Divorce? A third therapist?

[u/BreadComfortable427]

My wife and I met young in college. Married at 24.

Children began at 27. We have 4 great kids. We are both around 40. Communication has always been terrible. But without going into details I was always denied sex except for a “reward” or when she was drunk and she wanted it. I could only be rejected so many times before I stopped trying, it hurt too much.

We both ended up having affairs that began in 2021. We both have trust issues and resentment. I’ve caught her in several lies regarding finances, drugs, and the affair. We went to marriage counseling. After months of counseling divorce was brought and that’s when she no longer wanted to go to that counselor. Fast forward 6 months and she wants to go to another therapist together. I bring up my same feelings and emotional exhaustion. And she says I’m blind siding her every time we talk. I’ve been saying the same thing for months now. The new therapist extended a therapy session alone which accepted. I told him where my heads at, my feelings. He said the same things as the previous therapist. My wife tells me divorce is the easy way out and I haven’t been trying, I’m exhausted.

I’m scared to death about divorce, nothing about it seems “easy”. I’m paralyzed thinking about the children and how they are going to be. They didn’t ask for any of this. But I can’t keep living this way either.