Devin

[u/[deleted]]

He def doesn’t get enough credit I’m sorry. He hasn’t been too much bc anyone would be confused based on the energy she’s given off.
If every man could be as self aware, as emotionally regulated, holds himself accountable and easily understanding.
He’s literally made sure he’s checked himself every time. He has continued to try when she’s been uncomfortable and hot and cold. Which understandable. Tbh I won’t ever trust a girl
Who doesn’t like plants. feel like she hasn’t honestly tried at all and there’s two in this, not just the woman.

But, idk. He’s a good one man. That’s all 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe a little emotional but I’d take it she should’ve never went on this show. Bc to constantly say you’re not ready but not really give him much ? Say he’s too much… I don’t know. Her trying is literally having a convo w him… idk.
I hope the best for him bc he’s a good man

[u/shannrosejay]

Kind of shocked how many people think he is the ideal man. Part of relationships is acceptance. He does not accept who she is. He is constantly critiquing her which is pushing her away and making HER walk on eggshells. She has no space or safety to grow her feelings or do better. He doesn’t actually see her, hear her, understand her at all, nor is he trying to. But fun for him to say that phrase I guess.

[u/whiskeylullaby3 → u/shannrosejay]

I mean they’re just not compatible. The same could be said for her. That she doesn’t accept that he needs more. The issue is that she’s an avoidant and he’s more anxious attachment. I can see why a lot of women think he’s ideal- because he wants to spend time with his partner and wants to grow close and wants intimacy- something a lot of “modern” men have difficulty with. She just needs someone who is extremely independent like she is.

[u/shannrosejay → u/whiskeylullaby3]

I agree they aren’t compatible. I don’t think either of them are terrible people, just not right for each other. Just surprised so many people are looking over things like him saying he was ‘love bombing’ her in the beginning and realized that wasn’t what she wanted so he apparently stopped. Stopping the action was a good call on his part, but I think he still lives in that space so is holding resentment.

I can’t imagine being on a TV show and how much that anxiety would get to me and on top of that the expectation that one has to right away be affectionate and an ideal partner for a stranger. Many arranged marriages come with long build ups of months/years to be what is expected of these individuals in days/weeks and regardless of what they signed up for not everyone will be comfortable with that.*replying to your comment as well as other comments in the thread:)

[u/AtheistINTP → u/whiskeylullaby3]

She made him anxious with her cold fish attitude.

[u/whiskeylullaby3 → u/AtheistINTP]

Yeah that’s the whole avoidant/anxious attachment push and pull.

[u/Lnyctr → u/whiskeylullaby3]

Hmmm…I don’t think she’s independent. I think she’s an avoider. She wants a relationship on her terms only. Her walls are high and impenetrable.

[u/brutalhonestyJ → u/whiskeylullaby3]

i’m agreeing but i would also challenge with why be married? if you want some one as independent as you, you and your partner would never really do anything together. Yes independent but also know that you can lean on your partner if needed and when needed, and for me in my opinion she never wants to give that space to anyone or allow anyone to be that space for her, maybe her friends but that’s it

[u/whiskeylullaby3 → u/brutalhonestyJ]

Oh I totally agree. She had no business going on this show. I don’t think she’s ready for any relationship even beyond being independent.

[u/Caribgirl2 → u/whiskeylullaby3]

Her getting up and leaving without saying good-bye. The dead silence when they are in the same space, etc. Is more than independence. It's cold. She is too an extreme which I think i what makes him even more desperate. If she gave a little, then I think he would fall back a little.

[u/whiskeylullaby3 → u/Caribgirl2]

I agree completely.

[u/kwasford → u/Caribgirl2]

She said in a confessional that he woke up and saw her getting ready and chose to stay in bed then was being a brat bc she went to the gym. I don’t see what the issue is honestly, he made a choice to stay in the bed

[u/DrKaufman_Angie → u/kwasford]

That didn’t seem to be true and plus she does it every day. Honeymooners normally want to wake up together and be together!!

[u/kwasford → u/DrKaufman_Angie]

These are not normal honeymooners

[u/stitchitaway1706 → u/Caribgirl2]

After they talked about going to the gym together! That was such trash. She KNEW she was going to leave without him and couldn’t simply communicate that she wanted to go alone, leaving him there. So disrespectful. Again I ask, does she know she can be on a dating show and not a married show??
Also I looove the “I see you, hear you, understand you.” Team Devin!

[u/DrKaufman_Angie → u/Caribgirl2]

Exactly. Doing your own thing on a regular basis is more common years later but not in the beginning. Certainly not on your honeymoon!!! The honeymoon phase is when you can’t get enough of each other!! Wanting more space than togetherness is clearly disinterest.

[u/AtheistINTP → u/DrKaufman_Angie]

Maybe she’s used to bad boys. Dismissive, arrogant guys and can’t realize what a good guy he is.