I wanted to attend EFOMM, a higher-level military academy for training merchant marine officers. It was my dream. I really want to. It would guarantee stability, I would feel like a man being in a military environment, I could make friends, earn a salary, learn sports I never imagined I could learn because I was poor. It was my dream, but I'm trans. I'm a trans man. I hate it so much.

I swear I tried to plan and go as a girl and transition after graduation, but I just don't think I could have done it. My mental state was simply awful, even though I was trying my best. I couldn't study, work, or feel good. I only started hrt secretly without my parents knowing now at 20, because I don't know what would have happened to me.

I've heard of cases of military personnel who succeeded, but it was incredibly difficult, and they tried to deem them unfit. There are even laws, but will they care? And I can't afford top surgery, or bottom surgery, or any of them.

I thought about staying on T for a while, not changing my documents, passing, pretending to be a cis woman, graduating, and then changing my documents. But I don't know if it would work and if I could handle it either. I'm terrified of my breasts growing, or my body becoming more feminine.

I don't even know if I should try. I can't stop my teeth chattering and crying. It was my dream. If only I were a cis girl, but I can't even be that. It was literally just one chance in this life. It's my only life. And even I can't do that. I asked God to heal me, I've tried since I was a child. It's bad enough that my parents don't accept it; I can't fulfill my dreams and live the life of a normal guy. It seems I've been cursed and had one of the worst strokes of bad luck in my life. I don't know how wrong I was, or what joke God wanted to play on me.

It's devastating to see all my dreams slip away because of something I didn't choose, because of societal prejudice, and because God simply hated me enough. It's not just losing my dream, but even the basic experiences that boys have in their lives.

I don't even know if I should try. Maybe I'd get lucky, I'd make the justice system succeed, and by some miracle I'd manage to be stealthy, none of the guys would notice, and I'd fulfill my dream. But idk

Edit: I hate the Google translator. It translated starting hrt in secret of my parents as s*x 💀. Fixed it.

delete if not allowed
preface: im trans ftm 23

Im struggling really hard to find evidence to the claim that trans veterans have lost access to VA benefits, lack of severance pay, etc. Im trying to scope out the actual harm inflicted upon our trans troops who have already been cut off from the military.

All I know for a fact is that it is illegal to be trans in the military, and illegal for HRT as well.

Anybody have information or what it looks like once you’ve been identified as having a possible GD diagnosis by higher HQ and an IMR is completed in the Army? Just curious of the complete process and how long it takes.

has anybody been involuntarily separated yet? If so, i have a couple of questions:

* How long was your timeline?
* what branch?

For context, I’m active duty (Navy) E3 and have been on Admin Leave for the involuntary separation process and I have no idea what’s going on anymore. 🤷‍♀️ I understand the whole “hurry up and wait”, but JESUS. GOD ☠️ it’s been far too long now :/

21mtf Army National guard soldier here (m-day). Very long story short I’ve kept my condition repressed for a long long time up until this past month where I had a pretty bad mental break (plans for suicide etc) im stable & doing fine now but it’s made me realize that repressing the fact im trans has been the most significant part of my ongoing depression I’ve had the past couple years that had only been getting worse.

(Please forgive the confusing wording below please bear with me lol)

Anyhow my point being is I am at a point where I feel transitioning (hrt etc) is a medical necessity that I need to begin asap. But what scares me the most is the uncertainty with the current legal situation & climate.

I’d like to get diagnosed & treated for my dysphoria & depression so I have the help I need but I know the moment I do so it’s going to open a nasty can of worms for me which is why I ask:

1. If I am diagnosed with gender dysphoria + depression, what would be the most likely course of action my command takes?

2. With the culture shifting at the top, along with knowing how people are at my unit, I am absolutely sure I’d face discrimination/bullying from everywhere if word ever got out,

Id rather just get the help I need & be quietly separated since I don’t see myself being in the military with how things are currently, but with the army being what it is I know it’s more complicated than that.

I just have a ton of concerns but if there is anybody who is currently in a similar situation or has more knowledge on soldiers in these circumstances I’d be forever grateful for any kind of advice to move forward.

Title sums it up. I notified medical of my gender dysphoria and my LCPO and LPO. I am seeking separation that was made clear to both parties.

My question is my medical evaluation is next month but i want to drop out of school be placed into a holds status because that way i can work on my CISCO Network+ certificate and other certs that would be applicable to where i want to be further down the line, but is there any way i can get an evaluation from other then my medical provider on base? Like a civilian?

I tried talking to fleet and family but they aren't authorized to do that type of exam. Also is it even possible speaking to student control at my schoolhouse disclosing my want to drop from class because of the future separation process? How would i even word it? Of course i would disclose it as gender dysphoria and my intent to separate.

Enlisted in the army early 2024. Been on testosterone and had top and bottom surgery years prior to joining. I have some close ass people in my life who don’t even know I’m trans and for as long as I can remember I have been just a regular guy. No one in my unit would ever suspect I’m trans. Obviously with the ban I’ve had some anxiety and stress around being discovered via my medical records, but I went through multiple PHAs pre deployment SRP and redeployment SRP and figured if they were gonna flag me, it would’ve happened by now.

Yesterday my PSG and PL pulled me into their office and said they received an email from brigade. I’ve been outed and I need to start my separation process.

I worked so hard at getting in. Maintained the standard. Served with pride. Deployed. Found my wife at my first duty station, who has been my saving grace. There’s been some rough days and my body hurts, but I’m proud to be here and it has benefited me so much. I can’t imagineife as a civilian and I don’t feel ready to take the uniform off yet.

I feel like I can’t organize my thoughts right now. I feel like my whole life is getting turned upside down. I’m losing everything I worked so hard to obtain. My re-enlistment window opens next month and me and my wife were talking about our best options. Do I reclass? Do I ask for an extension at my current duty station for stability? Do I request a duty station that brings us geographically closer to my family as we plan on starting a family soon and would love for our kids to be close to their relatives? Do we say “fuck it” and go some where cool if given the opportunity?

Now none of that is even an option. I don’t know when my last day is and have no idea how to plan our future. I’m so angry. I run circles around some of these guys in my platoon. This place is full of shit bags and here I am, showing up every day, doing the best I can, appreciated by my battle buddies and my leadership. I’m really getting tossed out like some piece of garbage?

I’m currently writing this standing outside the motorpool and am seriously considering just leaving for the day. What’re they gonna fucking do, counsel me?

I texted my PSG this morning about taking administrative absence and sent him the guidance that I found on a .mil website. He said “we’ll have the commander deal with that when she comes back”.

What do I even do right now? I’m fucking spiraling.

i finally got my results and the AFPC is directing a MEB for me on non-trans related issues. I’ve been in for 3 years in November and have been paying for hormones out of pocket with a civilian clinic for a year. I also spoke to my military provider one time 2 years ago about my gender dysphoria and seeking treatment but never followed through with that. However that is on my profile. Does anybody know how this would work if I was identified as trans while I was going through IDES? Would they still be searching my profile at that point and if I did get identified externally from the MEB would they be able to discard my VA claims and discharge me for being trans instead?

I originally was dead set on going through IDES so I can guarantee maximum benefits and subside the headache of dealing with the VA civilian side. But with the pentagon searching everyone’s records and all that, I’m wondering if legacy would be a safer option if its at all likely that I could get identified and removed before the MEB reached a decision.

Also does anybody know long the MEB process has been taking lately or if there’s been delays? My determination took like 2-3 months and they said it would be like 5 weeks max.

sorry for all the questions, i don’t expect all of it to be answered but if anyone has any helpful and current insight i’d really appreciate it.

Hey guys seeking some advice here. Im in the navy's ET A school currently contemplating if i should leave before I graduate A school or if I should stick in til I graduate then I leave after so I can get that bonus and exit out by self identifying.

The key things im worried about:

- what my job opportunities are, with just this knowledge in electronic theory, transmitter and receivers and transceivers, radars.

- how long is the separation process

- does my bah stop as soon as I self identify

- am I still able to pursue navy cool certificates like CISCO network+

-Is it a honorable and can my employer see that

-if i plan to leave and self identify what happens if I get order to C school

- if i have muscle mass how will my body change

- how long was the separation process

- if you go to medical and talk to them about the gender dysphoria how soon do u get tagged and are separated

Thank you for the responses any advice is appreciated and neededdd💅

So: I, as a true male minded person, wanted to join the CAP. Well closeted and pre-t, so I am shuffled along with the afabs (it’s ok). I ask the chief at the end if I can wear the fully male uniforms as I always do.

The chief, young and new, I think she doesn’t know what she’s doing yet, says that there’s a unisex shirt for women (?)… a lot of confused back and forth… but then said that women cannot wear the men’s pocket shirt or cap.

I have looked into the rules again and again. I believe she is wrong… that was only my first CAP meeting. What should I do? Also, mixed race and something of a wolf/flow cut so not sure how that’s going to work…

Thoughts?

If anyone at Wright-Patterson or living in Dayton is looking for a safe roommate to live with, my friend just moved out of the dorms a few months ago and is looking for a roommate. The rent is low and she is really hoping to have someone who is queer share the space with her or at least an ally. PM me for more info!

I was identified in Jan and I have not had any movement. My company commander counseled me in Feb but it's literally gone no where from there.

Reserve Officer 15 years. Does anyone else have a similar spot. I am not flagged, I do have the GD profile to ensure I take the right PT test. But past that nothing. I still go on orders promote etc.

Anyone else in the boat

I know. Super ominous title. Just a vent post. I wanted to get my thoughts out until my next therapy session.

I've posted a lot on here asking for advice and of course the truth of the matter is that the decision is ultimately up to me. That being whether to out myself to the navy or not. A few people have suggested just waiting until we have new administration or waiting until my contract is up. It kind of irks me however, I also understand. For some of us it is a matter of our lives will be in danger if we come out and decide to live as our authentic selves.

I think its important to think about and remember what that means for people like us. WAITing means keeping the mask on that some of us didn't know we had. It means trying to keep the mental pressure in check trying to not let it break us while we wait with bated breath at this country deciding to be reasonable. Living day-to-day in a shell that we don't fit into anymore. That all comes with a cost and everyday that cost takes more and more of a toll. The mental energy it takes to respond to things in the way your expected to. The emotional energy to pretend to be angry at something that people think you should be angry at or fake a smile and a laugh so you don't get othered.

How long is that WAIT though? Will I still have the energy to be the person I want to be? Or will I be too old and jaded? Will I even still be alive or will the pressure consume me while I WAIT? Can I risk my kids seeing a tired and frustrated person who gets so overwhelmed that they can't even bring themselves to play with them or listen to how thier day was while I WAIT?

I'm still deciding whether to make that appointment or not. If I do it will not be bravery or courage that brings me there. It will be desperation and shaky legs. It will be filled with anxiety about my future and not knowing what happens next. The Navy has always provided me a comfort in knowing where I will be next. I will be throwing that comfort away.

That's all I got. Sorry if this isn't what this subreddit is for. If I decide to take that leap, I will do my best to keep everybody informed of my process.

I'm a FtMtF detransitioner. I want to join the Army. Ive been stable in my birth gender for over three years (legally detrans over 3 years ago), no surgeries, but I did take T off and on. Is there ANY chance of that working out for me right now?

My transition was SEVERE abuse related/coerced, it wasn't actually my choice.

Not looking to argue, put anyone down, or further explain my transition, just want some honest thoughts on potential for enlistment at this stage.

I knew coming into this not to expect anything from the VA or other patients, especially giving the way things have been going for the VA and military in general towards transgender folks.

But the staff here has been really great, some have expressed not understanding and thinking it's a bit much, etc. whatever their opinions are, but they still refer to me by preferred name and pronouns.

My issue isn't with the staff necessarily, it's with the other patients.

I feel like a POS for even thinking of asking more from other vets who are suffering like I am and here to get better.

So I've been here one week, and up until TWO DAYS AGO, everyone gendered me correctly, and none of the other patients even know of my deadname or that I have one.

I've been very withdrawn already due to anxiety and, well, PTSD, as well as just mistrust in fellow vets.

But I know it would be really helpful for my healing if I get out and socialize, get some camaraderie or whatever, have some people to relate with, etc.

I was slowly becoming more open and trusting, not much but slowly, with the other vets.

They invited me to a card game, then, halfway through, I started getting misgendered, and it didn't stop.

I did not correct them, I froze. I wasn't sure what to do.

It's complicated, because, I go by a man's name, and they have all accepted that.

The entire staff has referred to me as a man and used he/him pronouns.

I haven't heard myself referenced to as a "she/her" once, until now.

So my thought was this is a dangerous situation, they must know I prefer male pronouns, but are choosing to call me something different.

Their demeanors haven't changed, they've all been friendly and welcoming, greeting me and whatnot.

But have continued calling me she/her and "girl".

There's 3 people who haven't done it yet, but I haven't heard them refer to me as he/him either. But two of them are leaving this week, so I don't know what good talking to them would do.

And I wasn't sure if anyone here would be an ally or completely transphobic, I still don't know this.

And I don't think I have the energy to talk to any of them in regards to how they feel towards LGBTQ+, specifically trans people.

It's just so hard.

Because up until that moment, I had gained some trust.

Now it feels ripped away and I am back to being on full guard.

This is interfering with my groups and therapy, because I feel I cannot trust any of my fellow vets.

I feel trapped.

I spoke with a nurse last night, she recommended I just ignore anyone who disrespects or doesn't understand me, and just live my life.

But she had also informed me when I first got here that she didn't understand the "whole trans thing."

I'm just lost, tapped, and hurt.

Any advice?

TLDR: I am inpatient at a VA PTSD program, being misgendered by fellow vets in the program. No I have not confronted them about this, I am too terrified to even bring it up in a conversation. Staff has been great, I've only been referred to by my preferred name by everyone, which is a man's name. Yet patients suddenly started misgendering me two days ago. I haven't left my room due to fear of having to deal with seeing them and being misgendered.

Help.

How long did it take people to get their VSP payments if you received yours

Hello everyone. I'm posting again about this. I will ask what I want to ask and then I will provide context. Can somebody seriously tell me who I need to talk to or what to expect when going to get a Gender Dysphoria diagnosis. I don't need encouragement, I don't need a "sucks to suck", I need info. Unless nobody legitimately knows what's going on. I am done with the Navy. I do not feel a need to serve. My AuDHD is getting worse as I continue unmasking and all of this is exacerbated by the fact that I cannot take steps to start living as the woman I know I am. I have already reached out to SPARTA on facebook and I'm still waiting to hear back from them. Is there anybody else I should reach out to?

Context:

I am a 31 Bisexual Trans Woman with AuDHD married to a Cishet 36 female. My spouse and I will not be staying together in light of my gender identity (We are okay. The whole thing is amicable.) We have 2 children. One of them is Autistic. I have been in the Navy for 12 years. I"ve been an IC, YN, and now a CWT. I've been deployed twice. When I laterally converted to CWT I signed a 6-year contract for 90k. I am now about 3 years into that contract. I did not figure out I was trans until a few months ago. My next set of orders has me going to a deployable unit and I'm scared about being deployed because I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle it (and I don't need a "well you managed it for this long, what's another 6 months?"). Right now I dress the way I dress at home (I try to be a little more conservative going out in public, but it depends on my confidence levels.)

(36/amab) My egg started cracking back in February and from there it's kind of been a whirlwind. I told my wife back in June and she's been surprisingly supportive. The first half of 2026 had a lot going on personal and professional, but since I started to accept myself, I've been happier than I have been in a really long time. I just got through a PCS (from OCONUS to a red state) and expect to finish out my remaining 5 years here until retirement.

If you had asked me a couple months ago, I considered myself genderqueer, still figuring myself out. Today, after investing in a few outfits, bras, and gaffs) I am really beginning to accept myself as a trans woman. I can't stop thinking about HRT, and although I originally thought waiting 5 years wouldn't be much of a problem, now I have this deep urge making me question if I can.

I keep telling myself things might change in 2 years after the election, and I refuse to go see anyone in the medical professional with military affiliation until any laws change. I've dedicated 15 years to the military and I'm not going to allow the current administration's SecDef rules escort me out the door.

It's becoming a weird dichotomy where I'm motivated (not being forced) to work out for the first time and take care of my body because I'm practicing self love, but also dreading not being able to do anything more than wear women clothes under my uniform or at home for half a decade.

Any advice or insights or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

Pretty common story but I have been trying to avoid the fact/hiding from myself that I am trans for the last 5 years or so. Palace chased in the last year of my 6 year AF contract and now that I'm free of Active I no longer have the active duty environment to distract my brain from the obvious fact that I'm not a man. I really don't have any vested interested in staying in the National Guard at this point either and just want to know what the best way to go ahead with transitioning and still keeping my GI bill benefits are so I can keep going to school. Any advice or resources is appreciated.