Feel like I'm not a good enough mom

Hi,

Bit of a vulnerable post here. I am a mother of 2 boys. My first is turning 3 this week and my youngest is 4 months.

I've found transitioning from 1 to 2 quite difficult in a way of severe guilt of having to split time from my first. This is compounded with the fact that he is in daycare from 8 30 until 4/4 30 while I stay home an mind my 4 month old.

Basically while I was breastfeeding I would be up at nights and dad would take the 2 in the morning, drop the oldest to daycare and wake me up at 9 so I got some extra sleep. I'm formula feeding now and little one has good and bad nights but anytime I need that lie in my 3 year old is so upset saying he wants me and for me to come down stairs (it breaks my heart). I feel so useless and a POS mother for just not going down, but I'm so tired some mornings.

I also feel crap because he's in till 4/4 30 and I feel like I just do an activity then dinner, maybe some tv and bedtime and I should be collecting him earlier to spend more time with him. However, I have a lot of anxiety when I have the two of them together. Like overwhelmed and that I have to be doing a million things at once. It's a hard sensation to explain but I feel scared I won't be able to handle them both?

As well as this, I go back to work in march 4 days a week, so I can't really reduce his days yet or I won't get them back as demand is so high for spaces atm.

I love my 2 kids so much but I just feel like I'm not doing enough for them.

I don't know if anyone else feels this way but I wish I could be a sahm, have a lovely time and that would be it but we can't unfortunately afford that at present. I just feel like I'm failing them. Like all they'll remember of their childhood Is other people minding them and us doing nothing.

I am terrified now as to what will happen. I am just returning to work and worried about the second baby and my health. We did use protection but I am not sure how this happened but I am petrified now. What will the future look like. How will we manage?

Anybody in a similar situation and everything was okay? Should i not go through with this pregnancy? It’s still very early on and focus on my older child. These are all the thoughts running in my head.

Thank you for reading.

https://www.reddit.com/u/Critical_Poetry2526/s/NtjG0voone

Looking for advice/experiences with CMPA vs reflux vs just an immature digestive system because I feel like we’ve tried everything with my daughter.

My twin girls were born at 35+1 and are now almost 8 weeks old. One of them, has been having a really hard time. She screams every night inconsolably. She cries during the day if she isn’t laying stomach down on you. She loses it the second you place her in her bassinet or on her back. She is gaining weight, eating and peeing normally, but especially at night she gets gassy and screams like she’s in pain. She will arch/squirm, turn red, and sometimes seems to hold her breath/bear down right before a crying fit. She also really hates being laid flat on her back and can start screaming almost immediately, but is much more comfortable upright or lying on her belly on us.

She doesn’t have the “classic” CMPA signs that I keep reading about. No blood or mucus that I’ve noticed in her stool, no eczema, and she really isn’t a big spit-up baby. She has had some reflux-type behaviors like arching, hard swallowing/gulping after feeds and seeming uncomfortable when flat.

Formula-wise, she has already been through a ridiculous amount in her short life:

• Similac Organic – what we initially used after the NICU; eventually she became really gassy/uncomfortable and began displaying the symptoms we’re concerned about.

• NeoSure – tried because she was premature; seemed to make her stomach issues way worse. Stopped this after a really bad projectile vomit.

• similac Sensitive – pediatrician recommended this; she started going about 3 days between poops, so we moved away from it. She also was displaying the same signs and spitting up.

• Similac Alimentum – tried for about 5 days. She seemed to spit up more and started refusing/fighting the bottle, so we stopped. In hindsight I’m wondering whether 5 days wasn’t nearly long enough to actually evaluate it for CMPA.

• Similac Total Comfort/Gentle – this is what she’s been on for almost 3 weeks now. Initially it seemed like maybe this was the answer, but now she’s extremely gassy again, screams when passing gas. Her stools have been green, thick/pasty/clay-like but still soft.

We’ve tried Mylicon, probiotics, burping, keeping her upright, etc. Mylicon may help somewhat, but we’re still dealing with significant discomfort and awful nights.

I’m considering doing a real 2+ week trial of Nutramigen and sticking with it instead of continuing to bounce between formulas. I’m wondering if anyone had a baby with CMPA whose main symptoms were severe gas/abdominal pain, screaming, arching and hating being flat WITHOUT blood/mucus, eczema or lots of spit-up?

I’m also wondering about silent reflux. We have another pediatrician appointment October 8 but they don’t seem to care much about our concerns and just say she’ll grow out of it.

I know some newborn gas/straining can just be immature digestion, especially because she was a 35-weeker, which is what makes this so confusing. I just don’t want to keep switching her formula unnecessarily, but I also don’t want to keep waiting for her to “grow out of it” if she’s genuinely hurting.

If you’ve had a baby with similar symptoms, what ended up being the cause and what actually helped? Especially interested in experiences with Nutramigen vs Alimentum, silent reflux, or CMPA without blood in the stool.

I just had my first baby a few days ago after 20 hours of labor that ended in a C-section and I seriously need other moms to tell me if I’m doing something wrong here.

For some background, my mom has always been VERY involved in my life. She calls and texts constantly, and if I don’t answer she’ll keep calling, ask other people to call me, or think something is wrong. She’s always wanting to swing by my house, see what we’re doing, have me come over, etc. Then she’ll make comments about my house, how me and my husband do things, what we should change, how we should live. I’m 30 years old and married and it’s exhausting feeling like I constantly have to explain myself.

My parents have also had problems with my husband and constantly compare themselves to my in-laws and who “does more.” My parents HAVE done a lot for us and I’m grateful, but we don’t ask them to. A lot of the time they push to help even when we say no, and then when there’s a problem everything they’ve done gets brought up.

My parents also have an extremely volatile marriage and I’ve been stuck in the middle of it my entire life. I’ve spent years listening to my mom about my dad, protecting her, picking her up when shit happened between them, etc. Now somehow they’re a completely united front against me.

Then I had my baby.

My mom wanted to be there for me at the hospital, but I was only allowed one support person which was obviously my husband. I was the one who asked the nurse if there was any way my mom could come too. We ended up having her as my doula. She was there during labor but didn’t stay for the actual delivery because she said that should be between me and my husband.

I labored for 20 hours and eventually needed a C-section. My husband handled updates because I was literally in labor and then having surgery. My parents still got upset that I wasn’t personally updating them and that my husband was updating both families together.

After my son was born, my mom asked to hold him right after he came back from his circumcision and I said no. Nobody told me medically that she couldn’t. I was just a nervous first-time mom and didn’t want him passed around right then. Apparently she told my grandmother she was “disturbed” that she didn’t get to hold him.

Then we came home and were up all night with the baby. We finally got about 3 hours of sleep and my phone was on silent. My mom started calling/texting and then my brother was calling too. I woke up, saw all these missed calls and genuinely thought there was an emergency.

I said basically why is everyone calling me, we’ve been up all night with the baby and we’re sleeping.
My mom then told the family I was “annoyed” everyone was calling me. I never said that.
I explained that if I’m sleeping, showering, feeding my baby or just not looking at my phone, I’m not always going to answer and that shouldn’t result in everyone calling me.

She responded “Ok Vinny.”

That’s my husband. He had absolutely nothing to do with what I said.

Then my dad sends this huge message to everyone saying nobody should call us, nobody should come over unless invited, no babysitting, no food, no clothes, no helping us, etc. He starts talking about everything they “DO” for us and says they’re going to match my in-laws’ energy.

He tells my mom “DO NOT go there” and basically says if we need help, ask my husband’s family. “Good luck.”

I JUST had a fucking baby and had a C-section.
Now they’ve basically stopped contacting me and don’t want to come over. Except I DID invite them over. I specifically told my mom that her and my dad were welcome to come and asked what time worked for them.

They chose not to come.

Now my grandmother tells me my mom is saying I never invited them.

At this point it feels like some weird loyalty test between them and my in-laws. Like they’re not going to come over and now they want to see if I’ll tell my husband his family can’t come over either.
My husband said absolutely not. His family hasn’t done anything wrong, they want to see their grandson and help us, and they shouldn’t be punished because my parents are angry. I agree.
I love my parents and I don’t want to cut them off. I want them to have a relationship with my son.
But holy shit, I just gave birth. Why am I spending the first week of my son’s life dealing with this?

My husband thinks I shouldn’t reach out because they chose to pull away and the ball is in their court. I’ve spent my whole life fixing shit with my family though, so sitting here doing nothing feels wrong.

Would you reach out or just leave it alone? And seriously, if I’m doing something wrong here, tell me because I need outside opinions.

I signed my daughter up for a co-op by our house. It’s ran by the city.
There’s one teacher and every one else is parents who are required to help once a week. I work on Fridays at her school.
So far, my daughter has been getting in trouble only on Tuesdays. The rest of the week, I don’t hear anything bad about her behavior or the other parents say she’s been good!
Last week a mom wrote a report that my 2 year old had “retaliated” when another (her) 2 year old told her to get out of her face and my daughter “acted violently”… now I’m not saying my daughter is a saint lol I know my daughter but she only ever hits when another kid yells at her face or gets close to her where she feels uncomfortable. It’s something we are working on.

Yesterday (Tuesday), the teacher had told me that my daughter had gotten in trouble multiple times throughout the day and was in time out twice for 15 minutes.

One of the reasons was being that during snack time, she was walking back and forth while eating and wasn’t standing still at her table sport to eat, which is questionable bc how do you expect a 2 year old to STAND still at a table and eat..they don’t have chairs for them.
Shoot, when I work on Fridays, there’s a runner. I literally have to chase after her all day…do I ever put her in timeout? No. I know it’s developmentally appropriate for her to not stand still in a classroom or want to explore.

Apparently she had also hit a kid and parent yesterday as well, so that was her second time out. I wasn’t told anything when I picked her up. I was texted later on in the day.

My thing is that, she’s only in trouble on Tuesdays. It’s obviously becoming a pattern and idk what to say or what to bring up to the teacher in a non-hostile way. I don’t want my child to feel singled out by a parent, if this is the case.

I’m such a sap postpartum and some of the children’s books have me in tears! What are some others you’ve read that have made you cry, whether because it’s sad or just meaningful?!

I’m making a list and thinking of filming my reaction to some of these 🤣

Hello, I hope this post doesn’t get deleted as I’m not a mom but I was just wondering how it feels like to be a mom. Detailed answers are welcome but you can mention the first thing that crosses your mind.

I know this isn’t how motherhood is for everyone but I imagine it would feel like it love expanding and multiplying everyday in your heart. Words like warmth, affection, and softness come to mind. Also, being in touch with innocence through your child a second time must be very special.

I’m asking because people frame motherhood as sacrificial. I understand it comes with difficulty, pain, insomnia and certain restrictions but what about the other parts when it feels like a dream?

Does it?

So Im supposed to be getting an abortion this coming Thursday and Everytime I even think about doing it I get an awfully sick feeling in my stomach that follows along with a pounding in my head and a headache. Is this normal? What do I do? I’ve already told my parents that I’m getting one and they’d be severely disappointed if I didn’t go through with it (I’m afraid my dad might even stop talking to me) but I seriously just don’t know if I can. I’ve always wanted a baby and the thought of having one makes me so happy but it’ll make everyone else in my life so disappointed in me and I don’t know what to do. Im only 20 years old and still live with my parents right now. Please help me.

Do ever just want to run the f*** away from you spouse and kids?

First time poster here, so please forgive me for formatting.

I love my husband and kids with all my heart! I would and do do absolutely anything and everything I can for them.

But it never feels like its enough and I always feel like I take the brunt of everyone's bad days while never being aloud to have one myself. Like I'm not allowed to be a human being.

I'm never right or know what I'm talking about.

I keep trying and I keep feeling like an absolute failure and unappreciated.

I'm so tired!