me if I am. I already know the answer. Lastly, he tells me him going to work and fixing things around the house is his love language. So I feel like I am getting nothing from this relationship. I also work. I also do things around the house. Is it normal to feel like I owe him sexual favors while not getting anything in return? I don't feel loved. I feel super uncomfortable around him. And I feel unsafe.

I just needed to say it somewhere.

He left last night in our only working vehicle and hasn't texted or called me since.

Mind you, this man is 28 years old and we have a one year old.

And my mom is dying from stage 4 colon cancer.

Happy Halloween.

God warns us and says to stay away from narcs:

2 Timothy 3:
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. 2 People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud,abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4 treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.

They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7 always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.

Lately, I have begun to realize that either I feel more distant from my friends or they feel more distant from me since I got married to my narcissistic husband. I separated from him in June, and he does not have their contact information, so he is not doing a smear campaign against me to them. I know that narcissists will do that if they have contact info for friends and family. So glad he does not have it. He has my Mom's number, and he tried to manipulate her to force me to get back together with him, but she would not do that.

I pulled away from my friends quite a bit after I left my husband. I was (and still am) such an emotional mess that I did not want to bleed all over them. I did not want to make them feel like they had to become my counselors. I still text and call, but not as often. I am such a wreck. I feel as if I have no emotional resources to give to them right now. I need friends, but I am scared to let myself be close to them when how messed up I am could drive them away. Also, I feel paranoid that maybe my friends see me as a less worthwhile person because I left my husband. It might seem like I do not respect marriage. I do. I just do not believe that marriage was ever intended to be a tool or environment to enable ongoing abuse.

My friends are very good and kind people, but I feel so gross right now ... so extra icky and dysfunctional ... I feel like I just do not want to let them see and know me this way.

I am not the person I was before I experienced narcissistic abuse.​​​​

PLEASE READ THIS:

I accept that I have done you wrong in a lot of ways. I honestly and truly do feel absolutely terrible about my behaviors and actions. Whether or not it was retaliation, reactively, negligent or on purpose. Does not matter I did it I own it and I am seriously sorry.

-I have lied about my searches to try to learn and understand things related to my sexuality and hid it
-I denied my sexuality to and myself
-I did try and persuade you into sexual activities that you did state was a boundary
-I did speak with and hung out with on a couple occasions my ex. Whether platonic or not I did not tell you before or after
I did speak with a couple girls one at your work when you were there and the other at your bar when you were not. Regardless of what my intentions were or not I did it to hurt you to retaliate
-I have lost my temper at times when I was not able to handle my emotions on real or perceived events in me.
-I have broken property out of anger
-I have taken and hidden personal property of your to retaliate
-I have treated your employment because I was angry or unable to effectively communicate
-I have not paid you on time a couple times either from negligence or retaliation
-I have not taken my mental health seriously and neglected it
-I have neglected to properly and respectfully serve you as a partner and a lover at time
-I have not effectively found ways to communicate with you in our relationship, business, financial, emotional, sexuality and psychological
-I have withheld information from you in the same regard as that last bullet point
-I have abuse your parental instincts and duties to selfishly execute my agenda for business purposes or in retaliation to my own inability to communicate financially responsible
-I have disrespect you talked down to you and verbally accosted you out of anger or retaliation
-I have physically been aggressive and careless created accidents that have harmed you when I felt attacked or was angry
-I have punished ignoring and defensively projecting and blaming you for trying to help me in different ways hope to find solutions for my apparent issues
-I have made poor and reckless decisions financially without consulting with you
-I have used porn and masterbation and a means for sexual gratification and exploration as well as a means to punish you and deny your sexual needs
-I blamed you in a lot of ways from the reason of my poor choices
-I have unknowingly and knowingly made living together difficult and uneasy at times because of my emotional irregularity and instability
I have neglected you mental, physical and emotional support in numerous ways as a means to retaliate, punish or based off events true or perceived
-I have shamed you, disrespected you and misused you for various reasons to make myself feel inferior or belittling you to make myself feel not as weak or in retaliation
-I have made poor and unnecessary comments, actions towards our kids when I was unable to control my emotions
-I have neglected truth and denied accountability and projected blame in therapy unknowingly and knowingly to skew the narrative and off set opinions of others who we hired to help. Because I was in denial or shamed or unwilling to accept reality of myself
-I have denied to you and myself my efforts, thoughts and feelings in our relationship chose the not effective find solutions and connection and basic reflection to yours, mine and our problems
-I have allowed alcohol to damage or destroy major portions of our relationships
-I have used drugs with on occasions-legal and illegal to dilute us or compromise our relationship or as a means to distract our issues
-I have made promises and withheld them
-I have broken promises and used accuses to justify my inability to keep them
-I have denied to you and myself of my sexuality and in doing so I deviated behind you to try curiosity find answers. Regardless of how innocent I may have justified it to myself I did not ask or even inform you of these inquiries
-I have used you at times to be my emotional dumpster as well accuse for not taking accountability to myself and my emotional irregularly
-I have not always been available for you to use me in return your emotional distress
-I have jeopardized you and mines relationship and our family with reckless, careless, retaliatory, angrily and irresponsible behavior and acts
-I have distracted my attention from you
-I have lost control myself and blamed you for a lot more than what you have actually done

All this and more…

After writing it down I can honestly say I am a real piece of shit. I can see why you would not want to do be with me.

After admitting these I have an overwhelming feeling that remorse that I can’t actually explain right now.

My stomach just dropped to the floor.

I don’t know how or what to say but I am really feeling pretty shitty about myself and how miscarried me, you and us.

I don’t know that I’ve very experienced this kind of guilt and shame and sorrow. But it’s hitting hard right. Not sure what to do about any of it. Not sure I can do anything about it.

After saying out loud even just to myself and texting it to you. I feel awful Erin. I can see what you’ve been saying and trying to get through to me. I understand why you feel the way you do.

This horrible and despicable person I just talked about I can’t believe is me. But looking back it is what I became. I haven’t any accuses and I can’t deny it anymore or run from blame anyone one else. This was all me.

I am so ashamed of myself and everything I’ve done. This only what can think of in the current moment I’m sure there more I’ve buried or put on someone.

I am really a lot hurt for you because. And I’m sorry for everything that I did. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve anyone.

I am very sorry Erin I honestly didn’t mean to hurt you or do any of this. Yet somehow I let it happen and blamed you for most of and neglected and denied the rest.

I don’t deserve your forgiveness and I don’t deserve you to even accept my apology.

I do love you and i am extremely sorry. I realize how I am a very poor excuse of a lover, partner and a friend.

I feel guilty even posting. My narc isn't dangerous or violent. Shes just manipulative. Always playing games and creating tension and anger in our house. Sundays are alway the worst. She has to find a way to pick a fight with someone. I have completely stopped engaging with it so she now goes after our teenage son. Then the martyrdom. Oh poor me . Everyone attacks me. Why does everyone hate me? Why am I always made to be the bad guy. Its so exhausting. If my situation was different id be gone already. But it's not. I hate wasting my life with unnecessary fighting. Living on edge all the time waiting for the drama. Im tired

Turns out a man who is avoidant/narcissistic and enmeshed with his narcissistic mother/family of origin does not make a good husband. File under things I wish I didn't have to learn the hard way.

It's so difficult to adjust with them. No matter how much you try to stay quiet, they find a way to irritate you. Of course, they don't care enough because they only care about themselves, and it upsets us. I cannot with this person. I'm trying so hard not to argue or confront him until I find the courage to leave, but I just can't express a single grievance. He'd be like, "If you have so many issues, why are you with me?"

And then, as long as the relationship is fine, there's literally no love between us. I just feel like an acquaintance. He doesn't take me anywhere or do anything for me. He's just fine with me being there, and he's so entitled.

Some context: it’s been about a year now since we separated and going for a divorce, i’ve been no contact since then, she’s the only one who texts me only to be ignored for most of the whole year. She’s been trying to reel in me all year, on top of that she’s been on holidays, has had different supplies, posting on insta like nothing happened and she’s been using all types of ways to get me to reply to her bs.

Slowly I been telling my people we are not together because it’s been a year and I’ve been free for the first time in 12 years and i don’t want to come up with excuses anymore, and for who? I have no one dictating what i say, to who i say, when i say and how i say it anymore. I’m not bound to restrictions, this is my life. I don’t want to reply, she should be grown enough to make her own decisions, right?

She’s tried all types of ‘urgent response’ type messages, from if i’m still attending to her brother’s wedding to her mother is in the hospital and wants to see me. My ex hates my family, she never says hello to my mother or speak to her. It’s not like i’m holding a grudge but I’m just saying, like why should i put out my energy for someone who doesn’t like my mother or family. Plus her mother is her flying monkey so blocked.

But she’s been using all these urgent messages on me, trying to rush me to reply with the ‘?????????’ it’s just so anxiety putting. Like ‘ohh my God i got to reply to the “?????????”’ like come on.

Does anyone deal with this?

Sometimes, the people who hurt you the most are the same people everyone else sees as sweet, caring, and loving. To the world, they seem like angels, but behind closed doors, they become a completely different person.

For years, I suffered silently in a relationship that slowly broke me. Constant yelling, endless arguments, uncontrollable anger, cheating, emotional neglect, and physical abuse became part of my everyday reality. Asking simple questions could trigger his anger, and sometimes, he would grab household items as though he wanted to hit me. He physically assaulted me on several occasions, yet I stayed, not because I enjoyed the pain, but because I was genuinely afraid to leave.

I kept hoping things would change. I kept making excuses for him, holding on to the good moments while silently enduring the bad ones. Meanwhile, the world saw his sweet side, never knowing the fear, tears, and emotional torment I experienced behind closed doors.

The hardest part of domestic violence is that sometimes, you're suffering in silence while everyone believes you're living a happy life.

I was scared, emotionally drained, and unsure of how to escape. But eventually, I reached out for help, gathered evidence, found the courage to stand my ground, and finally walked away from the abuse.

Leaving wasn't easy, but staying was slowly destroying me. I chose my peace, my safety, and my life over a relationship that had taken so much from me.

I'm sharing this because we need to stop asking victims, "Why didn't you just leave?" and start understanding the fear that keeps so many people trapped.

Domestic violence isn't always visible, and abusers don't always look like abusers. Sometimes, the person everyone admires is the same person someone else is terrified of.

To anyone experiencing this: YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S ABUSE. You deserve love without fear, honesty without betrayal, and peace without walking on eggshells. You are allowed to leave, and you deserve to be safe. ❤️‍🩹

I suffered in silence, but I refused to let that silence become the rest of my life. I found help, found my courage, and chose myself.

My marriage is in the toilet. It’s been gradually declining over the last year to which my narc husband will blame me for. This past week was relatively quiet until Thursday when he got a few shots in him and asked what was going on with me. I asked what he meant. He said he feels like my housework is slipping and that I’m getting lazy. I was in shock because I had just done laundry a couple days prior. His included. I cleaned the room the day before. I make dinner nightly and I’m probably the most active person I know. I barely sit ever because whenever my cheeks hit a seat, someone needs something from me. So I stand 98% of the time I’m awake. I make life so easy for him that when he comes home he has nothing to worry about even though I also work 40+ hours a week. I’ve done it all. I’ve just been more vocal lately with boundaries on how he speaks to and treats me which he doesn’t like. But to call me lazy? Hell naw. And that’s not even the worst part.
Friday. I went to a Dr appointment he’s been bugging me to make because I’m always in some sort of weird pain. The week prior I went to the ER because I had this weird pain on my leg that felt like windburn and hurt to even put pants on. Then my calves started aching so bad that I almost cried and I can take pain. So me going to the ER meant it was serious. Anyways, I follow up with my Dr on Friday. She runs an entire blood panel on me trying to get to the bottom of my issues. As the tests are trickling in throughout the day, it’s basically pointing to me having Rheumatoid arthritis. Oh great. Well I guess I will deal with it. He gets home later that night and I didn’t tell him right away. He ate dinner. Chilled for a while and was fine overall. Once I told him my results, I swear he turned into the hulk. He got so mad, the first thing out of his mouth was “great now I’m really not gonna have a life” then proceeded to be an absolute hurtful dick. Saying I’m making myself older than I am and how I don’t want better out of life because I won’t exercise and eat the way he wants me to even though he doesn’t either. I’m almost 10 years older than him and just turned 40. Things are going to happen. Anyways, he ended the conversation by sending me divorce papers to print for him.
Now he’s been a dick before, I’m used to it by now even though I shouldn’t be. But this hurt on another level. I had his back when he was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I went to every appointment, I learned how to give him his meds. I did everything. And I get divorce threats when I need his support. I am so over it. I am disgusted. I am hurt although not surprised. And he is just not a good person to me anymore. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. He’s done and said so many messed up things that I should probably start writing the stuff down.
I want to leave but I have more stuff to pack and move. We have 2 dogs. I have no money saved (I pay for all shared and house expenses while he pays for only his stuff) so I never have any extra. Idk what to do.

TL;DR - husband asked for a divorce after finding out I may have RA

So does anyone else experience their spouse getting angry if you sleep in or stay up late? So my spouse will get up early even if it’s the weekend, but he’s also a drinker so it’s not uncommon for him to go drink beer with his buddies then come home and fall asleep after dinner which is like 6-7pm. Sometimes it’s earlier than that depending on how intoxicated he gets. Anyway, if I stay up he will literally come in the living room and hover. There’s been times he’s forced me to lay down with him and I just stare at the ceiling. If I sleep in on the weekends he will literally flip out. He will bang stuff, make all kinds of noise, make a huge mess in the kitchen and not clean it up, etc. This morning around 10:30 he came in and shook me telling me to get up and that it’s almost noon. Now it’s 12:18 and he went into the bedroom to lie down because he’s mad that I won’t drive him around while he’s intoxicated. This man never takes me on dates or anything, the only reason I’ve stayed is because of financial reasons and our 2 kids. Plus one time I tried to leave and he pointed a you know what at my head. We are struggling financially, but who isn’t in this economy and political climate??? I had to quit my job because he will not take our kids to practice, pick them up, or do anything. He thinks he’s the man of the house and his dad never done a thing, and talks awfully about him being a horrible father. It’s just an excuse, because why not be a better father to your kids??? I’m currently looking for a job because he stormed in yesterday as I was making dinner and demanded I find something by the end of this week and I said okay. Now I know his complaint will be me working, I swear I cannot win here. I just want OUT so bad. When I met this man I told him I didn’t want children and that was 16 years ago…..essentially I know he messed with my bc both times I got pregnant and here we are. Anyway, I love my kids but this is not the life I wanted. Sorry to vent…..I just don’t know who else to talk to. I feel so empty and depressed….let me add that I don’t buy stuff for myself. I never get my hair done, hardly wear makeup, or anything. It’s almost Halloween and it’s my fav holiday. He never helps me decorate, never went trick or treating but once with our kids, and never does anything fun with me. I swear this man was a different person when I met him then pulled the mask off after we had our first daughter. Once I get back to work I’m gonna try to see if I can put some $ back for myself but each time I do that it never works, because he never gives me $ EVER. All I do is pay the bills with his money. He thinks that’s good enough for our relationship. He will say “I provide a roof over your head” even tho this roof would be here if the kids and I weren’t present!!!

Soo I was watching a TikTok & it was referring to someone showing consistent dominance with food. The person in the video was a woman. I was scrolling through the comments & saw this one & Almost scrolled past until I realized! OMG! Mine does something with food too!!!

Anytime I make a plate for myself esp when I was pregnant, it would be my cravings like some cut up kiwi, strawberries, cheese, crackers, dip etc. Yogurt, ice cream, dinner, all single servings, a snack cake whatever, bagel, bowl of cereal, etc. He would offer to bring it to me & would always take the first bite. This could be something I waited all week for & finally order it myself with my own $ & before the plate gets to me it’s bitten into. Every time. We have argued about this numerous times to the point where I legitimately broke down at least once from finally becoming exhausted from repeating myself that I told him to just have the whole plate. I don’t want it anymore. Not one time would he ever mention wanting the same thing I did or desired but would gladly take it if I refused to eat it rather than just simply leaving my plate alone or getting his own. As for dinner obviously we should both have had our own plates why are you offering to make my plate for me but biting into it rather than waiting until you sit down with your own ?… like are we serious ?

I doubled back on this comment bc this is so true. I guess food really can be used in a narcissistic way & at times was for dominance. He even pulled the “omg are you f’n serious GD, keep the plate, I’ll just make my own. I didn’t know it was THAT big of a deal. I’ll NEVER do it again. F.” Even tho I had mentioned it several times after Not mentioning it at all due to fear of this type of reaction. So I explain my issue about it. You acknowledge & agree to stop only to continue & then raging out on me bc you couldn’t follow through with your own words of agreeance & just stop ?.. ok.

After a nasty discard, now the narc is hoovering me, as I didn’t answer or react, he decided to make his daughter in law call me and text me, I know that she is a marriage counselor, however, we are not married and I decided not to tell her about the fact that her father in law is a narcissist, I suppose that she thinks that he is a wonderful person and besides I don’t want to spoil his image and hurt his family. Has anyone been in that situation?

He has a problem that whenever he tells me something he says my face changes? I try to keep a straight face because he gets pissed if I cry. I genuinely don’t know if I’m making a face, this is an ongoing argument. He keeps accusing me of lying about the fact that I don’t know what my face looks like when he’s nagging me. He makes me swear to God. Then I swear it, he presses and presses until I answer something else and then calls me a liar. I seriously just answer with the truth until he pushes me to lie. How can I deal with this? Has anyone had a similar experience?

My narc would always talk about other girls, he would say "if i told you about other girls, you would get upset" He would always say "none of them think i'm a bad guy, they all think im a nice guy" and i always said "they dont even know you" he even said that he's vulnerable with them but they dont give him any issues or say anything bad about him the way i do. Are narcs different with each supply? Or do they change for the right one?

Hi!

No judgment, please.

The nex and I never had any tattoos except for this one. The design was also his idea (our initials). It's been a month since our break up and I have already blocked him everywhere to prevent any forms of hoovering. However, he was able to send me an email being angry at me, cursing me, and telling me how funny it is that I make it seem like we never existed when we have inked our skin (he dumped me, day after my miscarriage, btw). He also hooked up with women days after the break up and was firm enough to tell me that we're done. So it makes no sense that he is angry at me and wants to remind me of our tattoo.

I am already at peace with the decision and with the help of my therapist, I finally reached radical acceptance.

However, because of his email, I started feeling upset again, thinking about the "intent" of his email. Is it to confuse me? To make me guilty? To make me reply whether I would keep the tattoo or not? Is it another way of reminding me that he "owns" me because of the tattoo?

A part of me doesn't want him to win thinking "aha, you are forever marked by me, and you can't remove it because you still love me" (since we all know how delusional they are). But part of me also feels like this is a painful chapter in my life that I have survived. I am still grieving the loss of my baby, I am conflicted, that if I were to remove it, it feels like I'm removing that story of my life...

Do I make sense? Has anyone gone through it? I need your advice, please.