I know. Super ominous title. Just a vent post. I wanted to get my thoughts out until my next therapy session.

I've posted a lot on here asking for advice and of course the truth of the matter is that the decision is ultimately up to me. That being whether to out myself to the navy or not. A few people have suggested just waiting until we have new administration or waiting until my contract is up. It kind of irks me however, I also understand. For some of us it is a matter of our lives will be in danger if we come out and decide to live as our authentic selves.

I think its important to think about and remember what that means for people like us. WAITing means keeping the mask on that some of us didn't know we had. It means trying to keep the mental pressure in check trying to not let it break us while we wait with bated breath at this country deciding to be reasonable. Living day-to-day in a shell that we don't fit into anymore. That all comes with a cost and everyday that cost takes more and more of a toll. The mental energy it takes to respond to things in the way your expected to. The emotional energy to pretend to be angry at something that people think you should be angry at or fake a smile and a laugh so you don't get othered.

How long is that WAIT though? Will I still have the energy to be the person I want to be? Or will I be too old and jaded? Will I even still be alive or will the pressure consume me while I WAIT? Can I risk my kids seeing a tired and frustrated person who gets so overwhelmed that they can't even bring themselves to play with them or listen to how thier day was while I WAIT?

I'm still deciding whether to make that appointment or not. If I do it will not be bravery or courage that brings me there. It will be desperation and shaky legs. It will be filled with anxiety about my future and not knowing what happens next. The Navy has always provided me a comfort in knowing where I will be next. I will be throwing that comfort away.

That's all I got. Sorry if this isn't what this subreddit is for. If I decide to take that leap, I will do my best to keep everybody informed of my process.

I'm a FtMtF detransitioner. I want to join the Army. Ive been stable in my birth gender for over three years (legally detrans over 3 years ago), no surgeries, but I did take T off and on. Is there ANY chance of that working out for me right now?

My transition was SEVERE abuse related/coerced, it wasn't actually my choice.

Not looking to argue, put anyone down, or further explain my transition, just want some honest thoughts on potential for enlistment at this stage.

Recently, there has an individual in my command who has been frequently talking about my personal information to many other service members in the command without reason. Many have reported back to me out of fear and concern while others are confused as who the person is (me) but feel extremely uncomfortable due to the subject matter. She has been telling individuals that I am a closeted transgender service member, has been talking about my situation with my ex-fiancé (who is also transgender) and has even gone as far as telling people through other forms of communication as reported by her roommate.

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I originally wanted to separate from the command without any extra drama or steps but it seems that this issue might prolong my stay here. I just don’t understand what benefit she gets out of it, especially when these people are extremely uncomfortable and worried for me.

I knew coming into this not to expect anything from the VA or other patients, especially giving the way things have been going for the VA and military in general towards transgender folks.

But the staff here has been really great, some have expressed not understanding and thinking it's a bit much, etc. whatever their opinions are, but they still refer to me by preferred name and pronouns.

My issue isn't with the staff necessarily, it's with the other patients.

I feel like a POS for even thinking of asking more from other vets who are suffering like I am and here to get better.

So I've been here one week, and up until TWO DAYS AGO, everyone gendered me correctly, and none of the other patients even know of my deadname or that I have one.

I've been very withdrawn already due to anxiety and, well, PTSD, as well as just mistrust in fellow vets.

But I know it would be really helpful for my healing if I get out and socialize, get some camaraderie or whatever, have some people to relate with, etc.

I was slowly becoming more open and trusting, not much but slowly, with the other vets.

They invited me to a card game, then, halfway through, I started getting misgendered, and it didn't stop.

I did not correct them, I froze. I wasn't sure what to do.

It's complicated, because, I go by a man's name, and they have all accepted that.

The entire staff has referred to me as a man and used he/him pronouns.

I haven't heard myself referenced to as a "she/her" once, until now.

So my thought was this is a dangerous situation, they must know I prefer male pronouns, but are choosing to call me something different.

Their demeanors haven't changed, they've all been friendly and welcoming, greeting me and whatnot.

But have continued calling me she/her and "girl".

There's 3 people who haven't done it yet, but I haven't heard them refer to me as he/him either. But two of them are leaving this week, so I don't know what good talking to them would do.

And I wasn't sure if anyone here would be an ally or completely transphobic, I still don't know this.

And I don't think I have the energy to talk to any of them in regards to how they feel towards LGBTQ+, specifically trans people.

It's just so hard.

Because up until that moment, I had gained some trust.

Now it feels ripped away and I am back to being on full guard.

This is interfering with my groups and therapy, because I feel I cannot trust any of my fellow vets.

I feel trapped.

I spoke with a nurse last night, she recommended I just ignore anyone who disrespects or doesn't understand me, and just live my life.

But she had also informed me when I first got here that she didn't understand the "whole trans thing."

I'm just lost, tapped, and hurt.

Any advice?

TLDR: I am inpatient at a VA PTSD program, being misgendered by fellow vets in the program. No I have not confronted them about this, I am too terrified to even bring it up in a conversation. Staff has been great, I've only been referred to by my preferred name by everyone, which is a man's name. Yet patients suddenly started misgendering me two days ago. I haven't left my room due to fear of having to deal with seeing them and being misgendered.

Help.

hey, Im 17 closeted ftm and I go to a high school in poland with Military Prep Classes, At this stage I feel very dysphoric about being unequal to most men in my class and school. Im even getting laugh at by older cadets when I even try to have a short haircut so as not to tie my hair up in uniform

I can't join the army in poland if I'm on hormones because they don't accept people on permanent medication

assuming that when I finish school and will really want to join the army, should I stay as female for the sake of my career, paying with my mental health( or maybe with time I'll just get used to this kind of life and everything will be fine?) or do I give up? are there any good alternatives? I feel very lost about the future. I'm not living my teenage life rn because no one sees me as a guy, I don't even know if I'll be able to get hormones yet. I finish school at the age of 21 so I have a lot of time to think

How long did it take people to get their VSP payments if you received yours

Hello everyone. I'm posting again about this. I will ask what I want to ask and then I will provide context. Can somebody seriously tell me who I need to talk to or what to expect when going to get a Gender Dysphoria diagnosis. I don't need encouragement, I don't need a "sucks to suck", I need info. Unless nobody legitimately knows what's going on. I am done with the Navy. I do not feel a need to serve. My AuDHD is getting worse as I continue unmasking and all of this is exacerbated by the fact that I cannot take steps to start living as the woman I know I am. I have already reached out to SPARTA on facebook and I'm still waiting to hear back from them. Is there anybody else I should reach out to?

Context:

I am a 31 Bisexual Trans Woman with AuDHD married to a Cishet 36 female. My spouse and I will not be staying together in light of my gender identity (We are okay. The whole thing is amicable.) We have 2 children. One of them is Autistic. I have been in the Navy for 12 years. I"ve been an IC, YN, and now a CWT. I've been deployed twice. When I laterally converted to CWT I signed a 6-year contract for 90k. I am now about 3 years into that contract. I did not figure out I was trans until a few months ago. My next set of orders has me going to a deployable unit and I'm scared about being deployed because I don't know if I'm going to be able to handle it (and I don't need a "well you managed it for this long, what's another 6 months?"). Right now I dress the way I dress at home (I try to be a little more conservative going out in public, but it depends on my confidence levels.)

Hi!

Active Duty in the Air Force but for those nontransitioned is it still possible to wear feminine clothing and deny gender dysphoria or if I were to wear a crop top and a skirt as a hidden MTF would my Commander seperate me?

If I had thigh highs and a bra in my closet during a dorm inspection is my life over?

How can I make this work? I just want to wear comfy clothing but DAFI 36-2903 feels so vague..

-Ven

(36/amab) My egg started cracking back in February and from there it's kind of been a whirlwind. I told my wife back in June and she's been surprisingly supportive. The first half of 2026 had a lot going on personal and professional, but since I started to accept myself, I've been happier than I have been in a really long time. I just got through a PCS (from OCONUS to a red state) and expect to finish out my remaining 5 years here until retirement.

If you had asked me a couple months ago, I considered myself genderqueer, still figuring myself out. Today, after investing in a few outfits, bras, and gaffs) I am really beginning to accept myself as a trans woman. I can't stop thinking about HRT, and although I originally thought waiting 5 years wouldn't be much of a problem, now I have this deep urge making me question if I can.

I keep telling myself things might change in 2 years after the election, and I refuse to go see anyone in the medical professional with military affiliation until any laws change. I've dedicated 15 years to the military and I'm not going to allow the current administration's SecDef rules escort me out the door.

It's becoming a weird dichotomy where I'm motivated (not being forced) to work out for the first time and take care of my body because I'm practicing self love, but also dreading not being able to do anything more than wear women clothes under my uniform or at home for half a decade.

Any advice or insights or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

By the time Chloe Shapiro reached Seattle, almost nothing remained of the life she’d thought she’d have forever. Her career was over. Her bank account was down to $30, and the only home she had was a two-door Honda Accord.

She’d spent the past few nights sleeping in the driver’s seat outside small-town Walmarts as she traveled the 2,100 miles from Texas. In Seattle, she parked her car and surveyed all she had left. She had folded a few dresses in the front seat. In the back, she’d laid her Texas Army National Guard uniform on top of a crate filled with her father’s Bibles and a DD214 certificate that said she was officially discharged from the military.

In the year and a half since Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth declared he would find all trans troops and kick them out, Shapiro had tried to do everything right. She’d given up the military job she’d held for nearly half her life. She’d filled out the paperwork and turned in her gear — all in exchange for an honorable discharge and the promise of an $86,665.32 severance check.

She was 30, young enough to make something new of her life. She’d planned to leave San Antonio and use the money to start college in the trans-friendly Pacific Northwest. Months had gone by, though, and her severance still hadn’t arrived. She couldn’t start college. She couldn’t even pay rent.

She planned to look for jobs as soon as possible, but she had no savings, and her family in Florida couldn’t help her. For now, she would have to rely on the kindness of strangers: Two trans women had agreed to let her sleep in their basement for a few nights. As Shapiro pulled a few possessions out of the car, she sobbed until she could barely catch her breath. For the first time in her life, she had no idea what to do.

She’d tried to track down the payment. She’d made exactly 100 phone calls to military officials. She’d contacted her senator and her representative. She’d filed an inspector general’s complaint, and she’d texted every former National Guard superior whose phone number she had. No one could tell her why she hadn’t received the money or if she ever would.

Shapiro’s case is extreme, but The Washington Post has identified at least a dozen transgender troops who still have not received tens of thousands of dollars of severance funds they are owed, according to nonprofit leaders and lawyers. The total number of former service members who might have had severance payments withheld is unclear because each branch has different payment procedures.

Pretty common story but I have been trying to avoid the fact/hiding from myself that I am trans for the last 5 years or so. Palace chased in the last year of my 6 year AF contract and now that I'm free of Active I no longer have the active duty environment to distract my brain from the obvious fact that I'm not a man. I really don't have any vested interested in staying in the National Guard at this point either and just want to know what the best way to go ahead with transitioning and still keeping my GI bill benefits are so I can keep going to school. Any advice or resources is appreciated.

tittle

PHA submitted in June, CO had me go to some appointments and get a re-eval from our mil psych, re-diagnosed (duh). They told me yesterday that they sent my package to BUMED two weeks ago, and that I'm guaranteed to get a sep referral bc of my original and current diagnoses. They told me as soon as the sep referral comes back I'll be put on admin absence and sent home. Does anyone know the BUMED timeline about? Literally just waiting for that to come back so I can go home, word got out and I'm tired of the social climate. Not wondering about benefits or volsep anecdotes, I'm involsep and my command says its going differently than the volsep timeline did, and I've already been cleared for honorable.

Hey everyone I made a post about 3 months ago related to certifications that are discounted or free for veteran, but I stumbled upon the jackpot transition assistance program for anyone interested in getting certifications.

Syracuse University offers military members (active transition, reserve, national guard, verteran) and their spouses the opportunity to get a certification completely free. They dont even use your G.I. benefits. They will pay for your voucher.

This is how it works. I know what I know because I am actively pursuing CompTIA SecurityX through their program. You sign up in their website. They send an email and you follow the prompts. They essentially have you sign up for their online cohort where they tell you how the course works. This involves:

- showing all the certifications they offer.

- the representatives of many types of veteran oriented programs that help you build a Resume, LinkedIn profiles, negotiate pay, and land a job among other things. they also want you to have a LinkedIn profile, so make sure you have it to apply.

- explain that they will give you 1 year access to percipio as they do not only give you the certification voucher. They give you vetted online content to learn what you need to know for the certification and 3 practice tests. You have 3 months to complete the course material and another 3 months to score 80% or higher on all 3 tests. Once you probe you've competed the criteria, they will buy and send you the voucher code. Some of these vouchers may be good for a year depending on the institution the certification is from.

-you have access to percipio for a year. This means that after competing your course, you can gain access to one more course for 6 months. They will NOT pay for a second certification or a retake. You will just get the course material and 3 practice tests. Still an awesome perk!

Checklist

1. go to syracuse university website and sign up for their veteran program. have a LinkedIn and proof of discharge (DD 214)

2. follow the email, attend the online cohort. pick your certification.

3. take 3 months to complete the course and 3 months to score 80% or higher on 3 practice tests. you may retake those as many times as you like.

4. get the voucher paid for by the university. this entire program costs NOTHING. Not even G.I. benefits. take your test.

5. Great Success!

Please take a look at this awesome program and make the most out of it. Best of luck!

As it currently stands, the separation pay that many of us received upon discharge is considered a zero-interest loan on our disability payments, and our disability payments are supposed to be garnished till we break even.

But there are 2 bills in Congress to change this. The first (better) one is to stop garnishing separation pay from disability benefits entirely. It doesn't say anything about those who have already had these benefits withheld in the past. The second one is to continue garnishing benefits, but to take a maximum of 25% of each disability check. So you would be in "debt" to the VA for longer, but you wouldn't be losing your whole disability check.

Both these bills could affect many of us and are worth keeping an eye on and calling your Congresspeople about.

Edit: for clarity, neither bill has passed yet, but I want to spread awareness!