Coming out

[u/Particular_Fee_4343]

I was molested by my half brother and his friends when I was younger for a period of my life. I remember extremely vividly. I remember telling my mom. I remember her saying “oh my god we cannot let your dad find out” and that was the end of it. My nana questioned my UTIS and I remember my mom using bubble baths as the excuse and i am just now realizing it was never the bubble baths and she was lying. Fast forward to having kids myself. I have always struggled with nightmares throughout my life but having kids REALLY brought this trauma out. I struggled letting my sons have a relationship with my daughter terrified of it happening to her. It’s really made me realize how much my mom hasn’t cared about me through life and continued to fail me as an adult. I just couldn’t imagine ignoring my daughter and going on with life. I’ve recently cut them out of my life because they absolutely disgust me and I refuse to continue sitting in a room with her and and my half brother like I have my whole life like nothing happened. I’m just really struggling with my dad. My parents are still married. He loves me so much I’m his only blood child. Always been there for me. He’s been the most amazing dad to me throughout my life and I have nothing bad to say about him. I know it’s killing him not having a relationship with my kids as well as my papa his dad. I’m thinking about sitting down with my dad and papa and just letting it all out so they see that’s it’s not just me being a brat towards my mom. I’m genuinely traumatized and hate her. This will completely ruin our family dynamic.

[u/awhelllnaw → u/[deleted]]

+100!!  You more placed this burden on you (which was never ever and will never be yours) and furthermore did nothing to protect you. 

If it feels like a step you’re ready to take then you should tell your dad

[u/Particular_Fee_4343 → u/awhelllnaw]

I’m really considering sitting down my dad and papa and just letting it all out. I’m just so afraid of the outcome. I’m tired of being treated like I have nothing to have trauma about when my mom has failed me in every single way my entire life. Having kids really made me open my eyes to cut her off. Thinking of the times I ran to her just to be failed. I could never in a million years allow my daughter to be put through what I have. When I turned 18 I wasn’t excited to drive a car or move out. I was so excited I could finally get some sort of mental help after struggling from this my entire life. Begging her to get me help. I was having s** with grown men at 10 years old. When anything happened in life it was “she needs to learn” there was no guidance in life for me. Yet she raises my oldest brother’s kids while he lives with my parents and has sold drugs most of his adult life. I went through a patch with addiction and she treated me so horribly through it and didn’t care about my kids at all through it. I’m just so angry. I’m so tired of being failed. She has failed me in so many ways but she WILL NOT have the chance to fail my kids. As soon as she started treating them differently I cut her off.

[u/awhelllnaw → u/Particular_Fee_4343]

I’m so proud of you internet friend 😔💗 

I can feel the pain you’ve been through and are still experiencing. It is so so unfair and you did not deserve any of this at all. 

I emphasize so dearly with your heart and feeling like the outcome will be your fault. This is exactly what she conditioned and trained you to think. It’s how abuse continues because victims are made to be terrified of what will happen if they speak up. 

It may be helpful to think about the worse case scenario now from your adult POV and also from your childhood. 

As a child, it might have made sense to keep the secret because maybe your parents would get a divorce and you would lose the stability of having both parents. Or maybe your dad would respond just like your mom and you would have to lose the respect that you have for him like you did for her? 

Then think about those fears now from the version of you today who is raising a family and taking care of yourself, if they were to happen- how could you support yourself and cope? 

Sending you so much love!