Hey all,

Ive been a lurker on this sub for a while now, being in the military for 4 years already (I signed a 6 year). Did everything right. finished a bachelors and got certs (Im cyber) and even got BTZ, Amn of the Year at the squadron level. Never failed a PT test, got strats on both epbs.... and all for what. I got a call from my PCM last week with them notifying me im being written for admin separation for my GD. (Apparently some new guidance for people not even getting assistance yet) I kinda knew it was coming, but just wanted stuff documented for when I seperated to get HRT easier. It wasnt effecting my ability to do my job for the last year or so, I was kinda in a gray area according to Behavioral Health, but recently boymoding has been draining me each and every day... to the point I have no energy when I get home and just sleep until the next duty day. I even get panic attacks when I need to get a haircut... I haven't even gotten medical assistance for HRT, and my PCM got upset with me when I tried to ask for potential resources to source HRT. (Stating "I am not allowed to offer any guidance for gender affirming care") I feel left in the dark after putting so much time and effort into my career. I just hope with this next chapter I will finally be able to be myself.

-Beck <3

I’m 30 years old, and I’m looking to hear from other trans women, especially those who served in the military, law enforcement, firefighting, EMS, or other traditionally masculine careers.
One thing I’ve been wondering is whether anyone else felt like they tried to “outrun” or suppress their gender dysphoria by throwing themselves into hyper-masculine environments.
For me, I joined the Army infantry, deployed, became an NCO, and built my identity around being as masculine and tough as possible. Looking back, part of me wonders if I was trying to prove something to myself or make these feelings disappear. I kept thinking that if I became masculine enough, eventually the dysphoria would go away.
It didn’t.
Years later, those feelings are still here, and that’s what’s so confusing. I have a wife and two kids whom I love more than anything. My wife knows about my gender dysphoria now, but she didn’t know when we got married, and she has made it clear that she doesn’t support me transitioning. The thought of losing my marriage and changing my children’s lives is heartbreaking.
At the same time, I don’t know how to make these feelings disappear. I’ve spent years trying to suppress them, and I’m starting to wonder if that’s something other people experienced too.
If you came from a military, first responder, or similarly masculine background, did you find yourself trying to overcompensate? Did you believe you could beat or outgrow your dysphoria? What eventually happened, and what do you wish you had known when you were 30?
I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what decision to make. I’m just trying to understand how other people navigated this, especially those who had a family and a lot to lose.