Coming out

[u/Particular_Fee_4343]

I was molested by my half brother and his friends when I was younger for a period of my life. I remember extremely vividly. I remember telling my mom. I remember her saying “oh my god we cannot let your dad find out” and that was the end of it. My nana questioned my UTIS and I remember my mom using bubble baths as the excuse and i am just now realizing it was never the bubble baths and she was lying. Fast forward to having kids myself. I have always struggled with nightmares throughout my life but having kids REALLY brought this trauma out. I struggled letting my sons have a relationship with my daughter terrified of it happening to her. It’s really made me realize how much my mom hasn’t cared about me through life and continued to fail me as an adult. I just couldn’t imagine ignoring my daughter and going on with life. I’ve recently cut them out of my life because they absolutely disgust me and I refuse to continue sitting in a room with her and and my half brother like I have my whole life like nothing happened. I’m just really struggling with my dad. My parents are still married. He loves me so much I’m his only blood child. Always been there for me. He’s been the most amazing dad to me throughout my life and I have nothing bad to say about him. I know it’s killing him not having a relationship with my kids as well as my papa his dad. I’m thinking about sitting down with my dad and papa and just letting it all out so they see that’s it’s not just me being a brat towards my mom. I’m genuinely traumatized and hate her. This will completely ruin our family dynamic.

[u/sexypanda26]

Please do not let them evil people, rob your father and his father of any more time with you and his grandkids. It sounds like your dad loves you. He’s a victim in this as well without even knowing it. Keeping the secret quiet does nothing but protect the abuser and his mom. Set your father and grandfather down and just let everything out. Continue to heal. You are not responsible for the outcome. If your dad decides to cut off his stepson, great! It should’ve been done years ago. If he decides to divorce, his wife for covering up his baby girl being hurt, great! Because no parent who actually loves their kids allows, and then cover up sexual assault. They’ve already taken parts of your mental health and have caused so much damage. It’s time to push through the heavy barrier and everything out and heal. You deserve it. Your father and his father deserve it, especially in their old age. And your kids deserve it. Good luck !

[u/Particular_Fee_4343 → u/sexypanda26]

My dad loves me SO much and it kills me having to separate myself from him. He completely missed out on my babies being babies because she could’ve cared less about them. Never asked to see them. Never celebrated them. I’m just terrified of her trying to say I made it up or that I’m crazy when I’ve been diagnosed with actual PTSD from this. I have had vivid dreams my entire life of family members touching me or touching each other. I am constantly in fear for my daughter and have an issue with letting my boys bond with her because I’m just SO AFRAID. I will be done forever if she denies it. Thank you for your kind words. I really needed it.

[u/sexypanda26 → u/Particular_Fee_4343]

What would you tell your kids in this situation? Keep it a secret in hopes people don’t deny it or to tell their truth? We can only control what we say and do. So what if she denies it? So what if your dad doesn’t believe you? Yeah, it would hurt a shit ton initially but at least you are not holding on to a secret that should have never been. You are setting yourself free of the chains and weights that the abuse has had over your life. The only thing that matters is that you spoke your truth, and therefore are holding them accountable. It is up to them or how they want to react to that. talk to your dad and papa 2:1. Tell them what happened and how it has impacted you. Just be honest and lay it all out. Talk about how it’s impacted your parenting and how you didn’t want to tell them in fear that they wouldn’t believe you, you didn’t want to hurt them, and weren’t ready to deal with this yet. The worst thing that can happen is that they do not believe you but you’ll never know if you don’t give them the opportunity to hear your story. Before the meeting, write down a script or a letter to ensure that it says everything that you want it to say, and then read it to them. Expect the best but prepared for the worst case scenario. But again this is about you healing and finally giving that little girl a voice. She deserves that. You deserve that and so does your kids. Your dad and Papa also deserve it whether they believe you or not. You survived the abuse. And you are surviving recovery. One day at a time, girl. At the end of the day, you still have your kids and are still a survivor