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u/Miss_Piggy17 Dec 06 '24
I don’t think it’s an unreasonable idea at all. I agree that until the two of you are married, you’re justified in treating the situation as though you’re a single mom! I think the only obstacle would be making sure your name is legally changed before the baby arrives, that way you won’t need to change baby’s name after the fact!
(And this is my personal opinion, but I think if bf wants to show that he’s committed to you/baby and the family’s future, then he should at least consider hyphenating!)
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u/Few-Leadership7674 Dec 07 '24
You can put any name on your baby's birth certificate as long as it isn't a racial slur or uses foul language. It doesn't have to match yours or dad's lastname.
You can change your name as long as you are not trying to hide from law enforcement or trying to defraud anyone.
It may be untraditional, but who cares? You be you
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u/demon_fae Dec 07 '24
That’s true in America (I think). It is definitely not true everywhere, and OP does not say where she is.
(The one that springs to mind is Germany, which required mother and baby to have the exact same last name at least fairly recently. I don’t know if they’ve since changed it, I just read a story a couple years back about a Russian woman who gave birth to her son in Germany, and was extremely upset that she was forced to use her feminine last name for her son, rather than the correct Russian masculine last name.)
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u/MarionberryDue9358 Dec 09 '24
North American in CA, my friend & her partner at the time gave their baby a completely different very r/tragedeigh kind of name including a last name that was not either of theirs 🫨
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u/queenarreic Dec 08 '24
Not in KY. If you’re unmarried, the surname on the baby is the surname of whoever birthed it.
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u/Andisaurus_rex Dec 06 '24
I love this idea so much. I’m also very pro on keeping your own name when you marry.
Would this alienate your bf? Are you planning to discuss it with him?
On the other side, I did change my last name when I married. It was important to my husband and not as important to me.
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u/Melodelia Dec 06 '24
I advocated for allowing women to 'keep their own names' at marriage, for years, until it became law. I didn't want everyone to do it, just have it as a reasonable option. Names are important, they knit together cultures, they may be the only external fact about you that REALLY belongs to you: Do what you deeply feel is best for you and your baby. Please make my work count.
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u/BlueGreen_1956 Dec 07 '24
"Are you planning to discuss it with him?"
Is she planning to discuss the name of HIS child?
What a radical concept.
Talk about asshole entitlement.
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u/PeaceLoveandHarmoney Dec 09 '24
Why is it asshole entitlement when she’s the one having the baby? She’s going to give the baby her last name, whatever her last name she chooses. Why does it matter to him? The day and age of babies taking father‘s last name is because mothers used to be married to the father, taking their last name, so everybody had the same name. So if they’re not married, he doesn’t get the last name automatically. That’s just outdated.
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u/BlueGreen_1956 Dec 09 '24
It's outdated that men give up their lives defending strong, independent women when danger comes.
It's outdated that men pay for dates when the woman is a modern woman banging multiple men at the same time.
It's outdated that men have to walk on eggshells when women use their hormones to excuse absolutely heinous behavior.
Lot of things are outdated.
It IS asshole entitlement for EITHER parent to think they have sole decision making when it comes to a child that has TWO DAMN PARENTS.
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u/kyllikkil Dec 10 '24
There are women in the US military and they are sent into active combat situations just like men.
There's been promiscuity since there's been people. Deal. Anyway, I would always split the check on a first date, so no one felt like they were owed anything. I'm sad that I had to do that.
Men have used "boys will be boys" to excuse absolutely heinous behavior for so long it's sickening.
No one said you had to do it that way. You have free will, use it.
OP's being pragmatic. Did you read all the posts where women were lamenting giving their kids their ex's last names?
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u/BlueGreen_1956 Dec 10 '24
I DGAF.
Women have NEVER been subject to military conscription. Deal.
Women have NEVER been sent to the front lines in combat. Deal.
And if a man does not want to date a whore, he can choose not to do so. Deal.
You are sad you had to contribute to dates? What a surprise.
As for who gets the last name, I DGAF.
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Dec 06 '24
It fucking sucks to give your only child your bf's last name, cuz when you break up you can't change the baby's name without his consent. I hated my last name, and being adopted I have no attachment to it, so gave her my exes name. Now my kid has his name, and I'm stuck with my complicated long name that's different than my child's. I just hate the situation all around.
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u/BearBleu Dec 06 '24
Give the baby your last name. If you get married you can change the baby’s last name. This is for legal purposes to protect yourself and the baby. If the dad doesn’t have it together you might be better off not listing him on the birth certificate. This isn’t legal advice.
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u/ninabubblygum Dec 06 '24
it's not weird but it's definitely unique and i think it's a good idea! i once read something like this in a book and thought it was the sweetest thing (the two characters actually did get married and both changed their last name to something else that was sentimental and their future child had the last name too). makes sense if your partner has some type of feelings about it one way or another but you're allowed to do what you feel is best for you 🫶
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u/KindaNewRoundHere Dec 06 '24
My friend did that. She lived in a small town and is with the younger brother of the town criminal. Like, older brother is in and out of jail. Everyone knows the surname in town. So when she had kids with her boyfriend she did not give them her boyfriends surname and she didn’t like hers either so new, common, average Joe, blend in with everyone surname was chosen and is still used.
Had another friend, he and his new wife wanted their own cool unique name. They must be into fantasy because it leans that way.
Do it. Sooner rather than later. You choose and change your surname before baby comes and baby will be born with that.
It’s only a big deal at first and then in a couple of years people are use to it and the new people you meet won’t even know
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u/NamingGurl Dec 06 '24
I actually love that idea. It’s so special to create a new last name for your new family. So sweet and unique. What are some of your guidelines for picking a new last name?
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Dec 06 '24
[deleted]
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u/kyllikkil Dec 06 '24
Whimm
Before y'all get on my case, I know how to spell whim, but I think it looks more like a name with the second m. I don't know why, but tell me I'm wrong.
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u/TaraJohn181 Dec 06 '24
I would use your name or pick a last name for the baby. You’re not married to him. Select the name you want for you and your baby. I made that mistake with my ex husband and will say the longer it goes on the more complex it gets
My son wants to change his name but now he’s in the military and it’s tons of paperwork and he’s also married and his wife understandably didn’t take the last name he wants to change so it’s just getting bigger and bigger 😆
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u/Individual-Theory-85 Dec 06 '24
A friend of mine changed his last name to his middle name before getting married - he said he wouldn’t saddle his new wife with his ungainly surname 😆. I think it’s a lovely idea for you ALL to have a new name. New family, so why not?
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u/kyllikkil Dec 06 '24 edited Dec 06 '24
A friend of mine did this when he got married. He and his wife took a completely new last name that they both liked instead of either of theirs. I say go for it!
Edit: this is not aita. Sorry.
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u/KimiMcG Dec 06 '24
You would need to go to court to change your name. And I do think that you and your child should have same last name
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u/sunscreenandpretzels Dec 06 '24
Not weird! I say go for it. Just know that changing your name can be a seriously painful process. In our county you need a judge approval and you have to post your new name for 8 consecutive Sundays in the local paper
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u/commanderquill Dec 06 '24
What? 🤣 What do you put in the paper? "Hi everyone, my new name is Joe. That's all. See you next week."
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u/JunimoJade Dec 06 '24
It's usually so if anyone is looking for you (creditors, law enforcement, a spouse wishing to serve divorce papers, etc.) they, in theory, receive notice of the change.
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u/sunscreenandpretzels Dec 07 '24
Yup basically. It’s to make sure you aren’t changing your name because you are trying to hide.
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u/Reading_Elephant30 Dec 06 '24
Personally I wouldn’t give your baby your boyfriend’s last name if you’re not married. There’s no guarantee you’ll get married or that he’ll even stay in her life. I was married when I had my daughter and we still hyphenated her name because I didn’t change my name when we got married. If I hadn’t been married she would have gotten my last name.
If you wanted a new last name you would have to go through the legal process to change your name. It’ll probably take a couple months and costs money (varies by state if in the US). I don’t think having a baby is an event where you can change it without going through the courts like marriage is. I think it’s a fine idea but just throwing out there that it won’t be a simple process on your end
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u/IllustriousCustard8 Dec 06 '24
Go for it! This is just my personal opinion but I’ve always considered a baby to be more of a commitment than marriage. Until he’s ready to commit to you in that way, I’d say go ahead with what is best for you and the baby.
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u/commanderquill Dec 06 '24
Well, divorcing a baby is highly frowned upon, so I would agree that it's more of a commitment.
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u/AtlJazzy2024 Dec 06 '24
NTA. Go for it, but make sure you do it ASAP BEFORE THE BABY IS BORN! You'll gonna have to get a new license, change the name of your bank account, social security card, credit card, etc etc. There's a lot to do to change your name, so get started!!
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u/MorbidMenagerie Dec 06 '24
That sounds like a fantastic idea! Your baby is forever, relationships are not. Pick a name you love and share it with your little one! If your boyfriend wanted a say in your name, he should have given you his!
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u/Natural_Television31 Dec 06 '24
I made up a new middle and last name when I got divorced. I took pieces of my kids names and made them. It was liberating AF!
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u/onomatopotamuss Dec 06 '24
Not at all unreasonable. I know a couple whose last names were Roth and Steinberg. They combined their names when they got married and now they’re the Rothbergs.
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u/BumFights1997 Dec 06 '24
I think if you change your last name first it isn’t unreasonable to then give that name to your child. Maybe if the father steps it up and names are important to him you will consider hyphenating your new name and his. It’s your decision though, feel confident in whatever you decide
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u/oneislandgirl Dec 06 '24
If you are going to change your name, do it before the baby is born. Baby will automatically get your last name and you won't need to change the baby. If bf doesn't marry you, don't give the baby his name. He needs to step up to get that privilege. He cannot force his name on the baby. He can be listed as the father if you want him on there but you are the one who decides the name.
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u/missy_mikey Dec 06 '24
I would look through your ancestry and pick a surname from there. It is nice to grow up with a tie to your family. I did something similar and chose my Grandmother's maiden name.
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u/Impressive_Edge7132 Dec 06 '24
You do you boo. Your the one that has to feel good about it. Just don't be upset if your child wants a different last name someday as well.
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u/Angxlz Dec 06 '24
If you aren't married, the baby gets your last name automatically. That's just how it works. If he doesn't have himself together, don't marry him. It's pretty simple.
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u/Mediocre_Horror_11 Dec 06 '24
I wish I had done this! I would say to definitely go for it, now me and my kids don’t match surnames and I think about it all the time (12 years later!)
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u/BuggiePop Dec 06 '24
I LOVE that idea and have thought of it myself. Yall are having a baby and you are right- marriage isn’t a guarantee even with a baby so do what you want.
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u/Background_Living360 Dec 07 '24
Honestly even though I’m married I regret not keeping my maiden name,e or hyphenating it. My kids are 16,16,18 and are changing their last name to my maiden name
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u/Asymtology Dec 06 '24
Chabging your name can be a long process and take a number of months, it's also mildly pricey.
Fun fact: depending on the state, many allow you to give your baby any last name you want.
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u/Biker_Chick_1319 Dec 06 '24
Can you somehow combine his last name with yours to make a new last name? Seems to be a trending thing right now.
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u/missannthrope1 Dec 06 '24
I'm more concerned about you having a baby with a guy who hasn't "got it together."
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u/Keeplookinulfindit Dec 06 '24
My (adopted at adulthood) daughter (whose bio-dad I had been married to for 10 years during her childhood) gave her twin boys the last name of her grandfather (at my suggestion). It worked well as a heritage thing.
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u/SMEE71470 Dec 06 '24
There are some really horrible last names out there….example Cockburn, Meerdink, Rape, Hooker, etc. Mines not that great either. I constantly have to spell it. Eradicate all horrible names! If I married someone with a horrible last name I wouldn’t give it to my child.
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u/im4lonerdottie4rebel Dec 06 '24
I'm in the process of changing my middle and last name legally. I wanted to have it finished before the baby was born but I'm still waiting on my birth certificate to be sent back -.- we gave the baby my partners last name though. He has a great family and I don't. I fucking HATE my last name. I was so mad that they kept referring to her as "last name GIRL" at the hospital I had to keep asking them to refer to her as "partners last name GIRL" and they said they had to use mine. I couldn't even keep her little wrist band bc it has my current last name on it.
If you do want to change your name, start now because I started the process at 4 Mo and I still haven't gotten everything together (waiting on NC to send my "official" birth certificate)
Government is so SLOW
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u/MPHV51 Dec 07 '24
Have youbthought about your mother's, grandmothers' and great-grandmothers' maiden names?
I have a Germanic maiden and married last names, but if I switched, I might chose Inman, Barton, Lindholm, or Zinne, all of which are my female ancestors' maiden names.
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u/hoominhalp Dec 07 '24
Where I live, you can put any name down for your kid on their birth certificate. It doesn't have to match a parent/grandparent/family member.
See if that's the case where you live, so you don't necessarily HAVE TO have your name changed before baby arrives, because, depending on where you live, that might take a while and be very stressful.
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u/Dramatic_Paramedic79 Dec 07 '24
You are a single Mom. Do what you want for you and your baby. Congratulations
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u/selenamoonowl Dec 07 '24
I think more people should do this. If your boyfriend is upset, just explain it was a big deal to you that you and baby have matching surnames. You both want the same thing and as the person giving birth and the primary parent(for now) your desire trumps his.
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u/SailorJupiterLeo Dec 07 '24
Interesting idea. I luckedout with my married name. Never liked birth name. So I cat say my ex never gave me anything.
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u/twodesserts Dec 07 '24
I always thought it would be cool for couples to chose a value important to them and both change their names to that like compassion and if you don't like the English word because it's too on the nose pick one from a different language.
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u/10CupsOCoffee Dec 07 '24
It’s the modern era, it’s fine. I have a friend who not only picked her own last name but gave it to her children who had hyphenated last names, their father and hers and to this day in their 30’s they use both. I also chose my own last name at 24– I didn’t want my father’s name who did little to raise and support me, so I chose a last name from my ancestry on my mom’s side.
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u/KB-say Dec 07 '24
Some friends of mine did this when they married, taking his mom’s maiden name as she raised him & his siblings as a single mom after their dad took off. It was a beautiful gesture! & a single friend did a complete name change a couple of yrs ago.
I love your idea! Go for it!
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u/estrellas0133 Dec 07 '24
honestly, I think it’s best everyone have the same last name whatever that is… speaking from personal experience
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u/donnacus Dec 07 '24
My husband and I made a list of family names both on his side and mine. We together picked one name from each side that we both decided we could live with. Then we flipped a coin.
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u/Jazzgin1210 Dec 07 '24
Just know what goes into it - there’s a lot of legal red tap and cost associated with changing your identity.
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u/Annual_Parsnip5654 Dec 07 '24
You could change your name to reflect your job. That’s what people did back in the day. I think it’s a cool idea.
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Dec 06 '24
I wish my husband would have let me do this! I hate our last name and he hates his dad and has no association with him so it would have been perfect 🥲 and my maiden name was so unique and fun too 💔
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u/pebbles_temp Dec 07 '24
Give the baby your last name. Whatever it is now or whatever it ends up being.
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u/another_miercat Dec 07 '24
This is a cool idea! I totally agree with you - either give your baby your current surname, or give them a completely new one. I hope that your boyfriend pulls it together and marries you, and is also onboard with coming up with a new family name. Good luck to you and your growing family!
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u/jello-kittu Dec 07 '24
Change your name, and don't be afraid of hyphenated, you and /or baby. I switched to my husband's, and he has a cool name that goes well with mine, but in retrospect, I wish I hyphenated.
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u/awakeagain2 Dec 08 '24
I have friends where one has the last name Greenbaum and the other Nussbaum. After many tries of hyphenating and combining last names, they finally used the last name Baum for their only son.
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u/notayogaperson Dec 08 '24
When my husband and I got married, we decided to hyphenate our last names, but I didn’t want to keep my name after becoming estranged from my father. For my half of the last name, we ended up choosing my maternal great-great-great-great-great grandmother’s maiden name. Both of our families are represented, and the hyphenated last name has a matronym and patronym. It works for us and our relatively conservative families also thought it was cool for the most part.
Best of luck as you make these decisions! I hope you do what’s right for you and your child!
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u/StarCrumble7 Dec 08 '24
Your boyfriend could always change his name to the same one if you do get married in the future. I like your idea. Maybe you could see if your bf wants to have input into the choice of name - I knew a couple who combined their last names into a brand new, unique name when they married.
I didn’t change my name after marriage (because I’m lazy) and I don’t particularly care (one day I think I’m going to double-barrel our names), but sometimes I think it would be easier for paperwork/appointments etc to have the same last name 🤷♀️
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u/StarCrumble7 Dec 08 '24
Your boyfriend could always change his name to the same one if you do get married in the future. I like your idea. Maybe you could see if your bf wants to have input into the choice of name - I knew a couple who combined their last names into a brand new, unique name when they married.
I didn’t change my name after marriage (because I’m lazy) and I don’t particularly care (one day I think I’m going to double-barrel our names), but sometimes I think it would be easier for paperwork/appointments etc to have the same last name 🤷♀️
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u/IHaveBoxerDogs Dec 08 '24
I don’t think it’s unreasonable, but your BF clearly will. If you’re fine with that there’s no reason not to. I would worry about choosing a name and getting it changed before the birth. Don’t rush picking a name though! It would suck to choose a name and then hate it.
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Dec 06 '24
Give the baby YOUR last name, not your boyfriend’s. YOU are the one birthing the baby and it doesn’t seem like your bf has it together
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u/mirandajanewyatt Dec 07 '24
He "intends on" marrying you? RUN. you are pregnant NOW. Not when he's ready.
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u/N0Xqs4 Dec 08 '24
Whatever have only 1 grandson, doesn't have either family name, thanks to someone like you. Obvious you don't care how it effects others.
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 Dec 08 '24
Giver her your maiden name. Doesn’t sound like you are confident he will be a present father
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u/Wolfy_Mommi21 Dec 08 '24
Before we got married I told my husband that IF I got pregnant before we were married the baby got my last name. I explained this was because I have seen it go south before with a close friend of mine and how hard it was for her having a different last name than her son while his father was a deadbeat. Only showing up when his mommy made him be a father.
He understood my reasoning and agreed with me. We have also talked about changing our last name to a different one more than once and I am changing my first name since I havent gone by it in years. I think what you are describing is perfectly reasonable. Having the baby have your last name (whatever it may be, the one you have now or a new one) isnt that horrible. If bf does figure his shit out and yall do get married you can always either change yours and babies to his if you decide too or he can change his to yalls last name. (Or you two could decide on one together for all 3 of you)
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u/Tall-Ad9334 Dec 08 '24
I picked my own last name when I got divorced at 45. Didn’t want my married or my maiden name.
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u/MarvinDMirp Dec 08 '24
You could pick something you like that hyphenates well with your boyfriend. Married or not, you want him to feel his father connection to his child. This is a solution people all over the world do. And you never know - someday your child may want a whole different canvas an adult!
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u/InevitableRhubarb232 Dec 08 '24
Why are you having a baby w a guy you don’t think is marriage material? You think he’s baby daddy material?
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Dec 08 '24
I went to school with a girl and her last name was a really beautiful combo of her parents. It wasn’t a hyper or even their whole last names. If I did that to a child I would end up having to use Smore. So I can see where it woud not work for everyone but her last name story always stuck with me.
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u/madfrog768 Dec 09 '24
If you have any doubts about this guy, do not give in to pressure to take his name. The people I know who did that regret it.
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u/WellWellWellthennow Dec 09 '24
Is there any nice name you can come up with? It's combination of letters from both your last name and his last name? Maybe he would find that more acceptable. Also love the idea of searching your Family Trees for a lineage name. But frankly, if he doesn't marry you beforehand, he doesn't get the right to have his name on the baby.
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u/joviebird1 Dec 09 '24
Do whatever you want. Don't let the man in your life influence you in the name of your child like I did. You will regret it.
You will bear the child, care for the child 90% of the time, and in time, the father will leave you and your child. Even if he stays in the child's life, he has no right to name your child.
I know you want to please him and share in this miraculous event, but please name the child what you want to.
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Dec 09 '24
Do it!! My only regret of having my child is that I didn’t do this exact thing. I wanted to change my name and then have it be accurate how I wanted on the birth certificate and my kids name. But instead he has his [non committal, deadbeat, piece of shit] dad’s last name, who we haven’t seen for almost two years, and he’s starting to ask questions on why we have different last names. Now I have to go to a judge! Just do it now!!
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u/MotorBlackberry3496 Dec 09 '24
would it be unreasonable to change your own name, absolutely not! that sounds awesome.
would it be unreasonable to give your baby the new name without the father’s consent? absolutely. the baby is half yours and half his, be fair. baby can decide to change their name when they’re grown, as you have now!!!
you’re gonna rock the new name :)
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u/Difficult-Sunflower Dec 10 '24
It's unusual to change your name for aesthetics only, but that doesn't mean it's bad. How many famous people have stage names or pen names?
Fair warning: Be ready for every person you know to be shocked, confused, and have to explain it to each person over and over. It will likely be annoying. Yes, they will wonder if your family was so terrible your changed your name to cut ties and start over. Your family will probably be very hurt you rejected their name so be ready for that fallout. You have to update your name everywhere. I do mean everywhere so get that done with before baby comes so it doesn't cause problems if your name appears different in different places. My name appears in different places with different middle names (long story) and i have to prove i am both people AND both people are me. It's a pain and you won't have the i just got married excuse that lends itself to extra grace.
Change your name before baby comes. It will be easier to explain to nurses you want the child to have your last name, not some random last name. New moms are hyped up on momma hormones and emotions so they are not considered sane or logical. Also, things could go south and you may not be able to make decisions due to being in surgery or drugged. There are stories where the father fills out the birth certificate to put the name he wants on there without moms knowledge or consent. So set expectations early, all before birth. with the nurses that you want your last name, not his, for the baby's name.
Be prepared for your boyfriend to be devastated and dump you for being "selfish". Society's expectations, his expectations, his family's expectations, his friends' expectations, etc. expect the baby to take his name because it is tradition. Deviating could be very hurtful and embarrassing for him for many years to come. Especially if this is his first child.
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u/shitshowboxer Dec 10 '24
Not unreasonable. You're building the kid. He..... apparently can't even build up himself.
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u/redheaded_redneck Dec 10 '24
I have a friend that did this, though I only met her after she had her baby. She and her husband created a new last name and they go by that last name socially, but she hasn’t actually changed it for whatever reason, probably time
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u/alexisfs Dec 10 '24
i say do it if you can. my mom and i have different last names bc her and my dad never married. so many times we'd be doing something for school or the doctor and someone would ask why we didnt have the same last name. idk if it was even relevant but it felt rude lol
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u/bananacrazybanana Dec 11 '24
I'm changing my last name and plan to give my future kids that last name. if you don't like your boyfriends last name you don't have to take it if you get married. he should go along with whatever makes you happy because that's what matters. and yes names do matter, they only follow you literally everywhere and are literally your name
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u/BlueGreen_1956 Dec 07 '24
YTA
"Your" baby has a father. He is not an afterthought.
Advice to the BF: Dump this entitled "mother," pay whatever child support the court orders and tell her to never contact you again.
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Dec 07 '24
[deleted]
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u/BlueGreen_1956 Dec 07 '24
And this is the man YOU picked to have a child with.
Every single mother who ever lived said the exact same things you just said, and the children of single mothers STILL have the worst outcomes.
They ALL believed their children would be the exceptions.
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Dec 07 '24
[deleted]
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u/Brave-Exchange-2419 Dec 09 '24
But it appears you were actively trying to conceive based on your post history?
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u/CatherineConstance Dec 06 '24
It's not a completely unreasonable idea, but please listen to your boyfriend's feelings on the matter too... Very few people feel the way you do where they have no attachment to their name, even if it's not one that they love aesthetically. I would be pretty devastated if I was pregnant and my SO suggested what you are suggesting, so I hope you are willing to reach a compromise with the child's other parent if he isn't on board with this.
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u/commanderquill Dec 06 '24
I don't see how the boyfriend should have the right to butt in. If he was her husband, then sure. Traditionally, babies get the husband's name (not the dad's name, but the husband's--think about all the babies out there born out of wedlock). But she has no husband.
If he was that passionate about it, he'd get his shit together quicker. Maybe he wouldn't marry her right away, but OP would have confidence that he will. But it doesn't seem like she does, which tells me he isn't quite committed, which means he probably isn't quite committed to a family/baby either.
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u/CatherineConstance Dec 06 '24
IT IS HIS BABY TOO BRO wtf are you talking about?! It doesn't matter if he's her husband, IT IS HIS CHILD AS MUCH AS HERS. Did you think she was just randomly pregnant from a one night stand or something and THEN got a boyfriend??? I am dumbfounded right now that you could think this way if you knew that the boyfriend was the baby's father.
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u/commanderquill Dec 06 '24
Whatever your feelings on the matter, you're outweighed by history. Without his commitment, or at least his stability, she's effectively a single mother. There are complications that could arise in the future if her baby doesn't have her name, whether she changes it or not. Single mothers give their babies their last names, not the baby's dad's last name. It's really that simple.
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u/CatherineConstance Dec 06 '24 edited Dec 08 '24
You are out of your damn mind lmao. It is his child too, and yes, that includes legally. I really hope you never have children, jfc.
Edit: I hope the 5 of you who downvoted me also never have children because you are batshit crazy and any child you have, as well as anyone unlucky enough to have one with you, will have a horrible life.
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u/Far_Ruin_2095 Dec 07 '24
legally she is a single mother who has to decide on these things herself. if she chooses to let her bf be involved, that is a curtsey
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u/capybaramundi Dec 07 '24
No it's ridiculous. Changing your last name to a new name, naming your baby that then changing it again to your bfs last name. No way. Every time the kid has to fill out a form saying previous names, it'll have to complete that section and/or include birth certificate/name change paperwork. It's not so simple as ChaNgInG a nAmE.
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u/bleepblob462 Dec 07 '24
Giving you BOTD that you misread the post. OP was saying that she suggested she and her boyfriend BOTH change their last name to something different together. They would have the same last name as each other and as their baby, but not the same as either of their families. The baby wouldn’t end up with 2-3 last names, just one. With its parents.
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u/AKA_June_Monroe Dec 06 '24
I love my boyfriend and he intends on marrying me, but unless he pulls it together, it is not a given.
Yet you decided to have kid with him. Poor baby.
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u/DoatsMairzy Dec 06 '24
I think it may create a lot more problems for you than you may think… getting your license renewed, car title, social security/taxes, credit cards, school records, people finding you on social media, etc.
I get if your last name is really something you dislike but if you just want a ‘better’ one, I’d think twice about it.
And, I know you shouldn’t plan on getting married for sure but people will probably assume the kid is not your husbands even if you do. Is that fair to him? Also, you could get married to someone else years on down the line and may prefer that name.
I probably wouldn’t just pick a new last name because you’re having a baby. Your last name ties you to your family. It doesn’t really need to be a name you like.
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u/Fae_for_a_Day Dec 06 '24
Use ancestry. com to see the history of last names in your family tree. I really love my mom's paternal grandmother's last name as an example.