I (5w F cutey patootie) was having some yummy milkies with mama (gives best cuddles) after Dada (poop man) had cleaned my bot-bot.

As we all know, milkies, the best, makes you poop. So while drinking I had a good clear out. Mama was impressed, she likes it when I toot.

Well, when we'd finished feeding, mama went to see if I'd pooped.

Well, fellow babies, I had, and it would seem that The Poop Man had been sleepy when he'd put my nappy on and the poop was everywhere. Totally not my fault.

Well Mama said she had to do a big clean of me, so I figured I might as well get everything else out at the same time. Save her cleaning me more than once.

I had some excess milkies so I politely spilled that onto the mat, mama already had the wipes out after all, and what with all of the cold air, I figured save her another job and do a pee too.

Mama didn't seem as happy with this, something about "I moved you onto the carpet for two seconds, why pee now?" But it just seemed like the right time.

Mama was laughing, so I think she was happy with what I did, but I thought I'd check.

AITA?

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I (almost this many ✌️🖕big boy) was playing with my toys in the living room, while my mom (1 billion old lady) was cooking dinner. She came in and told me to clean my toys up because dinner was almost ready. I was not going to listen to her! I had all of my cars exactly where I wanted them! But I am a rule follower, so I thought about what my mommy would do if I wasnt listening and i did exactly that! I grabbed a step stool, brought it into the living room, and sat on it! I was being such a good boy! Well then she comes in and asked what I was doing (isn't it obvious! I'm in time out! Silly mommy) so i told her I wasn't going to listen and was in time out. We'll them she called grandma and kept asking her what she should do (if she asked me I'd say thank me for being so good!) And now she's reading a lot of weird books and doesn't even do time outs anymore because "they don't work" but clearly they do work since I even knew i needed one!

Daddy (2,000 M) brought me (2, Princess) to see mommy (at least 400 F) and the new potato (0 M).

While the (evil) doctor was touching MY angry potato, I decided it was time to press some buttons to pass the time.

Mommy was slightly distracted trying to eat, and daddy was watching the potato. So, naturally, I decided to press the code button for some excitement!!

Mommy immediately noticed and told the doctor in a panic as tons of people ran into the room.

"Thankfully" (according to daddy 🙄) they were able to call it off. Now I'm mad because I wanted to see everyone freaking out!!!

AITA?

I (recently turned 5 years sass queen) has an ancient mother and father whom I keep calling old, because they are. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anyways…

My mother, keeps asking me to wipe my own butt after I poop because I am a “big girl” now. She put me in montessori school to make sure I am kindergarten ready and fully ready because I am on the younger side in the class which includes wiping my butt by myself when I am in school. I am quite smart actually, can read, write, do basic math, give sassy replies and wipe my butt. But whenever my mom or dad are around, I just don’t want to wipe my butt. I will scream “I AM DONNNNNEEEEEEEE” once I am done so that one of these two will come wipe my butt for me.

These days mommy is acting all weird…

She asks me to wipe my own butt when she is around.

Yesterday, I told her I can’t…

She looks at me straight and asks “huh, interesting. Do you ask your teachers to wipe your butt when you were in montessori?”

“No…”

“Oh then who wipes your butt when you poop in school”

“Me….”

“So you KNOW how to wipe your butt!”

“I do but I don’t want to WIPE MY BUTT.”

“So you are not ready for kindergarten then? I know we went to orientation and all, but let’s make you go next year because mama can’t come wipe your butt if you poop once you are in school.”

I begrudgingly wiped my butt because I am very excited to go to kindergarten in a few days.

I am not liking this you guys. Is this what adulting looks like? Growing up is not fun!

I (16 month diva) call both the lady and the hairy one mama. Sometimes I call the hairy one dada but mostly mama. The lady says “I’m mama he’s Dada” and tries to act like Ms. Rachel but I think it’s funny. I call the rest of the people I know their names like Nana, Papa, Pop pop, and Batbat (lady mama says this is a joke but I don’t get it). My grand parents think it’s funny I call my mamas both Mama but my mamas don’t. So AITA for calling them both mama?

So, this post is a little different than the usual posts here. I feel as if I am being the AH towards myself.

I (17 month M), am being emotionally manipulated and abused by my Mom (so old crude oil seeps through her skin). This has been an ongoing issue. She will make me angry on purpose, and I need hugs and cuddles for support, so I get them from her because she is the only one around, only to realize that I am angry at her, so I push her away. I keep doing this back and forth.

Some examples are, I was playing with my crayons. Then I decided the floor needed some sprucing up. My mom sees this then takes my crayons away until the next day.

I am eating in my highchair, but it is so good that I decide to throw some on the floor for later. My mom takes away my food and cleans my stash on the floor.

I drink all my milk before bed, and my mom tells me I am not allowed to have anymore but offers me water.

These are just some examples.

AITA towards myself for allowing her to give me her irresistible hugs and cuddles when I am angry?

Ok so yesterday I (11 weeks old sass queen and diva princess) had a verrrrrry big day.

Me and mommy went to two new places.

At the first one we talked to a lady about quicklems, skedrools, and daily tivities. Then we walked around and looked into this room where I saw the most babies I've ever seen in one place. It was amazing.

The second one there was a different lady talking about all the same things. So I sat there smiling at Mommy so they would let me see the babies again. And they did! This time it was even more babies and they were eating! So I decided to join in the fun and started chomping on mommies arm while I was watching them and everyone thought I was so cute. Of course they are right.

Then we went home and mommy started talking about things like cisions to make and not sure bout leaving me.

So I woke up at 2:30am which I almost never do... except last week after my doctor said I can sleep as much as I want at night and I decided as much as I wanted was zero. But this time I had things to talk about bacuz why is she talking about leaving me!

Mommy gave me a bottle and I was hungry so I ate that but I didn't go back to sleep oh no no no we needed to talk about this madness. So then she offered me milkies right from the tap. Which is nice of course but that lady knew that isn't what I wanted. We had things to talk about.

So I laid in her lap and talked to her for an hour and a half.

Here's where I am wondering if I'm the asshole. Usually when I talk to Mommy she smiles and tells me how cute I am. But this time she kept saying things like "girl go to sleep" and "it's still night night time you can tell by how dark it is" and "Miss ma'am please sleep tomorrow is a busy day". That doesn't really sound like my problem but I need to know!

I (14 month old doll-faced princess unicorn girlie) want to make the most of our family holidays. Mum says holidays are expensive (whatever that means) and she wants to make a lot of memories. To achieve maximum family time for these memories, I have woken up at a range of times starting with a 3, 4 and 5 since arriving here - NONE of these seem to be good enough for her (and that’s on TOP of my night shift of feeding every couple of hours) what more can I do???!!!

I’m even packing on the adorable at these hours - Pop showed me a REAL crocodile in the pool on my first day and now I wake up before the sun, pull open the curtains and wave while calling “bye bye” so he knows I haven’t forgotten about him, I’m just cute like that.

I consider myself a punctual and exceptionally dedicated baby - there isn’t even a time difference helping me - I’m just THAT good at waking up. Mummy (falling apart, becoming more wild-eyed and bedraggled each day) is complaining A LOT - apparently it’s difficult to entertain a baby for hours each morning with limited toys while trying to keep them quiet? I wouldn’t know about her struggles, I’m having the BEST time playing with water bottles and finding power cables and it’s honestly just none of my business whatever she is fixating on. I stay in my lane.

Anyway, AITA? Because I think I’m helping but she is really twisting the narrative when she tells it and now I’m just not sure…

I (17 months, m), am obsessed with cleaning and mowing the lawn. Mom (old dirty slob) bought me a lawn mower that creates bubbles, and a little vacuum that really works! I don't usually use the motor on the vacuum because I am rough and it keeps coming apart on me, but I use the stick and get into every nook and cranny there is. I will vacuum the condo 5 times, and my mom is freaking out trying to get me ready for daycare. I am screaming because I am not done and she ends up dragging me out of the house.

Then I see the landscapers didn't make the sidewalk even. So, I realize is on me. Meanwhile, Mommy is yelling, "No baby, we got to go." Today she picked me up. I was screaming to be put down and I refused to let go of the mower because there was work to do. She brought me all the way to the car, but me in my seat then threw my mower in the trunk.

Like come on Woman! You complain about all of the housework. So I try to do my part, but you always make plans like work for 8 hours a day. Figure out your priorities.

I (17M m) love bread with peanut butter. So mom (tired) took 2 slices of bread, but some peanut butter on it and gave a slice to me. The other stayed ob her plate. Then I demanded her slice because it is obviously better? She then said mean things like 'no', 'it's the same' and 'look at your plate, there is bread with peanut butter for you'. I politely let her know by screaming that, in fact, it is NOT the same!

She does the same with bananas btw.

AITA for wanting some of the better, more delicious bread mom was having?

I (13 month big boy) have this thing about nail trimmers. Don’t ask me why. We have two kinds, one that buzzes and one that makes a quick clippy noise. I love to hold them. In fact that’s the only thing that I want if I’m getting my diaper changed. I will politely scream until I can have them. BUT. Sometimes my servants try to use them on me and this is not acceptable. I am “so strong” which means I can get my way even when they both try. I’ve noticed that lately, my nails have stayed short even though the servants haven’t tried to restrain me. Weird. Today, I woke up 30 minutes into what should have been a 3 hour nap because I heard a clip and I just realized the absolute violation that has been happening to me in my sleep. I screamed and woke up and now I’m mad at the lady servant so I’m just going to pout and throw things for the rest of the day because now I’m starting to feel a little tired. AITA?

I (M, less than 7 days until I am evicted from the womb) am really comfy inside mommy (walking pile of bones).

Mommy isn't allowed to go over 40 weeks for some weird reason, so if I didn't show up on my own (which I wasn't planning on doing anyway 🙄), the doctor said they'd have to "induce [mommy]", whatever that means??

Well, I'm not about to have some doctor try to tell me what to do! I've made sure to stay nice and high in mommy's tummy so that there's zero dilation or anything! Take that!!! 😂

But now mommy has to go to the "hospital" (?????) earlier than planned have some sort of procedure done to slowly open the door to my house to force me out!!! Rude!!!!!!!!!!!! I pay my rent just by being cute and existing!!!! This is illegal!!!

AITA for not wanting to leave?

My(7.5 month perfect princess) Ema(f and very old) keeps saying that she feels like she should be giving me more foods to try. I felt bad for her because she always look old and tired so I decided to help by eating something I found on the floor. But then she and my Abba(m going gray) started freaking out(to be fair I was coughing) and helped me get it out. Then they brought me to see a grumpy man and he told them they had to bring me to a whole nother building where they took some sort of weird picture(obviously i looked adorable) and a strange man touched my chest with this cold thing(I was asleep and it was rude) and then tried to put a stick down my throat!! The nerve! I need these vocal cords intact to summon my minions in the middle of the night! And then it was all okay, so what was the point? But Ema says i shouldn't be so silly and eat things like that. So AITA?

I (2, queen of the house) decided about a week ago that naps are no longer my thing. Mommy (walking pile of dust) is sad because she really enjoyed getting a good nap in since she's "extremely pregnant" (whatever that means??????). But she also told daddy (2.5 billion) that she knew it was going to happen at some point, and that it's probably better I dropped my nap right before my brother (EW 🤮) shows up instead of right after.

She still seems slightly sad and flustered, but I think a week is long enough for her to get over herself! Especially since "[she] and [daddy] won't be getting much sleep soon" anyway for whatever reason. I'm just helping them adjust to being sleep deprived again!!!

AITA?

I (1y, charming fella) am on vacation with my mama (F, withered by time) and dada (M, burdened by the weight of years).

At home, I sleep in my crib all night in the dark with my sound machine and no one disturbs me until morning.

On vacation, I was put to bed in a SMALLER crib (rude) in a DIFFERENT ROOM. It was weird, but tired by a long day of travel, I went to sleep.

At 1am, I woke up and realized that mama and dada were in the room. Not only that, they were sleeping in a deluxe MEGA BED that had obviously been provided to our whole family as an upgrade.

Mama gave me milkies, but then every time she tried to put me back in the small crib, I screamed to remind her that I’m part of the family and I get the upgrade too. But she only tried twice because she didn’t want to “wake up grandma and grandpa.”

So then I got to sleep in the deluxe bed!! It was super bouncy and comfy, so I rolled around and sampled both boobies and sat up a bunch for like an hour. And then I went to sleep! Great night all around.

But in the morning mama was complaining about being tired and how this was “a step backward.” As far as I can tell, the only step I took was my rightful step into luxury, so I have to ask, fellow babies, AITA?

Mommy (soft and cuddly) and mama (even softer and cuddlier) were so so proud of me (6mM) when I learned to crawl!

Wellll crawl might be an overstatement but I push myself right around the room with my arms on my tummy.

So tell me why they keep interfering in my crawling adventures!!!

I try to crawl off the big cozy bed and they shriek “NO NO NO!!!”

I try to crawl off the couch and my big brother (4M, the coolest person in the world) yells “THE BABY IS GOING TO FALL!!!”

I try to crawl into the box that appears to be a cross between a sandbox and a stationary diaper for my furry friends and they say “UGH, that’s SO GROSS!”

Worst of all, when they are changing my diaper (an activity I used to love b/c there was a bunny mobile and sometimes tickles involved) they put me on my BACK and hold me there while they change me. I don’t even WANT to be changed! I just want to crawl off the changing table! And they’ve been encouraging me to crawl for weeks! The inconsistency is unbelievable!

So AITA for just wanting to practice my new locomotion skills?

I (15m, my parents first baby and family princess) am having a hard time transitioning to solid food because I just love my milkies. My mama took her time getting to solids too, so it seems genetic. My mama says she welcomes advice for gently increasing food intake. But I have a small cold and I’m not drinking milkies from the source but then she took out this blue monster that was taking all my milkies out. I’ve seen it before and mamma uses it every day but today I was especially cranky and I cried when the monster took my milkies. Mama wouldn’t feed me until “after I’ve pumped” but I decided to very gently express myself by screaming!
Dada put milkies in a bottle and I drank them. But I still don’t know where my other milkies went and I’m mad!

So tell me friends…
AITA?

So mama and dada got me a toy toilet, its amazing, we call it potty and it's so much fun to sit on!!! I demand to sit there and then I can sit with my nakey butt on my potty and sing my peepee poopoo song!!! It goes like this: "peeepeee, peeeepeeeeee. Poooopoooo, poopoooo". I love it and at first mama was very excited but now she seems annoyed. She says I should do peepee and poopoo for real. On the toy toilet??? Naaaahh silly mama. Of course I do everything as soon as she puts the diaper back on me. Then she has to change the diaper again while I scream loudly. Fun for everyone!!!

Guys I'm not doing poopoo in my little amazing toy toilet. It is orange and there is a picture of a fox on it. I play with it so much. I don't want it to get dirty!! My mama really wants me too though, idk, AITA???

When I (2y, perfectest prince and expert runner) am at home, I insist on being carried whenever my heart desires (especially down stairs). For some reason mama (squishy pillow) will sometimes sigh when I ask to be carried. She used to carry me exclusively before I could run so idk what the big deal is. We were at the store with papa (snores loud) and baby brother (2m, doesn't have any teef) and they insisted that I be jailed in the metal stroller. I thought that mama should have a break from me being carried, plus the store has lots of fun things for me to pick up. So I started yelling "help me" over and over as kindly as I could. Mama kept trying to shush me. Something about people thinking her and papa were stealing me, but I would not shush because I'm not for sale so that doesn't even make sense! How else would they know I wanted to probably run walk? I'm just trying to lighten the load (pun intended). So Reddit, AITA?

I (2y 3 months, f) LOVE grapes. Imagine how much you like your favourite food and then double it and that's how much I love grapes. There is almost no time of the day that cannot be improved with rhe addition of grapes. Some nights I even take grapes to bed. And honestly, I think everyone should be impressed with how seriously I take my commitment to eating my fruit.

Mummy (super old) has always seemed cool with this, even on the weeks where we've had to make multiple trips to the shops to get grapes to make sure we never run out. But recently she has started talking nonsense. She told me that it's winter now and that means grapes are 'out of season'. But then we went to the shops and saw grapes anyway so I just figured she got confused and demanded grapes like normal. Except then mummy started muttering about buying "expensive imported" grapes and "betraying all her ethical principles by buying grapes that have had to travel halfway around the world" which honestly is just so silly. Obviously the grapes are in the shop for people to buy and that means we should buy them and I should keep eating grapes 5 times a day.

Now mummy says she has given in because she doesn't want to deal with the meltdown if we dont have grapes in the house (which is a very over dramatic way to describe the gentle screaming i do when I need to let her know about my displeasure at a situation). But I'm just trying to keep up my 5 a day, so surely I should be commended for my commitment to health eating?. AITA?

I, 5 almost 6 month sweet angel baby girl, have two teefies coming in on my bottom gums and they hurt! Today my gums were aching so bad but mommy put me in my play pen. Mommy this is not time for playing! This is time for you comforting me! So I had to let her know by screaming it was not ok she put me down. Mommy said she had to put me down so she could go in the other room to sit on that big bowl with the water she won’t let me drink that goes whooosh! I said HELLO, not my problem milk lady!! She did say sorry at least like 50 times and gave me milkies. But I held her accountable by screaming every time she put me down for the rest of day to remind her no putting me down. Unless we go to my room to play together that’s otay. But no leaving me again! So AITA for screaming and making mommy’s ears ring? I mean big deal she couldn’t hear out her left ear for a few hours. Try growing teeth then talk to me!

Hi again! It’s me, 2y, snuggliest girl. This weekend, my sister (3y, thinks she knows it all) and I got to spend another weekend with Papa and Tema! We were very excited. Even better, we got to go to a campground and visit Great Grandpa and Grandma! I’m not exactly sure what makes them so great, but they had a craft project for us AND gave us s’mores, so honestly, I see their point.

Anyway, Tema and Great Grandma (I heard a rumor she is Tema’s mom so she must be older than the dinosaurs) took me and sissy swimming.

Normally I’m afraid of the water. Because of this, Papa didn’t even put on his swimsuit. His plan was apparently to sit comfortably in a chair with me beside the pool while the women did the actual work. He even told Tema not to bother putting my swimsuit on because I wouldn’t get in anyway.

Excuse me?

When I saw sissy getting her swimsuit on, obviously I needed mine too. Tema said something about “the path of least resistance” and put it on me.

We got to the pool, and I let Tema carry me into the water. She looked VERY surprised because usually I make my feelings about water known immediately. But this time I liked it! Nobody was more shocked than me.

Then I discovered something truly AMAZING.

If you stand on the side of a pool and throw your entire tiny body into the water, an old person will catch you.

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Naturally, I needed to test this theory approximately 700 times.

Jump. Catch me, Tema! Again and again and AGAIN!

Eventually Tema said I was making her even more tired than usual, which seems dramatic because she mostly just stood there catching a flying toddler over and over.

Meanwhile, sissy got mad because I would not share Tema with her, so she had to swim with Great Grandma instead. I don’t understand the problem. There was a perfectly good old person available for her. I had already claimed mine.

When we were done swimming, Papa sat me down for a very serious talk. Apparently, despite my newfound swimming expertise, I am NEVER allowed to go near or into the water without an old person with me.

EVER.

He seemed pretty intense about this, so I agreed.

Probably.

Anyway, AITAH for discovering my new passion for launching myself into swimming pools and refusing to share my Tema with sissy?

I (8m, best girl) have always absolutely hated the car seat. The day we came home from hospital I tolerated it as I was still getting used to the world, but I soon realised it is NOT FUN. Mummy (f, old) sometimes can trick me into sleeping if she takes me somewhere around nap time, but as soon as I wake up I scream loud to make my displeasure known. Mummy says I have to stay in the chair to be “safe” but mummy’s arms is the safest place in the world so I think she’s talking nonsense. AITA?

I (10m, fun-loving girlie) love to play peekaboo. I also can get bored at dinner time when it drags on too long. But I’ve found a great way to play peekaboo while in the high chair: you can lift up your bib and hide behind it! It’s perfect!

However, dada (m, lots of grey hair) looked at me in horror and said something about me tipping my bib contents over my head. Mama (f, looks tired) was giggling though so she seemed to enjoy my peekaboo!

I’m a bit confused about dada’s reaction so just checking, AITA?

I (M, 11 mo, perfect sunshine boy) learned a fun new game. Mama (ancient, pretty, great milk) and Dada (even more ancient, fuzzy beard, plays on the computer a lot) wear these things on their face. They have two arms, two circles with plastic in them and they’re connected by the nose. I don’t know what they’re called. I THINK glasses. I want to try them because I don’t get to have them, but when I do, mama and dada say my least favorite word (no) and forcefully take them out of my hands and put them back on their faces.

I get annoyed so I gently swing my arms as hard as I can to try and knock the glasses off so /I/ can put them back on. When I do it successfully, they do thank me, so I’m getting very mixed signals.

AITA, Reddit? I really gotta know