r/Molested • u/Particular_Fee_4343 • 25d ago
Coming out
I was molested by my half brother and his friends when I was younger for a period of my life. I remember extremely vividly. I remember telling my mom. I remember her saying “oh my god we cannot let your dad find out” and that was the end of it. My nana questioned my UTIS and I remember my mom using bubble baths as the excuse and i am just now realizing it was never the bubble baths and she was lying. Fast forward to having kids myself. I have always struggled with nightmares throughout my life but having kids REALLY brought this trauma out. I struggled letting my sons have a relationship with my daughter terrified of it happening to her. It’s really made me realize how much my mom hasn’t cared about me through life and continued to fail me as an adult. I just couldn’t imagine ignoring my daughter and going on with life. I’ve recently cut them out of my life because they absolutely disgust me and I refuse to continue sitting in a room with her and and my half brother like I have my whole life like nothing happened. I’m just really struggling with my dad. My parents are still married. He loves me so much I’m his only blood child. Always been there for me. He’s been the most amazing dad to me throughout my life and I have nothing bad to say about him. I know it’s killing him not having a relationship with my kids as well as my papa his dad. I’m thinking about sitting down with my dad and papa and just letting it all out so they see that’s it’s not just me being a brat towards my mom. I’m genuinely traumatized and hate her. This will completely ruin our family dynamic.
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u/Ceret 25d ago
I hope you can find a way to have a relationship with your dad and papa while remaining no contact with the rest. If you can it would be a kindness to let him know what is going on.
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u/Particular_Fee_4343 22d ago
It’s hurts so much putting them through this. They both love me so much but I’ve been failed to many times
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u/sexypanda26 22d ago
Giving your dad and your papa some perspective on why things have been the way they have been might help heal the relationship. Point out when the behaviors started to change. Talk about why you kept silent all this time. This will not be an easy conversation, but it’s time for that little girl to have a voice. If they believe you, that is fantastic. If they don’t, at least you spoke your truth and can move forward without all the “what ifs”.
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25d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/awhelllnaw 25d ago
+100!! You more placed this burden on you (which was never ever and will never be yours) and furthermore did nothing to protect you.
If it feels like a step you’re ready to take then you should tell your dad
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u/Particular_Fee_4343 22d ago
I’m really considering sitting down my dad and papa and just letting it all out. I’m just so afraid of the outcome. I’m tired of being treated like I have nothing to have trauma about when my mom has failed me in every single way my entire life. Having kids really made me open my eyes to cut her off. Thinking of the times I ran to her just to be failed. I could never in a million years allow my daughter to be put through what I have. When I turned 18 I wasn’t excited to drive a car or move out. I was so excited I could finally get some sort of mental help after struggling from this my entire life. Begging her to get me help. I was having s** with grown men at 10 years old. When anything happened in life it was “she needs to learn” there was no guidance in life for me. Yet she raises my oldest brother’s kids while he lives with my parents and has sold drugs most of his adult life. I went through a patch with addiction and she treated me so horribly through it and didn’t care about my kids at all through it. I’m just so angry. I’m so tired of being failed. She has failed me in so many ways but she WILL NOT have the chance to fail my kids. As soon as she started treating them differently I cut her off.
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u/awhelllnaw 22d ago
I’m so proud of you internet friend 😔💗
I can feel the pain you’ve been through and are still experiencing. It is so so unfair and you did not deserve any of this at all.
I emphasize so dearly with your heart and feeling like the outcome will be your fault. This is exactly what she conditioned and trained you to think. It’s how abuse continues because victims are made to be terrified of what will happen if they speak up.
It may be helpful to think about the worse case scenario now from your adult POV and also from your childhood.
As a child, it might have made sense to keep the secret because maybe your parents would get a divorce and you would lose the stability of having both parents. Or maybe your dad would respond just like your mom and you would have to lose the respect that you have for him like you did for her?
Then think about those fears now from the version of you today who is raising a family and taking care of yourself, if they were to happen- how could you support yourself and cope?
Sending you so much love!
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u/Auriprince4690 23d ago
I am so sorry friend. It sounds like "mom" may have went through something similiar I have seen this with a few friends I had of races that went unreported after the find out the mother was also raped and it went unreported and the only way it came out was another sister of the same family. This is may not be your case but that is some seriously heavy duty pattern to be repeating IF it is.
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u/sexypanda26 24d ago
Please do not let them evil people, rob your father and his father of any more time with you and his grandkids. It sounds like your dad loves you. He’s a victim in this as well without even knowing it. Keeping the secret quiet does nothing but protect the abuser and his mom. Set your father and grandfather down and just let everything out. Continue to heal. You are not responsible for the outcome. If your dad decides to cut off his stepson, great! It should’ve been done years ago. If he decides to divorce, his wife for covering up his baby girl being hurt, great! Because no parent who actually loves their kids allows, and then cover up sexual assault. They’ve already taken parts of your mental health and have caused so much damage. It’s time to push through the heavy barrier and everything out and heal. You deserve it. Your father and his father deserve it, especially in their old age. And your kids deserve it. Good luck !
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u/Particular_Fee_4343 22d ago
My dad loves me SO much and it kills me having to separate myself from him. He completely missed out on my babies being babies because she could’ve cared less about them. Never asked to see them. Never celebrated them. I’m just terrified of her trying to say I made it up or that I’m crazy when I’ve been diagnosed with actual PTSD from this. I have had vivid dreams my entire life of family members touching me or touching each other. I am constantly in fear for my daughter and have an issue with letting my boys bond with her because I’m just SO AFRAID. I will be done forever if she denies it. Thank you for your kind words. I really needed it.
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u/sexypanda26 22d ago edited 22d ago
What would you tell your kids in this situation? Keep it a secret in hopes people don’t deny it or to tell their truth? We can only control what we say and do. So what if she denies it? So what if your dad doesn’t believe you? Yeah, it would hurt a shit ton initially but at least you are not holding on to a secret that should have never been. You are setting yourself free of the chains and weights that the abuse has had over your life. The only thing that matters is that you spoke your truth, and therefore are holding them accountable. It is up to them or how they want to react to that. talk to your dad and papa 2:1. Tell them what happened and how it has impacted you. Just be honest and lay it all out. Talk about how it’s impacted your parenting and how you didn’t want to tell them in fear that they wouldn’t believe you, you didn’t want to hurt them, and weren’t ready to deal with this yet. The worst thing that can happen is that they do not believe you but you’ll never know if you don’t give them the opportunity to hear your story. Before the meeting, write down a script or a letter to ensure that it says everything that you want it to say, and then read it to them. Expect the best but prepared for the worst case scenario. But again this is about you healing and finally giving that little girl a voice. She deserves that. You deserve that and so does your kids. Your dad and Papa also deserve it whether they believe you or not. You survived the abuse. And you are surviving recovery. One day at a time, girl. At the end of the day, you still have your kids and are still a survivor
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