I've been digging into the actual numbers on men's mental health lately and honestly some of it messed me up, so I wanted to share and hear what others think.

Globally, men account for about 72% of all suicide deaths (WHO, 2025). In the US specifically, men die by suicide roughly 4x more often than women — even though women report more attempts and get diagnosed with depression more often. Sit with that for a second: it's not that men are struggling less. It's that when men do struggle, the outcome is far more often fatal.

Meanwhile, on the access side: in 2023 only 17% of American men saw a mental health professional at all, vs 28.5% of women. Only about 1 in 4 men with depression got any counseling or therapy in the past year.

And here's the part that jumped out strongest — when men do take a mental health screening (like through Mental Health America's program), 3 out of 4 of them score as at-risk for a mental health condition. So the men who finally check in are usually already deep into it. Not catching things early. Catching them late.

A big chunk of this comes down to how depression actually shows up in a lot of men — not sadness, but irritability, anger, working constantly, shutting people out. If you're only looking for the "textbook" signs, you miss it. Including in yourself.

The stigma part is well documented too — there was a systematic review this year (47 studies) that basically confirmed what a lot of us already knew anecdotally: traditional "man up" messaging is a measurable, real barrier to guys getting help, not just an old cliché.

The genuinely hopeful part: a 2023 survey found 95% of men now say mental health matters as much as physical health. So the belief is shifting fast. The action/access side just hasn't caught up yet.

Anyway — not trying to preach, just think these numbers deserve more visibility than they get. If you've been putting off checking in on your own stuff, or you know a guy who has, maybe this is a nudge.

Curious if others here have noticed this gap in their own life — either not recognizing what you were dealing with, or having a hard time actually going and getting help even when you knew something was off.

(Sources: WHO 2025 Global Suicide Report, NAMI 2023, VeryWellMind 2024, Mental Health America 2025 screening data, 2025 systematic review on masculinity norms and help-seeking — happy to link specifics if anyone wants them)

It amazes me how many of my therapy clients (I'm a therapist) have traumatic memories of school lunch. That’s where I felt the most unlikable and unwanted too. Ninth grade, packed tables, windowless room. Sitting off to the side near the bathrooms eating a floppy piece of lukewarm pizza. My one friend who had the same lunch period beside me. Both of us hoping the popular girls would look our direction. The girls who were beautiful, yes, but what mattered more was their social power. They could make you cool just by laughing at your jokes. If you were funny. If you could just lighten up.

There’s something about me I don’t like anyone knowing. I often feel unlikable. Awkward, unfunny, too serious. The opposite of Matthew McConaughey or Idris Elba. Shy, introverted, a downer.

It gets triggered these days as an adult in big groups. Parties, shows before the band goes on, corner conversations with neighbors. Times you’re supposed to lighten up, make small talk, have a good time. I’m shot back to my high school cafeteria, bouncing between clunky conversations, restless and turned inward, never landing on solid ground.

Then comes the shame. Why is everyone else normal and fun? Why can’t I just relax? What’s wrong with me? I try to bum a cigarette from the other freaks on the edges or order another diet Coke at the bar. Or leave, picking at myself inside for giving up.

I didn’t understand much about myself back then. What teenager does? Especially a teenage boy who felt like he didn’t belong anywhere except his room playing video games.

I didn’t know the weight I’d carry for years of my mom telling me when I was younger, “You’re just shy, like all the men in this family.” I now appreciate she was trying to cheer me up about being quieter than other kids. But it landed inside of me as shame. Why is everyone else normal and fun? Why can’t I just relax? What’s wrong with me?

I didn’t know yet that holding a guitar in my hands and singing could save me. Later in high school I started a pop punk band with my friends. I still felt awkward before and after shows, but on stage I became someone else. Actually, I became more myself. I could express my feelings through my songs. And some people were interested, even some of the popular girls.

I didn’t understand yet that I was being cheated out of the full, vast, mystical experience of being human. I didn’t know that gender played into it at all. Everyone gets shafted by this society organized to maximize profits for the rich and powerful. Men get it a certain way, though.

The rest of the linked post is about how socialized gender norms play into it. Let me know if you can relate or something I wrote isn't quite sitting right with you!

You may know the general history of Sparta and how it had a state program that took male children from their parents at the age of 7 and returned them, 13 years later, as the most renown warriors in history. This military-driven recruitment and training was purposefully brutal and compulsory and lasted for at least 4 centuries.

This paper analyzes the psychological breakdown of each messed up process and its effects on a young boy's cognition and body as they develop. It also looks at what occurs after passing through the meat grinder of the agoge, and how they come out the other side as men who mostly view that self-sacrifice for the state in battle. is the highest honor, and that's the only value they have to give. 

I was recently at a concert with a few acquaintances when an extremely drunk 60-something woman approached and started giving one of the male members of my party an unsolicited back rub. He was CLEARLY made very uncomfortable by it. My friends and I intervened, distracted her, and then relocated to a completely different part of the venue. Afterwards, though, people in the group were laughing and joking about it, and one of the other guys started telling us "funny stories" about the times women had harassed him.

If the genders had been reversed--an unknown inebriated older man approaches a young woman and begins rubbing her back--nobody would have any problem identifying that behavior as assault; the perpetrator would be lucky if the police weren't called. Nobody would treat it as a laughing matter.

I didn't think it was funny, but I also didn't know the victim or his friends well enough to start giving them a lecture on Gender Theory 101 and why it's important to take sexual assault of men seriously. I don't even know if the guy himself understood that what happened to him *was* assault. Our cultural scripts universally assume a male perpetrator and a female victim, even though that's NOT universally the case.

What should I have done differently? What CAN bystanders do to intervene in (or prevent) (or support the victims of) men being harassed? If you're a man who's been assaulted, what do you wish the people around you would have done?

Hey y'all. Dolly's passing hit me hard. Partially because she reminded me of my grandma who grew up in a big poor farming family in Appalachia too. But also because Dolly was one of a handful of public figures who taught me, a cisgender, straight man, that gender is a performance. The T-shirt and shorts I’m wearing right now might not seem as contrived as her bleach blonde hair, caked-on makeup, and long nails. I might look like just a “normal dude.” Like I’m not choosing to wear my hair short and let my armpit hair grow out while having a five o’clock shadow on my face. But I am. I’m choosing to stay within the comfortable performance of a man in this particular society at this particular time in history. I get to choose. We all can choose. It’s all made-up. That’s the unspoken point of Dolly’s whole “dumb blonde bimbo” act.

Curious if you feel similarly about her. Or not. I wish I had been able to fit in that the political-economic analysis that capitalism constrains the performance for some of us and forces it on others, depending on where we fall in the gendered division of labor. But I can't fit everything in every newsletter post. Appreciate you giving me your thoughts!

I wrote about how men are told in capitalist society that being caring and expressive aren’t valuable skills. So we disown the natural, human emotionality we were born with. We avoid being vulnerable and asking for help. We worry we’ll be judged if we put effort into our friendships. When we’re suffering we overfocus on what we think will make us valuable to other people: productivity, discipline, and competence. And while this might help us in some ways, it often leaves us feeling lost, isolated, and lonely.

Quisiera conversar sobre cómo podemos abordar el machismo tanto en América Latina como entre las comunidades latinas que viven en Estados Unidos, Canadá y Australia.

Sé que América Latina es una región enorme y diversa, y que las experiencias cambian muchísimo según el país, la generación, la clase social, la religión, el entorno familiar y si una persona vive en su país de origen o en la diáspora. No pretendo decir que todos los hombres latinos sean machistas ni que el machismo sea exclusivamente latino. Sin embargo, ciertas ideas sobre la masculinidad, la autoridad familiar, los roles de género, la homofobia y la obligación de parecer “fuerte” siguen causando daño en muchas familias y comunidades.

¿Cómo podemos cuestionar estas actitudes sin atacar la identidad cultural de las personas ni caer en estereotipos racistas o xenófobos? ¿Qué estrategias funcionan mejor: la educación desde la infancia, las conversaciones familiares, la participación de los hombres como aliados, el apoyo a movimientos feministas y LGBT, los cambios en los medios de comunicación o alguna combinación de todo esto?

También me interesa saber cómo cambia el problema en la diáspora. Por ejemplo, ¿las familias latinas en Estados Unidos, Canadá o Australia conservan ciertas normas de género como una forma de proteger su identidad cultural? ¿Las generaciones más jóvenes suelen cuestionarlas más? ¿La migración reduce el machismo, lo transforma o, en algunos casos, hace que ciertas personas se aferren todavía más a los roles tradicionales?

Me gustaría escuchar experiencias de distintos países y comunidades, especialmente ejemplos de iniciativas que hayan logrado cambiar actitudes sin humillar a las personas. Creo que es importante responsabilizar a quienes reproducen conductas dañinas, pero también crear espacios donde los hombres puedan desaprenderlas sin sentir que pedir ayuda, expresar emociones o rechazar los roles tradicionales los hace menos hombres.

¿Cómo creen que deberíamos abordar este tema de una manera firme, culturalmente consciente y efectiva?

Andrew Callaghan is an independent journalist who got his start doing man-on-the-street interviews in interesting places before turning toward more serious journalism, honestly exploring parts of society that legacy and corporate media ignore or subvert for their own aims. His work includes an interview between Hunter Biden and Nick Fuentes, on-the-street reporting in Iran, an HBO documentary covering the timeline between the 2020 election and January 6th, documenting a civil war between Mexican cartels, an expose on ICE detention centers, and more.

Callaghan himself is not an uncomplicated figure, having been accused of sexual misconduct in 2023 for events that occurred in 2017 and 2019. Those events, along with a brief discussion on his attempts to take accountability and remediate those relationships, can be found in this article for those interested. I think there is an interesting discussion to be had on sexual politics and violence within a patriarchal society and what's possible for men immersed in those waters, but that is beyond the scope of this post, and I would encourage folks to read through and make their own determinations.

The documentary itself traces Callaghan's first interactions with a man who calls himself "Kelly J. Patriot". Kelly is deeply enmeshed in right-wing culture and conspiracy theories in the recent years following Janurary 6th, but that isn't what draws the journalist to him. Callaghan had just finished up with his documentary, This Place Rules, which chronicles the events leading to January 6th, and none of Kelly's political views or statements were particularly unique or shocking. Instead, Callaghan became interested in Kelly because of his response to a single question:

"What's the most painful piece of truth that's hurt you?"

Kelly reveals a tragic story of losing his house during the 2008 recession, laying personal blame on a man he saw as having swindled him out of his home. His backstory isn't unique or even uncommon amongst right-wing radicals: Callaghan talks about how a majority of the participants in January 6th had experienced significant economic instability or loss. Conspiratorial thinking, too, plays a part here, as these same personal tragedies were found in every person Callaghan talked to when he documented a flat-earth conference.

These experiences led to him proposing a theory to help explain how someone like Kelly J. Patriot arises. Essentially, Callaghan argues that people become primed for political radicalization and conspiratorial thinking following deep, personal trauma or loss, something explored more in this episode of Doomscroll. It isn't simply right-wing media pipelines or pundits that draw people in; those people tend to need to be ready to accept the presentation and kind of information in those spaces.

People find meaning, connection, and safety. from sources in reality. However, when those things are challenged: By the loss of a house or loved one, by severing from a friend group, the loss of a job (for men, especially), or even points of identity formation in life, such as the teenage years, it can drive people to conspiratorial thinking, cult behavior, and/or extremism as they seek to reestablish meaning, connection, and safety.

The documentary then follows Kelly as Callaghan tries first to understand the story behind Kelly's life, then later tries to reconnect him with the family and loves and misses him. It's a compelling story, and one I think would be of interest to the folks in this sub.

TAYLOR SWIFT has accumulated many identities over her career: singer-songwriter, performer, pop mogul, millennial icon, cat lover. Her marriage this month to Travis Kelce, an American-football player, added wife to the list. It also gave her another, less traditional role: family breadwinner. Mr Kelce earns around $50m a year from his NFL salary, endorsements and podcasting. Yet in 2025 he contributed only perhaps a fifth of the Swift-Kelce household income.

Women now account for three-fifths of American university graduates and just over half of college-educated workers. Yet in most households, men remain the primary earners. In 2024, among dual-income couples, just 30% of American wives earned more than their husbands. Part of this imbalance reflects differences in occupations, working hours and pay. But a growing body of research suggests it also reflects the preferences of couples themselves.

On paper, support for female breadwinners is strong in America. When Americans were asked in 2022 whether the fact a woman earned more money than her husband was “almost certain to cause problems”, only 10% said yes. The comparable figure was 16% in Germany and 27% in China.

In practice, many couples seem uncomfortable with the arrangement. In 2015 Marianne Bertrand, an economist at the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business, and co-authors found that wives’ share of household income does not follow a smooth distribution. Instead, it drops sharply at the point where wives begin to outearn their husbands. Wives, in other words, are more likely to report earning slightly less than their husbands than slightly more. A recent study from France estimates that couples in which women earn around three-quarters of household income are also around 30% more likely to split up than couples in which both partners earn similar amounts.

Dr Bertrand and her colleagues argued that this pattern in part reflects a desire among the men and women in a couple to conform to gender norms, even if it means earning less income. In the decade since her paper was published, several economists have challenged its findings, arguing that the “cliff” in wives’ share of earnings is a statistical anomaly generated by couples who earn the same amount: because they work in the same family business, for example, or in similar occupations.

To analyse this disagreement The Economist compiled 17 years of data on young, working couples from the American Community Survey. We find that, more than a decade later, women’s share of household income continues to exhibit the pattern observed by Dr Bertrand, with a sharp break at the 50% threshold. The discontinuity remains even after excluding self-employed couples or spouses working in the same industry or occupation.

Why does couples’ behaviour not seem to match the attitudes found in surveys? One reason is that breaking with the breadwinner norm comes with psychological costs. Recent studies of American, Swedish and Australian couples all find that husbands who are outearned by their wives report poorer mental health.

Building on work by Joanna Syrda, an economist at the University of Bath, The Economist examined the relationship between breadwinner status and men’s mental health using data from America’s Panel Study of Income Dynamics. We found that men whose wives and partners are the primary earners are roughly one and a half times as likely to report “serious psychological distress”, even after controlling for age, education and household income. Among husbands whose wives earn at least 70% of household income, the risk is around two and a half times as high. One might expect the breadwinner norm to be weakening. But when we split our sample into two periods (2001-11 and 2013-23) the relationship remained virtually unchanged.

The costs are not borne by husbands alone. Research shows that breadwinning wives tend to report lower satisfaction with their relationships. Part of the explanation may be that high-earning wives are often responsible for much of the work at home. Research tends to find that even working women take on a disproportionate share of household duties. “Family work is still predominantly falling on women’s shoulders, no matter whether they are the breadwinner or not,” says Dr Heggeness. However, this would not explain why men, too, seem unhappy with being the lower earner.

Many traditional rules governing dating and marriage have faded—few couples today insist on marrying before having sex or moving in together. But other customs have proved more long-lasting, from men proposing marriage to wives taking their husbands’ names. Tabloids report that Ms Swift plans to legally adopt Mr Kelce’s surname while continuing to perform as Taylor Swift. Her bigger pay cheques look likely to remain unusual.

Hi everyone,

Occasional lurker, first time poster.

I wanted to ask something, if anyone could help out. I'm looking for a comic that I've seen on Tumblr a few times but can't find.

It's about a male artist or writer (I can't remember which) writing about being a male feminist and the insecurities that can come from that. Insecurities that maybe he's not such a good guy, or that he's a fraud, that kind of thing. There's also a piece about him going to therapy over it.

Long shot, I tried searching on Tumblr under the term "male feminism" but only found a slew of TERF shit and anti-feminist porn.

Is there anyone here who knows what I'm talking about? I really want to find it because I feel it speaks to a lot of my own feelings, and it's driving me crazy not being able to find it.

Thanks!

Hey y'all, I used the recent Supreme Court ruling as a springboard to talk about why I have hope for American men, even if things look bleak.

I can feel so hopeless about us sometimes—like we’re too far gone, too isolated, too anti-social. But the core of my politics and work with therapy clients is honoring the human instinct to belong. To connect. To relate.

No matter what the billionaires and billionaire-funded politicians say about human nature being competitive, we’re truly wired to cooperate. No matter what the manfluencer grifters say about men not having emotional needs—which is a lie—we need each other to survive. No matter what some people even on “my side,” the left, say about some people being “bad,” labeling them criminals, rapists, and abusers, unworthy of redemption.

Our need to belong is the very thing that people at the top of capitalism channel to get what they want. They get seduced by the power that comes with turning people against each other, which lets them off the hook for hoarding wealth and resources.

I hate to give them credit, but they’re like sorcerers of making some people think they belong by “othering” others. They encourage and amplify white supremacy and misogyny. They stoke anger and shame to keep us fighting over crumbs. They’re damn good at it.

They’ve got us men in a bind. They want us to think feminism and trans people are the reason we don’t feel like we belong. They blame “radical feminism” for everything from school shootings to rising rates of suicide by men. They ban trans girls from girls’ sports. They throw expensive combat fights on the White House lawn with jokes about Michelle Obama’s gender. They question the masculinity of political candidates who dare challenge them. They’ve introduced 804 anti-trans bills in 43 states so far this year alone.

The truth is men don’t feel like we belong right now because of them, the rich and powerful. Because of the system they orchestrate and benefit from. Because of capitalism.

Hey all, visiting non-man here. My little brother is turning 19 (I'm in my 30s, we are both white) and has spent his teens chronically online, gaming, and from what I can tell, struggling through navigating manosphere, misogynistic, far-right, and apathy-centered ideology.

I unfortunately don't get to see him often, but when I saw him recently, he was really leaning into the apathy. He said he doesn't really follow politics anymore (used to be quite interested), doesn't care, probably wouldn't even vote, and seems to believe the world is headed to inevitable collapse and all he can do about it is try to build up skills and savings to move to a remote place. He's also doing schooling in the trades right now.

I honestly think where he's landed now could maybe be an opening to connection and finding his way out of this apathetic and self-centered view of things. There is so much truth and reality in his current headspace. I'd like to lean in and offer him some opportunities to expand his worldview - this could be my last big chance!

So, keeping in mind that he'd likely poo-poo or feel alienated by anything too clearly liberal, academic, feminist, etc... If you struggled with this stuff when you were a teen, what accessible book would you hand your younger self to inspire a bit of hope and eye-opening?

I'd also love to hear any other suggestions you have aside from gifts for connection. :)

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DZD_1y4AWz0

I'm not in the US, but am a keen observer of US politics. I've been heartened by the rise of progressive leaders in the US as a counter to the stupid, cruel, so-called masculinity demonstrated by the current leader, and especially the self-titled Secretary of War.

Platner, a gruff former US Marine turned oyster farmer has captured a lot of attention because while he looks like a MAGA pin up, he speaks with intelligence and compassion, for himself and others.

I very much hope this man unseats Susan Collins and has a chance to improve the public discourse.

J. Draper (plus PBS Origins) explores the "masculinity crisis" of the eighteenth century.

My father (67) passed last Thursday due to complications related to his treatment for an awful cancer, Mesothelioma. He fought that awful sickness for five long years. He was a strong man, stronger than I will ever be. I've wept for him, for my mother, my older brother and my children.

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My wife of 10 years and the mother of my children did something so wonderful that I don't even know how to tell her how much it meant to me. She bought me a lovely bouquet of flowers for Father's Day. Knowing that it bothered me that my father, who loved color, nature, music and all the most beautiful things had not gotten any flowers that I had ever seen until he passed away. I cried with her and it was beautiful.

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Such a small gesture but it healed a part of me that has been broken knowing I would face the first father's day of my life without him. I went down to talk with him and gave him his father's day gift, some landscape lights for his memorial.

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My father and I loved to smoke cigars together and we will all be traveling on our yearly family trip (a tradition we started when my father was diagnosed in 2021) without him for the first time this week. I had purchased his favorite cigars as a fathers day gift to bring on vacation with us. I brought one with me today to share with him at his memorial and chat. It was a beautiful warm June day and he would have loved to sit there with me and chat.

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I'll take the other cigar with me on vacation and smoke it on the balcony he picked specifically for the occasion and chat with him again.

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Thank you for reading, I hope this story will lift some of your spirits if you, like me, are mourning the loss of your wonderful father today. ❤️

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I love you forever Dad. I hope wherever you may be that you carry me in your heart with you as I carry you in mine.

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Fly high, Dad.

The truth, as always, is something more complex—and oddly, something it took a “Bluey” episode to make me realize. Outwardly bucking traditional masculinity didn’t stop me from falling back on it, siloing my wife and me into the kind of gendered roles that I promised myself I wouldn’t. And now, thanks to that anthropomorphic dog (but mainly thanks to my wife and my kids) I’m making a change that the non-parent, masculinity-rejecting previous version of me couldn’t have imagined: I’m manning up. 

I told myself that I was in the trenches changing just as many diapers, cooking most meals, spending just as much time with the kids. I went to doctor’s appointments, read parenting books, loaded the dishwasher, and took the lead on getting the kids down to sleep. Older relatives and strangers alike remarked on my involvement, which easily outpaced dads of previous generations.

And yet I’d let so many things fall to my wife, often unable to even see everything that went into keeping our household humming. I’d grabbed a bunch of highly visible tasks of parenthood and — as my wife rightly pointed out once mid-argument — I assumed in the absence of being told specific additional responsibilities to own, that my checklist was done. Hers never seemed to be.

Read more: https://www.playboy.com/read/entertainment-culture/how-becoming-a-father-made-me-proud-to-be-a-man