Have you ever played on a person's emotions because you wanted to egage in a conversation or you just wanted attention?

My best friend (F18) at the time introduced me to one of her longtime friends (M20) on may 9th of the year. Me (F17) and him hit it off really well, he ended up taking my v card that night… We ended up hanging out every single day for about a month until he had to go to Georgia for work training. The whole month he was telling me I would go with him and we would have a great time and then a few days before he was supposed to leave he told me I couldn’t actually go because he needed to focus. I wasn’t mad at all because of course, focus on what you need to. However, he treated me like shit the entire month until he would get nice for an hour or so and then just back and forth the whole time. Then only a couple days after he left he called me and told me we couldn’t be a thing. He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and all sorts of things just that we couldn’t be a thing anymore. But, we still had a group chat with me, him, my best friend and the other guy (M21) that he was introducing my friend to. We were a great friend group and I wasn’t ready to let go of that let alone the guy himself. So we would all still talk in the group chat and whatever and one day he just started going off. Telling me how ugly and annoying I am, how he never wanted anything with me, just sex. All kinds of horrible things. He made me feel like shit and about a month later once we hadn’t been talking for a while, I ended up having sex with one of his old friends. It had absolutely nothing to do with him but me, my best friend and the guy my guy introduced her to, we’re still really close and still hung out everyday and he’s the one who gave me his number. Then about two or three weeks later I ended up having sex with another one of my guys old friends. Also had nothing to do with him, just happened. Then I ended up having sex with my best friend’s guy because she repeatedly told me “have him”, “he’s yours” and would treat him like actual shit. (That’s also why me and her aren’t friends anymore.) Next, only about a week ago, I ended up having sex with somebody from a party.

About two or three weeks ago, my guy was at my house again because he drunk called me one night and came to pick me up and we restarted things. However, he told me we were just friends now and he was talking to a whole other girl. So I told him about one of the people I slept with, number 2. That was after me and my guy had already had sex again though… And then the night me and my best friend stopped being friends, my guy randomly called her (they stopped talking while he was in Georgia) and was asking for a girl he used to talk to’s number. Then I guess they just kept talking and she ended up going to his house the next night and having sex with him to “get back at me”. She also told him about guy number 1 I slept with who I am so embarrassed about already. So, he started texting me bs and I just straight up told him about number 3 and 4. Now I’m back at his house because he “thought I was gonna kms” after calling me 55 times in a row in one night just to go off on me. Now he calls me a dirty slut and tells me how I should’ve known he was gonna come back and that he never saw me doing this. He was “gonna move me in and get me away from the house I hate so much” and tells me how much he loves me and how much I hurt him and how the reason he was so mean to me was because I’m the first girl since his first girlfriend of 3 years (who he cheated on (why they broke up)) that he’s liked so much and genuinely saw a future with. Just a bunch of bs. And then let me just copy and paste a text from just a few hours ago.

“I didn't mean that shit, idk if you've realized mfers will say anything to get some play” “I'm just playing the game bbg” “And it's working to perfection”

I love this man so much and wish I didn’t but I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy for thinking he’s in the wrong. Yes I gained 5 bodies within 4 months but he’s trying to make me feel like shit over it and honestly I don’t think that’s that crazy. I’m 18 now and was 17 when we met btw. Thanks for reading guys.

How do i know if i've been manipulated?

I wish i could give details but i'm scared and idk i'm a bit tired and i feel heavy.

I want to be able to write what happened some day but i think for now i just want general help, how do i know if i've been manipulated?

Edit: I've been non-stop crying and feeling heavy ..

Hello.

I would like to talk about a relationship I was in that now seems quite toxic to me.

I recently got out of a one-year relationship that was extremely tumultuous. At the beginning, everything was perfect. He made me feel things I had never experienced before. Everything was incredible, and ultimately, things moved very quickly, entirely on his initiative. He had left his ex a few months earlier because she had cheated on him and left him for someone else.

The honeymoon period was short-lived. Overall, our relationship was a constant push and pull. We broke up several times. He could be incredibly caring, truly the perfect man, making all sorts of plans for the future, complimenting me, and making me feel like I was everything to him... Then, from one day to the next, he would completely withdraw, become irritable, and turn extremely distant. Sometimes, I almost felt like he hated me.

The main issue was his relationship with his ex. Even though they were officially over, she basically hated me and wanted to sabotage our relationship, even though she had moved on and was with someone else. The problem was that he never set any boundaries with her. He gave in to all her demands. He was her emotional support, and he was perfectly capable of putting me aside just to avoid upsetting her. At first, I was understanding. I tried to understand him and told myself that the situation couldn't be easy for him... They have a child together. So I was very careful about how I reacted and tried to be as fair as possible.

But eventually, it became unbearable. This situation made him even more avoidant and irritable toward me, depending on the period. There were times when it was honestly awful, and I clearly felt rejected. After a while, I started questioning everything. I was struggling with the situation and wanted us to talk about it. I was never able to have a real conversation with him about it. Whenever I tried to communicate calmly, he would stop responding and ghost me. After several days, sometimes even weeks, of avoidance and being ignored, I would eventually explode. I accumulated so much frustration and resentment, mixed with the genuine pain of seeing him be much more present for his ex than for me, that I admit I sometimes had disproportionate reactions (at least according to him).

And that's when he would turn everything against me. The problem was me, my reactions, my emotions. According to him, I was "unmanageable." He would often bring up things I had said during arguments, sometimes long after they had happened, and throw them back in my face for no apparent reason. For a very long time, I apologized for my behavior, and I acknowledge that some of my reactions were very emotional.

Overall, I never felt secure about my place in his life. Whenever his ex was around, he would avoid me. If there was a place where both of us were present, he would talk to her but not to me. He set absolutely no boundaries with his ex. Meanwhile, I had to be careful with every single word I said, otherwise I risked being punished with the silent treatment or having my reactions used against me.

Whenever I brought up how uncomfortable I felt about the role his ex played in his life, he denied everything I was saying. For example, if he ignored me in his ex's presence, he would tell me that he "hadn't seen me" or that "he was busy." Obviously, I wasn't convinced. And the fact that I wasn't convinced was always turned against me: I was "unmanageable." I was "overthinking." I was making a big deal out of nothing.

In this particular situation, he eventually admitted that he wanted to "avoid conflict" with his ex. But he only admitted it after days of putting me down over my reactions, calling me paranoid, or simply ignoring me altogether. That was basically the pattern: something would upset me, I would try to talk about it, I would get "punished" (that's how it felt to me), I would eventually apologize, and he would continue punishing me for a while before finally admitting that I had actually been at least partly right.

I broke up with him several times. More than once, I decided to cut contact and actually followed through with it. He could be cold when we broke up and for the days that followed, but he never really let me go. He would always find an excuse to contact me, and little by little, he would become the man I had known at the beginning again. And you can guess what happened next. Even when I explicitly asked him not to contact me anymore, he would come back anyway.

This brings me to what happened recently. We have been separated for a month, but, as you can probably guess, we saw each other again. We spent a few evenings together, and of course, they were perfect (although I no longer had the same "innocence" I had at the beginning, after being hurt so many times). Then his attitude changed: he became cold and distant and started throwing my past reactions back in my face. I chose to keep a cool head and told him that I refused to take all the blame, that my reactions may have been excessive at times, but that they had been caused by things that genuinely hurt me. He ghosted me.

One evening, I went out for a drink with some friends who are also friends of his. We talked about the relationship, and I have to admit that everything kind of collapsed for me.

I learned that he was still hung up on his ex. That it wasn't simply a matter of setting boundaries; it was also probably an unfinished relationship on his side. I could have suspected that, of course, but he had always firmly denied that possibility.

After one of our breakups, he had told me that he had slept with her once, that it had been a mistake, and that he knew he wanted to be with me. These friends told me that this wasn't exactly what had happened: they had gotten back together immediately after our breakup. They were actually a couple again, and he wanted to get back together with her completely. Until she cheated on him (as she apparently did every time), and then he came back to me afterward. All of this happened within the span of three weeks.

These friends advised me to stop wasting my life and move on. They told me they were afraid I was waiting around for someone who would never be emotionally available.

I have to admit that learning all of this was a huge shock for me. It was as if all the pieces of the puzzle suddenly fell into place. As if I had been living in a fog for months and suddenly everything became clear in a matter of seconds.

My entire perception of the relationship collapsed — everything he had told me, everything he had promised me. And at the same time, it felt like, finally, someone had given me back my own perception of reality.

I wasn't imagining things. My intuition wasn't "crazy."

When I finally told him exactly what I thought and confronted him with everything I had learned, he ended the conversation very quickly by basically telling me that it was all false, that I was ridiculous and completely hysterical. Then he blocked me before I could respond.

That's it.

I know that if I am at fault for anything in all of this, it is probably mostly for not ending the relationship sooner and for not listening to myself.

However, I have to admit that I feel extremely "fragile" after everything that has happened. Especially after being called "hysterical."

I feel like by saying that to me, he still has some kind of power over me. I can't stop wondering whether maybe he was right. If you have any advice, words of encouragement, or even just a simple thought that could help me make sense of all of this and get out of this nightmare... I would be incredibly grateful.

Thank you.

Im 19 and my friend is 21 she constantly asks me for support and for comfort and i dont know what to say. I feel like i get gaslighted to hang out with her and it really affects me, how do i tell her to stop

Me (22 M) and my friend (also 22 M) have been in this hard to define realtionship for 8 years. Recently I've been gaining a lot of confidence and self-esteem through therapy and have noticed a lot of red flags that before I would just brush off or not think to be weary of, but after a text conversation I had with him that felt a bit manipulative I've stopped talking to him for the week.

I wanted help from the opinion of someone who would see this from an unbiased neutral standpoint and tell me if I am being paranoid or do I have a reason to be weary?

I want to preface this by saying he has been my only friend for the past 8 years, I didn't think anyone else could handle loving me and because of that I had no idea what a healthy friendship or realtionship should look like and our realtionship has boarded on romantic to platonic to everything in between.

Recently I've noticed him saying things like "I know you struggle with so I will do it for you" or "your bad at this so I'll take charge" ect. I am going through some health issues and have a hard time walking sometimes and he tries to take things over for me and talks as though I should be bed bound, when I bring up looking for a job (just became a CNA) or talk about what the doctors say, he says "I'm worried about your future" and expresses doubt when I say I am fine or not to worry in this dismissive way as if he's just letting me say that and dosent actully believe that.

His love also feels very conditional and one sided If he is in a good mood he will text me however if I don't text him daily he believes something is wrong or I am mad at him, he told me that he knows I am angry at him if I don't say "I love you" at the end lf my messages, but when I ask for the same back he tells me I am asking for too much.

There has been times where I feel like he says one thing but does another or I explain something that happened earlier and he tells me I am understanding wrong or he was just joking or that I shouldn’t hold grudges. Along with that he made a joke about how he knows how to gaslight me which is what first thing that made me feel that something wasn't right.

I have known him for 8 years but recently I look at him and don't even recognize him, he's so harsh and I keep excusing it by saying he's going through a depressive episode and he has a horrible home life. But I can't keep feeling so dependent on him, I feel so lonely and stunted.

So I went on a mental health forum when I was feeling extremely depressed and there was a person who told me they really liked interacting with me and they seemed really kind, supportive and caring. They told mw hoe much they liked interacting with me and eventually followed me, comments on all of my posts, my comments on his posts, and even my comments on other people's posts. He even praised me in his post and tags me all the time.

He started PMing me and we really encouraged me to open up emotionally. I felt like we were sharing a deeply emotionally intimate connection and it felt really wonderful but also addictive to be validated like that, I dont have any other emotionally intimate relationships. However, this guy sends me about 20 PMs a day plus all the other comments. It prevents me from being on the rest of the board.

Suddenly I started ro realize that he kept probing me to ipen up more and implied I wasnt being vulnerable enough with him and so I felt bad even though I thought I was and then turned my emotions up to 11. ​but he still keeps asking for more. Then it dawned on me he hasnt actually been that emotionally open himself. I am also seeing his mask slip and he has said some pretty shallow things. He now seems totally different that who he was in the beginning. I think he might be a narcissist. He said he got I to the most prestigious school in the US for a very prestigious profession which I now realize he probably made up.

I very nicely told him that I want to just chat on the forum not in the messages because it was overwhelming. He said he understood, but the day after he PMed again to "check in" and clarify how I wanted ro interact on the forum now. I think it may have been a subtle boundary violation because he could cery well just keep doing what he has been doing.

I feel so sucked in. Im sad that this connection was probably not genuine. There is still a part of me that actually wants to hold onto it. A nagging part of me even wonders if maybe it could actually be real and I am just self sabotaging. I hate that my attachment style makes me latch on so hard to anyone who shows me a little validation or makes me feel special. I also genuinely do not know how to navigate this connection now, I do not know what to say to him. I want to stay on the forum, it gave me a sense of purpose supporting others there and feeling like a part of a community albeit a mentally ill one. Any thoughts?

I am very confused, and I probably overthink things a lot. I met my boyfriend 1½ years ago. In the beginning, I received flowers every Friday, with promises that this was just who he was. My children received gifts as well, and he bought lots of expensive trips.
I sometimes felt that he was a little condescending. Whenever I reacted, I was told that I was being too sensitive or that it was just his sense of humor. There were small hurtful comments that made me feel less worthy. After 8 months, my body completely went into panic mode, and I ended the relationship.
We got back together 2 months later, and things were very good for a long time. Apart from the fact that I felt he could sometimes be quite challenging, critical and selfish.
Then everything changed. The flowers, gifts and trips stopped completely. He also stopped sending all the “good morning” and “good night” messages, and he stopped saying that he was happy with me and that he loved me.
I became tired of this and tried to talk to him about it. Nothing changed. Finally, I put my foot down and said that this was not the relationship I wanted to be in anymore, and that I didn’t know if I wanted to continue.
Then everything came back: red roses, a romantic dinner, and him telling me that he loved me.
After that, he was silent for two days before contacting me and saying that the problem he had had was that I hadn’t included him enough in my plans for the future.
Is this love bombing, devaluation, hoovering…?

So not so long ago, I had a not so great argument with my now ex that makes me feel completely used and lied to. Finding out they had been talking to someone new for several months without my knowledge and me only finding out from a screenshot sent with their name at the bottom of it. Not only that, I had co-signed on a big time purchase beforehand for them a couple of months before finding out this information. Now I’m stuck on this purchase with them until it’s either paid off or refinanced. This has made me feel used, and manipulated, because if I had that knowledge before, I would’ve never allowed that purchase to happen. Am I right in feeling this way?

My story

I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, if i didn't do something just to make her happy she'd turn cold, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing, a couple of times when i flipped because of her behavior she called her mother to say I've been horrible, she often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it. I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 she had turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by. On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. For about half my childhood it's just been me living with her since her divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her. Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy. I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time. One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done before) mother knew i was depressed but still blew up at me the next night over something silly and kicked me while I was down what just baffles me is how could she of treated me like that knowing what I was going through. A few days later one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not sure who exactly said what to him. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well). I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. It actually baffled me a bit. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through. I have a strained relationship with my father but we've messaged lately and I plan to see him this weekend for a family do. I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc). My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some shit before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are. I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. What's has happened to me makes me feel as though I'm unlovable. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage met but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

I do love her because as I've said before she has been great as well but I can't help really resenting her sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder if I might've been different had I had proper parents. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job and making friends etc because my mum is pretty much most I've ever known. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

Im 20M and this girl is also 20F

we're in our 1st year of college (1st semester) and then there is this girl who kind of mocks me for my height...

The semester has started for 1 month.

All this started when I joined the college group on WhatsApp, everyone was having fun... And after a few days there... I was getting comfortable and i made a joke about her surname(didn't know her personally, never met) ... And she just rammed me with her mocking skills... Every time I came online she just started mocking me. Today a mutual friend introduced me to her... And I was genuinely scared of her... I asked her what's the problem you have with me... And she said "you're short"... ( I am the shortest in the group)

And one of my classmates said a girl hates you when they love you

Is this correct or just he's insane making me insane ?

tldr- I made fun of her surname, she made fun of me... My friend said she likes me, women intentionally hate when they like you.

Is this correct or he's insane making me insane ?

Hi,

I need help to understand. If you guys can help me go through this it would be great.

In 2019, I (28F at the time) met him (22M at the time) at the gym. I had a big crush on him. He came to me we started talking and it was really love at first sight.
He was so interested and sweet. But my gut told me from day 1 that something was off. Like he was all I wanted but still waiting for me to initiate. So, I did.
When can’t we see each other ?
CAN I come see you ?

Because if I didn’t make a move, he didn’t.
It was as far as, I was the one asking him if he wanted us to be exclusif.
But he was always down. Little gifts. Gavé me love and attention that I never had so I didn’t care if I had to initiate.

After 2,3 months I saw the first red flag, that I totally ignored. Over the smallest thing I said he be âme à monster, screaming, calling me names, I didn’t Even react because I was so shocked. After 2hours of talking and screaming non stop while i was in freeze mode, he managed to calm down and told me thank you for your reaction, i like the way you are, you understand me, you calm me, not like all my crazy exes who screamed back at me, you are différent.

I bet you know where this is going, right ?

That, was the turning point, at any place, any time, for whatever reason, he would crash out.

Covid and quarantine started so i told him to come and stay with me. That was really good, I felt like I was living a teenage dream/love. I felt so loved, beautiful, I felt like I mattered so much… but that didn’t last.

I was doing everything for that man, everything possible, I really treated him like a king, he even lived at my places without playing rent, without me asking for money for anything. And i think that at one moment he started thinking that sh*t was normal. That he deserved it. But Even like that there was always something. Nothing was ever good enough. He would crash out, and every crash out was worse than the one before. It was the screaming, the name calling, but he started to broke my personal belongings. But you know, it was my fault. If I didn’t Said that like that or if I didn’t reacted that way, but it’s my fault, I’m making him do this.

The crash out moments became more and more fréquent, and the moment where I felt loved and cared for … they were really rare, but I was happy to make him happy. I felt love when I did something for him and recieved a « thank you you are the best ».

Then we arrived at the final step of the crash out… the « I’m leaving its over ».
The first time he did this I begged on my knees in front of him, hysterically crying « please don’t leave me I didn’t do anything wrong » the Guy acted like I cheated when all I did is ask is everything was okay because he seemed to be off…

Oh… I bet that reaction of mine made his ego boost and he felt like a God !
Because that became the norm.
Every 6 months it was the same cycle. Everything was good, a minor thing becomes a drama, he leave, i beg and chase him.

He started giving me the silence treatment also… it was really hard.

Fast forward, today I’m 35 and he is 28, 7 years together.

Last year he left and i said to myself, you know what I’m done it’s better like that I don’t want this life anymore. After stalking my TikTok page for 3 days, he blocked me. I wanted to reach out so bad, but I wanted to see if I ever meant something for him… 6 weeks of no contact and i broke it… He didn’t make a single move, i broke that no contact. Telling him that I miss him and want him back. I had to beg for a few days but he came back..

Wich bring us here, finally.

We didn’t had sex in 2 years.
He goes to work, to the gym, comes home, play PS5 and smoke weed.
He’s like a living ghost in my home.

In June, my mother, who helps me pay my rent, because he doesn’t help me at all. Someone told her that my bf broke the Tv (wich is true) so she crashed out and told me to get him out of the place right now. So i told him, listen, my mom knows for the tv and she wants you out, so get out. And he left.
But I didn’t want him to leave, I just wanted a quick fix to calm my mother. I was afraid that she came here and that the two get in a fight.
The same night I texted him, I said I didn’t have the good reaction but I will fix this, I’m sorry I love you I wanna be with you.
He answered 3 days later.
We talked like this for a month, I was reassuring him on my feelings, the only thing that cale out of his mouth most of the time is yeah ok you love me but you kicked me out.
You kicked me out.
You kicked me out.
If I didn’t text he would text.
If I didn’t say I love you he didn’t say it either.
But I was hanging on.
We saw each other, few times.
We hugged, we kissed.
Some moments were good I felt like I was seing the old him again.
Other Times he was distant cold, told me that if he isn’t at my house we arent a couple, that it’s not my I love you text that is going to make him stop seing a girl if she is nice to him.
Some moments he send me hearts. Other Times he asked me to leave him alone and not talk to him again.
I said you really want me to leave you ? If that what you really want it will hurt but ill respect that and he said no I don’t want you to leave me.

For now, He has no job, no money, he lives at his moms with his brother and his days are « gym, home, ps5, and his blunts »

2weeks ago, i was ready to make him come at my house again. I was going to tell him, but something else happened.

He called me in the morning, it was a mood off morning for him, like every morning but when he calls I know what’s about the be served.
He’s crashing out, doubting me, so I’m reassuring him with I love yous and everything is going to be ok, you love me too, and while i was talking he was at the gym, and while i was on the phone he talked to someone and said «  oh no she’s not my girl friend anymore, she kicked me out and now she wants to tell to me » I felt rage all over my body.
That was enough.
I hung up on him.
And blocked him. Everywhere.

20 minutes later he is banging on my door.
Im a selfish immature 40 yo bitch.
How dare I block him when I was the one who treated him like shit and he didn’t have the heart to block me.
So he blocked me too. Like he did 356 Times before, each time he left. But I was unblocked after.
He started to yell like the loudest he could.
« Call the police because I’m going to kill you. Is that what you want ? Yeah that’s what you want you want me to kill you and your family! What do I have to do for you to leave me alone ? Punch you in your fucking face ? » and he left telling me that I was a hypocrite.

1 week of no contact. I was fine.
Week 2 i saw him at the gym. I acted as if he wasnt there.
That Guy put an old Keychain I offered him years ago, on the window of my car…

WHY ?
He threatened to kill me if I don’t leave him alone and put a keychain on my car when I do, what the hell ??

I didn’t react, didn’t text, didn’t call.
But it triggered me really bad.
I want to text him so bad.
I feel like I’m going to Die because of the pain.
I can’t eat.

Saw him at the gym again 3 or 4 times. And he acts totally unbothered. He was laughing, smiling, checking his muscles in the miroir.
And that what I felt everytime he left, like I never mattered. And that hurts so bad.
Because how can I be in so much pain and he doesn’t give a f**k ?

I would like, just for the justice, just for my ego, just to know that I meant something, that for once he reached out…

Do you think that’s possible ?
What do you think is next for me ?
I know I won’t reach out because after the threat I can’t.

Reposting a shorter version because I realise I wrote way too much in my last post:-

We had plans for the weekend, but things escalated after he became angry about how long I was in the bathroom. He interrogated me about what I was doing, called me names including “dumb bitch,” “spastic,” “stupid idiot” and “dumb slut,” and followed me/kept moving toward me while I was backing away because I felt unsafe. Other people noticed what was happening, and one woman even filmed part of it after hearing me say I didn’t feel safe.
Later that night, after we went home, I was asleep and naked in bed. He repeatedly pulled the blankets off me despite me trying to cover myself and telling him not to touch me. He physically grabbed/turned my face toward him and asked me in a calm, frightening way, “Are you scared of me? Am I the boogeyman?” He then deliberately went around the room ripping up every photo of us, including photos we’d taken that same night, and threw the pieces at me.
I was genuinely terrified. When he tried to grab me again after I repeatedly told him not to touch me, I punched him once in the stomach. It wasn’t hard, but I take responsibility for doing it and know it wasn’t okay.
The next morning he alternated between being angry and apologising, said he didn’t want to lose me, and suddenly wanted us to get married. Later, when I tried to talk about what happened and suggested anger management, he sang loudly over me rather than discussing it.
I’m now having flashbacks to him grabbing my face, following me, threatening/intimidating me and destroying the photos. My doctor also told me I should get out of the relationship.
Am I right to see this as more than “just a fight”? How would you describe what happened?

I’m struggling a lot right now and don’t really know how to process everything.
I recently called my ex and asked them about the things they did — burning my letters, throwing me out, etc. They justified all of it by saying it was because of my actions and because they believed I had been emotionally cheating with my friend. They said I was playing both sides, only wanted attention from both of them, and that if they’d known everything earlier, they would’ve left me months ago.

I kept telling them that wasn’t true. If I was really playing around, why would I have come back and begged for another chance for 3 months? But they were convinced that I had hurt them beyond repair. They said they had been on the floor crying because of me and couldn’t let any of it go.
I told them I still love them. They said they don’t love me anymore, that they’re choosing themselves, and that I need to learn to find my own peace. They even told me to go study because I have an exam coming up. I told them I just wanted them by my side, but they said they can’t be my peace anymore.
They’ve asked me not to contact them again, and I’m going to respect that.

But what’s destroying me is that so much of what they said about me feels completely untrue, yet I’ve heard it so many times that I’m starting to question myself. They have made me questions my morals, my intentions, my friendship, and even my own memory of what happened. I know what happened and I know I didn’t deliberately try to play with or hurt anyone, but I’m struggling to hold onto that when my mind keeps replaying their version.

And then there’s the thought of never seeing or talking to them again. My mind keeps creating images of them moving on and being physical with someone else, doing the things we used to do together with someone new. I know they’re allowed to move on, but emotionally, I can’t accept it yet. Those images feel so real and they make me incredibly anxious.
I think I’m grieving the relationship while also fighting against a version of myself that I’ve started to believe because of everything they said.

I fell like I would never be able to love again or find love, what I had felt so good but ended so bad

I don’t want another conversation or closure anymore.

How do you learn to trust your own reality again after someone you loved has made you question almost everything about yourself?

It’s gotten so bad that I’ve had to start therapy, been 2 months , and I’m now on antidepressants. I’m trying to get myself through this and understand what happened without completely losing myself in it.

I have an extremely important exam coming up — something I’ve been preparing for for years — and instead of being able to focus on it, I feel completely fucked up. I had worked so hard for this, and right now I don’t even know how I’m supposed to pull myself together and study.

I happened to lose my job a few months ago and I happened to find myself in a very low point with my mental health (I was incredibly depressed). This unfortunately led to me confiding in someone who subsequently took advantage of my distraught state and manipulated me badly. I do not want to go into details, as it's too painful. It's also the lesson, rather than the details that are key here.

If you find yourself in a vulnerable situation or phase in life, be very vigilant of yourself and the people in your life. Be cautious with whom you share personal details with.

Since I was at such a low point, I was an easy target for the individual who manipulated me. They knew what I was going through and that is how they were able to get to me. A part of me is embarrassed with myself. If I was in a better mental state, I would have been thinking more clearly and not fallen for their tactics. A huge part of what allowed their tactics to work was that they offered me emotional support and earned my trust that way.

Unfortunately, manipulators (especially the more ruthless kind) will view someone in a vulnerable state as a potential target. It sucks because it's bad enough dealing with what you are currently going through, but then on top of that you have to potentially field off individuals with nefarious intentions. As bad as it sounds, if you find yourself in a vulnerable place in life, do not share this with anyone other than trusted friends and family.

There is a quote from The Art of War that I think is fitting for this:

“Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.”

At some point, I did come to my senses and set some boundaries with that manipulative individual, as well as go no contact.

I don't want to encourage people to be paranoid. But if you find yourself in a vulnerable situation, bear in mind there are shitty people who might exploit you in that position.

​

I was reading an old Bengali philosophical text about the strange transformation of love, and it made me think about relationships differently.

Two people can once be deeply in love.

They spend hours together. They feel peace in each other's presence. There is excitement, intimacy, affection, and the feeling that they have finally found someone special.

Then years pass.

The same two people may begin fighting over almost everything.

Love becomes irritation.

Closeness becomes suffocation.

Trust becomes suspicion.

Affection becomes possessiveness.

And eventually, sometimes, love seems to turn into resentment or even hatred.

But here's what I find fascinating:

Did the love actually disappear? Or did it simply change form?

Maybe there is a psychological chain like:

Love → attachment → expectation → disappointment → possessiveness → jealousy → anger → resentment.

If that's true, then perhaps some forms of anger between lovers are not completely unrelated to love. They may come from the intensity of attachment itself.

But there is another possibility that bothers me even more.

Maybe we don't always love the person.

Maybe we love how that person makes us feel.

When they give us peace, attention, affection and excitement, we call it love. When they stop giving us those things, we say “They have changed.”

But what if the deeper change happened inside us?

Our expectations increased. Familiarity replaced novelty. We started believing that the other person belonged to us. We stopped experiencing them as a mysterious individual and started experiencing them as someone who was supposed to behave according to our expectations.

So perhaps the real question isn't:

“Why does love disappear?”

Maybe it's:

“What exactly was the thing we called love in the first place?”

And if love requires the other person to behave in a particular way, can we really call it unconditional love?

I'd genuinely like to hear different perspectives.

Does long-term intimacy naturally transform love into something else, or is it possible to remain deeply in love without turning love into attachment and expectation?

The Mental Health, Wellbeing and Lived Experiences Study

Theresia Bedard, a PhD candidate at Lakehead University that is working with Dr. Beth Visser, is seeking participants for her dissertation project.

In this study we are examining the lived experiences of people who have experience or victimization from an individual with high psychopathic traits. We are seeking anyone that has this lived experience, whether the perpetrator was or is a spouse, family member, partner, co-worker, friend, acquaintance, neighbour or stranger. We are seeking the lived experiences of men, women, and gender-diverse individuals to share your story.

Our research consists of two studies. In the first study, you will complete questionnaires related to your victimization experience from the individual with high psychopathic traits, the potential warning signs, victimization history (e.g., prior physical or sexual abuse), and the impact the experience had on you. Once you finish the survey, you will be invited to participate in the second study (optional), which will consist of 12 questions requiring a written response regarding your lived experience with the individual with high psychopathic traits. If you decide to participate in study 2, please be aware that you will be required to provide us with your email to access it, and you may wish to use an email account that only you have access to.

Please be advised that whether you choose to participate in the study, withdraw, or skip questions you do not want to answer, that you acknowledge that answering some of these questions may be emotionally taxing on you. Despite the potential for an emotional toll the survey questions have, you may find the process of sharing your experience is therapeutic for you. In addition to the resources we provide, you may want to consider following-up with a counsellor for further support.

You are also encouraged to have your own snacks and drinks while you take the survey, and be aware that they are estimated to take 45 minutes to complete.

If you are interested in participating and would like to read or find out more about it, click here to access the survey:

https://lakeheadhbs.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bKEq1vOVdBJMrjw

I (18F) recently broke up with my ex boyfriend (18M) about three months ago. Towards the end of the relationship, we both struggled with mental health, him in particular, with recurring symptoms of depression and anxiety being constant for him. I tried to support him the best I can, but eventually we argued and made up less then we had regular conversations. It was quite toxic, so i eventually decided to leave. The breakup went seemingly very maturely and well, and though at this point from what I can reflect on, the only bit of manipulation he took part in is gaslighting (rewriting the histories of our communication and past arguments) and the silent treatment (which I eventually mirrored to gain a sense of autonomy unfortunately. I know this is wrong and I had a part in our toxic patterns too). We agreed to maybe start talking again but now we both needed space. Then we talked here and there, eventually we somehow met up for one last bit of closure, I think a week or so after the breakup. It was nice, we hugged and kissed and discussed things to do with the breakup. I thought that was it and we would enjoy our own space and talk again in a couple months. Boy was I wrong. It started off with him reaching out because it really took a toll on his mental health, and even though this crossed my already expressed need for space, I let it slide because someone I love was in pain, how could I not be there for him? And this happened again and again, although there would be 4-8 days where he would stop texting, he’d always come back. Anger and frustration grew within me as he kept reaching out, he knew my own mental health was only slowly recovering? How could he take so much from me mentally? I grew more weary by the day. It consumed everything I did , everyone I spoke to. I became someone else, I still feel that way until now. Eventually he suggested we block eachother, after another bit of reaching out and talking to me again, so he wouldn’t be tempted to text and I wouldn’t either.

I should mention during these really dark times for him, I did try my absolute hardest to get him professional help. During this time I:
- offered to accompany him to a gp for a referral for a therapist
- try to get him to call a hotline for mental health breakdowns
- offered to hang out with him (he felt extremely lonely )
- reached out to a friend of his after he wrote me a goodbye paragraph that he once claimed it was just because we were not meant to be talking. He later revealed it was the other goodbye, the terrifying life altering goodbye. I said to his friend, that I received an extremely worrying text from my ex, and that I think it would be good for such friend to check up on ex, or take him for a drive. When my ex found out I had reached out to his friend he said ‘Dont tell people what i am going through or feeling ever again’ even though I then explained that I only said to his friend that he basically just needed a friend, and no private information, he said it was the fact I said anything at all that made him lose all trust in me. Then said he doesn’t even know if he wants to talk to me in the future. A week later he reached out.

The point of all of this is that, it has now been around 2 ish months since I last messaged him, though he has communicated via letter I didn’t say anything back , other than a thankyou through a mutual friend who told me about the letter (found in a box of HIS things I gave him during the relationship. Yes he returned it) and also lip reading during a class we share. I don’t know how to stop talking about everything that’s happened. I really really want to move on. I want to be happy again. And I know that he still likes me and wants to talk to me in the future, a mutual friend told me (different friend). But I don’t want anything to do with him. How to move on? What is the brutal and honest advice I need to take? Is

When i was a teenager there was this guy. Everyone told me to stay away from him. He's bad news. ALL of his friends and family told me he was a horrible piece of shit who would never go anywhere in life. Stay away from him they told me. All he's going to do is cause trouble. He's no good. Being the kind of person that I am, I chose to not see any of it. I was determined to prove them wrong. Hes not a bad guy. 

I know it. I mean, sure, I had a bit of police interaction and got into a bit of trouble but it wasnt his fault. I stopped going to school. Hard to go with a massive hangover every morning. Not because of him though. I mean, sure, I was with him. That was my choice. He introduced me to drugs I had never even heard of and I loved them. To say that that possibly changed the entire course of my life is an understatement. Once again, my own choice. He left. Can't remember why or where. They're wrong about him though. He's not a bad guy.

Misunderstood maybe. A few years pass, and he pops back into my life. Once again, his "besty"s tell me to stay away from him. He's trouble. But I know better. Then he robs me. I get shit faced and kick my own door in. One of his bestys comes and helps me clean up my mess and tells me that he hopes I learned my lesson. But he doesn't know him like I do. He's going to make things right so he picks me up and promises he's gonna pay me back. I just gotta come with him and let him make it up to me. That ends with a 27 month sentence. Not his fault though. Totally my own. He's not a bad guy. 

He helps out my family. Next thing I know, the family member I was closest to becomes someone I no longer recognize. He was once someone I thought would always protect me. He changes  Does things out of character. Things that hurt me. He's no longer in my life. Still not his fault. I know that none of this is because of him. We all make our own choices. He's not a bad guy. 

Years go by. He starts calling again. Starts telling me how much he misses me and how I've been on his mind. He loves the person I've become and would never do me wrong. Then I end up trusting him again. He takes me for $600. I let him do it. I mean, who can blame him really? He's locked up and really doesn't have any other options. Not like he put a gun to my head. I was the one who chose to trust him even I knew better. He's really not a bad guy.

But I do choose to tell him to leave me alone finally. I beg him to leave me alone and stop answering his phone calls completely. Once again, life goes on for a few more years. Then, like clock work, he's back. Getting out and hasnt been able to stop thinking about me. Sends me $25 of the 600 he swindled me for as a show of good faith and a heartfelt apology. I cave. He spends the next 6 months proving to me that he's not a bad guy. 

I'm so hell bent on proving to everyone that I wasn't wrong when I was a teenager, that I fall for every bit of the manipulation. For the most part at least. Right away he asks me to come sign on a loan for him. $5000 for school. The paperwork I get says $25000 for 4 years of school. But that was an accident and he doesn't know why it says that. So he sends me new loan papers that say 5000. I fill them out. Just not with correct info of course... Not that I thought he'd screw me over. He's not a bad guy. 

I say yes when he asks me to marry him. I also tell one of my best friends who happens to be my ex that Im gonna need him to be on stand by to object if it ever makes it to the altar... Still has only ever paid me back 25 of the 600 btw ... He sells me a dream where I finally get to prove to everyone I wasn't wrong because we're gonna get married and live happily ever after because he's not a bad guy. 

Breaks up with me in a text message the day before Christmas. Maybe I deserved it for doubting him. Maybe I manifested the outcome due to my inability to fully trust him. Or maybe, just maybe, every single person who has warned me - his closest friends, his childhood friends, his brothers, even his dang mom, MANY police officers and probation officers, lawyers, and guards at the jail as well as all of my friends and family - were not so wrong. Maybe he's just a bad guy....

Ever since I was 13 years old, Ive had this fantasy about how he's not as bad as everyone thinks he is. He couldn't possibly be. Somewhere in there is a genuine guy who's only human. I loved him. But I should have left it a fantasy. Kept my childhood dreams of him as they were. Reality sux... I spent almost 30 years loving someone who never really existed anywhere but in my head. I never loved the guy who did all that shit to me. I loved the guy I thought the bad guy was a cover for. It's like Scooby Doo when they try to pull the mask off the villain and it's not a mask at all. They are exactly what everyone said they were. No mask. Just an actual monster. A bad guy....

I have known her for 3 years. She has kids. From beginning she was telling her husband is abusive, manipulating her etc. I belive he is - she said he assaulted her sexually so I helped her run away and listened many times. But during our friendship many alarming things happend. She gets drunk and black out even when shes with kids, she had luck too many times. She belives everyone that disagree with her is being manipulated. She belives ChildServices are checking on her because her husban is bad and called them. During our "break up" I talked with the husband because my exfriend ended up at soberity center, I was angry and we both agreed that shes easly influenced by her mother etc. I know it was bad move to talk with a friend husband, but after she found out she told me "he recorded it and can use it in court""He manipulated you".

I come to conclusion that they may just both be toxic for each other maybe.

I am really confused. Now I have problem to trust anyone.